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CIN Oct 2022
Something breaks just around the bend
Longing is overturned
Replaced with a dull sort of fear
An impending sadness
Beauty, though gleaming with violence
Surrounds a thoughtful desire
Lust grows and swells
Bitter metallic love tastes sweet on starved tongues
Blood is no longer just red
But stunningly gone
October comes and I miss the way you hurt me. The anniversary of our departure weighs heavy on my mind. How I long to be your beautiful boy. How I miss your sudden changes of mind or the way you never kept your word.
Oct 2022 · 1.4k
suffocating loveless desire
CIN Oct 2022
It's hard not to long for it
When it makes me feel so warm
When I have been cold for so long
I fall so easily
I love so completely
If you would just stay
If only someone would just stay they’d see it
I am perpetually in the honeymoon phase
The affection gets me high
And I spend the rest of my days wanting hit after hit
I am full of passion, full of desire
All-or-nothing behavior
Maybe that's why everyone leaves
I'm too much, always have been
I have been love-sick for as long as I can remember
Truly I hate my hopeless romantic nature
Its nothing but a pit to fall into again and again
Still, I walk on
Continue to prevail despite it all
But I’ll tell you a secret
I do not want to win this battle
Not at all
I am too much, no one wants me for real. I'd like to burn. burn burn burn.
Sep 2022 · 2.2k
hopeless fantasy
CIN Sep 2022
Pack your things in a box painted blue
In a shoe box you found in the back of the closet
Your school bag and the purse your sister loved
We are leaving behind the memories
Leave these cold nights and drive through the woods
Find a lake to drown in and throw your family picture in too
Get out of the water still breathing
Still just barely alive
We can kiss under the stars
Love in the night as we leave everything we once knew
Home doesn't have to be a place
And it sure as hell isn't a person
But maybe the feeling you give me is
Lets thrive on nothing my dear
We can be more than just our family
Become the stars with me
I'd like to burn
i'm back in school again, i wrote this in history class sitting next to quite possibly the most beautiful stranger I've ever seen.
May 2022 · 1.3k
murky worries
CIN May 2022
Its terrifying here
The kind of cold that makes your bones ache
Is this hell?
Is this some kind of agony?
Am I still drowning?
They say that drowning is horrible if you hold your breath
But if you give up and inhale the water
You get some kind of relief
Your brain is starved of oxygen
Your lungs fill to full capacity
Why does it feel so tempting?
The salt water stings your eyes
There's nothing left to hope for
Nothing left to breathe
You can pray to god
Or you can curse him for a remedy
But you still drown
And your body sinks
There's no fighting it
You are drowning
Just as you've always been
i wrote this while stuck in school during sol testing. there were maybe 30 people in the whole school. It was quiet and lonely at lunch and for a while it rained. it was a beautiful melancholy experience.
May 2022 · 3.0k
Sunbathing
CIN May 2022
Gods arise and i hide behind the sun
What could a soul like me do in the presence of divinity?
Eyes of gold cut toward me
And i know the message they hold
But i, the coward, simply look away into the flames

Its fitting here, lying on the sun
I pretend my agony is from the flames
Even though a soul has no physical body
Yearning has scarred me like glimpses of the moon
And i remember life in solitude

****** hits like sinking deeper into the sun
I look past the sky into the heavens above
Clouded by a lazy orange haze
I watch the gods weep to make rain

Sorrowful existence with no real meaning
A star burns in the distance
I pull fire over me as if i could feel the heat
Like comfort could ever come to me

And when a god sends way for me
They lift me from the flames like a leaf on water
Like a shell from the sea
They mold me a body and toss me away to the earth
Says ‘come back to me, my child, when you can feel bliss’

And i grow up desperate for love
Desperate to feel pleasure in the midst of pain
Learn a thing or two about happiness
And false hope of a single god
Wander the earth and revel in its beauty
Scar the skin they so gracefully gave me

And when i have lived as much as i can
I become cowardly again
I see their face in my dreams
I get old yet stay the same
Die in my sleep one day

