Sometimes
You can be surrounded by people
And still feel lonely
…
Sometimes
You can be with people you love
And still feel lonely
…
I just
am

I understand your frustration
With my lack of motivation
And my repetitive procrastination
But you need to realize
I'm only doing what I need to
To survive
Music and books
Keep me alive
Therefore
if you wish to see me
Tomorrow morn
Please leave me be

"And We're Burning All the Bridges."

she listens to the lyrics and thinks of what her mother had told her:

"You are their bridge"

*they must be burning me now

So he texted you again
We thought he wouldn't
I know he wouldn't have
If you had let me text him
But we decided it would be better
If I didn't get arrested
For texting violent death threats
From an overprotective friend
To the guy
Who hurt you
Now he is back
And I know you aren't planning
On getting ****** in
You tell me you are just waiting
For the moment to hurt him
Back, the way he hurt you
But
It could still happen
I'm worried it will happen
I don't want to see you hurt again
I will always be here to pick up your pieces
But I would rather see you whole
So please
Be careful
Don't let him **** you in

The pure taste so very sweet
On my bitter tongue

I have been told
That I have to learn how to smile
Because I have been using it in the wrong way
I thought it was to tell people you are okay
Even if you aren't
Apparently it is to show people
You are happy

we are all trying to survive
to escape the hunter

except the predator is our mind
and the prey is our physical being

People of all ages sitting in a circle staring at the ground, ceiling, etc. a few twitching.

"Hi, I'm Fred."

"Hi Fred"

"I started this group because I found that I was on Hello Poetry 24/7. I got an account and I loved it. At first I was only on a little, posting one or two poems a day. But I loved it so much I began spending more time on it. It became a problem when I was fired for focusing on Hello Poetry instead of the heavy machinery I was operating. I was drinking so much coffee so I didn't have to sleep that I couldn't think straight. I began writing strange poems about adhesive sloths and grapes. My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't delete my account. I tried to stay off it but, it didn't work out. My wife took my kids and told me that I was too irresponsible. I responded with a limerick. She was very mad and left immediately after. I really want to stop being addicted to Hello Poetry and when I asked I got an overwhelming response from people who felt the same. If everyone could please introduce themselves in a clockwise direction."

"Hi… I'm… um… kittylover682"

"Hi kittylover682"

"So… I used to have a name, but now I can only remember my screen name. In fact, that is really the only part of my identity that remains. I miss obsessing over kitties and petting them, but now I just spend all my time on Hello Poetry. I used to have such a kitty-full life! I had so much potential! i made friends with every type of kitty, even new ones, i never discriminated. I met persian kitties, and alley kitties and tabby kitties and I went and pet them and showed them love… then i got kicked out of people's houses for sneaking in to pet their kitties… but my point is, kitties were my LIFE! And now, my life revolves around that little lightening bolt and i can only seem to speak in metaphors. That lightning bolt is the death of my heart, the thorn in my side, the electricity that warps my body and it just… it is a storm inside of my life. The agony when i see that my lightning bolt is not lit up with a notification… it is an undying fiery hell within my soul. I makes me want to… to… well, it makes me consider leaping off of cliffs or in front of trains… but the only thing that stops me is the hindering idea that I may have to get off of hello poetry for a few moments to go do that so I remain, under my bed on my computer, posting poetry, reading poetry, commenting, liking, reposting… its a VICIOUS CYCLE!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?!!!!”

“Hi I’m DaPoet”

“Hi DaPoet”

“Like, kittylover682 I had a different name, but this is MUCH cooler. I don’t think I have a problem, because who says there is anything wrong with being a poet? Also I’m not a normal poet. All of my poems are also raps. I’m here because my mom thinks I have a problem. Apparently choosing poetry over sleep and school is not okay. I don’t understand her ‘logic’”

“Hi I’m DYING”

“Hi Dying”

“No, that’s not my name, who CARES what my name is?! I’m only still here and not on Hello Poetry right now because my sister has chained me to this chair and bolted it to the floor. She thinks I need help but I AM DYING! I need to get on it! I DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM! I’M FINE! I’M FINE! GIVE ME BACK MY LAPTOP!”

“Please calm down.”

“Shut up Fred!
There once was a man named Fred,
who got it into his stupid head,
that people needed to be cured,
of the obsession with the written word,
and as soon as I get unchained FRED IS GOING TO BE DEAD!”

“Okay… please stop creating violent limericks on the spot. We have all been there, there IS a way out.”

“I DON’T WANT A WAY OUT! I HATE TO SHOUT, BUT WITHOUT A DOUBT YOU ARE A BIG DUMB LOUT!”

“Okay, stop making really ****** rhymes please.”

“Well then… GIVE ME BACK MY LAPTOP!”

“Okay… let’s just move on. We’ll come back to you. Next person, please go on, I’ll duct tape his mouth shut. Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver, after all.”

“Hi I’m…Sally”

“Excuse me, could you put down your phone while you introduce yourself?”

“No… Oh my gosh, Poetry is Life started trending!”

“I’m sorry what?”

“My fourth latest poem started trending!”

“YAY!” *everyone claps and congratulates Sally

“No. No more Hello Poetry. We are supposed to stop obsessing over poetry and be cured from this addiction.”

“I don’t want to be cured.”

“I love Hello Poetry”

“Why don’t we change this to a spoken word club!”

“Yes!”

“Hi I’m DaPoet and I declare this a new spoken word club!”

“YAY!”

“No no no! I created this to-” Sally clubs Fred in the head with her phone and he drops dead

“YAY! FRED IS DEAD!”

“He was hit in the head”

“And we are now free”

“To write continuous poetry!”

