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Feb 27 · 417
I loved you
I loved you...

I loved you
And you hurt me

I trusted you
and you lied

You fixed me
just to break me

And now
I’m broken inside

I loved you

I loved you

I love you
Jan 28 · 607
I need you
I’m sad, I’m numb
I’m lonely, I’m numb
I’m in pain, I’m numb
When you’re with me
I’m happy
When you’re with me
I’m loved
When you leave
I’m sad, lonely, in pain
I’m numb
Jan 28 · 1.2k
Inferior
I have always felt inferior to her.
She made sure of that.
She always made comments that shattered my confidence, but then complimented herself and built up her own ego.
I have always struggled with my weight and I’m practically starving myself to obtain a figure that she so effortlessly has.
I look at my stretch marks with wet eyes filled with embarrassment and shame.
I work out and eat healthy food.
I deprive myself of the foods I crave and barely eat enough calories to get me through the day.
She gets to eat whatever she wants, whenever she wants, and she’ll literally lose weight in the process.
I work so hard to keep my job and can barely afford to put gas in my car.
She stays home doing whatever she wants all day and spends money on her daddy’s credit card.
I bust my *** to have good grades and struggle to keep them.
She does all her schoolwork while she’s drunk and high and she still makes the dean’s list.
I try so hard to keep what little I have and she so effortlessly has more than I do.
I just don’t understand how that’s fair.
Why does she deserve it and I don’t?
Toxic best friends are the worst kind because you don't know how to get rid of them.
You tried to touch me,
and I said no.
You still tried and I pushed you away
asking…. no, telling you to leave me alone.
But still, you grabbed me,
like an object that belonged to you.
And when I still said no,
you acted like that was your cue
to grab me again
and do what you do.
You were my best friend
and now I ******* hate you!
I still blame myself for what you did to me.
How is that fair?
It’s been 4 years and I think about it daily.
While you don’t even care.
You ruined high school for me.
I had to see you every day in band.
But I still blame myself,
for not putting you on the stand.
about my ****** assault in 9th grade
I got the school involved, they did nothing despite my concrete evidence
Nov 2020 · 155
broken beauty
Tucked behind the golden locks,
that cascaded down her face
Were the footprints of dancing sunbeams,
that left freckles in their trace

And a pair of vibrant green eyes,
that flowed like twin creeks
Showed that she had been broken,
as they flooded her cheeks

Shattered by a voice, from which,
she could never break free
And he whispered in her ears,
just like the buzzing bee

His voice was rough,
and his every word stung
Much like the devil himself,
he bore a forked tongue

He made her believe, that she,
would never be enough
And he insisted on making,
every day tough

He told her she was damaged,
unwanted and broken
Like a loose seam, she came undone,
with every word spoken

Her glossy green eyes,
behind luscious locks of gold
Fought an unfair war, against the lies,
her anxious mind told
The voice of my anxiety
Apr 2020 · 331
a broken beauty
Tucked behind the golden locks,
that cascaded down her face
Were the footprints of dancing sunbeams,
that left freckles in their trace

And a pair of vibrant green eyes,
that flowed like twin creeks
Showed that she had been broken,
as they flooded her cheeks

Shattered by a voice, from which,
she could never break free
And he whispered in her ears,
just like the buzzing bee

His voice was rough,
and his every word stung
Much like the devil himself,
he bore a forked tongue

He made her believe, that she,
would never be enough
And he insisted on making,
every day tough

He told her she was damaged,
unwanted and broken
Like a loose seam, she came undone,
with every word spoken