My soul rests on the sun again
And they come to greet me
Says ‘did you learn what you could be’
Hugs my scarred body
As i nod timidly

I learned of pleasure
I learned of love
I learned to feel
At home in the heavens above
sometimes i'd rather believe that this is my purpose rather than anything else. It feels like i was born in pain, even though i know i wasn't. Sometimes its nice to just pretend im a child of the sun. .
May 2022 · 418
Starved
CIN May 2022
All my life i have been devoted to a god of lust
There’s red flowing all around me
Images in my head of a body, beaten and ******
Burning me up like flames of agony
Like falling through your thorns
To get to the roses
Oh how i adore the scent of copper and pollen
As you overtake me again

I wake up the next day,
With bruises and swollen cuts
Admire my marks
Among my fading scars
This forbidden love
Eats me up, then spits me out
And leaves me starving
I relapsed again lol
Apr 2022 · 2.5k
A Certain Chilling Feeling
CIN Apr 2022
There was a certain comfort in the time I spent
Sitting against a wall outside in the cold
They don’t tell you what its like to freeze to death
But here’s what wishing you would is like

The trees sway with another chilling breeze
There’s a little stinging pain in my toes
Its been about 20 minutes out here
My feet are the only things cold
I'm thinking
Way too much about how the frost feels
My hands become red
a little icy itch not quite numbing my fingers

Another 20 minutes go by and I can feel the cold travel
I have no intention of leaving
I don’t want to
Maybe i’ll stay all night

An hour in my feet are cold on the outsides
My ankle is freezing
I adjust my earbud and look up to the sky
My breath can be seen in the air
I think about my mother finding my body
Bitten blue with winter

2 hours in and my feet are starting to ache
Its an interesting feeling
Almost like I’ve broken a bone but can’t quite feel it
I don’t want to be here anymore
Not outside, id love to stay in the icy air all night
But here, in front of my so called home
Filled with my so-called family
I’d like to be staying somewhere else
Somewhere where they aren’t
Somewhere where the people who care about me
Are all far far away
And if I die, they know in a few days
Not right away
If I’m sick they’ll send a gift card
And call so many times I’ll have to turn off the phone

So maybe I’ll just sit here
And let nature have its way with me
Because I'm not ready to go back in
And live in a “family”
More about the night i overdosed. I'm falling back into this mindset and its drowning me.
Apr 2022 · 1.4k
Romantic
CIN Apr 2022
night falls in waves of dark cerulean
again, I am taken by the thought of you
time must move slow
at the way my mind thinks you through

a love song plays its sweet tune
distant compared to my desire
slowly we move
dancing to the beat of our burning fire

feelings grow strong
grounded and stable
you plant the seed of romance in my heart
bounds of emotion becoming fatal

Yearn for your affection
Sweet- the taste on my tongue
your sybaritic words filling me up
and to you, I clung

My words mean not of only ****** desire
be clear in knowing I want it all
we can be spoiled in platonic pleasure
and in you, I will fall
Written a while ago for someone who never loved me. I've been used many times but at least good poetry comes from it.
Apr 2022 · 3.5k
Will It Into Me
CIN Apr 2022
Pained intake of breath
Hot air against my cheeks
You’re wrapping white cloth over my arms
I’m watching red seep in like ink bleeds

Faintly, behind a splotch of black
I see your eyes grow wet
And though I am barely holding on
I can feel the tremble in your fingers
And an echo of a voice
Calling my name

You’re desperately trying to push paper into the wound
And I’m feeling myself bleed out despite your efforts
You take me to a doctor but still I leak
Transfuse your own red into me
But it just leaves through my eyes and makes me feel weak

“What have you done to yourself?!” you cry
And I sigh through a fit of tears
You’re trying to take the pain out of me
And i'm disappointing you with every breath I take

