it overtook me
like a wave
washing away my fears
my anger.
i felt nothing,
nothing but calm
still
silent.

i am alone,
but i do not fear loneliness,
for peace is with me,
covering my scars,
shutting my eyes,
and holding me close.

i am alone,
yet i am surrounded
comforted,
peace

look in the mirror,
what do you see?
puffy eyes,
swollen face,
a shell of a girl,
the heart of a girl,
longing to be set free.
the picture of desperation,
clinging to the last bits of hope,
as her heart shatters,
and the blood spills.
there is nothing now...
just the memory of the pain
the abuse,
no happiness,
no light,
just darkness,
eternal darkness.

our lives are all lotteries.
a game of chance,
at best.
we have all succumbed to it,
gambled our freewill away.
to those who haven't,
who are still unchained,
it calls
sit down at the table,
let me deal you a hand
read the fine print
young man,
for once you sit,
you may never leave

They creep in,
like a haunting breeze,
Goosebumps ***** my skin,
my heart sinks,
it tingles as it slides down,
Past despair,
Past the emptiness,
Past the broken promise,
And broken faith.
Those feelings,
I don't wish to feel,
The hope I wanted to have,
The few shreds of faith I cling to,
My dreams,
The future,
I hope
Oh how I hope,
And long,
Long to be a priority...
My heart aches for a free soul.
Lost in the journey of freedom,
Overtaken by the intoxication of new.
I wait though it kills me,
Burns my eyes, and slashes my heart,
Love though it kills me,
My desire for you crushes me,
Leaves me alone at night,
Holding only my dreams and a tear stained pillow.
All I wanted was your love,
Your attention,
You affection.
Give me love,
Or set me free...
Don't let me wait,
**** me now,
Not slowly.

When i meant more than sleep,
when you kissed my lips too hard,
when you loved me too deeply,
and held me in your gaze too long,
when we weren't miles away,
you filled me with love,
that was when i was happy.
Now i wait for you to call,
wait to see if i will fit in with your day,
wait to see if i am worth it,
if i deserve the love you used to give,
i wait,
i always wait,
stuck in a never ending phase of purgatory,
this unrequited love i feel for you,
barred by distance,
feeling alone,
knowing you're there,
but feeling lonely.
stop this.
stop my heart from breaking,
go back in time,
to when i was happy.

You are never home,
only in glimpses,
scarce instances that i live for.
those moments i cherish,
leaving me breathless,
making me certain in love,
but then you are gone.
and i am alone once again,
left to wonder,
were you really there?
or just a figment of my imagination?
like a beautiful dream,
that satisfies the brain
and fulfills the senses,
until morning,
when i awake to reality,
and the bed beside me empty.

How do I fix this?
The shattered remains of an imperfect relationship?
Tell me what tools to use,
I will work for hours,
Rebuild those walls that enclosed us,
My hands will bleed,
My body will sweat,
But it will be worth it in the end,
Because I will have you again.

you don't get to soar,
while i fall,
into myself,
and collapse.
you can't feel happiness,
because I can't.

only..you can...you will..and you are.

You knew I needed you,
you chose not to care.
You knew I was breaking,
you chose to ignore it,
sip a beer,
have a laugh,
avoid caring...
while I drown,
while I suffocate,
spinning into a bottomless void,
of light and dark,
of empty promises,
and broken hope,
into the feelings you never had.

You pledge devotion,
yet you forget to call.
Swear by you love for me,
but you're not all there,
only part way,
when you need me...
for I cannot reach you,
can't even call for you,
I just sit and think,
and cry,
and break.

Tomorrow we will wake up,
in two different worlds.
You with a hangover,
and me with a swollen face.
You naive and giddy,
and me,
weighed down with my heavy heart,
unable to feel anything else.

Please understand my love,
I cannot stay here,
I cannot die here.
I cannot be here.

