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 Feb 2017 Marcos Sisneros
mars
this is what heartbreak looks like.

you looking at him

him looking at you

me, absent.

I know what love looks like.

this is what heartbreak sounds like.

your promises you would never do this to me

my heart breaking more when you did

this is what heartbreak is.

the smiles you two share when you know he is not free

still caged, still wings flapping,

and me

wings broken.

left behind

to fend for myself

weak and tattered on the floor
part two
It's only been a few days and I'm addicted to you like heroine.

I've never tried drugs but you are my fix.

21 blocks away. You were kept from me all this time.

So close, yet out of reach. Constantly wishing for someone like you.

1,086 Miles away. I found you

How is it I found my home, while I was so far away?
1.22.17
I can't help comparing him to the holocaust

How he starved me from all affection, giving me small portions once in a while just to keep me alive

"You deserve this"

How his anger and hatred burned me like the fire in the crematory. The smoke spelling out all the hope I had

"*******"

How his vicious words were like poisonous gas seeping into my lungs and killing me slowly.

He had me gasping for air

"Shut the **** up"
Gasp
"You'd be **** if you lost weight"
Gasp
"You're such a *****"
Gasp
"You're so ******* worthless"
Gasp

I have my scars but
Somehow, I made it out alive
Somehow, I'm still breathing
1.30.17

In no way am I trying to say an abusive relationship is as terrible as the holocaust. Unfortunately, it is just the closest thing my brain relates to my ex boyfriend.
Hope I don't offend anyone with my comparison
CAUTION
He's a poet
His words will melt you like butter

CAUTION
He's kind
He'll treat you better than you've ever been treated before

CAUTION
He's easy to love
You'll have a lot of competition

CAUTION
He's brave
He'll make you feel so safe, you'll forget what fear feels like

CAUTION
He has a heart of gold
You won't consider his flaws as flaws. There's so much good, it will always outweigh the bad

CAUTION
He's a thief
He'll steal your heart without even trying


ABORT, ABORT*


Silly girl
I tried to warn you
2.3.17
Don't lose
Your knowledge
Darling
Don't get lost
In your brain
Expecting
Something bad
Is surely
The wrong way
But good is
To rethink
The attitude
You have
To question it
In logic
There's a proof
Ahead
Step further
Don't be worried
Nothing can stop you now
Examine to the fullest

The free feeling
The round
The evident
The present
The beautiful
The rare
Emotion
Moment
Ground
Obsession
Love and care
I try to **** at least
one part of myself
each and everyday.

Strangle the host
in between every breath or
suffocate in front of the mirror
under the weight of weary eyes,

Every skin I slither out of
gets me one step farther
from my heart
and adds one lock
to my mind.

The door is always shut
whether locked or not,
but I'm never sure
whether I'm locked in or out.

I want to savor the hemlock
as it invades me. I want to
savor it right out of
the birthing pool of my synapses.
But I am yearning to earn that prize.
 Feb 2017 Marcos Sisneros
mars
This is heartbreak.

I thought I was over you. You treated me as a remedy, a medicine that did not quite sate your hunger. You went to her. And I thought I was over you.

This is.

this is not what I wanted. I never asked for the nights of sleeplessness, the depressive episodes, the lack of eating. I never asked for this half-assed suicidal ideation. Who would have known that I would be lazy in the face of death too. Coward.

this.

this is what my dad talked to me about. This is what he meant when he said the tears may never stop, the heart may never start pumping again. And I never believed it would happen to me.

this.

this is heartbreak.
part three of three
How do I explain that
today is a day I loathe myself
till red raw bones slip out of
their skin cages and bitter tendons

snap snap snap, ribs twisted,
fingernails gripping this bloodless face
white polka dot prints darkening
later to purple, I want to run away

but I cannot leave this house, I want
to forget but not to forgive, burning acid
sickening my stomach, I ***** hatred
at the mirror, there is nothing

good here, there is only
violence spinning a coin
and me.
 Feb 2017 Marcos Sisneros
Àŧùl
Beautiful so much & she is cheerful,
Her soft & creamy blush is so lovely.
Unto her my attraction is wonderful,
My crush she is a new bubbly crush.
I** will for her be mine I'll be dutiful,
Kind she is so attractive and plush.
And I will be realistic about future.

Fulfilling my duty I will never rush,
United as friends we are going along,
Loving her through the unseen I am,
When I will be successful, I can stand.
Atul is respected by her & it's obvious,
Never promised anything improbable,
I am definitely up for working so hard.

I have found an inspiration for work.

A sunrise is imminent after this night,
Slowly will vanish this darkness,
Surely he has learned in life,
United we stand together.
Redness in your cheeks,
Especially brightens your eyes.

You will never find me gone,
Onto another attraction,
Up above the limits we'll go.

Too much expecting I won't be,
Hunting your freedom I won't be,
Atul will succeed for his parents,
Then you can join him here.

I am glad that you are the inspiration.

Well-versed with life I am now,
In an Indian angel I put my trust,
Linked deeply can be our destinies,
Land of dreams be our destination.

W** I wait for is your beautiful heart,
As for the added benefits I will get,
In my lovely but lonely life I am,
Tthrough crests I have no companion.

Far from grief I am right now,
On the cusp of beauty I relax,
Really I know my final destination.

Youthly are your ways today,
Ostensibly my love for you is seen,
Understandable is your caution.
Bhumika Fulwani, I assure you that I will wait for you.

My HP Poem #1406
©Atul Kaushal
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