Just like you cannot will another moon into existence
You cannot love someone out of an illness
I'm sorry I can't get better for you, it just wasn't meant to be.
Apr 2022 · 663
Broken
CIN Apr 2022
Is this wrong
Every part of me yearns to be broken
I want bones fractured
My muscles torn
I’d like to suffer from a stab wound
Or to be poisoned
Something sick is growing inside me
A flower of masochism
What is this addiction of mine
Why do i long to fall down the stairs
To smoke cigarettes for the damage in my lungs
I’ll break a finger
Cut my hand on a knife
Trip over my own feet in gym
And fall off some sort of ledge
I don't die
I never do
Like the time i overdosed
I just threw up blue
And moved on two days later
In my dreams i am broken
How i wish it true
I think something is wrong with me. But i guess i've known all along.
Apr 2022 · 1.2k
Unorthodox desires
CIN Apr 2022
Let me walk along the roads like a wanderer
I’ll glance at the beggars
Side eye the kids walking home
Someone asks if i'm selling
I say not today
The nights are cold
Grass and dirt stain my old clothes
Traffic sounds
Anger and wrath
Where am I going?
Where will I go from here?
I don't know
for some reason lately all i want to do is hurt myself.
Mar 2022 · 8.2k
cherry flavored memories
CIN Mar 2022
Remember that night?
The soft glow of the tv reflecting blue on the walls
Our tongues dancing to the music
That played in the background
I had you pinned the wrong way round on the bed
Your head between my arms
Every part of us touching
I could feel the heat on your skin
The melody of your heartbeat
You tasted like the cherry sucker I gave you
An hour before
Oh, how I used to drown in your melancholy

Yet now all I feel is water
Little drops from the shower
While I stare at what never was
The music of your breathing still plays in my ears
When the night is quiet enough
Sometimes I swear I still feel your skin
But the moment passes and I’m left with this cold sort of feeling
An empty swell in my chest
A tingle behind my eyes
You are nothing but dull memories now
Nothing but a thought of remembrance
the events are fiction but the emotions are real
Mar 2022 · 796
forevermore
CIN Mar 2022
Oh my dearest known
I’ve fallen for your words of yore
I think that if i had loved
Another before
I’d forget them completely
And love you evermore
And though i have never known your likeness
And we are across the shores
If I saw you in a crowd
I’d run, sing and adore
And if you grow tired
Your forgiveness i implore
But still, i love you
Forevermore
i thought this had a fun little rhythm to it.
Mar 2022 · 686
Where have i been?
CIN Mar 2022
I sit with my back to the wall
Hazy gaze on the wall in front of me
In the distance there's cries and shouts
My eyes are falling
My mind is somewhere else
Floating watching someone else
That's not me
Those aren't the words i meant to say
I lied so much I cant tell whats real anymore
Everything goes so slow
Yet the time ticks by faster and faster
Dread builds up in my stomach
Someone asks me for a dollar
But I can't find my voice to speak
i dont feel good
Mar 2022 · 1.9k
all i could ever know
CIN Mar 2022
I'd like to say i'm doing better
That i'm being productive or feeling good
But mostly i just feel tired
And think about seeing them again
I had a dream about them last night
I decided one day to just fly out and visit them
Seeing them again was surreal
Like eating after starving for days
Or breathing after choking for so long
We embraced and i felt my heart stutter
My smile bright like moons
And for a while i was drunk on their presence
Wanting to only be with them
And thus spurred a realization within me
I love them
More than anything i love them
Platonic, romantic, neither
It doesn't matter
I love them
This is all i know
this must be more than just care
Mar 2022 · 1.5k
morphine//madness
CIN Mar 2022
There must be madness swirling inside me
My stomach aches
A sickly urge in the back of my throat
I imagine it whirls around in my blood
Surging through my body like morphine
It spreads to my hands at first
A tremble of my fingers slipping glass from my hold
It glitters before my eyes
i feel it travel to my forearms creeping up into my biceps
Scars reopen and red spills
My fingers now coated in crimson
Then it's clogged my chest all to fast
It's getting harder to breathe but still my lungs fill with air
Heart squeezing, ribs popping out of place
Yet my body stays the same
From there it splits in two ways
One drips down into my stomach
then pooling in my feet and weighing me down
The other creeps up my neck
Taking the oxygen from my head
It starts to spill out my eyes
In tears of panic
And i remember the ways to stay sane
None of them work now
Nothing is working now
why must you call me crazy?
Feb 2022 · 1.5k
What must be
CIN Feb 2022
Here's the thing,
               You are a boy, not really but you try to be,
               You are a boy, addicted to masculine words, and pretty poetry
                                                                          About two boys falling in love
You enter a room and say,
                             “Hello i am a boy, and if you tell me i'm not ill show you.”
Your fists do the talking when your throat cant,
You come home to your mother,
                                  All black eye, and busted lip,
“I’m a boy!” You cry,
                           And she shakes her head, eyes wet like
                                                                                            Rain,
You are sent to your room,
                                           To wallow in your disgrace.
Your chest aches,
                      But you ignore it,
                                           Choosing instead to rest your weight.
Can you tell I've been binge reading Richard Siken's works
Feb 2022 · 2.6k
Birthday Wishes
CIN Feb 2022
So it is my birthday today
Though this day i feel no different than normal
Perhaps a little sad
As yesterday i had a bit of a conflict
But I won't let this person have control over my birthday
Today is supposed to be special
Though most things have gone wrong
I forgot my coffee this morning
And Spotify gave me the worst songs on my playlist
Still, today is my birthday
I am sixteen
It is a time to celebrate the sixteen years i have been struggling along
Tomorrow will be the same as yesterday
And today will be the only
I think of my favorite flowers
Red columbine, clematis, water lily
Trembling, mental beauty, tranquility
I think that if someone gave me a clematis today
I would cry and preserve it forever
I'd like to hide away
And sit with my poetry
And cup of coffee
Writing about the beauty of the world
That I cannot see
happy birthday to me
Feb 2022 · 482
Gas Station Jesus
CIN Feb 2022
In my younger days
Jesus was a white man
with long brown hair and a beard
He cared for children
And protested against evil
He was perfect

