Pained intake of breath
Hot air against my cheeks
You’re wrapping white cloth over my arms
I’m watching red seep in like ink bleeds

Faintly, behind a splotch of black
I see your eyes grow wet
And though I am barely holding on
I can feel the tremble in your fingers
And an echo of a voice
Calling my name

You’re desperately trying to push paper into the wound
And I’m feeling myself bleed out despite your efforts
You take me to a doctor but still I leak
Transfuse your own red into me
But it just leaves through my eyes and makes me feel weak

“What have you done to yourself?!” you cry
And I sigh through a fit of tears
You’re trying to take the pain out of me
And i'm disappointing you with every breath I take

Just like you cannot will another moon into existence
You cannot love someone out of an illness

Is this wrong
Every part of me yearns to be broken
I want bones fractured
My muscles torn
I’d like to suffer from a stab wound
Or to be poisoned
Something sick is growing inside me
A flower of masochism
What is this addiction of mine
Why do i long to fall down the stairs
To smoke cigarettes for the damage in my lungs
I’ll break a finger
Cut my hand on a knife
Trip over my own feet in gym
And fall off some sort of ledge
I don't die
I never do
Like the time i overdosed
I just threw up blue
And moved on two days later
In my dreams i am broken
How i wish it true

Let me walk along the roads like a wanderer
I’ll glance at the beggars
Side eye the kids walking home
Someone asks if i'm selling
I say not today
The nights are cold
Grass and dirt stain my old clothes
Traffic sounds
Anger and wrath
Where am I going?
Where will I go from here?
I don't know

Remember that night?
The soft glow of the tv reflecting blue on the walls
Our tongues dancing to the music
That played in the background
I had you pinned the wrong way round on the bed
Your head between my arms
Every part of us touching
I could feel the heat on your skin
The melody of your heartbeat
You tasted like the cherry sucker I gave you
An hour before
Oh, how I used to drown in your melancholy

Yet now all I feel is water
Little drops from the shower
While I stare at what never was
The music of your breathing still plays in my ears
When the night is quiet enough
Sometimes I swear I still feel your skin
But the moment passes and I’m left with this cold sort of feeling
An empty swell in my chest
A tingle behind my eyes
You are nothing but dull memories now
Nothing but a thought of remembrance

Oh my dearest known
I’ve fallen for your words of yore
I think that if i had loved
Another before
I’d forget them completely
And love you evermore
And though i have never known your likeness
And we are across the shores
If I saw you in a crowd
I’d run, sing and adore
And if you grow tired
Your forgiveness i implore
But still, i love you
Forevermore

I sit with my back to the wall
Hazy gaze on the wall in front of me
In the distance there's cries and shouts
My eyes are falling
My mind is somewhere else
Floating watching someone else
That's not me
Those aren't the words i meant to say
I lied so much I cant tell whats real anymore
Everything goes so slow
Yet the time ticks by faster and faster
Dread builds up in my stomach
Someone asks me for a dollar
But I can't find my voice to speak