My greatest fear
Loving a wrong somebody
Loving for the wrong reason
Being controlled
Forced to bend to others whim
Loosing my identity
Uprooted independence
Being not good enough
Being used and mislead
Being left broken and abandoned

Having to walk a difficult road of recovery
No one can recover from a love like this
Wrong or misleading
Right or true
Its deep to the inside of my bones
How will i recover from broken bones
The heart has no bones
No visitors
No get well soon
Nothing
Only silence
Broken by tear drops
Only on inside

i wrote a lot of great poetry when i was in love
i wrote even better poetry when i was in pain
i wrote the best poetry when i realized that the two emotions were actually the same.

5 year old me
thought it was
sharing things with people
crying with them

12 year old me
thought it was
holding hands
the term "boyfriend"

15 year old me
thought it was
kissing
touching

18 year old me
now understands
love comes in many different forms
sometimes in words
sometimes in expressions
sometimes in staying
and sometimes in leaving.

Sleeping in your bed, next to you
For the first time
Is far more intimate than I'd like to admit
But the bobby pins on your window sill
Remind me that you are not mine
I am nothing more than a warm body
To slide into when you get bored
constantly reminding myself I am
Good enough, that your indifference
Is reason enough to walk away
But I don't walk away, I follow
The familiar path to your front door
And in a tangle of legs and sheets
I come undone

POETRY


You let me share my thoughts and exchange clues of what's next in our upcoming adventure
And you let me write and erase my pain
And re-write them all over again
Changing inks for my
Story to be complete
In a book that saves my secrets
And kept them sealed for years  
Gratitude to you for listening to What was once left muted.
Gratitude to you
dear poetry.


                                 _Ismahan

Some hummingbirds
Must dream of sugar
And I remember your lips
Sweeter than sugar
Some hummingbirds
Take pride in their feathers
Yet, vibrant as they are,
Your eyes remain treasures
And now, my broken wing,
It keeps us far apart
But I will continue to sing  
Longing for your heart
and your lips, a work of art
So here’s a song to the girl  
that this hummingbird
still dreams about

I remember after the first time you kissed me you said that you had been wanting to do that for a while.

I wonder if you thought the same thing when you left me.

Sit with me, dear friend
One more time, before I go
Let's pretend this night won't end
And we never have to go home
Nothing matters when the moon is out
In sweats or tatters you're entrancing
Whether in bed or out and about
This view makes me feel like dancing
You've never been more beautiful
Standing underneath the moon
Whether a crescent or half-full
Whether it be to an awful tune

I am slowly liking him.
A friend whom I just met.
I was caught off guard.

His aura is so different.
He's funny and cute.
He hates how loud is my voice
Then he covers my mouth.

He's athletic.
I was impressed with his background.
He looks so strong.
But weak inside.

I wanna take care of him.
I wanna fall in love with him.
But I can't.
I must refrain.

I might fall for him
And that would be so painful.
Too much risk.
Too much pain, I can't handle.