I think i saw jesus once
In a dream of a memory of a vision
He had calloused skin on his hands
Golden brown like illumination
He was reaching for a coke bottle
On the bottom shelf of a gas station display freezer
I think he must have been tired
Because i could even see the dark circles under his eyes
Behind the wire framed glasses he wore
When he looked up at me
He gave me a weary smile and walked away to the register
Coke in hand

In the days of hardships
I called myself agnostic
Because god never cured my sorrows
And i was never blessed with heeded prayers  
But maybe jesus got tired of being perfect
And left heaven to be someone inferior
Someone human

I can believe in that jesus
I read a poem that inspired this a while ago. I was a christian as a kid, not by choice of course but still. I think that going to church and being involved in that sort of thing gave me a lot of false hope and disappointment. These days i'd rather believe in something beautiful and inspiring, but not perfect.
Feb 2022 · 393
Mental Presence
CIN Feb 2022
What's it like to be free
Like laying in the middle of a wide open field
Still, mind haunts and head rots
There's a plague in the air
Silently taking over us
It affects all
weak, young, strong, old
A certain stride in your step while you decay
Brain in shambles yet you stay
At night those who rot feel their sickness spread
Lungs caving in and organs sick with rage
There's bile in your closing throat
Swallow it down, choke
Disguise your growing illness
Despite its universal despair
Quietly we fall
Clawing our way out of the grave
With one hand in hell already
we are all dying slowly with time
Feb 2022 · 1.0k
Hold Me While I Fall
CIN Feb 2022
Oh, how i think living is such a terrible tragedy
Falling and faltering while you cradle me in your arms
My skin burns where we touch and connect
I can feel this agony
I can feel myself writhe in pain when you hold me
Nothing but comforting touches and platonic affection
Yet i still burn with discomfort

