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578 · Jun 2020
astray
Gigi Jun 2020
Tired
so tired
keep going
I am going
don't push so hard
stop I am trying
go further
further where
the road stops here
then die
how morbid
not die but let the wind take you
how do I do that?
die inside
then you will peak
will I no longer be tired?
Sure...
then I just might die...
Neutral is the safest emotion...
267 · Jun 2020
I Wish I Were Like You
Gigi Jun 2020
I am putting boundaries between you and I
For I have lived my whole life tiptoeing under your Eye
Terrified the wrong choice would be my demise
Or following my heart could be the Devil in disguise
Whispering like Your Angels while robbing me blind
I'd stick to the written scribe
Wasting my yes's on no's, life passing me by
I never chose astray nervous our ties would be untied
Devoted yet not ready to be with You and die...
But I see now that every no was a lie
For the yes in my heart had been the right answer the whole time
Your essence forms this poem as it flows from my mind
And my anxious imperfection You witnessed all along by my side

I wish I had known we were One from the start
For I would have dropped the fear and finally chose from my heart
257 · Jun 2020
Little Girl
Gigi Jun 2020
Little girl will you come play with me?
These men you seek are not as they seem
Your hand is too close to that stove burning ever so bright
Little girl please stay close to my light

Little girl will you come play with me?
I can't see you behind the neon colored gleam
You need attention from the man in the white coat
Little girl hold me tight before you begin to float

Little girl will you come play with me?
It seems that I lost you while I was escaping in my dreams
You let me forget I was the reason for your good and bad
Little girl please let me in so I can take away your sad

Little girl will you come play with me?
Your dark rims reveal eyes that can't scream
Allow me to check in so I can finish my job
Little girl open that door unlock the ****

Little girl will you come play with me?
This time could be like old but we're on different teams
You hiss at my pride to which I ignore
Little girl I left because you would not open the door

Little girl will you come play with me?
I failed as your mother and I want to be redeemed
For a child is a child despite the height
Little girl I'm ready to be your daughter this night
233 · Jun 2020
All Kinds, Just Not Yours
Gigi Jun 2020
I like you but I...
stop
I want to be with you but I...
no
Maybe we can try...
let it go
I love to be in your arms...
they're not the right kind
Nevermind, I can’t do this...
just tell him you want a girl
190 · Jun 2020
Dis-Ease
Gigi Jun 2020
Feathers flown about
Dark Ravens claw their way out
Above the surface past the overbrush
Wretched, drenched, lash
Out to the epitome of darkness
The King, their Lord it is what they harness
Where the light cannot touch
Wriggling, squirming dying to clutch
Time, tied firmly to roots of their own demise
They seek solitude through a long, blistering ride
One too many flew the coop, itching to touch the sky
But home is too far away in a time not solidified
Feathers flow about in search for something new
Ravens lost in mist searching for what was never true
I get lost in my imagination sometimes thinking it's better, then I realize it's the root of all my depression....
183 · Jun 2020
Fake
Gigi Jun 2020
What does it mean to be
alive in such a fake world
You hold me close
blushing cheeks
entangled arms
giddy laughter
to which your dark clouds reply
Run
Your storm provides indeed
I just wish for once
the excitement was real
Your love was real
The World was real
free to be you
free to be me

Oh what a wonderful world
it would be
we all have secrets, but our subconscious suffering hurts others as we pretend to be someone, or something, we are not.
137 · Jun 2020
Unfortunate Fortunes
Gigi Jun 2020
Come Dear Child, Sit Close To Me Let Us Find What You Seek...

Back in time to the moment I was scarred
No further than that and you will see where I had scold
Further and faster to past lives unrecorded
Document their fall so my punishment is according

No further than that! I need to see where I fell too!
Bring me back to the moment I couldn't have possibly knew
Knew that I would be damaged beyond repair
Please show me where I was hurt, the beginning of all this despair!

No Child, Come To This Moment In Time
Slower, slower, just about a place not exactly sublime
Ah, Yes Here We Are Your First Heart Break
No, no not that moment dear woman please
I need to heal that broken part where I lost my peace!

I had traveled far and wide for the peace of mind stolen
Why won't you show me where it is I was broken?
I am trying to unknot the knot in my lifeline
Why are you so adamant on killing my only supply?

With a heavy sigh and a drawn out frown
She whispered so lightly Child Slow Down
Your Hurt Was Never Part of the Past
The Part That Had Shattered Was Part of Your Last...

Your Last Meal
Your Last Relationship
Your Last Shower to Bathe

My Child Don't You See?
What Was Broken Is Who You Are Now, and Who You Were Never Meant to Be
Gigi Jun 2020
It was my minds noisy blisters that scratched at the mends in my heart
And when I felt as though the wounds healed, you reminded me they did not

I had forgotten your touch long before we had ended
But it was the smell of morning coffee and the crunch of leaves that reprimanded

I want to see your call and hear you ask how my trip is going
But my phone never rings, except when you ruse the middle man in so doing

When I answer the phone it is on your behalf, as always, you fear your own soft
I know it neither you nor I that holds on, it is the mountains of dreams that never reached aloft

I can still see your crooked nose pushed funny in the mirror to slick out the bumps
And I feel your hands slide up my thighs as I lightly dab at my makeup clumps

I know you are gone, because I am the one who sent you away
I just wish I learned to love someone, someone who actually cared the same way

You were not my first but the only one to dance to Patsy Cline under the light of the stars
And I learned to give you everything, and you gave all of what you truly are

My arms spread out wide and caught your fists of broken parents, your childhood dreams crushed
My laughter halted as I felt the tears slide down before my emotions had the chance to respond in rush

I can’t say I didn’t love you, crooked nose and all
But I can say what love taught me, how to love and what true love is in all

And although I learned the hard way, both you and all in my life
I stopped turning the blame to myself, and taught myself love, the love I had learned from your sad and havoc life.
Break ups make good poetry

— The End —