I feel numb when we're arguing
mad because you can't sleep with me
but how can I hand any more of myself over?
all I see in you are your choices and you chose her
all of this time I've taken the punches for you
but how long can my body stand being black and blue?

Will you paint the wall with my thoughts?
I can't stand being something I am not.

Why do I put myself in a position to be attached at all?
I  have only set myself up to heights I cannot survive the fall.
Why am I the only one trying to break down your walls?
I have only been moving from one connection to the other.
Why can't I be alone, instead of someone's lover?

"We do not own the earth, we are part of it." These wise people understood that what we take or use, we must return in kind to maintain balance and equilibrium. Clearly, modern man with all his applied learning and technology has forgotten this. Subsequently, we currently face ecological disaster and eventual extinction because of our hunger for power and a few pieces of gold.

As years faded by
I was in-denial I was living a lie
swallowed by my own false identity
by burying reality deep inside
more high than sober
living in a nightmare that is never over
with everyday, my senses fade
and I complacently follow into your malicious games
losing touch of why I stay
constantly confused of who I am underneath my name
told myself every night this is real
but when walking during the day I am filled with shame
I'm not an object for you to steal
layers of your delusions
I'm trying to peel
all my colors, you have concealed
even though I am now miles away
I'm still trying to remember how to feel.

-a.t

I forgive you
because I can't forget you
and your love has become essential
so when I say you aren't on my mind
I can swear it's all lie
because even with all you've done
you're still the ******* one
the one in my dreams,
the only one I look forward to see
the face I still am
trying to find amongst the crowd
laying on the floor
here I am, letting it all out
where the hell are you now?
I mean I know you were
never actually here
but loosing you
is still my biggest fear
and with every ******* tear
I pray to a god,
I don't even know is there
that one day, you'll just be
completely gone, out, disappear
because I know you're
the single worst thing for me
out in this crazy world
but in twirl,
you've got me rapped up
in this crazy dream
it's what you make me to believe
where all I think I need
is your touch, your attention
all the things you'll never give to me
because I know what I am to you,
who you see
when you look at me.
I'm not enough.
and the sooner I realize that
the better off I'll be
because even though it hurts
I'm glad you know how to leave
more like slam a door in my face
shoot me down with all your pain.
lock me in this nightmare
where all it does is rain
but, no, I've got to lock that all away
put a smile on my face
because people expect more of me
than to see what you took away
but can't you see?
the real damage that you've done
doesn't lay within your words
but the within your actions
and you run.
run away
from every problem
every day
honey, I'm sorry to say it
but not everything goes your way
but it's all good now
until you put the drink down
until you let it all come in
then let your pretty little self
realize that you didn't win
I know you
and I know you want love
and all these girls you pick up
they aren't enough.
and you know that.
but don't expect any more love
from me
because what you see now
is not what i will forever be
someday, I will move on
and forget what
you've made me out to be
because you don't matter
never have, never will
and I'll never understand
how you dropped me
so easily
but I guess
the past is in the past
and I should let you go
wipe the tears off my face
because you shouldn't be
worth **** to me
but you are,
and until I see that,
believe what I can say so easily
seeing your face, hearing your voice,
is still gonna **** me.
but with every day, every minute
I see a little more
a little clearer
what can I say though?
I can't regret you, I was warned.
but I didn't care
all I saw was the good in you
because that's what I like to see
I block everything else out
because the good
is all I want to believe
but I gotta stop that,
see things, for how they really are
bottle it all away some more
mend my open scars
keep you in my poems
now, in my dream world, lost
so I just guess
after all that you've done
I should just knock it off
move on
and go away
to place
just run away
some escape
from the pain
I can't handle it
and it's all coming my way
I can almost feel it
****
I can't loose you
we were meant to be
this stupid **** inside my head
isn't how it was suppose to be
how could you?
why did you let things get like this?
why do you only remain in my dreams?
all I crave is your attention, your amazing kiss
I love it
and I love you
but no
there you go again
your in my head
I've had enough
this bipolarness is getting rough
I sound crazy
****
crazy in love with you
insane because at the same time
I can't help but hate you
but nothing compares to our passion
when it's just you and me
the side of us
no one ever sees
it's all I've ever wanted in life
you walked away
slit my heart open with a knife
man, I wanted you
I wanted you for the rest of my ******* life
sounds pretty cliche
but with you it was different
it was real
something no body could steal
but I guess I was wrong
and all you'll ever be
is a sad poem or a love song
that you'll never hear or read
it's a side of me
I never want you to see
see the part of me
that needs you
just to ******* breathe.
you'd take advantage of it
so I refuse to show you how vulnerable I am to you
I've never told you the half of it
how I feel
boy, you have no idea
the thought of a day without you
makes me ill
unable to eat
or sleep
it's amazing
this draw to you
what this craving gives to me
is more than love or lust.
I just need you around
Because there's no me without us