What is this great calamity
What is this god if not my captor
My religion must be you they tell me
But i am still falling and faltering
And burning in this torment
If i push you out of my mind
And ignore the words of my peers
Will I find peace?
Or will I still live in this never ending desolation
im falling and falling and falling and yet i never land at rock bottom, somehow that worse than anything i could ever imagine.
Feb 2022 · 4.7k
Taste of Your Tongue
CIN Feb 2022
Truly I often wonder
Can it be so wrong to love like this?
What was the harm?
in tasting her skin
When it was just a kiss
I could taste her ecstasy
But I cannot feast on her limbs?
Oh how I long to drown in her blood
And the taste of her lips

Could the finest of wines
Taste as sweet as her lungs?
Could I expel this desire
With illicit drugs?
I truly think its become too strong
Because I cannot replace my love
For her body
And how it feels deep inside of mine
I'm not a cannibal nor do i want to eat someone, i just like writing about disgusting or not appealing things in a pretty way.
Feb 2022 · 115
Heaven
CIN Feb 2022
Heaven calls in waves of silver and gold
What's keeping me here you ask
The idea that I might be good enough to live in the palace
To live in “God’s kingdom”
It's terrifying me
Don't get me wrong
Gods not real
But the constant what-if of my life
Keeps me holding onto it

Perhaps it was the early church mornings
Up until I was 14 years old
Or the want to believe in something
But only knowing of him
I want to think that magic is real
That tomorrow I'll wake up
Completely immersed in a fictional world
But there are two sides of my brain, don't you know
And I wish the logic would disappear
My religious trauma lol
Jan 2022 · 1.1k
in love with your cruelty
CIN Jan 2022
Take me in strips of blood
Leave me in heaps of flesh
Love me like teeth against skin
And tongue tasting red
Our souls move together
And my body seems to fall apart
Under your rough hands
I am nothing but a pile of veins and heart
Use me to your desire
And i will find pleasure in your violence
I cant help but love the way you abuse me, even if i know its wrong.
Jan 2022 · 196
Trying to leave
CIN Jan 2022
I tried to **** myself last week
But all did was throw up
And give you another medical bill
I made the school work pile up
and my friends mildly worried
gave myself a big bruise
And nearly cried from the emails
Explaining that i couldn't do the math quiz on Friday the 15th
Because i tried to **** myself last week
Did you have any suicidal thoughts this week? ah, maybe one or two, nothing serious.
Jan 2022 · 2.4k
the attempt
CIN Jan 2022
I was outside in the cold for hours that day
thinking about how to end things
i passed your body
On my way upstairs
Before spreading out my saved pills
And unlocking a knife
Crimson spread along my thigh
And my stomach became upset
My water is now empty
And all that's left on the counter is dust
A little bit of red stains the blade
And i pull up my pants nonchalantly
My first attempt was done in my bathroom after being on suicide watch for months. If i want something i will find a way, and you wont see it coming.
Jan 2022 · 333
dispassion
CIN Jan 2022
Its interesting
The way it feels to be
Nothing and everything all at once
These feelings are dizzying
Spinning me in circles as i stare into the sky
There are planes making orange trails
Cloudless blue fading into brilliant pink
And ginger lines of exhaust
It’s cold in this hell
Bellowing through my ornate lungs
I exhale a scream of agony
And watch your expressionless face
I remember that you are nothing but a pawn in life's sick game.
CIN Jan 2022
Somebody said your name today
And i couldn't help but think of you
It's not a good thing
Not even a little
I'm trying to keep
From remembering the things you did
And i remember the terrible poetry
I wrote when i was fourteen and scared
When i would spend nights
Waking up from the nightmares
Shaking with fear
Those things you made me do
Do they not haunt you?
ptsd and all the things that come with it
Dec 2021 · 214
Divinity
CIN Dec 2021
Beauty wraps around my fingers
Guilt- the strings that attach
Sorrow is the master
Moving me with its strong ways
And I am the puppet
Writing a poem of sorrow

My soul spills
Water drenching my hair
Disgusting colors
Twist and swirl
Flowing down the drain
Hunched over the taste stings my mouth
Dull aches along my thighs
Sin after sin paint my body
A vessel- holding my poison soul

I am decaying like earth
Dying slowly with time
I wither away and crumble beneath
The touch of those who are growing
Glow with light
I am burned by your bright
But the darkness will swallow
And I've learned it bites

