deep below the crashing waves
that crush the apostles into cliffsides
and way past underwater caves
inhabited by mysterious sealife
somewhere below there are fools' graves
drowned by invisible riptides
And the ocean consumes their remains
indifferent to their demise

and though the living die
the killers still make their living
Even stealing tears from their eyes
the cold depths have no misgivings
And without a chance to say goodbye
The heart of the sea is unforgiving

flies circlin as i'm breathing in smog
gravel in my throat making me choke
with a voice that sounds like a bullfrog
I tried calling for help but just croaked.

If all my lies were miles my tongue could pave tiles on a path all the way from  home to heaven or hell
I must have come off course where the road forks, no time for remorse, oh well.
Call me silvertongued i could make monks buy trunks full of ladders with no rungs, but i've got nothing left to sell.

and the devil could do just as well

it doesn't matter now,
however much i wish and pray,
or vow that I'd go a different way,
I keep inching forward every day but I think I've gone astray.

And I long for a place to stay,
somewhere i belong,
I hope to find it someday.
But it's not today.

I'm far from fine, feeling fanatic
unloading my emotions
action automatic
slide slow and smooth
stay silent and static
just going through the motions
though inside, I'm frantic

feverish scrawling writing in tongues
speaking in fingers
eyes blind to the outside world
mind's sight fixed on a familiar girl

who are you
you already know my name
I'm confused
you only have yourself to blame
leave me alone
I know you'll be easily tamed
please stop this
I'll teach you to love this game

I wake to the pain of pencil splinters
and a poem ended with bloodied fingers.
washing my handsin the sink
I need a moment to think
I need a breather
drown myself in water
muddled, all my thoughts are.



eyes open to the outside world
I check my reflection
eyesight catches a familiar girl
are you ready your lesson

We had always been friends since childhood
and we stayed just as close in highschool
then one day that girl said that she loved me
I guess at that time I felt happy

We still teased each other like before
we started to argue a lot more
and she'd say I should be more manly
I guess at that time I felt angry

I realized too late things might soon end
"maybe we should've just stayed as friends"
she asked me, confirming my worst fear
I guess at that time I shed tears

My other friends came to hear the news
and then offered their own points of view
told me not to let it bother me
I suppose that they felt sympathy

but at that time I just felt empty

Don't look at me with those empty eyes
Don't think of me with your empty mind
Don't flatter me with those empty words
Please don't make feeling empty hurt

The winter this year will be the coldest one by far
I can see it in the coldness of my heart
Got bills to pay but my car wouldn't start
Had to heat my house with gas siphoned from my neighbours car

The winter this year will be the coldest one by far
I can feel its cold in my bones
the way they creak like old folks' homes
some days it feels like I'm trying to move through coal tar

The winter this year will be the coldest one by far
I can see the cold in my old friends' gazes
Whispers behind my back, the usual phrases
"Still playing guitar?"
"Still want to be a star?"
"Doubt you'll ever go far."

The winter this year will be the coldest one by far
I feel the cold coming out of my veins
my nerves so frozen I can't feel the pain
I only numbly hope that it doesn't leave a scar

The winter this year was the coldest by far
I was starting to think it might be my last
But somehow before i knew it winter had passed
Looking back I wonder if it was really so hard

It seemed like our eyes only met by chance
but when you smiled and asked me to dance
I've never believed in love at first glance
but something about you had me entranced
and we moved all night to the beating of my heart
and I guess that's where I felt the first spark

I suppose I was blinded by her dancing's wildness
so i asked if she'd like to go somewhere more private
but I was surprised by her sudden shyness
eventually she slowly, coyly nodded in silence
something inside my snapped at that sight
and soon we were kissing by flickering candlelight

I don't remember when we took off our clothes
but the sight of her body was beyond description in prose
I was so enraptured that for a moment I froze
then she drew me close, a faint smell of rose
finally overcome by our desires,
we were making love like wildfire.

but there was no happy end
nothing so romantic
There was no fight
nothing so dramatic
simply returned to friends
something so diplomatic
for that night filled with magic
perhaps it feels anticlimactic
but left with our burnt out passion
all that remained of love were ashes

Would you kindly
hug me tight
with your hands
around my neck?
Would you kindly spend the night
and comfort this nervous wreck?

