I'm tired.

Tired of you

and the **** you keep texting me.

Tired of the many excuses

& all yo threats **** yo *** funny.

Tired of how you assume so much,

shut the **** up.

Everything ain't about you,

her,  them or him.

Most of times it's

whatever
I ******* feel like writing.

I'm tired of how you
still try to dictate to me,

******* please
YO *** ain't mines.

When I left you,
it was over your lies,
cheating, your mental,
physical plus emotion abuse,

oh wait don't forget your deceitfulness,
your decorum of begin
a unscrupulous
sorry excuse of a man,

Yo *** tried it calling me
a  N...,
over 4 times.

I bet yo  wanna be
"Italian" ***
liked all this "N!"
did fo you...

Member I was with yo ***
when you were broken,
homeless, penniless
even toothless,
yo *** still toothless,
and  you were still
trying to be a player boo!

You tried to blame me for all
the ****** off **** you've done to me,

but like I been told you
when you begged me back

"all I wanted back
then from you was
money & ****"

No one used you- you played ya **** self,

call me user, gold-digger it's not gon help.

I stopped being in love with you long ago,

I know you seen it when Yo *** tried it,

I been told you- don't put yo

motha ******* hands on me,

you had to finally find out the hard way,

told you stay the **** outta my face,

you screaming loudly in my ear,

trying to scare me

please.

I'm from Brooklyn- fighting meant
some days we got to eat!

You thought because
of what the Arab dude

did to me I'd be scare of

" you",

even at his ****** off worst

that motha ****** -the best at abuse

was 10xs better than you.

You say you want me back,

then flip out cause

I'm not interested,
not when you've still be on some kid level ****!

claimed you want to help,
when I need some money,
you think you slick,
helping a few times, claimed as a friend
then saying I have to be yo woman,
your just a sorry *** liar,
I no longer need that
little once a month $200 dollars,
naw man like I been told you,
I'm not for sell & you you will
never own me.

You once, well a few times told me
I was your property,

I find it funny,

how I belong to you when
I'm my own woman?

You then say I used you but how is it possible

when since I left you I told you upfront son

all I wanted was yo **** & some money,

Now ***** you say and ****,

you called me that

through out our sorry ***
3 year relationship,

I'll be a ***** & a ****

**** I don't give a ****,

"My truth"
is you was
the only one I used to ****

oh wait your warped mind
you say making love,
but you don't know the meaning of love.
I know the differences

and trust me or don't but

you got ok ****  just it ain't
that back breaking- making
love type ****,

it never was,

sorry boo, you only
know how to ****,

**** UP PEOPLES LIVES

**** UP YOUR OWN

**** UP FAMILY'S HAPPY LIL HOME

**** up a good time and **** up the world

your just **** up and ****** off with your

insults and lame words

put me down it doesn't hurt no mo,

I know I'm better off t
hen ever again being yo girl.

Believe what ever you like

long as we just say good-bye

as the song goes

BLAME IT ON ME

long as we ain't doing
this no more.

I could care less,

claim I'll never change

but the only who hasn't
gotten help or changed in
the slightest is you and I'm not
yo door mat,

I'm not what you need

try a straightjacket

long as you go do
that **** the ****

away from me.

Yo *** hate to see me
happy even when

I was with you,

your a miserable
type of person,

and a lonely, sad ****,

a 45 year old fool.

Last time we was together

I couldn't wait to be rid of you,

ya just annoying now,

always trying to manipulate
your rules & dictations,

or get your own way,
trying to force yourself

into my life

ya always trying to be spiteful,
plus hurtful

even to ya own father
& that **** was over a bike...

not a motorcycle,
a ****** off pedal bike!

These are all the reasons
why I left you,

but you can tell em all you left me

it doesn't matter cuz at the end of the day

I'm finally happy

being on my own, no accusations, ridicule,

abuse or any other ****** off problems

from you,

and while I'm happy weather

for a moment or a lifetime

I'll live it up & do as I ******* please.

I'm so tired of this same old thing,

comforting you, explaining literally

every single thing

having to always justify myself to you,

WHO
the **** are you?

You don't deserve a answer

so MIND YO ******* business man!

This is my life & that of my children

& I'm a do as I **** well please!

if you were a good person in general,

treated me like a man should

things would of been so completely different,

The problem ain't me

as I used to believe,

it's you and I'm

I'm tried,

TIRED OF YOU!

