Someone asked me about you today. So I had to play through the story again. And it's still just as painful as the first time. So I fished out from the very back of a drawer, that bracelet you bought me. It hadn't been touched for months yet it glittered despite it's collecting dust. Kind of like how my heart swells when I hear your name, but my mind always reminds me that you left and I shove the part of my heart that still loves you farther back to continue collecting dust until someone brings you up again. But beneath that dust laced with pain and bittersweet memories, that part of my heart still shines for you. Just like that bracelet.

I'm not your girlfriend
I'm not your wife
I will never be your girlfriend
Not in this life
Your incessant flirting makes me cringe
You won't respect my wishes
Please go find another girl
The sea is full of fishes
Stop calling me your girlfriend
Don't put your wandering hands on my thigh
I don't even know you
And I'm definitely not willing to try
Quit calling me baby
That's not my name
I know what you're trying to get
And I don't play that game

I have grown so accustomed to being alone
I crave the solitary nature
But I wouldnt mind spending alone time with you
And planning out our future
Because you're not just another human
So carelessly wasting my time
You're a part of me
And I'd love to call you mine.

There's a world in your eyes
Such a lonely place
With silvery skies
A kingdom of misery
Adorned with golden lies
Floating on an inky black sea
White nothingness
Surrounds this place
Beneath the lashes
On your face

I don't know where I am anymore. And I don't know what to do. I don't know why it hurts. And I don't know why I love you. My heart has been twisted. My world turned around. I'm sick from the sudden changes. And I can't seem to put my feet on the ground. I think I'm having withdrawals. Or maybe I'm sick of the pain you bring. It may seem pathetic that I can't let go. But I can't deny how you made my heart sing. Maybe it sounds like a sad fairy tale for a reason. The stroke of midnight took you away. You disappeared without a trace. I never got to speak the words I craved to say. Maybe falling down the rabbit hole is my only way out. Maybe, just maybe, the deeper I fall... Your memories won't haunt me. No pain left at all. So I'll let myself drift. Through the confusion and wonder. When I find the ground there may be hope. Hope to break this sick spell I'm under.

I cannot forget you. I think... No, I know, fate sent you to me. I love you. The way you've never left my head since the moment we met - over three years ago, proves that. I ache from the way I miss you. Your image has seared itself into my mind and your face forever haunts my every thought. Every waking moment and every moment I'm asleep, I think of you. I cannot escape the sound of your voice and I'm afraid I don't want to. I don't even know if you feel any sort of reciprocation of these feelings but god, I hope you do. Or I hope that you will. You told me you loved me before and I don't even care if you love me now. I was a child when you knew me. I can only hope to know you again, as an adult now. Not so young and naive. Older and wiser and still hopelessly in love with you. And although you've gone from me now I still pray, hope, wish that fate will bring you back. They say if you love something, let it go; if it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't it was never yours to begin with. So I hand this to fate and hope that something will bring you back to me.

I once asked you what your favorite things were.
Your favorite movies, songs, books, places, people...
I was hoping my name would make that list somewhere amongst the things you held dear to your heart.
But everything's changed in such a short little year.
And now I wonder, if someone asks you if you have any regrets, people you wish you'd never spoken to, or situations you wish you'd never been in.
Will my name be on that list?

None

Your name tastes sweet like cotton candy
When it rolls off my tongue into your ear
Something you can't help but to want more of
Every time you hear
Your smile is dangerously beautiful
Like a wild rose
I've tried to hide how much I love you
But everyone knows
Our paths were breathtakingly close
But they never met
Until that perfect moment
When the time was set
I never knew head over heels
Until you turned my world upside down
Now my feet
Are over my crown
But the worlds more beautiful like this
Upside down, turned over, a different way
To see everything anew
Forever is how long I plan to stay
Head over heels
In love with you.

I can't fake a smile anymore. 18 years and I'm just too tired. I can't keep ruining things with the way I am. I really tried. For a long time, I did. But it's too much now, so I'm letting go. Letting it all go. Because it's too much weight to bear anymore.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't want you to stumble upon my poetry some day.
I want you to know how much of this I write for you, and you alone.
I write out the words I can never seem to say.
And I don't have the courage to call you on the telephone.
I love you.
More than the night loves the stars.
I need you.
More than New York City needs subway cars.
I miss you.
More than the moon misses the sun.
I ache for you.
More than legs ache after they run.

