You told me today,
That you wanted to die.
I could tell in your voice,
That it wasn’t a lie.

I never noticed till now,
Of how you fidgeted more.
I never noticed till now,
Of the sweaters you now wore.

But I did noticed now,
How your skin seemed pailer,
How your eyes darker.
Have you been eating?
Have you even been sleeping?

But when you told me,
I finally saw.
The darkness that surrounds you.
When did you start to fall?

Why didn’t I noticed,
That your smile missed your eyes.
Why didn’t I noticed,
That your voice told such lies.

If I had noticed sooner,
Would this had ever happened.
If I had noticed sooner,
Would you had never saddened.

I screamed for you,
Wanting it to not be true,
I cried for you,
Though I didn’t have a clue.

I waited for you,
For you to react,
But the mirror stayed still,
My image intact.

It’s our final year,
Of high school here,
Then soon we’ll leave our mark,
To make a world of our own.

Though we are just a speck,
Drifting through time.
It seems through all these years,
Gone in just a flash of light,
That moved way too fast.

We’ve made it through the stress,
And moments of being depressed.
Now we are waiting for our moment,
Where we will be best dressed.

Some will apply to move forward,
And others prefer to stay,
But we all will make decisions,
To make our own way.

Ordering our gowns,
Removing our frowns,
Planning for prom,
Not realizing,
How much we might miss mom.

But until that day,
Here we’ll stay,
Waiting for our taste of freedom.


But until that day,
Here we’ll stay,
To a new chapter,
To a story that has just begun.

Today’s the day,
I will no longer pretend,
That everything is fine,
When it is not really fine.

Today’s the day,
When I stop caring,
About all the doubts in the world,
And the problems that uncurled.

Today’s the day,
That I will finally love me,
No matter what they say,
I will finally be free.

Today’s the day,
I will finally be happy,
Without a care in the world,
Nothing can hold me down.

But today’s the day,
You remind,
That all those years ago,
How they are not the same.

But today’s the day,
Where I had to remember,
Of how I couldn’t forget,
What you had said.

But today’s the day,
Where my fear haunts me,
As it has days before,
Taking my every breath.

But that’s okay,
Isn’t it?
As they say,
There’s always,

Tomorrow.

I’m back home

No
I’m back where I grew up

I saw the house today
The house that I grew up in
The house where you left me
The house that is no longer mine

I’m seeing an old friend tomorrow
Used to be thicker than thieves
Where nothing could ever stop us
And now we are strangers

But don’t get me wrong
I missed my family
That I live so far from
I wouldn’t miss this chance for the world

The fear is still there
Of turning the corner seeing you there
On the road
Colder than ice

The pain still exist
In holidays
In birthdays
On deaths days

Relationships that were once so close
Are now broken
Minds were once healthy
Are now scarred

Did you ever think
About what would happen
If you got on that bike

Of course you didn’t

After all you would have been here if you had

The truth to it all
Is what likes to hide in bed
What likes to lie in my head
If saw the truth
You’d know it to

You would know what it is like
To have thoughts racing like cars on a track
You would know what it is like
To have such fear hidden in the cracks

You can criticize me
Say that I’m wrong
Say that I’m fine
But until you live a day in my shoes
All you do is lie

I wish I could say it all
But see I can’t do that either
For my mind has total control
And where I have no voice

Now I know what your thinking
How is that possible?
You are mind is you
And you have full power

But what if I told you
that wasn’t the case
That a mind that is ill
Can overtake its fate

I can’t control it
No matter how hard I try
For it is my mind after all
Even if all it does is lie

Because it makes it so convincing
With every word it says
Because it is yourself after all
Isn’t it

So before you say
It’s fake
A phase
You’re not trying hard enough
Remember

You wouldn’t last a day in my shoes
With a mind like mine
With it’s constant fear
And it’s constant lies

Then you’ll finally understand
Why I hide

Have you ever wanted to scream,
To yell,
To shout,
Until you couldn’t say another word?

Have you ever wanted to speak your mind,
Your opinions,
Your heart,
Although no one would listen?

When you wanted speak,
To utter,
To whisper,
Just to hear reassurance.

Instead you are quite.
Not a whisper,
Not a word,
But they wouldn’t know.

But it’s just your mind,
A thousand words,
A thousand pictures,
A thousand stories.

Or how your home,
Lost it meaning.
Or how your touch,
Lost it’s feeling.

But no one ever tells you,
In the darkest of night,
That when the world is silent,
Only the loudest,
Are the screams of the forgotten.

When you left me,
I remember being told,
I remember feeling sick,
I remember feeling shocked,
I remember being enraged.

When you left me,
I have never blamed him,
As much as I want to.
I blame you,
For leaving me here.

That doesn’t mean I don’t miss you,
Because I miss you dearly.
However that doesn’t mean I’m not mad,
Because you left me.

You knew that risk,
Getting on that bike.
You knew that risk,
That it might take your life.

When you left me,
I knew it was coming.
The moment you took that risk,
I knew you would leave me.

I still love you,
I miss you terribly.
And I think about you everyday.
But I will never forgive you,
When you left me.