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It took a knock on her door to change her world
A knock that should have never been heard if she had honoured the invite from "Savior"
And now she's knocking with all her might forgetting the pain her heart is feeling
All she needs right now is for the door to open
Cause the invite wasn't really from a "Savior"
It was from Her Demons that she could have "Saved".
The invite from her Savior was an invite to deal with her suppressed emotions which needed healing and her fantasy ruined her humanity.
I thought I was immune to pain,
Cause I had lived with it and i sure do know how it feels.
The wounds it gave me for as long as I could remember left something different but sensual
Because I stopped feeling it's sting each time it got treated.
The scars it left me suddenly embraced beauty and forgot it was meant to be hidden and not seen.

But it soon changed
It found a rival
And oohhh it fought so hard to keep me
An even though I felt my sanity leaving
I was scared, none of my six senses were functioning
It became a mixed feeling
I felt as though a shadow was soon about to gain control of my existence.
At first it was scary, threatening my identity cause have lived with it for so long that being distant seemed like a threat to me
But I was wrong
I was wrong to ever let you feel comfortable with me
I was wrong to build a fantasy when you all you ever did was worsen my health
You took more from me than I gave to you
You took my sanity, my sense of feeling, my existence
So on this day when love has finally found and fixed me,
I say GOODBYE PAIN.
Most times creating a fantasy when you are experiencing pain, only suppresses the time for healing.
Hi....
It's been 47 days now and I really don't know when  all this is going to stop so I could finally gain access to you.
The sweat that dripped down my body each time I honoured your invitation.
At first the sweats were irritating, I would whine about it or hurry home to wash it off but with time I got used to it and appreciated it.
Most times you leave me in a lot of body ache that takes days to heal....
47 days, that's all I needed to truly understand how important you are to my career, most likely my world.
I grew up dreaming and making up stories in my head about being an actor but not really you.
I always get angry each time I had to choose you over sleep or fun time with my friends.....
Little did I know you meant more than the fame or awards being an actor would give to me......

47 days and still counting with no idea when I would stop cause even when this is over, I'm not sure the rules that would be enforced to contain this virus, would favor us.
But the few times I spent with devoting certain hours of my day to you was and would most likely be one of memories i can never forget.
The bonding, the jokes, insults, anger, joy and fun you always give the people that comes together under you.
I'm really looking forward to having you back to either dance to drum beats or music and move from one stage direction to another, giving life to dead scripts.
             Much love from your biggest fan
        Pearlspoems 😘
It only takes a moment to realize how beautiful things you take for granted is
I'm sad, depressed, angry, bitter
My faith is crushed by the supposed Messiah
My anger swallowing my sight
My bitterness overshadowing my sense of taste
My unforgiving heart ready to shatter homes
My sadness giving my face a new look
But,
My humanity, a victim of this battered soul
Refuses to live with anger, bitterness and sadness
My heart fighting for happiness and full spirit
My mind refusing to keep record of bad memories
The smile on my loved ones face fighting with my conscience about what would happen if I let anger, un-forgiveness, bitterness and depression have its way
And now, I am at a crossroad
I have to choose which path would bring comfort to this "black soul".
Yes I'm the pregnant girl
Carrying fluids and fats in replacement of a child
I am the girl whose body component is mostly made up of fats.
Ashamed???.....Yes,
But not of what YOU say anymore
But of ME, letting you define me
But of ME, letting you paddle my existence
I am ashamed of MYSELF for jogging 60miles a day just to slimfit myself into your T-shirt
I am ashamed of me downloading several "LOSE BELLY FAT" apps and making my body go through every pain and exhaustion, so you could be proud to call me YOUR OWN in the public.
I am ashamed of me for fighting and cursing the genes that makes up my entire being,
Wishing for the perfect tummy, figure 8 shape and trying to please your existence forgetting mine.
But it's over!!!
I am done being ashamed of the fat in me,
I am done being ashamed of hiding,
I am done wishing,
And YES! I am the fat, ***-bellied, intelligent, smart damsel you lost while searching for a perfect, slimfitted, cuddle mate.
Prayed against Death at sunrise
Wishing for it at sunset.
"Hi, are you a demon?If yes, well I need you to possess me cause your beauty as overwhelmed my righteousness"
And like a demon, I got myself entangled with you.

"Damm!!! You must be a goddess cause your body is so perfect to survive the harshness of humanity"
And like a goddess, I made my body your worship center.

"You're so talented but there is something missing.... I wonder what that is?"
And as dumb as I have ever felt, I made my existence a problem that only you could solve.
DEMONS
Have heard tales about how demons came to existence.
I was made to believe demons are scary fallen angels who refuse to answer to heavenly bidden.
I was told they are evil and they only feast on those who refused to answer to the divine call.
They called them spirits and only those fortified could see them.