We fight fire with fire
Only to create more flame
Tempers rise higher and higher
Who's really to blame?
Our fights you see,
They cause more harm.
But anger comes so naturally
Rage paired with a fiery arm
The bombs ignite
The people flee
Smoke blurring their sight
A desolate land as far as the eye can see
Innocent families lie dead in their grave
America's fee
For fighting the home of the brave.
Back and forth the cycle goes on
Continuous fire and war
No one will admit they're wrong
What happened to the peace before?
Who sent it to hell
To live with all the fire
That never worked too well
Bring it back up above
To calm all the hate
To spread the love
To negotiate.
No blood
No flame
No flood
It's tame
Peace as far as the eye can see
One day we'll look back and say
Can you remember that day
That we fought so recklessly?

Was that you, my dear?
It was so brief
I hardly caught a glimpse
Why, it's been a year
Would you recognize me?
Have I grown too much?
I have this agonizing fear
That perhaps you don't want
To see me at all
And if you happen to peer
In my direction
And I catch your gaze
Would you sneer?
And look the other way?
Or would your heart still flutter
Hit by cupid's spear
So many possibilities
That brief moment could cause
And as I sit here
Contemplating the outcomes of a fleeting moment with you
I can't help but wonder
If you contemplate them too.

Forget me not
I cant
Forget me not
You left your mark
Forget me not
I never will
Forget me not
I wish I could
Forget me not
You cut too deep
Forget me not
The pain may fade
Forget me not
The scars will remain
Forget me not
I'll throw you away.
Forget me not
The blade seemed to whisper.
Forget me not
It fell
Forget me not*
Straight to Hell.

Am I delirious
To think you'll ever come back?
It's been far too long
And I know that
You've long forgotten me now
But a part of me still hangs on
To the memory of you
And that makes it almost impossible
To forget you too

I'm writing this for your heart of steel
I hope to be eloquent enough
I want it to make you feel
These words that pour
From the back of my mind
Are like downtown girls
That don't mix with your uptown kind
I'll figure out how to tell you
That you remind me of a star
That burning light that you can almost reach
But it's a bit too far
I'll tell you in a way
That you just can't resist
And if it doesn't work
I'll just persist
Your eyes like the emerald city
Wild, fierce, and unknown
Your voice peals like bells
Such a magnificent tone
How do I convey to you
How fast my heart pumps
I catch a brief glimpse of you
And it automatically jumps
You leave me intoxicated
Breathless to say the least
My eyes are hungry
And on you they feast
To describe your elegance
Would be to describe a color that's not seen
All my life
Where has someone this perfect been
Four years seems so short
In the grand scheme of it all
It took so little time
For me to fall

**** me
Just let me go
**** that part of me
That lives on in your soul
I can not
Live on anymore
Tear me out
Don't heal the sore
Let me go
Just let me leave
I'm begging you
To believe
I loved you once
I swear I did
I never lied
But you always did

I don't know who I am when you're gone. Because I found my missing puzzle piece in the palm of your hand and when I held it I was complete. But you left without warning so I'm empty and mourning in this cold house with no heat. You told me I was your angel but your words were so hollow. I'm not sure I believe you and I can't seem to swallow my tears anymore. I still wear that ring that you gave me on my birthday and it reminds me of the things I'm dying to tell you that I just can't say. You're so close to me yet farther away than ever before and I can't help but to sit here and wonder why you closed this door. So while I'm trying to pick up the pieces of my heart, your memory is just tearing me apart. I love you still and I always will I just cant remember why I do, but I'll never forget you.

Go a day
Without your phone
Observe nature
You're not alone
Hear the wind
Whisper through the trees
Let it in
That feeling of ease
Don't tweet about it
Don't Facebook check in
Just let the sunlight
Dance on your skin

You're a dork
I kind of hate you
But gosh, you're cute
I'd really like to date you
You never get the hint
Where are you when I'm alone?
Would it absolutely **** you
To once in a while check your phone?
Are you really that unaware
That my heart beats for you?
That every time I leave my house
I search the city streets for you?
How many different ways
Can I spell it out?
I l-o-v-e you
Without a doubt
You **** me off
More than anyone else around
But when I'm without you I'm lost
And when I'm with you I'm found
I hate that I love you
But it seems that I do
So maybe, just maybe
Could you love me too?

I still wait for it, you know.
That tiny sign that you still care.
You could merely say hello to me.
And I'd be happy beyond compare.
Please don't forget me.
I'm losing my faith in you.
I'm scared that I never meant anything.
Please don't let that be true.
I loved you, with everything I had.
You owned my heart for three whole years.
I gave you everything I could.
And all you gave me was an endless supply of tears.
Was I really that easy to forget?
You called me your angel.
I thought you'd never tell me a lie.
But now I see you weren't being truthful.
And this really is goodbye..