So here I sit
My soul leaking through with my fluids
Whether be crimson sought aches
Or the waste that flows through the drain
My being is an existence that is too strong to contain

Living may be pain
But leave I cannot
These flowers need the presence
Of my so-called divinity
But refuse to reward me
with relief
I am suffering from an incurable illness
no amount of medication makes it better
and yet they tell me I'll live
as long as I don't go mad
Jul 2020 · 122
im sorry
CIN Jul 2020
im sorry for listening to all those songs
about breaking your heart and just moving on

im sorry for telling you i wanted to go
i really just wanted to you to know

that if i went through with suicide
you just wouldn’t be surprised

im sorry for saying i ever loved you
even though its kinda true

and im sorry for telling you over text
even though in person was something i just couldn’t do

im sorry for ever loving you

and thats the problem
because i was never in love with you

as much as i wanted too
its just not true

but i still loved you
and thats why it hurts

cuase my eyes still hurt
from crying so long

the shower stings
now that you’re gone

and thats my own issue
because i left you

and so im sorry
for everything i ever did wrong
including writing this excuse for a song
this is actually a song i wrote but i think its better as a poem
Jul 2020 · 86
Bitter Truth
CIN Jul 2020
Is it bad to know that it would hurt if I went through
I’m the bad guy if I tell the truth
And I know no one wants me to go
And I know that even though
I used to not care
They wouldn’t go there
Do the same thing I want to
The same thing I can’t do
What would they think
To know that I'm on the brink
Of leaving and never coming back
sweet lies
May 2020 · 81
I hurt you
CIN May 2020
What hurt the most
Was that fact that
I hurt you
May 2020 · 69
Shame
CIN May 2020
Someone poisons me with cold sickness
Throws their hands around my neck
And sits on my chest
Hits me over the head with a vase
Drains the life out of me
And makes me think
Its my fault
Apr 2020 · 75
My side of the story
CIN Apr 2020
Im trying really hard
This time i can see
You were tired
I was a sea
Pulling you under
Drowning your thoughts
I didn't mean to
I dont understand things
I mix my feelings up
I dont get what love is
I dont know if im capable of it
And ill admit
You shouldn’t love me
Because I’ll break your heart
I’ll toy with your feelings
Without even realizing
And now im the bad guy
Now im the heart breaker
No one ever sees the story
From my perspective
No one ever sees the heart breakers side
Apr 2020 · 99
Honey
CIN Apr 2020
You’re sweet like honey
And she treats you like money
To spend and throw away
And im watching from so far away
Hoping you’ll be okay
Because she uses you like that
And i cant take you back
Oh my dear
I know you dont want to hear this from me
I love you like honey
Come back to mama ill be so proud of you

Your my only girl
My baby forever
Delicate as a feather
Come back to me
I can see
You’ve grown up strong
Its time to move on
She isn’t good for you
She’ll tear you to pieces
I just wish you would see