(you'll never be good or good to me)


Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®

A  rare breed in deed.,
Handsome, strong and true,
Your romanticism(s)
have many guessing or left in  
awe as well as wonderment.
How
You were created,
in such a way as to leave
Women of all sizes and ages
drugged on your ***** words,
As they salivated over each syllable,
each phrase,
what ever lyric & note you present,
So masterfully into your intellectual verses,
Their begging  
for mental release many are begging for you
to consume their baser needs,
In the end the results the same.
Competitions and playing games,
While many of them do this
I'm
sitting back with a grin,
Seizing opportunities
instead of battling for you.
Getting to the root and core,
adding up the possibility's & taking score.
keeping my dignity in tack but like most,
I'm extremely fascinated with you,
Your aura compels me as you put a spell on me.
Like them
Females begging for a treat,
Yet the difference is
I keep it held deep inside.
Not showing my feeling
Leaving them so blatantly open.
Never wishing to come second so I stay where I am,
While longing for you from a distance's
Keeping up this friendly appearance.
My soul begs too,
For you to write about  me talk about  
me,confess your dying love for only me,
Reality is you don't know I exist,
As a friend you see me
but
I'm more like the buddy you see once in a blue moon.
Such a rare Man,
A rare species.
Successfully you've heighten,
Your lyrical accomplishment(s)
setting goals in motion as if your words
were your shaft  
emotionally making love,  
not just words and your objectives necessary,
To achieve a particular task,
I've realize a particular dream or to satisfy
a particular need & want,
for a particular period of time obviously
I read you sort of well
but only time will now
Tell- the truth but for me this is all I need,.
For now
I've surmised the realness in
and
about you and to me it's more then cool
cuz
I see this as another interlude of&about; you,
The you
I've been wanting to get next to and that's another story since
I'm trying to get close to you make you feel as I do and have you see the bounties of being wit me.  For now
This is  me looking forward to finding  
out more about you
so I can add it  in my little notes...,
Toward A Definition of You!
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved

TRAPPED,STUCK,

CAUGHT IN TWO PLACES,

IN THE MIDDLE AND LIKING IT MORE
than
I should,

Liking the control and the power of love,
Being in lust & being in love,
Being in lighten

Courageously in awe of these new feelings,
I'm well
let me say it this way,

I love "him" for so many different reasons,

I love him the OTHER dude- too for

"other" reasons,

My Love

is the same YET so completely different.
In-Love with one & Lusting for another,

Intimacy is concurred in the arms of my Lover,

All the things You used to do is now replaced,

My miss trust and all the things "he" do used to be US,

See I wont leave You & can't give "him" up,

You know
of him and "he" knows
I used to be in-love, with you,
In lust with the likes of you too,
You both think
I'm with out the other ,

If only you 2 knew !

Trapped in this triangle
was something I never wanted,

Yet here I am

Caught torn between whats right
and my like of love,
for one verses
My lust for the other,

Deceit ,

Miss guiding lies.
I played my cards & now I have you both on either side.
How
can I choose when both of you make me whole,
Make a complete package
with out the both of you there is no 100% not even 80% ,

50% for you and for 50% for"him".

I melt when"He" touches me ,

I cry when this one leaves,

I fight for "his" attention,

I beg for that ones peace,

I crave his wisdom,

I long for this "ones" excitement,

I adore this ones wilder adventures,

I linger for "his" anticipation's,

I dream of his body,

while "he" the other rock gentle inside me,
this other-

His kiss makes me think of that "ones" lips,

How am I to choose ?,

When each part of the other 's
like choosing of twins,
the same yet so unique,
so different.
I lust for one,
in love with the other,

Love this one &
long for that one, want him yet keep
my distance & play with
someone else,
had him ,
let that 'one" go,

Now I have the both of you & can't choose!
whose who & which will get hurt,
worst thing is

I'm the fool
for being selfish ,

For doing the wrong thing
and letting it carry on this long .

Yet
I can't let go,! No I WONT,

Not even a little,
the way my lover takes me and the way he holds me ,
doing all my man wont do.

