I,
have spent  
the last  
three hours  
crying.

My eyes sting
and my entire
face feels like
this dull yet
numb pain
that I couldn’t
compare to anything
other than a gunshot wound.  

Each time my  
heart beats without you it
sounds like a loud
boom.

Maybe because
there’s a
hole in my heart
that I try to fill
with memories of
things that I did for you,
all the compassion
and trust you placed in me.

All the times
I got to hold you,
feel your heartbeat against mine,
see you take each breath and
relax into me.

There are
memories we
have that I  
will never forget.
Each memory
placed in a tear
which I’ll keep
in a little glass bottle
with your name written on it.

I wish your
last memories
were never filled with pain
that you could have been  
graced with dignity not
suffering - I
wish I could have helped you.

Maybe if I looked  
into the warning signs,
read a little more online,
maybe if I looked you and
cared for you just
a little bit more -

I wouldn’t
have to carve your  
name  
into
a stone.

is there something wrong?
i have so many words
but i can't find the right ones
which would save us
why are you depending on me?
...
/M.A./

some people are so terribly afraid of being alone
they will seek out company to fill a hole
I hope these people will instead find peace in solitude

baby, did no one tell you to
look at the moon for comfort
some would say she is the loneliest
I wonder if she knows that every night
someone is looking up to the sky and
admiring her light

i hope this can be a reminder that
just because she is alone
does not mean she is lonely
and just because you are alone
does not mean you are lonely

In a midwinter night’s dream
  i found myself lost again,   
  or was it even this year ?
  It may even go back farther
  than yesterdays out of reach,  
  older than an ancient pyramid stone
 
Before the rebirth of past life deposits,
  unborn orphaned motherless sediment,
  flotsam of the ages adrift,
  unknown for more than a thousand years

... waiting for so long to see beyond the bounds

High atop a slippery edge-cliff
  i clung  ―            
Searching for a deeper understanding
  of who i am;

Roosting like a starving bird of prey
  with a broken wing
  born alone ... holding on
  With a fear in his eyes
that only i could comprehend
  
  Staring way down deep in the pith,       
into an internal pitch black abyss,
  just begging to see beyond ―
  Mindful it's so hard looking
  into the eye of a storm

Intimately parsing the recurrent source
  of reigning pain
Where the perpetual fog of isolation dwells;
an inversion,     preventing dispersion
  of the nimbus  cold  and  dark

In the darkness, there bides a suffocating
  emptiness,  
  A swelling silence what loudly knells,
  leeching through a perennial ache

An abating voice within hollers unheard,
  invisible as a bitter cold wind howling
  relentlessly through the hollow pang;
  Echoing the subsiding say
(squeezed out) ... of an orphaned soul
  deep beneath the light

Awakening to realize  ―  once i was alive
  and
i could feel me holding on to you



//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

The pieces of glass
That have fallen on the floor
Were from the shattered glass pane
That was your trust
I was tapping, tapping, tapping on the glass
Testing you
Seeing how much pressure you could take
But then, I tapped much too hard
And just like a window
The glass pane exploded
Sending shards of false trust everywhere
Cutting you and me
The pieces of glass
Lying on the floor
Are much to small to pick up and put back together
So you say, "What's the point?"
And I reply, "There is no point.
But as we rebuild our friendship
The glass seems to pick itself up, reassembling into a thinner pane this time
While I cannot resist tapping the glass, inserting my lies,
This time I will not break it.

I got so tired discussing my future
My body decided to shut down
Afternoon of silence and nausea
Shaking sweating I can't get up
So I lay on the hard cold floor and
Tell the world to shut the hell up