Something breaks just around the bend
Longing is overturned
Replaced with a dull sort of fear
An impending sadness
Beauty, though gleaming with violence
Surrounds a thoughtful desire
Lust grows and swells
Bitter metallic love tastes sweet on starved tongues
Blood is no longer just red
But stunningly gone

It's hard not to long for it
When it makes me feel so warm
When I have been cold for so long
I fall so easily
I love so completely
If you would just stay
If only someone would just stay they’d see it
I am perpetually in the honeymoon phase
The affection gets me high
And I spend the rest of my days wanting hit after hit
I am full of passion, full of desire
All-or-nothing behavior
Maybe that's why everyone leaves
I'm too much, always have been
I have been love-sick for as long as I can remember
Truly I hate my hopeless romantic nature
Its nothing but a pit to fall into again and again
Still, I walk on
Continue to prevail despite it all
But I’ll tell you a secret
I do not want to win this battle
Not at all

Pack your things in a box painted blue
In a shoe box you found in the back of the closet
Your school bag and the purse your sister loved
We are leaving behind the memories
Leave these cold nights and drive through the woods
Find a lake to drown in and throw your family picture in too
Get out of the water still breathing
Still just barely alive
We can kiss under the stars
Love in the night as we leave everything we once knew
Home doesn't have to be a place
And it sure as hell isn't a person
But maybe the feeling you give me is
Lets thrive on nothing my dear
We can be more than just our family
Become the stars with me
I'd like to burn

Its terrifying here
The kind of cold that makes your bones ache
Is this hell?
Is this some kind of agony?
Am I still drowning?
They say that drowning is horrible if you hold your breath
But if you give up and inhale the water
You get some kind of relief
Your brain is starved of oxygen
Your lungs fill to full capacity
Why does it feel so tempting?
The salt water stings your eyes
There's nothing left to hope for
Nothing left to breathe
You can pray to god
Or you can curse him for a remedy
But you still drown
And your body sinks
There's no fighting it
You are drowning
Just as you've always been

Gods arise and i hide behind the sun
What could a soul like me do in the presence of divinity?
Eyes of gold cut toward me
And i know the message they hold
But i, the coward, simply look away into the flames

Its fitting here, lying on the sun
I pretend my agony is from the flames
Even though a soul has no physical body
Yearning has scarred me like glimpses of the moon
And i remember life in solitude

****** hits like sinking deeper into the sun
I look past the sky into the heavens above
Clouded by a lazy orange haze
I watch the gods weep to make rain

Sorrowful existence with no real meaning
A star burns in the distance
I pull fire over me as if i could feel the heat
Like comfort could ever come to me

And when a god sends way for me
They lift me from the flames like a leaf on water
Like a shell from the sea
They mold me a body and toss me away to the earth
Says ‘come back to me, my child, when you can feel bliss’

And i grow up desperate for love
Desperate to feel pleasure in the midst of pain
Learn a thing or two about happiness
And false hope of a single god
Wander the earth and revel in its beauty
Scar the skin they so gracefully gave me

And when i have lived as much as i can
I become cowardly again
I see their face in my dreams
I get old yet stay the same
Die in my sleep one day

My soul rests on the sun again
And they come to greet me
Says ‘did you learn what you could be’
Hugs my scarred body
As i nod timidly

I learned of pleasure
I learned of love
I learned to feel
At home in the heavens above

All my life i have been devoted to a god of lust
There’s red flowing all around me
Images in my head of a body, beaten and ******
Burning me up like flames of agony
Like falling through your thorns
To get to the roses
Oh how i adore the scent of copper and pollen
As you overtake me again

I wake up the next day,
With bruises and swollen cuts
Admire my marks
Among my fading scars
This forbidden love
Eats me up, then spits me out
And leaves me starving

There was a certain comfort in the time I spent
Sitting against a wall outside in the cold
They don’t tell you what its like to freeze to death
But here’s what wishing you would is like

The trees sway with another chilling breeze
There’s a little stinging pain in my toes
Its been about 20 minutes out here
My feet are the only things cold
I'm thinking
Way too much about how the frost feels
My hands become red
a little icy itch not quite numbing my fingers

Another 20 minutes go by and I can feel the cold travel
I have no intention of leaving
I don’t want to
Maybe i’ll stay all night

An hour in my feet are cold on the outsides
My ankle is freezing
I adjust my earbud and look up to the sky
My breath can be seen in the air
I think about my mother finding my body
Bitten blue with winter

2 hours in and my feet are starting to ache
Its an interesting feeling
Almost like I’ve broken a bone but can’t quite feel it
I don’t want to be here anymore
Not outside, id love to stay in the icy air all night
But here, in front of my so called home
Filled with my so-called family
I’d like to be staying somewhere else
Somewhere where they aren’t
Somewhere where the people who care about me
Are all far far away
And if I die, they know in a few days
Not right away
If I’m sick they’ll send a gift card
And call so many times I’ll have to turn off the phone

So maybe I’ll just sit here
And let nature have its way with me
Because I'm not ready to go back in
And live in a “family”