Her glossy green eyes,
behind luscious locks of gold
Fought an unfair war, against the lies,
her anxious mind told
feat. the Voice of Anxiety
Apr 2020 · 507
Quarmez
you make me laugh until I snort
and smile like it's your favorite sport
you get me to try new things
and thinking of wedding rings
you have me planning out our life
and dreaming of being your wife
you make me fall in love with you every day
please... say you'll stay
Apr 2020 · 486
tired of repeating
every heart stops beating
not every man's worth meeting
I can see by the cheesy greeting
this conversation's not worth completing
we could be great, but it would be fleeting
in the end, you'll end up cheating
and it'll be this number you're handing me, that I'll be deleting
Feb 2020 · 434
split
I have been through hell, beyond what anyone will truly understand.
There’s emotional damage that’s been done as consequence for having such an open and trusting heart.
I’ve fallen too fast, I’ve loved too easily, and I’ve trusted too many.
I am damaged and broken in ways that will never be mended.
I will never be who others want me to be because that is all that I’ve ever wanted to be.
My friends need me to be their crutch, my parents need me to be their perfectly well-rounded daughter, and the man I’m falling for,
well...
I just want to give him the best of me.
How does one pick and choose who to be for the ones they love, when regardless, the love almost always remains unreciprocated?
I would love to be their perfect daughter, but that’s not who I am.
I would love to be the perfect friend who picks up every call, but for reasons that I cannot control, that cannot be me.
I would love to be cared for, protected, and eventually loved unconditionally by the man who’s almost too perfect to be real.
But, I can't have the one person that makes me truly happy because everything else remains in my way.
I've been damaged,
broken,
bruised,
and used.
All I want is happiness, yet she shall remain a stranger to me until I find my escape from the overwhelming demands of everyone that I care for.
Feb 2020 · 56
You :)
I’ve never been this happy before
You make me smile
And always leave me wanting more

The fear of you being taken from me
It is swallowing me
Being with you seems way too good to be

A tall, sweet, handsome man
How did I win a heart so amazing
I guess I must’ve played one hell of a hand

I’m not too sure how I ever got on without you
But living that way again
Is something that I never wanna have to do
I just found someone so perfect and Idk how I got so lucky.
Feb 2020 · 54
fvck you
You slid up on my snap
You were tryin to tap
You wanted to see
If you’d make this *** clap
You pulled up at my school,
You were wearing a strap
Then some guy called the cops,
Cuz you’ve got a bad rap
Pulled me down on your lap
Said, I’m on the pill
So you said “no cap?”
Trynna make sure
That I ain’t tryna trap
So we ****** with no wrap
Now you treat me like crap
And now you’re just some,
Good-for-nothing scrap
Feb 2020 · 58
you just don't see it
You get mad when I feel
Then tell me it’s alright
But you don’t have a clue
What you’ve put me through
Tonight

You
just don’t
See it and
You won’t

You say we're just friends
But we make out in your car
You’re just behind the wheel
But you still feel
so far

You
just don’t
See it and
You won’t

It wasn’t very fun
Going through this **** before
You say I've got a wall
But I have all
open doors

You
still don’t
See it and
you won’t
Feb 2020 · 63
addict
We spark flames
To feel ecstatic
Our movements erratic
Our breathing like static
To forget we’re rheumatic
We overthink like quadratic
Now we’re sounding pneumatic
Take a hit
And now we’re behaving asthmatic
Like a real fade fanatic
Too ****** for pragmatic
Our mind’s like a dark attic
Where we hide our ****
When we don’t want them to know that we are back at it
Thinking like backward chromatic
Yeah, this **** is thematic
And it’s ******* dramatic
But it’s all schematic
for the bad habits of a using drug addict
Feb 2020 · 235
better off alone
i think i was made, already broken
know every word that goes unspoken
keep it inside like holding the smoke in
choke on the words, and you'll be awoken
Interpret it for yourself as you please >>> written below is my perspective
"choking on the words" references to choking on smoke/coughing, meaning slipping up and unintentionally revealing true feelings
"you'll be awoken" is meant to mean 'you'll become aware of the truth' which is supposed to remain undesired out of fear they will leave
Feb 2020 · 738
never enough
i'm sorry that i'm not enough
i'm sorry you thought this was love
i'm sorry my walls are too tough
i'm sorry i threw down the glove
i'm sorry my edges are rough
i'm sorry when push came to shove
i'm sorry was never enough
Dec 2019 · 538
FML
FML
I have so much to do
yet so little time
not a penny to spend
but there's so much I need to buy
not a dollar in my pocket
and my gas light's on
I need more money
but I work, a minimum wage job
I'm behind in my online class
and can't seem to get it done
I told my mom I've submitted more assignments
when I've only half-completed some
I just failed government
a course I'm required to pass
I might not get to graduate
when all I want to do, is leave high school in the past
I just want to be happy
but lately, even breathing is hard
I need a drink and joint
and I'm still too young for the bar
the stress is like cancer
slowly taking my life away
these days, I don't even sleep
because the anxiety keeps me awake
this is a poem that uses what are called "near rhymes"
Dec 2019 · 322
I like you
my friends all think
that it happened too fast

