I do not know, I always **** up,
Constantly making you mad,
Being together feels so good,
Our lives are turning out bad.

You said you need help, I try,
I find myself caught in a trap,
Baited with doubt, fear, and pressure,
Can't get out to aid you before you snap.

Used to being a damsel in distress,
It is difficult to take on another role,
Not looking for a hero to rescue me,
Just don't think I am ready to save your soul.

This is pathetic truth of who I am,
Addicted, weak-minded, fool,
Still dream of bettering my whole self,
Despite efforts, I cannot find the tool.

I am looking for a teacher,
Who can show how to escape my selfish ways,
Once I learn to grow and be selfless
Will deliver a future full of happy days.

Turn the page, begin a new chapter,
I have placed the past at the start of the book,
Good day to start the rest of your novel,
The time and place to change is now; just look.

There is no better moment than the present,
Do what you have always wanted to do,
If you wait for the "right" opportunity to come
Might accidentally pass by you.

Every day a chance to write a new story,
An idle pen is of no use,
Neglecting the blessings life has to offer
Is it's own unique form of self-abuse.

Someone stole my color
And threw it to the wind
Scattered like ashes
I don’t know if I’ll ever find it

Someone stole my color
From the face I know so well
I saw it in the cotton candy clouds
And the teal ocean swell

Someone stole my color
I guess that’s where it went
The world looks so much brighter
Like something heaven-sent

Someone stole my color
And that’s what no one knows
Depression isn’t black
It’s the color of a rose

It’s the light orange in a sunset
And the yellow of a peach
Light blue, my favorite color
So simply out of reach

Purple like my favorite eyeshadow
No, lavender, I’d guess you’d say
And my favorite music artist
Although he has passed away

Someone stole my color
Now everything’s too bright
I suppose sometimes darkness
Isn’t the opposite of light

Someone stole my color
So I’ll wear grey and black
As if in mourning
Until I get it back

Before moon comes out to show
Lack of progress I think I'll get drunk
Could make better decisions
Life is easier to flunk

I look down, hide my shamefIul eyes
Heart lays in the dirt
Wrung out, tossed aside like trash
Can I run from this hurt?

I placed expectations high
In the wrong box, the wrong shelf
Cannot disentangle, stuck to my mistakes
Try but fail to fix myself

**** it, I am gonna get high
Life too short to live sober, full of sorrow
Rather die tonight with smoke in happy lungs
Than survive an endless number of substance free tomorrows