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  Sep 2018 Ismahanwrites
Mister J
I'm in a trance..

My knees are shaking
My throat choking on words
My face beaded with sweat
My mind in a chaotic state

Here I am..

Wearing this heart of mine
On a sleeve of uncertainty
The words trying to come out
From this stomach filled with butterflies

How do I say this?

Ever since that day we met
You already caught my attention
My eyes we're looking towards you
With every little thing you do

Everyday you sparkled..

Like stars in a dark night sky
Every little thing about you
Set sparks in my ******, depressing life
Little cinders slowly burning my anxieties away

Until I was set ablaze..

Consuming every bit of me
Occupying my every thought
And before I was aware of it
You pulled my heart towards you

It consumes me..

This insanity I call ''you''
It makes me writhe in pain
But also eases my sorrows
Burning me to my core

I'm going crazy..

I never even planned this
To fall in love with my best friend
But the more time we spent together
Made me realize that I always wanted you

It's not an easy thing..

To tell you that you consume me
And that I want you to be mine
And I, to be yours only
To be more than what we have now

I want to take you..

And lead you towards an uncertainty
That may completely destroy what this is
But the only thing I know for certain is
That these feelings are real and overflowing


Here I am terrified
Giving my heart to you
Whether you break it or throw it away
Know that from this day on
I declare to the world
That I want to us to be more
Than what we are now
And that this heart that I give
Will always belong to you

Writing this piece not with my mind but my heart,
Not with my thoughts, but with my feelings
It's not easy to say
but I wanna say it anyway

I love you.
From the heart..

Happy Reading! Thanks!

  Sep 2018 Ismahanwrites

I feel the darkness grow and stalk
                     the halls of my mind,
        whispering words of mockery,
                  words that I cannot help
                                but take to heart...

What if I am not good enough?
                                Am I a failure?
                   What if I can't do this?
                    Am I lying to myself?
What if I make a fool of myself?
                    Am I truly talentless?

  All of this runs around my mind,
       having me chase and bite and
      pull my own tail as the darkness
         laughs, loud, proud and cruel.
             Am I just wasting my time?
           Is the quill and ink meant for
                              someone like me?
           Am I even good at what I do?
                   I don't know what to do
                   I don't know what to think
                            All I know that
                                            IT HURTS

It all hurts too much...
Far too much...

                       How I want to hide...

I couldn't fully cage my anxiety and depression,
but it's leaking out of the cracks, making me
feel restless, tired, weak and making me question
everything I do.
...I guess It's fortunate that this is happening before
I start my course on the 17th of this month,
But it's so draining to deal with.
I feel so exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally.
I feel like all my energy is being ****** out of me... I want to scream and cry...
I need a break and fresh air so I'm going for a walk.
I'll be back soon.
Ismahanwrites Jul 2018
We sacrificed a lot and
yet no one appreciates us for it

- To be a woman
Ismahanwrites Jul 2018
I  am  the witch that crushed hearts
and tore them open
I am the opportunist of a girl
That takes advantage of now
I am the idiot of a girl that grows
close to girls who dislike her girls
who wants what is best for them only
I am the boss of a girl that will close
these chapters and walk forward
and rest in arms of self love instead
of self harm
there will come a day where you have to choose yourself
Ismahanwrites Jul 2018
i am a work in progress
i am a work in progress
and i am owning every bit of this flawed
sentence because
i am her
it will take time to build yourself all over again so take your time and own it
Ismahanwrites Jul 2018
Tragedy is still caring for someone who wants the worse for you.
Stop caring about them
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