Before moon comes out to show
Lack of progress I think I'll get drunk
Could make better decisions
Life is easier to flunk

I look down, hide my shamefIul eyes
Heart lays in the dirt
Wrung out, tossed aside like trash
Can I run from this hurt?

I placed expectations high
In the wrong box, the wrong shelf
Cannot disentangle, stuck to my mistakes
Try but fail to fix myself

**** it, I am gonna get high
Life too short to live sober, full of sorrow
Rather die tonight with smoke in happy lungs
Than survive an endless number of substance free tomorrows

Open myself up for you
Bleed out my dreams, hopes, and fears
Leave them, a pile at your feet
You walk away
You see my wounds, you leave them untreated
To grow infected, painful
In your hands; gauze, tape, a needle and thread
The tools to fix me and take away my pain
Instead you stand and watch
It hurts, I cry and plead for help
You give me none
Share no comfort
Lend not one helpful word
Shine no light to guide my path
Aching body has had enough
I am too broken to fix now
I am too hurt to love
Instead I watch you watch me
Until I've lost all strength to go on
You are watching me die

I think I am still in a state of shock
Staring vacantly at the wall
Trying to ignore my phone, the fact
My inbox has zero missed calls.

I'm pretending you miss me
And any moment my pocket will ring
I will pick up and hear your voice
Saying you take back every hurtful thing.

Need to touch your skin again
This empty bed haunting me
This is not what I meant when I said
"I cannot wait til the day that I'm free."

Each time I close eyes at night
I replay words in my mind
Wonder how the last few weeks
I could have been so ******* blind.

Why didn't you tell me sooner?
I whisper when you are not around to hear
After all, today was the date that would have marked
Us being together an entire year.

I could have listened and you could've shared
We couldve worked it all out
But waited until now to inform me
This is what you've been thinking about.

Think about the love we share instead
How can you not feel it anymore?
What did I do? What's the hell happened to you?
To change our romance from the way it was before.

I ponder if you're happier now
Sleeping in bed alone
Than you were laying with me
Bet you're fine all on your own.

Reminders of you everywhere
Scattered across my room and head
I cry when I think about how many times
We have dreamt together in my bed.

People assure me it will get better
That I have to be strong
It's hard to act like I'm okay
Every breath I take feels wrong.