I'm on a journey
To find
What I lost
My soul
My spirit
My mind//
No map
No compass
No GPS
Can find
What I'm
Searching for//
A soul cleanse
Rediscovery
Unity
I crave it
I'll catch it
I'll become it//

isn't it amazing
how lovers
can become strangers
so quickly

isn't it funny
how burning love
can turn ice cold
so suddenly

and isn't it tragic
how two people
can **** each other
instantly

You wear leather
As dark as your heart
You speak words
As sharp as a knife

You smell of cigarettes
And sometimes cologne
You wreak of Jack Daniel's
But mostly depravity

You lurk in the shadows
And prey on the young
You desire a girl
But only one night

You tell her your lies
To trick her to stay
And then like a coward
You run away

He laughed
With a half bummed cig
Pressed too close
To his swollen lips

Babygirl,
He said
You'd better run
And he took another drag

Babygirl
He said
I'm no good
And he took a shot of ******

Babygirl
He said
I warned you
And he took a shot at my heart

I laughed
Full of innocence
I thought
I could fool a tiger

Babygirl
He said
I think I'm done
And he walked away

Babygirl
He said
(This time his voice
Estranged in my mind)

Babygirl
I picked up my pieces
But this time
You're far behind

chilled
to the bone
with the
good kind
from your
finger tips
their touch
on my
thighs
how they
grip tighter
and leave
marks
on my
skin

~With trepidation I hand you my heart, and with wariness I meet
your gaze, and with guilt I show you my scars~

"i've been burned
before
cut and crushed
in the past
my heart
has stopped
over
and over
only to be
shocked
back to life.
"beaten
and bruised
battered
and worn
i am resilient
but god
i am tired.
"i long
to love
again
to feel
-something-
again
but god
i don't know
if i can"

It's late at night
and you told me
you loved me
and i wasn't prepared
to hear that
and i got carried away
imagined a future
us married
maybe even kids
and now
you let me down
led me on
and dropped me
like hot coals
and i'm angry with myself
cause i let myself
get burned
again

don't let the past
**** with your future
don't let the memories
ruin your adventures
and don't let the reflection
cloud up your vision

i don't know
where your body begins
or where mine ends
the passion, ecstatic
we're entangled
and it feels euphoric
lost in the moment
and i don't want it to end

i'm lying in bed
and i'm crying
because
i miss you
and i cry harder
because
you don't miss me
and that
breaks my heart
because
you don't want me
like i want you

you're back again,
but in new form.
a little taller,
darker eyes.
but still you tell
the same **** lies,
and here i am
believing them,
every single
******* time.

i write tragedies
not sonnets
i'm as dark
as the night
my soul
holds sadness
grunge
is my aesthetic
and cheery
is not in my vocabulary

I had no idea
That tasting you
Your lips
Would turn me
That a new world
Would appear
And you would take,
Take me down
And I would never,
Ever come back
Drowned in you
The depth of your soul
The beautiful chasm
Between your thighs
Your thick voice
Warmed my heart
And I would always,
Always remember that

The beat of my heart,
Us woven in your car.
The heat up warm,
Loud, clean alarm.

Your lips on mine,
Distanced white line.
Bodies intertwined,
I knew you fine.

The windows steamed,
A midnight's dream.
Sparkle in your eyes,
They tell no lies.

Pushed me down.
Home, I found.
The patter of rain,
Can't stop a flame.

oh this is fun
one and done
it means nothing
just an inner warmth
you tease me
and i tease you
how talented we are
making each other
feel so special
we have no intention
of taking it further
to bed or to alter
but rather
we found a way
to pass the time
and pass the time
we shall

you laughed in my face
and blamed ME
for your problems
and i took it
and i tried
and i CRIED
and i brought the olive branch
to every family gathering
and i kept the tea
from ******* spilling
and i was never enough
and now
i see
and oh
i hate you
and your lies
and i burned the ******* olive branch
and i upset the family tea
and *******
i am enough
you vile, insensitive
horrifically, detestable
gremlin

I seem to be having
An existential crisis
I feel as though
I am lost
Not physically --But rather
Emotionally--
I am not whole
Rather, pieces of me
Are missing
Why? Well--because
I gave them all away
To past lovers
Or partners--
Look!
He has a piece
And so does she
And **** so do they
In the corner
All of you
You have pieces of me,
I need them back!!
I'm not me
Without them
Oh--- but there aren't refunds
On souls, or love, or time--
They're gifts
And I gave most of mine
Away
And now---I'm empty
I'm lost, I'm incomplete
Oh god--
I have no
Identity

If hearts were made of glass
Mine would have been shattered
Into a million pieces by now
Thanks to you

If lies were poison arrows
My chest would display them
While you shot at me
From your articulate mouth

If trust was a golden ring
You would have melted it down
And burned me
With its fire

If your definition of love
Actually had some meaning
Maybe, just maybe
I would have made it

if he loves you,
you won't need to beg
you won't need to convince yourself
he'll tell you.
if he loves you,
he won't make you cry
he won't leave you hurt
he'll show you.
if he loves you,
you won't need to guess
you won't need to wonder
you'll know

I MISS YOU
and the thing
that gets me is
it has been
two years
and you're still
in my mind
and my heart
STILL skips a beat
when i hear
your beautiful name
and god
i want you back
and *******
PLEASE come back
I MISS YOU
sadly even now
i can't get
your deep dark
brown eyes
out of my head
and i CAN'T
get your rough laugh
out of my thoughts
and oh *******
it's becoming
too much
love
i just
miss
you

you popped the hood
and ran your fingers
over the engine
stroking the piston
smoothing the dipstick
feeling the carburetor
and for once
i felt jealous
of a honda civic

Your gaze
(So brief)
Into my eyes
And then away
Only to never
Acknowledge
Me again.