Yet the history my man &
I share isn't fair to continue with this love  affair
or is it the end.
and

I'm to weak to say good bye,

I'm too self centered to
let him love another or even let him try,

I can't see him with no one but me ,

I don't want him given what once was mine,
yet

I'm given what was never really his,

My lovers been getting the best of me and never did

I open myself to my man like I've been to my lover,

My lover has me twisted inside to where

I'm no good for any other dude,

YET
that's a LIE

Since my man has me ****** up too,
He has it where

I wont leave & I'm stuck cheating,
'But taking caring of  our home ,
See how

I can blame everyone but me-myself is at fault
and
I'm pointing to anyone but whose to blame?
ha ha hee hee

I got lost & caught in a players game,,

How am I to choose
when I love him & "him" too
& They-Both (Love ME so?)

I'm ****** up &

I'm So TORN-

TRAPPED!!!!!
Always Me Ayeshah

I don't know how to love you like you want or wish me to,

I never claimed in the first place
that I knew what love was,

told you I don't think I've ever owned it

and may have rented it a time or two,

I can't be what you need
if serenity

is what your looking for,

told you I'm a bit lost to where it's like

I wish to believe in your words
but he and him

and they
said the same thing things

promised and gave their word
like your doing

How can I give in when your
a man-  my enemy

friend yet nothing of the sort,

You'd get me,
then hurt me love me

then **** the joy of
just knowing you
right outta of me

tear me down then build me up

take for granted
the day we first met

Lie to my face and disgrace what

would be a happy home
a happy us.

Hurt me so deep
I'll believe  or trust you again,
Or anyone of the opposite ***
barely trust now

but the little I'm able to give to you has me
still questioning is it all
for real,

3 years from now or even 15

will you be able to give me all your

trying to give me now?

I don't know and I'm too scared to find out,

I need to much attention
too much of your time,

so much of being reassured
You'll,  
you'll have to constantly show & tell

prove to me
no one else can take what

you're claiming
Is "mines"
away

you'd have to validate me every single day

and check in
even if your at work least 3 times a day

Call me once you're
leaving work
& make sure
you're putting me 1st

How's
this love and where, plus

when does the past stop hurting
when do I allow
you to be the man
I so desperately need.

I can't!!!
It's too much
I'll get hurt again

so

for now

please appease me

and

Trend Lightly!

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®

There use to be  
                meaning to the word  LOVE
                                Now; Love's meaning
                                              is to use people
                                
                           Selfless is now;
                                     being more
                                                  selfish
                                            
                                        Once there used
                                                      to be a woman
                                                               who loved
                                                           ­            LOVE  

                                                         She got used
                                                            ­   to being Used
                                                                ­   & now LOVE is no longer
                                                                ­                          welcomed here
                                                                ­                               ANYMORE!

I wanted to feel his hands


massaging me once more,


rubbing out the pain & stress of my day(s).

I wanted to look into his beautiful eyes

that always said


"I Love You My Queen"

I wanted to once again

entwine our fingers


as we held close

our bodies while we laid & talked.

I want to kiss his lips,


feel

our
tongues dance again.

I wanted to run my fingers

once more thew his curly hair....

I want to hear him whisper once more

Good morning my love,

as he came home


from a night of work....

I wanted to feel him


kiss my forehead

and

say baby


I'll fight for you,

for Us!

Like he once was willing to do...

I wanted him to

be there when

His 1st born!



HIS SON

came outta me,

I wanted him to watch as

my opening stretched wide


for the life we conceived


started to break free,

wanted to look at him watching

me struggle


( for my & our sons life)

Wanted him to watch me


cry out with each contraction,


as my body sweating

and

shook from hot to cold

with hot flashes & chills,

I wanted him to see

my legs spread far apart,


my bottom hanging it seems~

slightly off the bed

my feet wrecked up on stirrups


as my ***** minora opens wider ,

stretching it's self as well as my  ***** majora....

As our sons head slowly emerges out of me,

I wanted him to watch me

as I watched him

"catch His 1stborn....

His only SON!


I wanted us to cry laugh & hug each other

as our child is placed in my arms....

Him kissing me on my forehead

once more teary eyed with

that proud new daddy

look men tend to get.........

I wanted this and so much more.....

I no longer want it thou!

Realities hit
&
I'm better off

doing this on my own!

**Always Me Ayeshah

We're laying here  with pillows on the floor, like where in the Sahara or some other exotic place just- watching TV.

