I’m sick of hearing my heart beating
It’s exhausting
I’m tired of breathing

I don’t want to be here
I’ll never **** myself
I just wish I could disappear

I’m tired of existing
I don’t want to be here anymore
Those thoughts that I’m resisting

I wish that I could unexist
I wish that death
Was not the only exit

I wish I could just walk away
I wish I could just leave
And my problems could just stay

I’m not cut out for this
Numbness and emptiness
Whatever happened to bliss?

there are demons
feeding on my darkness
tasting my sins
hiding in my shadows
and whispering in my ear
I’m just having fun
and I don’t plan on stopping
so enjoy the feast

before you
I was hitting carts on the occasional weekend
sorta disloyal to my boyfriend
had a hunger for bullets
that were just begging to fly
and everyday, fighting with my mom made me cry

but then you pulled up on the weekends
started showing me a better life
I was falling out of windows and climbing in your car
started going back to your place
******* off that one roommate
and doing **** I've never done before
we might have taken things too far

when you
pulled up and rolled up
we sparked up
and curled up
we never went out
stayed home
and made out

and we crossed a good line or two
or three
but what the hell
it never bothered me
until we cut a good line or two
or three
soon enough I wasn't only smoking ****
I still thinks its funny how you don't like to drink

room full of smoke

i didn't know beds could be this comfortable
i didn't know you could be this sweet
i didn't know a lot of things before hitting that blunt

but you showed me everything

you showed me another world that i've never seen
you showed me the beauty i didn't know i had
you showed me pleasure i didn't know existed

but you scared me

you drove 40 miles over the limit
you handed me a gun that still had a bullet in it
you wrapped your hand around my throat and squeezed

and i'm scared because...
i loved it.
i've never met that side of me.