If you ask me
To come and see
To part the space
Between my knees

If you dare
Touch my hair
With rotten lust
In your eyes gleam

How can i ever
See you the same
When you'd use me
Without even my name

Sick little boy
I need a friend
Dont make this
Into our end

If you can write about it
its probably doomed

Let me open
With some offensive
Words

Im not
a christian
I bet that hurts

Dont tell me
God
Will help

I dont
believe
that way

Dont tell me
Pray
No one will hear what i say

Stop telling me
My problems
Have a singular cause

Letting Jesus in
Wont heal
All my flaws

I wont be less depressed
If i worship
A diety

I wont have less stress
If he takes the load
For me

Happiness comes through work
Health through living right
Not through the powers of some guy in the sky

If this find your collection
If you happen to read these words
Dont tell me ive offended
Dont tell me ill learn

Just scroll past
Or read through
Your disagreement
Cannot prove

Who knows why

Who knows why
He chose her
Who knows why
She wants him

Maybe its because
When she looks in the mirror
She isnt afraid
of what she sees

Maybe its because
She needs to feel needed
By someone shes above
Because she feels so low

Maybe its because
I'm too scared
To feel self respect
When my back has boot prints

Who knows why
It only hurts
When the hot water washes
Over me at 1AM

Who knows why
I can feel everything
so much that
I dont even care

As i lay there
At 3:45 AM
I knew you did to
Lay there

You had your
Own bed
Own life
Own love

I knew you
Wouldnt ever
Be stranded awake
At 3:45 AM

And i should be
Happy for you
But instead
My heart stops.

I will never be
The 2 am call
when you need arms
And you can't fight.

I wont be
The one you
Spill your heart to
On the worst day.

I will be foreign
And the only land
I'll know here
Will be you

A tourist in
What i thought
Was my home
When i had none.

You flatter me
Thats a lie
You make me
Want to die

You color me
With pretty words
But between the lines
Lies the hurt

You say im pretty
Now take off your clothes
You say im nice
Words? Lose those

I talk to much
Im a *** toy
You dont say it
But i annoy

And you act curious
As to why
I hate my body
And wanna cry

I only feel pretty
With nothing on
I look so much better
With the lights turned off

If i shut up
Ill be better at this
Because my words distract
From the skin you missed

Im a writer
I read between the lines
I see all
The **** you try

I know all the moves
See all the bull
Yet i still go along
With the crap you pull

I cant blame you
For my naivety
I can only blame you
For using me

i like pop music
some oldies too
i dont like Mudhoney
but you do

I like rivers
I like the ground
you get thrills
im safe and sound

I like Disney
I like Pixar
You like pulp fiction
its just who we are

im not obscure
ive tried to be
its not who i am
its not who ill be

this isnt an attack
just recognition
of who i am
of what im missing

im trying to fit in
but thats not what im about
i dont get along
with the out crowd

i dont get cult movies
or grungy rock bands
it doesnt make me
less than i am

i like classic poets
but moderns good too
but i dont get those poets
you watch on youtube

maybe i thought
i could learn or understand
but im beginning to see
thats just not who i am

this is a message
or maybe just a thought
i had to say it
im all i got

ill still try to watch your movies
ill listen to your bands
ill try to get it
ill try to understand

i dont always get you
but boy do i try
i guess im just tired
of trying to lie

And i wonder
If she think
How i
Used to.

I wonder
If shes afraid
Of losing
You

But why would a rose
Be scared of a lily.

Why would the mind
Behave so silly.

Why would she be afraid
Shes so confident

Maybe thats the difference
She knows who she is.

Im still
Just afraid
And unsure.

You used to
Be like that.
What happened.
Dont go back

Im glad youre happy
But if youre not
Im here

Ill sleep with my phone
Right beside my head
Incase you get sad
At 2 AM

Im here

How dare you utter
those most vicious words
as if you mean them at all

How dare you tell me
that you dont think of her
when thats who you chose

You collect people
like an ant collects food
yet tell me you dont like to share

sharing. you share yourself until your broken
broken
broken
broken
i
cannot
fix you

it hurts when you love me
it hurts when you dont

You might
As well
Stab me
Because
Youre killing me
Just
The same

I
Am awkward
And jumbled

I fit together
Like sticks
And stones
With childs elmer glue

Like a macaroni smiley face
With the edges all wonky

And you say my "curves" are beautiful
But i say my "angles" are awkward
Too sharp
My hips
Too prominent

You can see my collar bone
For miles
My ribs are
All too
There

My skin has become transparent
My veins
An ugly blue
My freckles
Out of place
I just dont know what
To do

Im a scarecrow
Of human peices
Individually
Good
But sow me together
I dont quite fit

I
Am awkward
And jumbled

I think in color
I hear in song
My limbs are heavy
My words are long

Physical depression
A stoners mind
Longing phrases
Wasting time

Just steal my breath
Please calm my nerves
Just kiss me please
Just one wont hurt

D
O
N
T

L
I
E

T
O

M
E

I dont care

My throat clogs
Breathless
Tears

I dont care

Angry thoughts
Pacing feet
Pain

I dont care

Mental whispers
Next to silent screams
Emotionless

I dont care

It hurts
My wrists
My hips

I dont care

Music louder than
Thunder
Dancing

I dont care

Laughing too loud
Smiling to everyone
My teeth grind

I dont care

Be it caution
Or jealousy
Who does he see
When he looks at me

Youve got me locked up
In your eyes
And the way you smile
And the way you say
"youre mine"
Over and
Over and
Over
Again
Until its engraved
in my
Mind
And you say
Youre mine
But i
Can
Hear the lie
Between your teeth
I dont speak
I dont tell you
I just stay locked in
Until i get alone
And just being
A foot
Away
Gives me
Liberty
Independence
Nostalgia
And the i realize
How captive i truely am

I keep trying to write
About us mostly
But i cannot
Fathom words
To tell about
This feeling in my chest
And this wrenching of my gut
And how the idea of
This nausea
Is so good
And i cannot
Write into life
How my skin is bursting
When i read your name
Or when i see you
And feel you
And how everything
Every being
Every particle
Every small microscopic
Atomic
Piece of me
Is whispering
Your name

My nail polish
peels
like wallpaper
on a dead house

and i suppose
thats
what i am
a dead house

decrepit and torn
broken
down and old
from 16 years

of broken mentality
***
******-manically wanted
Lips, Hips, thighs.

But what if thats
gone
and my wallpaper is
peeling like ripe fruit

Sunday morning
Let the Hallelujahs
Come
And let my
Grandma
Tell me
Im a sinner
And im lost
As if
I
Dont
Already
Know

You just seem so sure.
Of this.
Of us.
Meanwhile im over here
waiting on my wings
to pick up wind
and waiting on you to be
disappointed
because ive engraved the words
"disappoint or be disappointed"
into my brain
with sword of experiences
and i just dont see
how youre so sure
and calm
while im
just
*******
terrified