they keep trying to tell me
that we'll never last

but when I'm with you
it just feels right

and never has someone
made me smile this bright
Dec 2019 · 293
Irrelevant
all this pain I hold
it’s making me numb
it’s like somewhere inside of me
there’s this hole
and it’s just so empty
that all I can feel is alone
Dec 2019 · 203
I’m just done
I’m sick of hearing my heart beating
It’s exhausting
I’m tired of breathing

I don’t want to be here
I’ll never **** myself
I just wish I could disappear

I’m tired of existing
I don’t want to be here anymore
Those thoughts that I’m resisting

I wish that I could unexist
I wish that death
Was not the only exit

I wish I could just walk away
I wish I could just leave
And my problems could just stay

I’m not cut out for this
Numbness and emptiness
Whatever happened to bliss?
i know this was meant to be casual
unimposed by emotion
but that isn't rational

because when you hold me tight
and kiss the back of my shoulder
at the end of the night

i feel something that i shouldn't
and i tried to tell you
but i couldn't
Nov 2019 · 348
They like how I taste
there are demons
feeding on my darkness
tasting my sins
hiding in my shadows
and whispering in my ear
I’m just having fun
and I don’t plan on stopping
so enjoy the feast
Nov 2019 · 570
you f-xxx-ck me up
before you
I was hitting carts on the occasional weekend
sorta disloyal to my boyfriend
had a hunger for bullets
that were just begging to fly
and everyday, fighting with my mom made me cry

but then you pulled up on the weekends
started showing me a better life
I was falling out of windows and climbing in your car
started going back to your place
******* off that one roommate
and doing **** I've never done before
we might have taken things too far

when you
pulled up and rolled up
we sparked up
and curled up
we never went out
stayed home
and made out

and we crossed a good line or two
or three
but what the hell
it never bothered me
until we cut a good line or two
or three
soon enough I wasn't only smoking ****
I still thinks its funny how you don't like to drink
Nov 2019 · 373
you make me scared of me
room full of smoke

i didn't know beds could be this comfortable
i didn't know you could be this sweet
i didn't know a lot of things before hitting that blunt

but you showed me everything

you showed me another world that i've never seen
you showed me the beauty i didn't know i had
you showed me pleasure i didn't know existed

but you scared me

you drove 40 miles over the limit
you handed me a gun that still had a bullet in it
you wrapped your hand around my throat and squeezed

and i'm scared because...
i loved it.
i've never met that side of me.
He didn't actually hurt me, everything was consensual. He just showed me parts of myself, that i never knew were there. He showed me that I have a taste for adrenaline, thrill, spontaneity.
Nov 2019 · 451
pain
pop in the mag
rack the slide
take it off safety
lets go for a ride

pull back that trigger
hear a bang bang bang
another twelve shots
never feel the pain
Nov 2019 · 404
numb
i've been numb for months
but it's not all the time
i can still feel laughter when i find something funny
i can still feel happy when it's all perfect
but i **** near never laugh anymore
and since when has anything ever been perfect?
Nov 2019 · 338
carpooling
if i die
my problems die with me
if i'm gone
they won't even miss me

so why not?
it'll be breezy
kissing this **** goodbye
never felt so easy
step into the street
smiling so cheesy

throw my arms up
like Leonardo Di
wait for a pair of lights
and then just let it hit me
Lucifer is late
was supposed to come and get me
now i'm looking around
like "where the actual hell is he?"
We all have moments where we feel like this. This is just me expressing one of my moments. I won't actually **** myself so don't worry.
Oct 2019 · 1.4k
the Company I Keep
I have a gated community
but I don't have a community