You’re sweet like honey
And treats you like money
You dont have to come back to me
I just want whats best for you
You know i always do
I swear its true
Its about a mother who can see her daughter is in a toxic relationship. Just a btw.
CIN Mar 2020
Do you know how hard it is
To start with nothing
No confidence
No innocence
Stolen so young
You dont even remember a time before
How hard it is to rebuild yourself
When you were never even together
Relapse over and over
Without know how to be happy
Without knowing how to be okay
Without realizing your depressed
You didn't even know what the word
meant
When you never thought you would make it to 10
Let alone 14
Do you know how hard that is?
Mar 2020 · 60
Brutality is not humility
CIN Mar 2020
I leave my feelings ajar
Swinging wide open for everyone to see
Thats what they think
Im not brutally honest
Im blunt
My mind has a lock on it
And i dont even know the password
People dont like that im very blunt
I say things confidently
But you can be confident
And insecure
Im a closed book with all the words written on the cover
People look at the title of this and think ‘well duh, you cant be violent and humble’ but thats not true   Many people dont know the alternative meaning for words a poet uses. They dont get it. Words that contradict each other are just perceived in the the wrong way.
Feb 2020 · 80
Almost
CIN Feb 2020
And what if this is it
This is the best
And it feels the worst
But this is what you get
Okay but not good
Always enough
But never loved
Jan 2020 · 110
Cloudy
CIN Jan 2020
Why cry
On a day when its not dry
Even if after its cloudy
You can still be happy
The rainbow may be behind the clouds
And you may not be in the crowds
But theres beauty
In the cloudy
Jan 2020 · 52
Love
CIN Jan 2020
Ive never felt this way before
Ive fallen in love once
I dont think ill ever fall out of that one
But even then i never felt
The way you make me feel
You make me wanna do cheesy stuff
Like buy you flowers
And hold your hand
And kiss your forehead
And buy you chocolates
I dont know why
I have to admit
im scared of falling in love
But you make me wanna confront my fear
And stand up
And shout from the roof tops
I love you
Jan 2020 · 50
Fifteen
CIN Jan 2020
Fifteen days
Fifteen ways
To tear my heart
Right in half apart
Find ways to hurt
Without the dirt
That keeps me going
Without knowing
What you want with me
Jan 2020 · 45
Little Star
CIN Jan 2020
I wish upon a little star
Up so high i wonder how far
If i could get just one wish to come true
Id never wish again on you
Oh i wish upon a little star
Just one wish from afar
Jan 2020 · 70
Ashes, Ashes
CIN Jan 2020
How many times
How many tries
How many days
Til i fade away
And turn to dust
My box will rust
Death isn’t scary
Its welcoming
Jan 2020 · 73
Sleep Paralysis
CIN Jan 2020
My eyes look
And all i can do is see
The demon sits on my chest
It plays with my hair
As tears roll
My brain wonders whats happening
My mind screams
But my mouth doesnt even open
My arms want to flail
But i can barely feel them
So im stuck
With a demon on my chest
And tears in my ears
Then i close my eyes
i can’t bare this anymore
Then i jump awake
And the demon is gone
I can move my limbs
And then i start to sob
i cant sleep anymore
This happened to me last night. It was down right mortifying.
Jan 2020 · 80
Panic Attack
CIN Jan 2020
Sometimes i get a bit scared
And It can’t be bared
Sometimes tears roll down my face
As i try to erase
The fear i feel
What i cannot conceal
Because of the heavy breathing
And all the heaving
My mind will start to go blank
And my actions i cannot thank
When i finally calm down
I wont remember and frown
At how people tell me i was crying
And practically dying
From the anxiety i must have felt
While i knelt
And begged for this panic
To stop
Dec 2019 · 185
Dandelion
CIN Dec 2019
If i were a flower
I think i would be a dandelion
Only the little call me a flower
The rest a ****
Someone only a few like
Someone who's ego is far to wide
I may wear yellow
But people know the real me
Not even the seed looks worse than me
We all have the time to pick a flower
But only by the young
Will i be picked
Dec 2019 · 112
Whatever
CIN Dec 2019
Who cares about rules
Who cares about consequences
The point of life is not to save it
Its to live it
Dec 2019 · 100
Heartbroken
CIN Dec 2019
70 degrees and im cold
Trying to live the lies I've been told
Living in a world thats not my own
Losing someone i have to hold
Partying all night is a nightmare
But its fresh air
Drinking til its gone
If it feels this good can it be wrong
Pass it over
Might help get over
When can i feel better
Well its now or never
Dec 2019 · 428
Found
CIN Dec 2019
Finding the curage
Finding the strength
Finding the light
Finding the place
Finding a friend
In time of need
Finding my life
I concede
Finding the hope
Just to make it
Finding the life
I dare to take it
Dec 2019 · 108
Summer
CIN Dec 2019
An interesting time-frame
I dreaded it
But oh how i miss it
No annoying friends
No rude teachers
No tests
No assignments
No drama
Even if it wasn’t lived to the fullest
Even if i could have done more
Oh how i miss
Summer
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