Am a normal girl with no extraordinary powers or charms
Neither did i refuse the divine call,
But yet,
I met a demon today.
In a human skin
Had none of the features I was told he would have
He was a demon I had known all my life
His eyes were filled with lust and hunger
His hands pinned down tightly a pure soul
He devoured every piece of flesh in this pure soul
He left feeling victorious at the new soul he had destroyed for his master.

This demon wasn't a fallen angel
He wasn't a stranger
He was a brother, a friend, a guardian.
Demons are accommodating
THE GARDEN
Walking in the garden today
I felt the beauty the garden had
I felt it speak to me
I felt me in the roses and flowers in the garden
I saw a beauty everyone saw, that made them come to it
I saw a gardener trim the garden
I saw lovers enjoying the beauty of the garden
I saw students, enjoying and having their fun time in the garden
I saw a novelist enjoying the quiet atmosphere the garden gave to help her imagination
But then,
Even though it was a garden filled with beauty,
Flowers that covered its nakedness
People all around it to keep it from being lonely,
Saw all kinds of love around it,
The garden never truly felt the love that filled the atmosphere
Because
No one saw the importance of a garden
Only it's BEAUTY.
There is always a other story only known to it's writer
The Truth will set you free
But free from what??
The ******* of the heart??
It relives the heart but restricts activities
It relies on a pace maker to keep it in check
But it also deprives a heart of it's pace maker
And sometimes kills a heart

Lying  puts a war to hold
It sometimes heals the heart faster
It relives the heart of it's burden for a while
But needs to be checked upon, fed, nurtured or the heart explodes from the toxic effect of lie.

Withholding the truth keeps the heart pounding faster than normal
It sometimes fails the pacemaker
And beats scarily faster than other organs can handle
It adapts quickly to a temporary control
It adapts strongly to a permanent control
Either ways it adapts

The Truth heals the heart and destroys a heart
A lie, heals the heart and destroys a heart
What then truly makes us free??
Humanity is a contradiction between circumstances and expectations
Right in the middle of Lagos traffic
Sitting in the bus with my role model
Feeling the heat of the traffic
Thoughts flowing through my mind
Lines reannouncing that it needs perfection
My hands moving with the flow of my mind
I wonder
What is going through everyones' mind
Are they in a hurry?
Are they depressed?
Are they excited to see what's at the end of the their journey
Are they running from something?
Or silently praying for a Saviour or their Guardian Angel.....

Well I guess a little distraction from what's going on in my life would make my troubled soul feel less tensed
But at the end,
It's just me and my world
With no one staying longer than they deserved in it.
Life is all about you, every one has their expiry date.
Feeling lonely tonight
Not because I don't have friends around to fill up the empty space
Not because I don't have funny memories
Not because I don't have data to browse or search for hot gist
But
Because my heart feels the loneliness
And is tired of smiling with fake friends
Remembering funny moments which could lead to depression
Tired of browsing for hot gist on social networks that makes me feel like an intruder
And as I lay to feel the depth of loneliness
Wrapped up by my angel which is my eyes,
Blacks out as it shields me from the demon called
                        LONELINESS
I'm lost
I'm in a crowd so I guess that's why I feel lost....
....No.....
This feeling is not of one who's voice is faint and can't be heard cause of the crowd
But I'm really lost
I'm lost in my dreams
And every struggle to find my path brings back memories that I buried
And....really.... I'm lost
I hear his voice even in my dreams
The weight of his hands tore into my will and made it broken
I can still feel the lust in his face when he pulled out of me and poured his sticky liquid on me
That feeling of satisfaction he had ruined my path
I tried so hard to forget but his voice still shouts "I know you want it to baby...... enjoy it........" And even though he is so far from me now I hear it loud and clear every day
He stole mother's words from me
I'm sorry I thought you wanted it also, you just needed a little push....."
A little push he called it
A little push
That hunts me so bad
And leaves me at the mercy of
LOST....TO BE FOUND.
              -#say no to ****#
               -PEARLSPOEMS
I'm a year older today
And the greatest gift I received were from loved ones and distant friends
But not from my family
And yet I wonder, is today truly my Birthday?

Over the years, I would stay awake all through the night to see who would make my day special.
I found one but he wasn't family
He is a distant friend
A stalker
He never forgets what birthday's mean to me.
But I guess I don't mean much to my family.

Every Birthday, I wish for something new
A mind blowing surprise
And guess what?
He became an answer to my prayer

But my heart doesn't belong to him and so I can't reciprocate his love

And my only wish for today is LOVE.
Has the height that explains the depth of my feelings
Looks that attracts all
The sound of his voice so melodious and pleasing to the ears
His eyes that makes me want to see all of him through it
And many more of his being that reminds me of how my final days on campus should be

But
More than his looks, is his hands that drums to the sound of my heart beat
The words that from his mouth leaves pictures in my imaginary world
Creativity that challenges my thinking

Well....
This could have produced fear in me
But had only given me more reasons to be the next ..............
That the upcoming generations would look up.
My Generation?
Uhmm
That's.....uhmmm....Huge!
What I expect from my generation???
Why don't we try it this way??
What foundation was my generation built on?
What moral, principles, values or doctrines were carved into the hearts of people from my generation???