I forgive you
because I can't forget you
and your love has become essential
so when I say you aren't on my mind
I can swear it's all lie
because even with all you've done
you're still the ******* one
the one in my dreams,
the only one I look forward to see
the face I still am
trying to find amongst the crowd
laying on the floor
here I am, letting it all out
where the hell are you now?
I mean I know you were
never actually here
but loosing you
is still my biggest fear
and with every ******* tear
I pray to a god,
I don't even know is there
that one day, you'll just be
completely gone, out, disappear
because I know you're
the single worst thing for me
out in this crazy world
but in twirl,
you've got me rapped up
in this crazy dream
it's what you make me to believe
where all I think I need
is your touch, your attention
all the things you'll never give to me
because I know what I am, to you,
who you see
when you look at me.
I'm not enough.
and the sooner I realize that
the better off I'll be
because even though it hurts
I'm glad you know how to leave
more like slam a door in my face
shoot me down with all your pain.
lock me in this nightmare
where all it does is rain
but, no, I gotta lock that all away
put a smile on my face
because people expect more of me
than to see what you took away
but can't you see?
the real damage that you've done
doesn't lay within your words
but the within your actions
and you run.
run away from every problem
every day
honey, I'm sorry to say it
but not everything goes your way
it's all good now
until you put the drink down
until you let it all come in
then your pretty little self
will realize that you didn't win
I know you, and I know you want love
and all these girls you pick up
they aren't enough.
and you know that.
but don't expect any more love
from me
because what you see now
is not what i will forever be
someday, I will move on
and forget what
you've made me out to be
because you don't matter
never have, never will
and I'll never understand
how you dropped me
so easily
but I guess
the past is in the past
and I should let you go
wipe the tears off my face
because you shouldn't be
worth **** to me
but you are,
and until I see that,
believe what I can say so easily
seeing your face, hearing your voice,
is still gonna **** me.
but with every day, every minute
I see a little more
a little clearer
what can I say though?
I can't regret you, I was warned.
but I didn't care
all I saw was the good in you
because that's what I like to see
I block everything else out
because the good
is all I want to believe
but I gotta stop that,
see things, for how they really are
bottle it all away some more
mend my open scars
keep you in my poems
now, in my dream world, lost
so I just guess, finally,
after all that you've done
I'm doing what's right
and cutting you off.

I'm holding it all in
pushing my emotions away
blocking you further out
everytime I see your face
Everyday you become
more of a stranger
than someone I love
Because anything is better
than accepting what you've done
How could you?
I should have know
you never cared
I should have known
you only were saying
what I wanted to hear
Pulling me closer
within every goodbye
Just so your hateful words
would drive me to
believing it's all a lie
My heart wants your love
but my mind knows that
my love for you
will never be enough
So, I'll keep you in my poems
and leave my real feelings hidden
it's going to be extremely hard..
but I know it's the right decision.

They say it gets better
but it seems like the fighting never ends
Nothing gets solved
and no one ever wins
He calls it love
but I call it hate
Believe what you please
but this isn't my fate

I don't believe in fairy tales
but this isn't love
Itching through the cold darkness
of never being enough
I've always known life was bad
but this is too much

Just going my whole life
deprived of love
Only seeing the evil within your beautiful eyes
and brutal truth behind your lies
I've traveled down this road one too many times
and I think it's just about time to say goodbye.

All my life
I've let people like you
push me around
Never letting me truly worry about myself
or the people and things that should matter
Never letting me do or say
what i please
It was all about pleasing others
Well it's about time
I take a step back and realize
I'm not living this life for you or anyone
I'm living this life for me

I reach out to you
and you push me away
so don't be upset
when i'm not yours to push
one day..

roses are red
violets are blue
you drive me insane
and I still love you
you get way too mad
and say things that aren't true
but at the end of the day, I could never picture myself without you.
I love your smile and your goofy laugh.
the way you make me smile..even when I'm sad
now I know things aren't easy
and probably never will be
but when I say I love you, please never don't believe me.

I told myself I wouldn't let you in
but then there we were
standing in that dark alley
it was close to midnight when
you pulled me closer
and kissed my lips so perfectly

i could taste the cigarette
off your lips
and for whatever reason
i loved it.
your darkness entered
took over any good that was left of me
and with a smile.

how is it so easy for you?
to make daisies grow
in the darkest parts of my mind
when you're mind is darker than mine

~a.t.w

She sees the bad in front of her
but instead of running from it..
She fell inlove with it

how does he not see what i see?
he doesn't see the way the moons face lights up
he doesn't see the life glowing from the daisies
he doesn't see the portrait of the galaxy
through the stars
he doesn't feel the sunshine, like i do.
he doesn't see the world the way i do.

he only sees a flower
and a big circle in the sky
he only sees holes of light in through the night
he only feels the heat of the day hit his black shirt
he will never understand
because of his closed mind

how do you show one
all the beautiful colors of the world
if they are colorblind?

It's like you can feel it..
all the bad seeping in
destroying every little good aspect
you've built up in your life

there's just this huge darkness
taking over everything
you cant breathe
and theres nothing you can do about it

it's like you're drowning in your own mind
and you're pushing yourself under the water

everything used to be bright and happy
but at some point in your life
it all turned upside down

you bleed and burn
trying to crawl back to what was
even though you know
there's no going back.

we've all grown up
and it *****.



~a.t.w