Could you show me a smile
while you tell me that I'm trash
Could you insult my lifestyle
without even batting an eyelash

Should you care about garbage like me
your tastes must be perverted
Should I be allowed to feel this happy
honestly, I'm uncertain.

I need you to use your claws
to draw out the blood from my skin
I need you to break through the walls
I built to hide my true self within

I need you to split me open and dig inside
to grasp at my heart if you can
I need you to know the thoughts that I hide
and love the person I really am

I hope your phone dies and you lose your charger
I hope you get a bad haircut from your barber
I hope you get splashed by a passing truck
and after you get **** on by a duck
I hope your **** gets stuck
when you're ******* and zip up
I hope you confuse milk for bleach while eating your breakfast,
at least your white teeth will finally please the dentist
hope they switched your panadol for cyanide at the chemist
and nobody minds at all because who'd cry for a public menace?
I hope a car drives off the asphalt
and hits you while you walk
and nobody even stops to gawk.
and as you're dying, crows start to flock,
pecking your eyes out as they squawk
because it's all your fault
that my love is living in chalk
outlines on the sidewalk
and I tell you that every that time we talk

I know you know exactly how much I hate you
if you wanted to die I wouldn't dissuade you
don't bother saying sorry we know it's too late to
but they tell me that I really shouldn't blame you
because it's all my fault
that my love is living in chalk
outlines on the sidewalk
and I tell you that every time that we talk

if i end up a coma patient,
give me a split second cremation
for the fire that burns the brightest
burns the quickest
And charge people tickets
make the event the biggest
bonfire festival and witness
my wonderful photo finish
I might not have been able to live life to its fullest,
but I was never worried about doing things I knew i couldn't.

Every time you rhyme
everything sounds the same
but when I rap exact
I find it a bit inane
so you'll find in my lines
that the sound has changed
inside your mind I'm spreading a taint
with a sound so new you get inundated
with thoughts so ******* that yours get faded.
Rap is a game and this is how I play it
chew the brain food
this the way I cater
pursue the obtuse
so I form my cadence
eschew the assumed
treat the invaders
like they’re your neighbours
accommodate new thoughts
until they sound the same as
us

this **** ain't free

telling me **** is abundant, low quality
dealers catcalling across the streets constantly
contrary I'm a bit of an oddity because

this **** ain't free

telling me **** is low value, high quantity
i may be made in china but I'm not available so commonly.
Don't worry about money,
I'll never be broke, don't need a warranty.
my only struggle is making our ends meet.

this **** ain't free

don't try to explain the inequality of the dichotomy between our biology like it's simple economy of two commodities
I don't want an apology, I'm out, don't talk to me but forget about a return policy

I don't feel the same love as before
I don't smile when i see you anymore
I used to show up to dates early
I used to make strange jokes to seem quirky
I used to act perky when i was hurting
because you were flirting
with some other guy and i was worried

you don't feel the same love as before
You don't make time to see me anymore
you've started to flake where you used to be late
texting me it must've been something you ate
then i saw you that same evening at dinner eating
with that guy and you were beaming
I couldn't believe in what I was seeing.
Because you, who gave me meaning, a reason for living, were cheating.
I had trouble breathing
and then suddenly i was fleeing the scene and I was screaming and beating myself until i was bruised and I was bleeding.

We don't feel the same love as before,
I got complacent and you got bored,
while i was still sore from what i just saw
I called you over just to show you the door,
and I'm sure I don't want to see you anymore

So what if I’ve fallen in love again?
Doesn’t take away meaning from the first time.
Does it matter that I’ve found love again?
Doesn’t mean that before I had felt a lie.

