You're walking out, I try not to think so negatively but with all the things going on, I feel I have to be cautious, so I watch.

*Lucky for me I can look out my windows and see you standing there, I hope its a comfort for you to know I'm here and always will be.

From your 1st step, to your 1st words and even your 1st day home from the hospital in your preemies outfit I've watched, and sometimes held my breath fearful to let you go....

Now 14 years have past..  
(We have many more to come).

Today I sat looking out my window on my bed, watching you,
I remember how many times I held your little hands in mines and often on those occasion I'd have to reluctantly let you go, allow you to grow and let you do it all on your own.

The 1st time you fell off your bike, skinned your knee's from your roller blades, and  fell off a swing, I helped you up yet you've always made sure I'd let go of your hand so you could try again...

Reluctantly I'd let go, watchful even afraid at times but watching you today waiting for your bus to take you to summer school, I see the lesson's I've taught you implemented in all you do.

As you look both ways before crossing the street,  from our home to get on your bus,

I become nostalgic...

Thinking back to your 1st day of school, a single tear streams down my cheek, while Reluctantly;

you're standing next to me, asking when will the bus come, *

"how long is 10 minutes"  

and the look in your beautiful brown eyes once you have to get on,
you say ma can you come with me please...

Reluctantly once
more I say no, and have to let go of your hand...

You smile that lovely bright pretty smile and say;

"It's OK ma I will see you here when I get off the bus right?"

I just nod too choked up to voice myself.
Starr,
you've grown onto a wonderful young lady & as I've watched your 1st crush and heart breaks.

*I thank you for allowing me to comfort you plus for you

holding my hand*  

* through these 14 years.

Your strong, beautiful, smart, funny, and have shown me I sometimes need to let go more often.

*You might be ready, but mommy's not...

Not just yet,

so holding my hand-- a minute longer or bit more than you have to, is greatly appreciated,  remember if and when you need me, I'll be here ...

Whenever those times come for you do it all on your own,
I'm sure you're completely capable,
but I'll still be right here for you...

  And I'll watch!

*Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®
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