Hello.. I miss you
More than I ever could've imagined
Memories are flooding my brain
Is this part of the healing process?
Who knew it'd take six months to heal
I just don't understand
I have so many questions that you left unanswered
Did you forget about me?
Did I really mean so little to you?
Did I do something wrong?
Are you ignoring me on purpose?
Do you really not know how much you meant to me?
Mean to me...?

I think I'll start introducing
Myself as "not good enough"
That's the thing
Never have been
I never will be
Hello My Name Is
Never good enough me
First name never
Last name enough
Being this way
It's pretty tough
But I might as well
Be honest right of the bat
Yeah, I'm not good enough
Thought I should tell you that.

I always fall in love with the wrong person.
In the most ridiculous scenarios.
My heart just decides to fall.
And it falls for someone so wrong.
And so impossible.
That it's almost comical.
Almost.
It always hurts.
And I try to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.
But, God, it just ******* hurts too much.

I buy myself nice things
And go nice places
All to fill this gaping hole in my heart
I continually try and fill it up
With little things
Empty promises
Beautiful lies
Yet the hole only grows bigger
And consumes what I try to fill it with
Like a ravenous animal
And I end up empty hearted
Like usual.

Goodbye to you
Sweet hopeless dream
Our story wasn't meant for two
Not a shimmer, not an inlkling, not a gleam
Of sadness in your eye
As I slowly walk away
Breaking the tie
That held us day by day
Unwinding endlessly
The knots come undone
Completely, utterly, helplessly
Fading in the sun
Our love used to be bright
Magnificently colorful and wild
It's turned dim, no light
Unbearably mild
Maybe I'll miss you
When I feel that imprint you left on me
But now were through
And I am free

I crave my head cradled in your neck
To look up from that safe place
And stare into your eyes of golden flecks
I want our fingers to intertwine
And my scent to linger on your everything
I want to sleep close to you
And listen to our rhythmic breathing
I want the moon to be in my heart
And the stars to be in your eyes
Because we wish on stars to give us hope
And you're where my hope lies

What sets us apart as humans?
Our vast knowledge of things that don't matter
Perhaps
The common core standards that textbooks preach
Maybe
Our self absorbed selective minds
Or
The fact that we cut our skin to feel beautiful
Quite possibly
The way we document every little thing we do
Or maybe
The way we measure our worth in the number
of likes on that selfie we posted
But I think
Aside from the flawed society we live in
What truly sets us apart
Is our craving for love
The need to give it
And receive it
And whether or not that's a good thing
I've yet to decide

I take a cigarette out of the pack
Flip it over and put it back
I don't even smoke
And I'm too broke
To try and start
But there's this feeling in my heart
Of loneliness and I'm scared
But this nicotine makes me feel like someone cares
So I puff and listen to the sounds of the city
Wishing I felt pretty
Like the lights that dance on the asphalt
And I know it's my fault
That I feel this way
But there's too much I need to say
To get out of this black hole
& I'm not sure I have enough strength in my soul
Filled with smoke and nicotine
And I'm barely eighteen
And I don't know if I can live a lifetime like this
Completely and utterly emotionless

I'm not me for you.
I didn't cut my hair for you.
I didn't put on mascara for you.
I didn't put on this dress for you.
I didn't put on my heels for you.
I didn't write this poem for you.
I'm not living for you.
I'm living for me.
So drop your narcissity.

It's not that I don't trust you
It's just memories of the past
Warn me not to

Light it.
Inhale.
Cough it.
Exhale.
I do it.
To ease.
The pain it.
Hurts to breathe.

My skin
Snowy porcelain
Scarlet soils
My Snow White complexion
You're the bandage
To my destructive self image
I cut deeper
You try harder
To paint my smile back on my face
Wipe away all the tears without a trace
From so far away
You keep me warm
When I'm cold and done
You're my sun
Your tongue speaks only truth
To me you are honest
I trust your love
You're my blessing from above
Come to save me from myself
Just by caring for me
Your love gives me hope
Keeps me from letting go of my rope

I wasn't ready.
I wasn't ready for your emerald eyes to bat their way into my heart. I wasn't ready for my world to revolve around you. I wasn't ready for you to act like you cared. I wasn't ready to have you rip yourself away from me after I'd grown attached. I wasn't ready to try and develop a new habit to forget about my habit of loving you. I wasn't prepared for all the pain that comes from withdrawals. I wasn't ready to be used. I wasn't ready to be thrown away. I wasn't ready to battle these recurring dreams of me in your arms. I wasn't ready for my fantasy to be shattered by the harsh, cold, reality that you never cared.
I wasn't ready.
But who ever is?