Do I even feel like I had back then?
I don’t care, I like the way she makes me feel.
So I guess I’ll say I’m in love again,
After all, my heart’s had enough time to heal.

I want you love. No, I need your love.
Cause I’m falling, like a baby dove.
I’ve got no wings,
Nor shiny things.
But aren’t we birds of a feather?
Maybe we could fall together.

"Nothing ever doesn’t change,
But nothing changes much.”
I have always been strange,
But please do stay in touch.

I know I’ve not got much,
But I think it’s enough.
And I don’t need a crutch,
But maybe that’s a bluff

"Everything will be alright,
If I could just see you tonight..."

But how can I be so sure?
Doubts questioning from the core.

No, I don't need any sunlight,
to see that this isn't quite right.

But oh, she makes my heart soar,
Heart's saying, don't shut that door.

Oh I'll be the ruin of me,
Just wait, Soon enough you'll see.

Yeah, soon the cracks'll start to show,
Because I just can't let go.

Now, see how stupid it is?
I really should just quit this.

It's closing time,
and I haven't another dime.

This empty glass
and I haven't got any class.

So why'd you come sit next to me?

Haven't you got somewhere to be?

Someone just a little better,
Could get you a little wetter.

That doesn't matter right now,

Cause I ain't holier than thou.

But I haven't got any class,
lain on the grass.

But I haven't done a crime,
Still feel like grime.

The morning sun looks so bright,
Nothing actually feels quite right.
Birds singing their pretty songs,
They can't ever unmake wrongs.

Waking up to new nightmares,
Where nobody ever cares.
I just want to make them smile,
Seems like I just have to rile.

I can't cheer them up or on,
I don't care, Soon it'll be gone.
Oh, The night can't come too soon.
I've been missing that white moon.

Unless I say something with conviction,
Better not speak a single word.
Having an opinion is an affliction,
Best that I went unheard.

The contentious masses choke on opinions.
Coughing, suffocating and spitting.
Each side disseminates their dominions.
Every "fact"-spewer unremitting.

Every one of them a man of straw,
Ablaze with righteous zeal.
So many blind to their own flaws,
Proclaim the same old spiel.

There's no room for fence-sitters,
no gray area or neutrality.
Dead men are the only quitters,
of this black and white morality.

Step up and say your piece,
And someone will find reason to **** you.
Otherwise, rest in peace,
Because you can't escape their petty feud.

Numbers do not lie,
Simply quantify.
Equations do not feel,
Can't make them a deal.
Digits do not care,
They are simply there.

The heart, it doth yearn,
With passionate burn.
That which it desires,
Are all blazing fires.
And this flame called love,
Soaring high above,
Can consume your life,
Feeling begets strife.

I won’t dance like some puppet,
Strung up on hopes and expectations.
This show’s just started,
But it feels like it’s already gone on too long.

Nobody’s there to hold me up
I’ve got so much weight to carry.
The past and its disappointments,
Holding me back, holding me down.

In this dark, murky sea,
My anchor drags me down, deep under.
Drowning in the reality of it all,
Dying as I live, there’s no escape.

I hurt myself today,
I wondered what’s the deal.
don’t matter what I say,
Nobody cares how I feel.

I cut myself today,
Feeling pain that’s real.
Wash bad thoughts away,
Mental scars don’t heal.

I feel the blood on my face,
but the pain has disappeared.
All these cuts cannot erase,
What has always been right here.

I walked out in the rain,
To see if it felt real.
Maybe it could wash away,
All the pain that I feel.

Making our way through with wide open eyes,
with closed hearts, crossed swords.
Not telling the truth, not telling lies.
made no ties since cutting the cord.

With a tongue of steel, sharp and cutting,
asking for nothing, giving nothing.
Angry at them all, proud and strutting,
acting like the world owes them something.