Our foundation was already built, long before we existed
Clearly built by "the society" like we were always reminded, cause hell yes, we live in it.
But that was the beginning of our loss,
We met the society in existence, way before we had the guts to build our own foundation not to talk of the opportunity to challenge or even change it.
And it saddens me to say that I expect NOTHING from My Generation..
You know why?..
Because it is bleeding us out even before we existed.
It tells us today, education is the greatest gift you can ever possess
But guess who runs the market?
Soliders with maybe Secondary School certificates.
A great number of them as that.
Any traces of rebelling against the society who"protects you",  is kicked off from the devil's dinner.
And then we are enstranged from our freedom and have to start afresh!
The God damm society gave us the ******* fear we experience every ******* day!
To enstrange us from the devil's intimacy.
They say, you have to take risk to be daring enough to beat the society hands down
But guess what? We ******* don't choose the consequences that comes with the risk!
So in case you have some problem with your present social status, academic goals, crisis, whatever the ******* problem it is?
Get the **** up and **** the damaged society you exist in!!!!!.
And that's what I expect from My Generation.
Tables don't turn if you let the position of the table restrict you. Everyone knows the society has been established, change the position of your chair from the sides to the top with no other chair contesting your space with you.
.....Pain?...
Yes....pain..
I don't seem to understand what you feel like anymore
Have dined with pain,made pain my companion that it's wrath doesn't break me anymore
Funny how i find pain more accommodating than happiness itself.....

.......But then I met You..
And I got to laugh everyday
Not because I was building a wall round my brokenness
But because pain became distant from me

And now
I laugh so loud because I have reconciled with pain....
I guess in the end
Pain proved itself more worthy and trustworthy than YOUR existence.
Not all angels sustains their righteousness but demons never finds salvation.
Hi....
It's been a while....
I thought i was done needing you but today....
Today is a reminder about how the past few days distant from you was a mistake..
I guess I'm back to the number 1.
Yesterday....uhmmm...
I laughed so much that my tummy really ached
Nothing was funny actually but I laughed and I do that mostly when the pain refuses to stop as you already know.
So, here I am
Really broken
Really lost
In a pain so deep but
Still laughing though
And I want you back
Cause yea, I would never really remember the memories of true laughter if you don't help me get through this.
I forever be in hell (in life or death) cause that's what it feels like right now.
And this time, I don't want your healing to be temporal but Eternal cause that's what you truly want from me right???
I mean that's the essence for creating me right??

-PEARLSPOEMS
I..........li.......lo...
Uhmmmmm
I think i...uhmmm....like love...
I'm sorry, I guess my heart doesn't feel right responding to you
Knowing you were once the reason it broke to pieces.
But come to think of it....
If we were living in a world where pain doesn't make you cry or feel sad or leaves scars, what kind of a world would we live in🤔
No pain to make you cautious of the heat from a burning bush.
No pain to "wow" your struggles when it finally pays.

Well pain is painful but it's a constant X in solving any equation.
But really what if???
I still don't know what went wrong!
I still don't know when change became a difficult task to my existence
I still don't know how my dreams stayed as a dream

As a baby I had access to just a little knowledge about the world but I made sure to utilize it.
Mother's milk,
O how pleasing was its taste
I enjoyed every bit of it
And when baby food was introduced,
At first it's taste was new and different
But I got used to it with time.

A year after birth, I only enjoyed being in the hands of people when I was sick or scared
I loved to be independent
The joy I derived when I felt the warmth and coldness of earth
Even though I once loved been carried all around

But then,
What went wrong?
When did change suddenly become scary
When did the wet soil become scary to a snail

As a young child, it was very easy to play so many roles
A mother yesterday, a sick child today and a doctor tomorrow
Mother's scolding wasn't enough to make me sit or stay away from sand


What exactly went wrong!!!!
The world brings forth new things everyday
But why does it seem like am going in circles
Why does progress seem so far from me

Right now I have made it
I have been promoted , but where is the celebration?
What went wrong???

After so many thinking
I found an answer that humanity avoids
See humanity is sick
It's diagnosed with a cancer
Cancer of Comfort
That's what it's called
And that's what went wrong!!!


It steals our dreams
Stunts our growth and keeps us in Disney world
But doesn't take us to Wonder land
It limits our vision and makes us only enjoy Today
And writes our vision at the river bank

So now that you know what went wrong?
And what was behind it?
Find a rescue or endure
WHAT WENT WRONG!
Love is best understood when actions and words are put to use
Failure speaks words that only it's victims understand
Success? It's been placed on a volume by words to be heard all through its way
Rejection is a feeling of the heart created by words to make it stronger or weaker
Words are deep
I am fine- seems like "I am fine"
But does the heart feel fine???
Words are expressions
O what a day!! - what kind of day?
Words are more than grammatical structure or locality
Words is a continuous communication that is a part of man.
,

— The End —