Maybe
if I was prettier
or skinnier
or more of something
maybe
if I was less loud
or less dark
or less something
maybe then
you would want me

You wear leather
As dark as your heart
You speak words
As sharp as a knife

You smell of cigarettes
And sometimes cologne
You wreak of Jack Daniel's
But mostly depravity

You lurk in the shadows
And prey on the young
You desire a girl
But only one night

You tell her your lies
To trick her to stay
And then like a coward
You run away

I'm sorry for ignoring you
I'm sorry for not being there for you
I'm sorry for not 'being myself'
I'm sorry for bringing you down
I'm sorry for everything you don't understand
I'm sorry for everything I don't understand
I'm sorry for being belligerent
I'm sorry for annoying you
I'm sorry for bothering you
I'm sorry for being sorry
I'm sorry for always saying sorry
I'm sorry for everything here on out.

A painful tear leaks from my eye,
It screams a terrible sound,
A sound so loud but unheard from all around,
It flows down my cheek and seeps into the ground,
“Help him”, it cries “he wants to die”

My father walked me down the aisle,
But my mother held my arm.
He went with me,
But we went not towards the altar,
But towards the door.

My father walked me down the aisle,
And the ***** rang through the church,
Humming through the elaborate crown molding,
Carved by my ancestors.

He went,
Not beside me,
But before me,
And I watched,
As he was illuminated by the bright,
Overbearing,
Texas sun.

My father walked me down the aisle,
But I did not wear white.
My father walked me in silence,
And I shed tears not for a man standing at the altar,
But for the one I would never see again.

My father walked me down the aisle,
And no veil obscured my face.
All eyes were upon me, but not for my pristine beauty,
Instead for my clenched jaw and furrowed brow,
Severe and fierce to distract from my glassy eyes.

My father did not leave me at the end of our walk to sit beside my mother.
She clung to me for support and sobbed breathlessly,
Loudly,
Unavoidably,
And I carried her with one hand,
My sister the other,
And walked towards my future.
A future family,
Not one person more,
But one person less.
I walked,
One final time,
With him.

My father walked me down the aisle,
And I will never forget it.
Hundreds of eyes isolating my family from the crowd,
Slow and muffled sounds drowning in the deafening beat of my heart,
Blurred faces staring,
Black heels clacking against the cobbled path from the church,
The anguished wails of my mother,
The whimpering of my sister,
And the wooden box that glided before us,
Pulling,
A string tied to our patriarch,
The pin key of our family,
Pulled taut and then snipped with the slam of the hearse doors.

My father walked me down the aisle,
Before I had a chance to grow up.
He walked me,
Out of the church,
Away from the altar,
Never to be walked again.

(read forward, then backward, line by line)

I ran.
Not knowing what else to do
There was so much blood on my hands
It was mine
The kitchen knife
Caught in my chest
Guilt
Consumed by
Fear
I was heightened by
Adrenaline
But running on
Wasn’t enough
While trying to stay calm,
Losing control
It was me that would end up
Dead. Because
He was
In front of me
The whole time
It was too late
Trapped
I found myself
Locked in chains
My fate was
Death.

wait till you catch
a glimpse of the scars
hold your breath
and maybe let it all sink

after all we are who
we are;
take the rain and
drink it in,
let yourself sin,
sink

you only get to live once
you don't have to be
a warrior,
you can spend your nights
counting the stars,

see how big the sky gets
and how empty it is;

to be filled by
your dreams
as limitless as
thunder in the sky,

look in the mirror,
look yourself in the eyes;
and no more lies;

tell yourself why,
it all made sense that one
night,

not so long ago,
when the lights where
bright, and the time
was slow,

nobody was running,
nothing was
searching, everything
converging, conversing
with the conscience,

there was no science
to hold you back
you made your own;

as you walked away from home
and now it doesn't matter
what you own
you're gone and things
don't remain how they are,

the further you go, the louder
it gets, and you can almost
hear your heart beat,
you'd rather leave the world in a
heart beat,
and never look back,

you've bled what you could
bleed, and now you've slept
enough times that you've made
peace with the sleep;

your eyes have had enough
to read, and now you cannot
stop complaining,
or keep up with the world,
contemplating that they are
all just sheep,


and you've seen enough to feel,
and you've felt all there was
there to steal,

it's everywhere and it seeps
into the veins,
and it breeds a forest;

and you're lost in the
wilderness, bewildered,
ready to sacrifice

so that you can meet
her for one last time

it's in your mind
and it feeds on you
it seeks you whole

your voice is gone
those eyes blind
and the demons
dine on your soul

and now i don't know,
how to find
a world you once told me of

how do i chase the shine ?
my lungs are full,
legs cold

when does this stop,
is there a cure,
where's the doctor ?

i'm caught in my thoughts,
running away from any doors
some were locked by her,
made into walls

and now there are just
too many of them for me to climb,
and i'm not sure
of it all,

if they were ever mine,
castles and ruins
in my mind,

were they ever
mine ?

now that i am
sinking to the ocean's
melancholy floor,

and at the bottom
i find myself lying
to myself,

how i am no more,
and this is all but a dream,

and how i'll wake up
in a scream, and i shall be old.

When I realized that I didn’t want to love you anymore, I realized that I probably never did.