Fingers dancing, tango with the pencil,
Like Mozart at his piano, a new concerto.
Words flowing from his fingertips,
Black on white and a coffee stain in the corner.

This story, finishing, coming to a close,
Another day come and gone.
A smile upon his lips, triumph in his mind,
words to sentences to paragraphs and soon the story ends.

Then, a new page, a new story.
He hesitates,
He pauses,
He stops.

Then a bee sting, a bell’s ring
Inspiration strikes, a giant’s left hook.
The dam breaks and a black river flows.
Black on white, the pristine page soiled.

Sing to me o darling please,
A song of when we’ll be together.
Sing me a sweet song of love,
of a day that never comes.

I’d sing to you, love of mine,
but there’s no music to my words.
Your voice is like an angel’s,
I’m too bitter to sing so sweet as you.

If this is only a dream,
then let me sleep a little longer.
Escaping loneliness,
in night-time imaginings.

Blue in the sky, blue in the sea,
'Twixt them's the blue hidden inside me.

Falling out in the form of my tears,
They’ve shown themselves through all these bad years.

And when it rains, sometimes it drizzles, sometimes a storm.
A crack of lightning and thunder and my world is torn.

I wrote you all I feel,
you just didn’t see.
I’d give you all my heart,
but you don’t love me.

I was too scared to tell the truth,
and it cuts me up inside.
I look back and I see mistakes,
and I wish I had died.

Spiders crawling, under my skin,
And I feel like I’m burning.
How can I atone for my sins,
When I still feel the yearning?
Pursued by the mistakes of my past,
chased through dark corridors in my head.
Can’t hide from the shadows they cast,
all these voices screaming that they want me dead.

Here I’ve just been doing the same thing,
Over and over, just another gear in a clockwork world.
Wishing that I’d never heard you sing,
Over and over, music playing like a broken record.

I want to break it all apart,
Take every single piece and polish them until they shine,
Maybe they could light up my heart,
And finally convince me that everything will be fine.

If it meant that I could make you smile,
Gladly, I’d play the fool.
Say something stupid, you’d laugh awhile,
I’m still just a dull tool.

I try to watch where you were, where you left too soon,
It’s hard to live my own life for you.
I lie with a smile, I’m just left howling at the moon,
But no idea what else I can do.

Here I am, left wondering,
and wandering.
all alone but for passing shadows.
Walk my own path pondering,
and pandering.
Nod, wave, smile, nobody cares or knows.

It’s about what I want you to see,
when you’re looking at me.
It’s about what I want you to say,
Something more than just ‘hey’.

So look past the empty smile,
notice we haven’t made eye contact for a while.
Hear more than what I’m saying,
Notice how little attention I’ve been paying.

How can I smile,
Knowing the same thing I did yesterday?

When, for a while,
I knew that was all you and I would say.

So that is all,
If you just didn’t want to see me anymore…

That’s not my call,
But you just keep smiling, it’s so hard to ignore.

So this is it,
I don’t think it’ll fade, my “love’s” first impression.

Hard to admit,
That I might’ve just been lying about depression.

I fell so in love with a girl like you,
She talked to me when I was feeling blue.

Feels so long ago, when she smiled at me,
Thinking of her, she’s like a fantasy,

To me, reality couldn’t compare,
The thought without her, I just couldn’t bear.

So most every moment was torment,
You never understood what it meant.

Nothing else mattered, just her, don’t you see?
But then I became the worst kind of me…

Today’s a good day,
a day to live
or a day to die.

An ocean resides in the sky,
With rumble and flash it bursts.

And the sky falls in so many pieces,
its tears fall all over the ground.
Crying for each and every one of us,
All our tears, fallen to Earth, again and again.

The reason I run away, though there’s no place to hide,
Is You.
The reason I feel this pain, killing me inside,
Is You.

What’s wrong with the asking?
I don’t care if you don’t answer.
Spending so long masking,
Thoughts spreading like a cancer.