The promises you made,
the apologies that meant nothing.
The "love" which fell away,
faster than I could fathom goodbye.
Betrayal and lies are all that remain,
The bitter after taste
of a sweet love run dry.
Our cup is empty,
left with only the foam of memories,
hardly covering the depth of time.
You, my love, are gone.
thinking that you're the victor,
believing you beat me at the game of love,
but here I stand sober,
while you down another glass.
A glass of heartache,
of regret,
of loss,
Yet I am *sober

*******,
and you inability to love me.
*******,
and how you've never supported me.
*******,
and your words that cut me.
*******,
and your dead heart that beats me.
*******,
and your traps that trap me.
*******,
and the love you denied me.

But **** me,
For believing you,
For loving you,
For letting you in,
and giving you chances.
Yes, **** me, and my
Stupidity

He steps back,
His heel knocking the bottle,
It wobbles,
And tumbles over.
He does not turn around,
He does not notice.
So it lays there.
Spilling it's contents,
Until it is empty,
No one picks it up,
Sets it right again,
It is empty.
No one will drink from it again,
Because it is contaminated,
Touches the ground,
Left behind.

But I say love those who have felt
Crushing pain,
Agonizing desire,
And utter defeat.
Pick up the fallen,
Because they have lived the most,
They will know how to love,
They will know how to thrive.
After all,
Survival of the fittest,
Is it not?

I do not have all of you,
merely a piece of a complicated puzzle.
The jigsaw of our relationship,
still missing a piece.
You cannot love me as you think you do,
no one can,
that is clear to me.
So I will wait,
for the fog to clear,
for you to see
that I am just temporary,
a girl you use before you find the real thing.
I am just a test,
the pool you dip your toe into,
before diving in headfirst.
I am not that girl.
I will never be that girl.
I am solely temporary.
Forever *temporary

I took a chance
you let me fall.
I let you in
you destroyed my walls.
I loved you once
you wore me thin.
You won my heart,
but lost the game.

You touch my body,
your beautiful hands caress my skin.
Your touch as light as feathers,
yet somehow penetrates my whole existence.
Your touch echoes through me.
I need it.
I crave it.

you are not gone.
your life still goes on,
somewhere that's green.
beyond the torment of death
destruction
and lies,
you live.
You live in the light,
where your face is sun kissed,
beautifully illuminated,
perfectly sculpted.

your smile, still bright
your eyes, still shining
your memory, still burned in my mind,
etched in my heart,
forever burning.
Your life inspired me,
filled me with light and hope,
your death crushed me,
the mystery still kills me,
I'll always miss you,
always love you,
you'll be my Romeo forever

The tears fall slowly,
masked behind a smile.
She is screaming on the inside,
Dying on the inside.
Hide the pain
hide the tears,
Don't flinch when the knife hits
Your heart

You think you know me.
you think you can tell me how to feel
how to think
how to live
But you don't control me.
You can't make me love you.
You don't make me who I am,
*I don't need you

If I could fly,
you'd watch me go
I'd escape the chains that tether me,
break the bonds that hold me,
and fly
in my own rhythm,
to my own beat,
where my heart desires,
because *I am free

I had so many dreams about finding love
the glorious feeling of finding real love,
not the shallow kind,
the kind that lasts and never fades
the feeling that is left after the explosive passion has worn off,
so I continue my search
Alone.

Numb the pain,
dry your tears,
hide the loss,
bury the broken promises.
Conceal your face among those who wander,
lost,
searching for meaning,
from a cure from the emptiness.

I feel it creeping through me,
the sudden urge to scream
to cry out...
but who will listen?
So i write
i type
i let it pour out of me
onto the blank white abyss before me,
that no one will see
because i am alone
struggling to find meaning,
searching for answers,
grasping anything in reach.
But i still fall,
and i am nothing.
left alone to think,
think the never ending thoughts that consume me.

I will not lie,
I still feel the hurt,
Still feel my flesh burn
when I hear her name.
Like a knife to the scars trying to heal,
her name slashes me,
kills me,
defeats me.
And for what?
A two week fling thrown together by mutual heartache?
It pains me still,
wraps me in the embrace of fear,
Of torture.
does he love me?
or is it her?
the voices in my head echo,
across the vast emptiness,
engaging every fear,
triggering every impulse,
making me feel second,
used,
worn,
weathered.