Our past
(It's over, no more)
Ablaze in flames
Did that contact
Albeit, brief
Burn you
Like it burned me?

I'm not going to lie
(I'm scarred)
It hurt
I'm hurt
I liked us
And I thought you did too

Her story is always the same
She tells me all her lies
She claims to think I'm perfect
And I believe her every time

Alone at night she calls
And I always run her way
She uses me for her selfish wants
And leaves me begging her to stay

I know I'm second place
But at this point I don't mind
I worship the ground she walks on
And her using me is fine

today I looked in the mirror,
and I really looked,
and I didnt like
what I saw.
because I saw
a girl with hollowed out eyes,
a slight beer belly,
and thunder thighs.
I saw
the demon on my shoulder,
the angel to my right,
and black in my mouth.
even worse, I saw
charred lips from the cigs,
smudged mascara from a boy,
and grayed skin from the depression.
and I wanted so badly,
to fix what I saw
but I,
I was too weak.

I should have known
from the way
you reeked of overdone spice
and india pale ale
and from the way
depression
and cigarette smoke
lingered around you
that i should run//
But to cover all that
you put on a smile
and told me bright lies
to keep me around
and therefore
i stayed
only to watch
you leave
and never look back

baby,
i know
you are leaving,
and baby,
i know
its not
your choice.
but baby,
promise me
one thing:
please,
don't forget me
baby,
don't let me
become
just a memory.

I wanted to let you know
That even though you're gone
I will always love you
And always be thinking of you

I wanted to let you know
That I do not hate you
For anything you ever said
Or anything you ever did

I wanted to let you know
That you're always welcome home
That I will make coffee just for you
And that I will give you something sweet

Yes, I just wanted to let you know
That I hold no malice towards you
That you are free to do as you please
Even if doing so does not involve me

But I wanted you to know
That if you ever change your mind
That I will welcome you back with open arms
And pick up like we never left off

have you ever been
where I am
right now
when life
tastes like dry oats
and coats your tongue
and chokes your breath

Maybe
if I was prettier
or skinnier
or more of something
maybe
if I was less loud
or less dark
or less something
maybe then
you would want me

My hair fell limp
Alongside my face
It cascaded down
Grazing my lace

My lips brushed yours
I felt our embrace
Your body on mine
I'm loving your taste

My eyes engaged yours
This can't be erased
The sensual pleasure
I'm dripping (Like I just ran a race)

Your naked body
Pressed on mine
We kissed

I thought that
I should feel
Something

Thrill, euphoria
Lust, love
Or bliss

But no
I felt
Nothing

if i had to pick
one thing
that i loved about you
i would say
it was the yearning
in your deep
brown eyes
right before
we kissed

I'm sorry
I didn't mean
to fall
in love
but---
the way you kissed me
I felt a tingle
and that tingle
zapped my heart
and made it beat again---
and now
I can't get you
out of
my head

it's kinda ****** up
that when you miss someone
all you have to do
is close your eyes,
kiss another,
and pretend

my heart
only beat for you,
and i loved
only you.
loyal to the end,
and i thought
you were too.
but you didn't stay,
and somehow,
i didn't expect you to.

You worship me
I know you do
Don't lie
You don't fool me

Late at night
You kiss me
You drink me in
You ******* sweetness

Sometimes we talk
I tell you lies
Like how pretty your eyes are
Or how you can actually dance

Best thing is
You believe me
Which makes you hate me in the morning
But you always come back in the night

I was under the notion
That I could use you
To tape together
My broken pieces

I was under the impression
That I could use you
To sew
My heart back together

But all of that
Is a dim illusion
Because I'm still
As broken as before

~~~~~~II~~~~~~

I tried to fill up
All the holes in my heart
With you
But you don't fit

I feel like I'm looking in
And watching us kiss
I'm not in the moment
I'm somewhere else

I tried I really did
To love you
And make this work
But I'm still broken

across the room
our eyes met
they had never met
before

something happened
something magnetic
it drew us
together

in the dim light
our lips touched
a new sensation
encountered

your taste
in my mouth
a shaking moan
perceived

two people
completely different
suddenly became
one

There comes a time
And a place
For an
Attitude.

And today
Right now
Is not
The time.

the night my life changed
i was wearing
a white dress
with blue and red
flowers

and you were wearing
well, actually
it doesn't
matter

the night my life changed
it was dark
and you were drunk
and somehow
it was my fault

you used to be my home
my happy place
you were
so many things
my solace
in times of need
my shelter
from life's rains
my escape
from life's wars
i never felt alone
you always welcomed me
but now
you closed your doors
and kicked me out
i'm a vagabond
a nomad on the roam
i have no home
and you no housekeeper