I only have company

I can't be alone in my bed
then I'll be left alone in my head

and this is why my "friends" run from me
Jun 2019 · 853
He took it all away.
There they were…
Lying on the bed, with her head resting below his shoulder. Listening to his heart beat, and praying it never stops. One leg draped over him, almost as if she was afraid he’d free from her embrace and leave. As though her leg were a seat belt holding him in place, keeping him from leaving, and bracing them for the ride of their lives. Her arm resting on his body with her hand on his chest.
There they were…
The safest place she think of.
The most comfortable place for her to lay.
Her favorite place to be.
Their love, shielding them from the chaos of the outside world, but she didn't know that the most destructive chaos would come from him.
When he rips it all away.
This is not about me and my boyfriend, just felt like writing something that might relate to others and express their suppressed emotions. My boyfriend and I are doing well. However, I know the pain I would feel if that was taken from me, so I wrote from fear not from fact.
Jun 2019 · 661
Danger
something's there
i felt its tingle
it felt freeing
non-containable
it hasn't a name
but its something
truly beautiful
it's different
rather sensational
magical perhaps
pure adrenaline
unlike anything else
truly the highest high
what it is
or was
i know not
i simply know
i want more
I'm a total wuss but I'm also ADHD af and as a result, I love the idea of adventure. I'm sort of a thrill-seeker I guess.
Jun 2019 · 1.3k
Feel Less Empty
something empty
in my life
feels less empty
when i write
Jun 2019 · 435
The Voice of My Anxiety
It’s always a battle with you
I try to stand up, and you’re always there to kick me down again
You beat me down and I just lie there and take it
A right swing to my body image, an uppercut to my confidence

I’m never allowed to be happy
And God forbid I feel beautiful for once
You make me out to be this obnoxious person that nobody can stand
But I don’t see you with any friends, and no one’s coming to your defense

You tell me that I annoy all my friends and they’ll all betray me
Yet you never fail to be first in line for taking a swing at me
Always whispering in my ear and telling me that nobody has ever really liked me
But you have always been the first to bash me for being who I am

Maybe I’m really not all that bad
Maybe I’m really ******* fantastic
And maybe you’re just scared that I’ll figure it out and you’ll be forgotten
Because you’re nothing but an irrelevant voice constantly fighting to keep itself heard

You are the voice of my anxiety
You exist because I do
And without me, you are nothing
But without you, I can be happy

I am all you have
I give your voice life and I give it meaning
You are nothing but what I allow you to be
You say I’m nothing, but you are nothing without me
Jun 2019 · 272
The Darkness is My Light
Darker than a starless sky,
Soft like raindrops on roses,
Sensing my silent cry,
Your love imposes,

Black cat in the night,
A shadow of the love I long to feel,
A shadow for a light,
An immoral appeal,

My obsidian soul,
Comforted by your dark affection,
Beauty black like coal,
My soul’s chance for resurrection,

My knight in silk smooth black,
My only protection,
My life, so far off-track,
An empty reflection,

Black ink,
In the pen of night,
Interlink,
Give forth light,

Green glowing eyes so glorious,
Gregariously guide me through the dark,
The journey ever so laborious,
But joy we shall embark
my friend says this is about her kitties, but it's not