Hold me while you run your fingers through my hair, caress my face as you look down into my sober face,  a smile breaks and i cast my eyes downwards knowing I'm blushing  cause your looking at me with that tale tell look.

I flick through the channels pretending not to notice your left arms laying right on my breast, the weight of it is refreshing since your left arms underneath my right arm and you've encircled the top half me protectively in your embrace.

I like leaning back on your chest as we watch TV, going through the channels together but you allow me to hold the remote, we settle for a movie we both like, "The Grudge".

We're all into the movie & been watching for a long while, it's scary and I shirk so loud you hold me tight,  even though I've now jumped a tiny bit & cursed out the scary girl crawling around on the screen,

I've covered my eyes with my blanket, I peek out from the blanket and look up at you, your holding in a laugh which seems so hard for you to do.

Kissing my forehead and loosen up your grip, then say to me baby are you scared?

Naw like really?,  of course I am & duh I say, you finally burst out laughing , its beautiful like sweet baritone- like music.

You bend & kiss me,  the kiss, I guess goes on for what seems like hours, it's only been at most a minute,.
Baby,- is what you say to me and finally I open my eyes, your looking at me with that tale tell look.

We kiss some more as we start ******* each other, fast and swift we get right down to it, no  foreplay  just the kissing, you enter me and unbeknown to me I'm moist, ready.

Your moving deeply, I'm moving fast, like it's a race, your aims to take your time,  but I'm heated, I've been longing for you, so I make sure without saying a word that I end up on top.

I'm grinding my pelvis as we mesh together, allowing you to move in & out of me, I'm climaxing rapidly, I told you I've been longing for you.

****** You've stop me dead, cold, and I'm looking at yo *** like what the ****, you smile those bright teeth with those amazing lips spread wide showing off your kool-aid grin, then say to me relax baby & don't move.

I don't know how you've done it but I'm on my stomach in a flash, and you haven't even taken your **** out of me,  rather your moving so deep inside of me allowing the pleasure from before to come back in such a force,
that I ******* bit hard down on my lip, not intentionally, your moving fast now and smack me on my ***.

I'm moving with you as if I'm a dancer in a ***** shaking video,  as if I'm a **** star pro and your the main star, I've always wanted to ****.,

I'm moving faster now, we've matched each other stroke for stroke, so much so it's like where  racing to some imaginary finish line,

but you slow your pace, I wish I could- but I'm already climaxing and my body's doing it on it's own.

You intentionally move even deeper, to where I can feel you hitting my ******,

It's all my body needed,  I cry out so loudly, you pick up your pace and **** me so hard, so deep, your holding on to my hips and slamming your **** in & out,  out & in
with such force & so much friction, once more my body's reacting.

You pump so fast & all I can do is take it, while I *** again & again,  you've yet to,

but I can feel it coming, with each stroke, each ******,  I feel the thickness all nine inches of you swell up.

You growl out; Ahhhhhayeshahhh, I'm *******, and erupt, right behind you is my turn, guess you knew cause you never stop.

This is crazy cause all this started just from us

Watching TV.*

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1990-Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®

I literally felt the pain rushing through
my body while reading your email
I'm so sorry to read
what you must have felt
that day and that moment
I can't say that
*I know how you must have felt
because I never had this happen to me,
but I sort of know how it feels since
I've been cheated on plenty of times
But getting an email like this  
Nope this hasn't ever happen to me
I know you assume
it was due to you lacking
in so many area's
Truth be told
I've not a reason
why things happen as they have
nor can I
explain why I took
away from you
what would of been your fairy tale romance
I don't know you and never planned to
I didn't even really know him
or that he was playing this silly game
I hope you will be able to forgive me
pray too you'll find a new love
and a new happy ending for yourself
because you deserve it
As I've stated I-I don't know you
and never planned to
I didn't even really know him
or  I'd of know you were
*His wife
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-Present  
All right reserved

Selectively mines,  on conditions that I don't step out of line, don't dare ask too many questions because it makes you answer with more questions where I'm turnt into the bad guy,

the one who doesn't understand, it's all my fault somehow, it's because of me, I failed to give into to ridicules accusations or allow defeat, I was pushed past the point of breaking ,

