Charlotte Mar 16
I wonder
what secrets
strangers hold
in their hearts -

did he hold them
in his arms and
carry you off
the cliff too?

Or did he lay
you in bed
and cover you
with sheets?
Charlotte Mar 8
Letting someone touch me
is like dancing with the devil.

The way I flinch
whenever someone
goes to touch

or the way
I have to try and train my
brain that the
boy that is holding me
at night now isn’t trying
to choke me when he
moves his hand around
my face -
all reminds of a
duet dance the stumbling
and passion.

Touching me
in the slightest is like
balancing on our toes to tango
and I hate
that my past still haunts me to this
day and I think that everyone in my
room with an outstretched hand has
a gun behind their back and
that at any moment a
sweet encounter
could be something else.

a reminder of why
I don’t trust guys
and why I’m so desensitised
to the violence - why
don’t my eyes close and
let me snooze or drift into a
place where I cannot be hurt?

I am an adult
that is
learning to trust and to love
from the start again -
learning the basics
of human connection and
communication and

sometimes I wish you
could see through my eyes
just to realise
how dark the other side
really is.
writing about how screwed up I am from my ex that I cannot stand being touched now
Charlotte Mar 2
You texted me the other day
my phone lit up and
despite there nothing special
set about your ringtone
or about the vibration pattern
attached to your number -
I knew it was you.

Now I’m
chatting with my therapist
about small talk,
tequila, religion
what you mean when
you say you’re ‘over things’
despite having left me months ago.

I leave letters to you attached to
my poems and my work
I doubt you’ll read them -
we haven’t written in a while.

I know it’s wrong -
inviting you over,
but you’ll come to my door and
you can come in quickly before
the people upstairs realise
there’s an unwelcome guest.

I’ll always find myself
tangled in your path,
our lines are forever connected and
our tangled limbs will always
outweigh the mixed messages
in-between my own lines.
Charlotte Feb 22
have spent  
the last  
three hours  

My eyes sting
and my entire
face feels like
this dull yet
numb pain
that I couldn’t
compare to anything
other than a gunshot wound.  

Each time my  
heart beats without you it
sounds like a loud

Maybe because
there’s a
hole in my heart
that I try to fill
with memories of
things that I did for you,
all the compassion
and trust you placed in me.

All the times
I got to hold you,
feel your heartbeat against mine,
see you take each breath and
relax into me.

There are
memories we
have that I  
will never forget.
Each memory
placed in a tear
which I’ll keep
in a little glass bottle
with your name written on it.

I wish your
last memories
were never filled with pain
that you could have been  
graced with dignity not
suffering - I
wish I could have helped you.

Maybe if I looked  
into the warning signs,
read a little more online,
maybe if I looked you and
cared for you just
a little bit more -

I wouldn’t
have to carve your  
a stone.
my bunny died and I was just really sad ya know
Charlotte Feb 14
It has been four
whole months
since you’ve left,
your jacket
still hangs in my closet
and you still have a
draw full your stuff in
my dresser.

We never celebrated
valentines day - yet
I still think of you
and our misfortunes -
of our three year path
that lead to

Often I break down
I sit on my
knees and pray
that you never meant
the things you said -
I keep your number
saved in my phone
with hearts and x’s and o’s
just in case you call me

which, you have
when you’re drunk or high
when you’re trying to remember
why you hate me -
why my world crumbles
when you’re around
I can’t see straight or
hear the words coming out your mouth
everything you do
for better or for worse
just sounds to me like
you saying

“i love you”
Charlotte Jan 28
You came into my life
like a hunter
an his rifle.

You held me in your arms
and when I tried to run you
made me fight and
even when you knew I was right
you’d make sure I’d lose.

But I’ll swear on your bible
that next time you’re standing
on my porch in the pouring rain
I’ll scream at you -

“Don’t you dare
try and paint me black
when I
used to be pure gold.”
Charlotte Jan 25
When you’re not around,
I can’t stop myself from imagining
our future.

A little brick house
with a white picket fence and
two kids running around -
playing in a tree house.

Your smile could be my
favourite thing to come home to -
going on drives to the beach
on summer nights
diving into the
ocean feeling nothing but
safety and security because
you’re by my side.

I would trust you
with our children,
let you place rings on
my finger and
take care of you
when you need it most -

you just
need to let me.
idk just feeling the love
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