this is about how some see our inner darkness as evil and bad, but we can embrace it and allow it to guide us much like light does
May 2019 · 312
Free
The wind whistling, through the trees,
Your face tingling, in the sun beams,
The glimmer of raindrops, on wildflowers,
Beautiful clouds, filling the empty hours,
Grains of sand, trickling down,
to the bottom of the glass,
The scratch of the lighter, as you light your smoke,
and prepare to pass,
The longing desire, for the next inhale,
Keep the lighter ready, if the joint is stale,
Simple pleasures, fulfilling empty desire,
Twinkling eyes, gaze at the fire,
The weight has lifted,
it’s never been so light,
Another deep breath,
watch the joint glow bright,
The air has never, smelled so sweet,
This pine forest, is your new retreat,
Steady yourself, at the base of a tree,
For the first time, you are free.
"Grains of sand trickling down, to the bottom of the glass" the "glass" is an hourglass referencing to time which is mentioned more than one in this poem. It is a play on how we all are so worried about time and it going by too fast or too slow, but with one cloudy inhale we can stop worrying about it all together, and truly appreciate the little things. Little things like the sound of wind, the smell of trees, the glimmer of raindrops on flower petals.
Mankind’s obsession with wealth is what created the mass destruction of the natural world.
The greed of mankind,
leading to inhumane acts against the world,
in which we all live.
Our eager appetite for wealth,
unable to contain itself,
loses control of our greedy hands,
that do nothing but take and never give.
We chop down trees,
stealing the homes of innocent creatures.
We tear into the Earth like a one year old into a birthday cake,
and we expect no consequence in return.
We throw garbage on to flowers that once flourished,
and let the creatures choke on it to their demise.
We force the Earth to relinquish its beauty,
so that we may build our shopping malls and highways upon it.
We confiscate anything natural about this world and destroy it.
Doing so,
with the carelessness of a hand brushing away spilled grains of salt,
off the edge of a table at a truck stop.
Our destructive actions do not come without consequence,
no matter how hard we ignore it.

As horrific as it sounds,
it’s not the greatest challenge mankind has had to face.
No,
that trophy is reserved for mankind’s violence.
For centuries we have waged wars on our neighbors,
slaughtering anyone who does not agree with our way of life.
We have taken women and children captive,
making them our prisoners of war.
We have brutally murdered husbands,
brothers and sons,
and sent ours to do so.
Our only "improvement" made,
is now sending the mothers,
sisters and daughters with them.
All while our nations relish in the glory of their chance-medley.
But now,
school shootings take residency in,
what used to be vacant fears.
Nobody can truly understand why humanity lacks so much humanity.
Why humans are the only creature that can be so inhumane.
No one can explain why these terrible and God awful acts of violence continue to occur.
That is why if you ask,
the only response you’ll ever find is
“they have a twisted mentality.”
But tell that to the hunter keeping populations steady.
Tell that to men destroying the Earth with more destruction for man’s construction.
Tell that to the politicians who think taking away our right to bare arms and protect our families,
will protect our families from being taken from us while they’re at school or a concert.
Tell that to the former president who negotiated with terrorists to save a few American men.
You can’t,
because some inhumane acts have a slightly humane justification. Whether we agree with them or not,
it’s only human.
Being a little inhumane and still humane,
is only human.
I wrote this as an essay for school and simply removed all of my cited sources and quotes. Now it contains nobody's work but my own. I know it is long, but it is worth the read.
Jan 2019 · 200
The Story Of How We Met
my anxiety had consumed me
i was looking for an out
my friends said you were the key
that, i didn't doubt

i was worried it could be risky
but my friends said it was time
said you worked better than whiskey
and you're taste was sublime

my friends all tried to claim
my troubles would be gone
soon like a moth to a flame
to you i was drawn

my confidence was frail
but my willingness had shifted
and with one deep inhale
my troubles were lifted

i was laughing and happy
and it all felt so great
my life had been really ******
you took away the pain, fear, and hate

why are you illegal
when you bless us so
you give us a feeling so regal
and let our smiles show

you remove all of our pain and hurt
to let us be happy for an hour
you pick our self esteems up out of the dirt
and let us appreciate the beauty in a flower

you allow us to appreciate
sight, smell, sound, touch and taste
as our lives depreciate
and more troubles are faced

our meeting was fateful
you let me be a happier me
i am forever grateful
for how you set me free
This is entirely up for your interpretation, however, I did write it about me going green.
Jan 2019 · 379
Anxiety
his words destroy me
he beats me till i'm blue
he knows i want to be free
he's stuck to me like glue

he stands on top of me when i'm down
even though he knows that i can't breathe
he swallows me up until i drown
his abuse is killing me