I even lost me a few times, I've been insane for as long as I can remember but this time it's completely different, I wake to walk in fear every hours of the day,

I'm made to feel ashamed for loving you, told I'll never be as good as the one you're faithfully into someone whose not even known you not the real you not as I do,

seed after useless seeds polluted a once healthy womb, drop after drop tears fell ******* shadows passing me up,

leaving me for what may become a happy ending to this fairytale nightmare,screaming myself away flinging covers off of me, laughing as I cry  out darkness, so dark and the scents nostalgically unpleasant, the many times her scents lingered on you

even in thought I conjure up the smell of lies, the musty deceit, the filthy metallic accusations thrown at me

Selectively mines when it suites your ego and when it's not inconveniencing you, I'm turnt into the bad one the person whose always to blame,



                  the one who
doesn't understand,
                it's all my fault                        
                      somehow,
it's because of me,
           I failed to give into
                           to ridicules accusations
                                                       or allow defeat,    
                                                  I was pushed
                                                     past the point of breaking


the reason you need her - where I no longer have a place, I had no choice too, I had to move on.

Hardest things to do when your reaching for a hand but end up with  straws, darkness and no help, dreams unpleasantly real, craving a touch a kiss, to be notice.

        Knock knock,    
              
                          whose there?
                                  
                                             No one....
                                  
                                       Just your
                                        
                                                  Wife of 11 years.


                                  Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®

Ummm oO O Baby


I'm so sure your


gonna be good,



So Good & sweet,





Baby you got me
longing & yearning
for you

Your what I've
been waiting
for all day,


I counted
the minutes
until
I got home



Even lit some candles
& set the mood,


I bet your gonna
melt in my mouth



Explode baby-
all over,



Mmmm



So luxurious & luscious
I rushed outta work
to get to you,





Baby ummm
I wanna feel you-
Feel you
burst inside of me,



Over flowing
with
your sweet
juices




Dripping
as you



dribble down
the side of my mouth,





Baby I wont waste  
a drop of you,



I'm gonna savor
every single
bit of you,




I can almost feel you,




Ohhh how I need
you right now





Your worth
the wait,




Believe me Baby,




Ummm your so hot




Stickey silk soft
smooth and
ready for me



So welcoming-
Baby........





Yes oh OOOO
Umm Yes




I can't wait
No more,



Oh how you
tease me




Baby Baby Yes-




I'm gonna enjoy
you so much!





I see your  finally
ready for me.



**** Baby
I Love  You........


My sweet wonderful


¡!Cream Filled Cupcakes¡!

Always Me Ayeshah

You said

You'd be my Baby,Never try to play me,

Temptation's  got to your head

Love was just a word ,

Caught up in the moment

Didn't Mean a word you said

Romance just a thing of the past

Possibility's of you & me

The life we could of had..,

You Said,

You'd never leave me

I not knowing you deceived me..

Whats going on in your head

Told me I'm ya one and only  

than left me lonely

I'm hurting so badly

Thinking of all you said to me

Got me Always guessing

what you might be doing

And

who you doing it to...,

You said i was ya Lady

I must be going

CRAZY  

Thought you'd save me  

from pain and abuse

The normal thing's

I'm used to,

But

your doing it too  

Baby your  pose to be my destiny.

Look what you've done to me !


You said

You'd be My Papi  

Now you trying to knock me  

Make me less than i am

I thought you was my man

You Said

You got me  

That I'm all you want & need


Got me crying & weeping

in a heap  with grief

pain and disbeleaf.


You Said

There was no other  

Now your taking

Application's for lover's!


You Said,


I was the best

now she's laying  on ya Chest

Claiming ya body

touching whats pose to be Mines

My Papi

My Baby

My Man....

It must be a bad dream

A night mare


I got to find peace

&

try to understand you.

From what I let you do to me,

I believed in all you told me

As you laid with me ,

While i let you hold me,

You Said

So so many thing's

They were just word's ..

still i want(ed)  to be with you,

Lord

I'm so confused ..

You said,

All I wanted to hear

My Baby

Papi

I gave in to you

I can't believe you'd

hurt me

Not like this..


You said you wouldn't

THEN

Showed me you

the truth about you...,

But

believe me

I will always remember

all the thing

YOU SAID!

(Thursday, March 1, 2007)

Always me Ayeshah