We spent the time on our backs
engulfed in blankets and your computer light
and I slept while you worked
your brother made me a tv dinner
and i asked you why you treat me this way
on the drive home
I can't remember your answer anymore
but i know I held my tears until I made it
to the front door

Sleeping in your bed, next to you
For the first time
Is far more intimate than I'd like to admit
But the bobby pins on your window sill
Remind me that you are not mine
I am nothing more than a warm body
To slide into when you get bored
constantly reminding myself I am
Good enough, that your indifference
Is reason enough to walk away
But I don't walk away, I follow
The familiar path to your front door
And in a tangle of legs and sheets
I come undone

I’ve always had a morbid curiosity
about the way it felt to die
and if you really see
all of those moments
flash before your eyes
or does your spirit
soar towards a light?
do you go directly to paradise,
or plunge into purgatory?
do you find out the truth
about gods and men?
does death surround you in darkness
like a burnt out match?
It always comes back to
Is death really the end?

Fear is a curious thing
It can hold you in place
Or propel you into the unknown
But all of us have one
some of us even face ours
and some of us hide from them,
But another will always follow

Fear isnt always terror
In life or death situations
Fear is largely just a discomfort
with an idea or hypothetical situation
people mould their lives around
This notion, let it twist their vision
And harden their hearts
Or show them the strength of their faith
In man and god, devils and angels, themselves.

to end an awful year
I kissed someone
and ****** someone else,
he left bruises
in the shape of his hands
and scratches covering my back
just the way I like it
but the entire time i couldn’t help
wishing he was anyone else

Maybe even the tall one
with the pretty smile and
really good ****
whom I met on the train
or maybe he could have been
the one that ****** me standing,
holding me in the middle of the living room
all bulging muscles and dark skin

or the boy I’ve spent 5 years
trying to get to admit he cares
about more than just my small body
writhing underneath his
and I’ll continue searching
for something I’m missing
and when I don’t find it in a lover
I’ll disappear and search for
anything else to keep me
from getting too attached