he laughs at me when i fall
when he's the one doing the tripping
he never lets me stand tall
its my self esteem that he's gripping

he tells me only lies
i have no choice but to listen
he tells me i'm growing a size
now my health's under demolition

he says nobody really likes me
he says i'm stupid and i'll fail
he laughs at every hopeful plea
he says i'll break my scale

he beats me till i'm black and blue
then he laughs if i bleed
i'm starting to think that it's all true
now i know i can't be freed
This isn't about being actually abused! This is about what anxiety disorder tells me every day.
Jan 2019 · 2.1k
Glistening (bonus)
glistening
morning dew

the sky
a golden hue

you’re in bed
with someone new

you are in love
with only you

you say we’re done playing
this hurtful little game

ruining the reputations
of both our names

but when I suggest
we start taking things serious

you respond by telling me
that you are still curious

about the bodies with which
you haven’t yet had sx

every time you say it, you break me
like I’m one of your objects

you think I don’t know you?
we’ve already met

took me a while
didn’t realize at the outset

your face is different
now you’re a brunette

but the game’s always the same
and it hasn’t changed yet

say whatever you can
just to make her wet

say what she wants to hear
and what you want, you’ll get

“tell her she’s the only one you’re talking to
her dress might hit the floor”

“tell her that you care
she might let you make her sore”

“tell her you can’t breathe without her
she might let you go hrdcre”

“but if you tell her that you love her……….
then you’re guaranteed to score”

so I know what you do
and I know who you are

and right now you’re in bed
with Red Crop Top from the bar

she’s still sleeping so you text me
“I love you,” with a heart

wow...
even Pinocchio’s nose couldn’t stretch that far

you’re in bed
with someone new

so the blame
goes to you

because I can’t be happy
without you

but I can’t be happy
with you too

you break hearts and promises
it makes me blue

if only I could
get over you

I can’t get over
while I’m still under

you’ll never love me
that will be your greatest blunder

you make my heart break
can you hear its thunder

I wanna text back
but you’re with her

I’m sure last night
is still a blur

quick! put the phone down
she’s beginning to stir

she’ll say “good morning”
with a seductive purr

you’ll search your mind for a name
but you can’t remember her

“was she really worth my pain?”
my mind will wonder

but I decide to reply…..
“I love you too”

glistening
morning dew

the sky
a golden hue

and you’re in bed
with someone new
This is the same poem as my poem Glistening, but this includes extra verses, a more emotional and powerful ending, and the rearrangement of some verses.
Jan 2019 · 632
Glistening
glistening
morning dew

the sky
a golden hue

you’re in bed
with someone new

you are in love
with only you

you say we’re done playing
this hurtful little game

ruining the reputations
of both our names

but when I suggest
we start taking things serious

you respond by telling me
that you are still curious

about the bodies with which
you haven’t yet had ***

every time you say it, you break me
like I’m one of your objects

you think I don’t know you
but I’ve met you before

“tell her that you care
she might let you make her sore”

“tell her she’s the only one you’re talking to
her dress might hit the floor”

“tell her you can’t breathe without her
she might let you go *******”

“but if you tell her that you love her……….
then you’re guaranteed to score”

so I know what you do
and I know who you are

and right now you’re in bed
with Red Crop Top from the bar

she’s still sleeping so you text me
“I love you,” with a heart

wow…
even Pinocchio’s nose couldn’t stretch that far

you’re in bed
with someone new

so the blame
goes to you

because I can’t be happy
without you

but I can’t be happy
with you too

you break hearts and promises
it makes me blue

if only I could
get over you

I can’t get over
while I’m still under

you make my heart break
can you hear its thunder?

I want to text you
but you’re still with her

I’m sure last night
is still a blur

quick! put the phone down
she’s beginning to stir

she’ll say “good morning”
with a seductive purr

searching your mind for a name
but you can’t remember her

was she really worth it
my mind will wonder

glistening
morning dew

the sky
a golden hue

and you’re in bed
with someone new

— The End —