The lies
do they ever stop?
your eyes
filled with deception
your heart
fed by evil
your art
the wretched masterpiece
you carved
with my soul
mutilated
manipulated
annihilated  
hole
you left behind
where my heart used to be
your lies in my mind
wont let me break free
I'm stronger
more so than you
I'll repair myself
that's what I'll do
heard she's doing to you
what you did to me
is it true?
You need me now?
think I'll come back?
to save your soul
that you so sadly lack?
Well dear, sorry to say.
Karma's a *****
but only with *******
does it play.

You've left me
Not in anger
Not in sandness
I fear you've left me
In the worst way possible
In utter disinterest
I fear you got tired of me
My babbling that morphs
Into inexplicably cold nature
So unsure of myself
Anxiety ridden
You don't seem to care anymore
I'm not sure if I miss you
Like I miss her
Because I had this nagging feeling
All along
That you would soon grow tired
And weary of me
And pack your things
And leave me here
Without a second look.

Can't you see? Are you truly so blind?
The negativity that flows from your venomous lips only further poisons the world. Don't make anyone feel ashamed for loving something or someone. Whether you agree with it or not. Love is the cure, the answer, and the light in this world. Don't stamp out someone's light. Don't feed the darkness. Feed your light and let other's lights grow and watch the world become a bright and happy place.

Do I dare?
Tell you how I feel?
Should I?
How do I show that it's real?
My love?
Do I let it be known?
For you?
Can you see how it's grown?
Can I?
Let the words come out?
Will I?
Why am I so filled with doubt?  
Love?
Shouldn't it be easy?
Please?
Promise you won't tease me?
Will you?
Let me know?
Do you love me?
Like winter loves snow?

Lonely
L for leaves that fell too early
O for orange colors speckled in with green
N for new buds forming on rose bushes
E for ever changing scenery
L for lazy Sundays spent in the meadow
Y for young flowers sprouting
Lonely me.
In a lonely world.

To being 18 and insecure
Every day fighting more and more
Love hurts worse every time
Losing myself in a poem's rhyme

Missing you always
Endless nights and tiresome days

Your voice echoes in my brain
Over and over, again and again
Useless feelings, my insecurities reign

Covering up my scars
And frequenting bars
Really it's not that great
E**ighteen is just ten years of misery, plus eight.

Look down
No eye contact
Why is he looking at me
like that?
Look down
Keep a fast pace
I wonder if he
can hear my heart race?
Look down
You're overreacting
But you're such a
delicate young thing.
Look down
You're easy prey
desperately trying to
remember what they say.
Look down
get in your car
Drive away fast
drive away far.
Look back
he carried a gun
heart racing,
the battle's been won.

Love
Four letters
One syllable
No meaning.

I'm done with you
Completely through
Calling me when you feel alone
But I'm too busy to answer the phone
It's final, your turn is up
You blew it, buttercup
Don't come crying to me
My love's not free
Sorry babe, you shot your chance
No time for one last dance
I'm walking out the door
Love doesn't live here anymore

Don't put on your red light
Baby there's no need tonight
Your love's for sale
So you feel like you can't fail
But honey this isn't what you need
Don't make me beg, don't make me plead
You're an angel among monsters
Your nights run together in a blur
Don't do this to yourself anymore
Just walk away and close that door

I don't see a need in a definition
Why do I have to define my love?
Can't I just fall freely
With whom I choose
Or rather
My heart chooses
I think everyone's beautiful
And interesting
And worth loving
So if I fall in love with a girl
Because she amazes me
And makes my heart flutter
Why is that different
Than if I were to fall in love with a boy?
What's so unnatural about love?
Is love so bad?

Magic spells
Casting enchantments
Only time tells
If wishes come true

Voodoo hexes
To destroy
What wrecks us
Try the witches brew

Magic genie
Grants three wishes
Do you see
They're all for you

Pixie dust
For extra luck
Because I must
Start anew

Magic wand
Spell book bindings
I'm quite fond
Of loving you  

Your drink I mix
Love potion
For a quick fix
To make your heart true

After all the spells
Enchantments
Hexes
Potions
And brews
It seems now
You love me too.

I feel like we use our body for the wrong things. We see the ugliness of the world, speak negativity, hear the negativity that others speak and feel sad because of it and it becomes a vicious cycle. I think if we used our eyes to see the beauty in everything and everyone, used our mouths to speak only positive messages, used our ears to listen to others and their positivity, and felt as much happiness as we possibly could, maybe the world would be a better place.

Your kindness befuddled me.
My coldness melted by your warmth.
You barely know me.
Yet you seem to care.