The sweetest thing, lick my lips, I will never taste,
Dear You.
Cruel little thing, you’re with him, such a waste,
Hate you.

I find it hard to sleep at night,
Wishing you were here with me.
Finding it hard to see the light,
Wishing I could make you see.

I thought it was love at first sight,
But you just don’t feel the same,
So how can I make things right?
Is it my fault? Am I to blame?

Did I ever get over you?
Ask what kind of person I am.

Stuck here wondering what to do.
When does a boy become a man?

When you’re smiling, I’m feeling blue,
Where do I find the strength to stand?

Asking questions, still got no clue,
Will nobody give me a hand?

I guess it’s too late for you and me,
I was so deep in love back then….

Sure I fell hard but can’t you see?
That I just got back up again.

We’re both stuck in limbo,
Wallowing, feeling melancholy.

Though this is our only connection.
Two lost souls, looking for affection.

I’m not sure what you want,
but if it helps, you can still have me.

Paths trail in every direction,
Spreading out like an infection.

Not what you’re looking for,
But I can still give you company.

They’re so obsessed with perfection,
No wonder we fear rejection.

Just forget about them,
Just be who you really want to be.

It’s cold on the surface of the moon.
Surrounded by the infinite darkness of space.
That amazing paradox of nothingness.

You are always alone on the surface of the moon.
Not a sound to be heard, you can never be heard.
It’s all just matter, but none of it even matters.

We are all we are so small.
objects in space, constantly in motion,
Can never be standing still in time or space.

I’m going away to be alone,
Taking a little trip of my own up to the moon.

For my sinful mind, I can’t atone,
So I guess I won’t be coming back anytime soon.

Maybe, someday, I’ll look back and smile,
But right now, nothing gets in or out my dark cocoon.

Out here, I cry in silence awhile,
But then my eyes dry, and I remember a tune.

It’s no good, living on the dark side,
Silence is too loud, endless thoughts all mindless shouts.

It seems it’s myself I can’t abide,
Put on headphones, so I don’t have to hear my doubts.

You’re the closest thing to an angel,
That I’ve ever seen.
Feeling more like I’m in a living hell,
Than I’ve ever been.

Because I can’t bear to be near you,
Knowing I’m just no good.
Always wondering what I should do,
I never understood.

Can’t stop feeling like I’m not going,
Start moving, but everything’s slowing.

Can’t start stopping, now that I’ve begun,
Don’t stop, cause when you do, you’re done.

Everyone else shines, I’m barely glowing,
How far I’ll get, there’s no way of knowing.

It’s like an EKG, hope it doesn’t stop,
Go as fast as you can, go until you drop.

Unfeeling as you stumble through a fog,
What’s history matter, it’s just a prologue.

Tell you what I do for a living,
Just keep taking and never giving.

Tell my dad I’ll never forgive him,
for this cursed gift he has given.

This life, this will, and this sin,
A twisted game I can’t win.

I can be the last man to fall in,
doesn’t change that I’ll still have fallen

So what if the world is going to hell,
you won’t mind burning if you liked the smell.

Maybe I’m a bad guy, I don’t really know,
Just take what I can and go with the flow.

It’s less than you think, more than you know
Don’t let everyone else shine while you barely glow

This life is more than just a fiction,
It’s not belief, not just addiction.

What a disappointing waste it would be
If you’re looking for more than you can see,

Take hold of what you can feel,
Even if it hurts, you can heal.

You can’t have regrets if you don’t look back,
Learn as much as you can, still won’t know jack.

I didn’t think that the time was right,
And so I made you wait.
But when I thought it would be alright,
By then I was too late.

Be patient, darling, and I will come,
Slow and sure in my way.
Or come take my hand and lead me on,
I’ll follow you all day

I want to see your smile,
Share your happiness for awhile.
I wanna be your hero,
But always been a zero.
Tired of being just like myself,
Tired of reading those books off a shelf.
Want to live my story, my life,
Never be boring, in strife.