I could never tell you
exactly what's going on inside my head,
so I'll write instead.
Drown my thoughts in paper & lead.
Keep my hands alive,
and my expression dead.

I text you.
As usual.
It’s jokey.
You say that top I’m wearing would look good on your floor.
Then you stop.
Correct yourself.
‘Our.’
Our floor?
‘Us’, ‘we’, ‘you’, ‘me’.
Our.
You say you’ll take care of me and I tell you I won’t run away.
You joke about the pressure.
You want to see me again.
You want to kiss me a million times.
You say you’re my guy and I’m your girl.
Our floor, our lives, our one mind together.
Our.
You tell me in sleepy pillow talk a thousand miles away.
‘I’m wrapped around your finger.’
‘I’, ‘you’, ‘me’, ‘we’.
I have to google it.
Am I manipulative because of it?
Or do I have way too much power in this situation?
The internet tells me I should be happy.
You are already head over heels.
Am I head over heels?
Are ‘we’ head over heels?
We joke again.
If we were rich, where would we live.
‘New York, of course,’ I said.
‘Let’s get a place in the Caribbean too.’ He said.
An island built for two,
Just me and you.
An island un-alone,
We say it over the phone.
I wish I was permanently near,
Not far,
So that you and I, us,
Could become an ‘our’.

the thought of a past without you, makes me wonder how long i’ve been dead

I want to slip into the spots of the moon
that you look at so fondly
on the nights that you are about to break.

Have I forgotten,
How to speak,
In vibrant hues,
Of yellow-pink?
Of sunny days,
And precious sweets,
Traded then,
For gray and bleak.

I wonder this,
So often now,
If voice is lost,
Can it be found?
A simple thing,
To miss and yet,
How quickly we,
Can just forget.

The easy days,
Of smiles gone,
Of children's games,
And laughter long.
When simple things,
Could entertain,
In yesterday,
where smiles reigned.

oftentimes i find myself
stepping on stones
and i am where i never meant to go

with most of my days
driving by me
all that i am leads to
where i want to be

i am more convinced
all of my days
they don't come along for nothing
and i feel like existing
for the first time
in this reality