“And become more obsessed instead!”

The end.


REPOST IF YOU REALLY NEED TO ATTEND THIS SUPPORT GROUP TOO LIKE US
PLEASE COMMENT! WE LOVE TO READ ANY THOUGHTS YOU HAVE!

I am enough**



…



aren't I?

I am
                             A dancer
                             A writer
                             An artist
                             A musician
A creator
                             But if you
                             Wanted
                             To see
What I create
                             A dance
                             A story
                             A painting
                             A song
I would
                             Refuse
                             Turn Red
                             Stall
                             and Deflect
Your attention
                             Because
                             I am
                            Afraid
                            My creations
Will let you
                            Judge me
                            Criticize me
                            Hate me
                            Mock me
They are
                            A piece of me
                            A thought
                            An emotion
                            A fleeting moment
And they are
                            Mine
So if I show you
                            I trust you
Please don’t betray my trust

είσαι όμορφη
σαν μια ανοιξιάτικη μέρα
είσαι όμορφη
σαν τη θάλασσα
και υπόσχομαι
ότι δεν ψεύδομαι
τουλάχιστον όχι στα ελληνικά

There are days
When I look at the week before me
And only see the list of things
To be completed and checked of
No joy, simply a methodical process
I call life
But I had an exam this week
For dance not school
A change in the schedule
Stressful, yes
But also an accomplishment greater than my average week
And as I came out of the exam
I remembered why I put myself through hours of rehearsal each week
Because when I perform
I am alive
I am full of an energy
High on the sense of pride and self-esteem I don't feel any other time
Feeling like, for a moment, I can do anything
It doesn't last all that long
But that's is okay
Because now I've remembered
And I won't forget again

I am sorry
I never told you
it is not because I don't trust you
But because I don't trust myself
To never bring you back down
You remember that two years ago
Was one of the worst years
Of either of our lives
Last year was worse
I didn't want to drag you back down with me
I knew I was drowning
But I couldn't hold on to someone who
Could barely tread water
You have said yourself
There is always a potential
For things to get dark between us
I know
I couldn't tell you
I hope you understand
You have enough to worry about
Without my problems
I can't dump them on you
I promised I wouldn't
I guess I kind of did
I am sorry

Eyes glancing over terms
For which I care not
Mind trying to memorize
Definitions of things
So small you cannot see
With the human eye
If I could do anything else
I would
But no choice has been given to me
I must learn
What I have been told
And nothing else
Why can't we learn
Things no one ever thinks of
Why can't we figure out
Why spontaneous generation
Doesn't exist
For ourselves
Or write
Whatever we want
And explore what works
And what doesn't
Instead what we discover
Has been laid out for us
A skeleton of information
Today's form of education
Why must we do things we hate
And waste our precious time on things we don't care about
When we could focus on
Something we are passionate for
And could become successful at
No child who is passionate about swimming
Is going to revolutionize the world of construction
No one who loves cooking
Is going to change the finical industry
People will go above and beyond
What is asked of them
If they love
What they do
So why don't we let them?
The world would have amazing increases and discoveries
In every field
So many people wouldn't hate their jobs
Or their co-workers
If they were all enthusiastic about their career
If we allowed people to focus
On their passions
But
We don't
So
My eyes glance over the terms
For which I care not
Mind trying to memorize
Definitions of things
So small you cannot see
With the human eye
If I could do anything else
I would

"Where's the *** gone?"

"I've got a jar of dirt!"

"So you are all going to fight them, and you are all going to fight them all on the account of him wanting to **** him?"

"Jack. Where's Elizabeth."
"She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised. And you get to die for it just like you promised. So we're all men of our word, really... except for Elizabeth, who is, in fact, a woman."

"The lies I told you were not lies"
"You lied to me by telling me the truth?"
"Yes"
"That's good, can I use that?"

"You know when you are standing in a high place and suddenly have the urge to jump?
…I don't have it"

"And that was without even a single drop of ***."

"You have a cruel mind, Jack Sparrow."
"Cruel is a matter of perspective"

"You know, for all that pirates are clever clogs, we are an unimaginative lot when it comes to naming things."

"Aye, the original plan was to use nine pieces of eight to bind Calypso, but when the first court met the Brethren were, to a one, skint broke."
"So change the name!"
"To what? "Nine pieces of whatever we happened to have in our pockets at the time?" Oh yes, that's very piratey!"

Dear Dexter,

All of your poems are filled with hatred with a deep underlying pain. You convey messages of undeserved hurt through your poems so well I am hurting with you.

Every poem is beautiful, no matter how dark the subject. There is even a beauty to the raw, ugly ones that show truth.

I chose a few of my favourite lines and responded to them.

“Everyone was so consumed in their own sadness that they failed to notice mine.”

You have been noticed. All of your poetry is amazing, but it breaks my heart. I can relate to your feeling of being overlooked. When everyone has their problems and you try to say something about yours, but no one has the time to here them and eventually you just fade into the background. No one has to be entirely alone. even if you only reach out to people on hello poetry, there are people here, myself included that care a lot about other people’s pain and through poetry you can feel it so much clearer than you can in conversation.

“Your self worth
runs even deeper.”

You make a poem about self hate sound hopeful with these lines. It is supportive and beautiful.

”because how do you tell someone 
who has never shed a drop of blood in 
their life,
that every part of you is bleeding.”

These lines break my heart. They are so full of pain and truth. It is really astounding poetry.

“because no matter 
the number
on the scale, 
you will still
call me at 3am,
begging for a 
reason to live.”

You capture the human nature so well. We have feelings that run deeper than instincts, think beyond logic and explanation, but when it comes down to it, we still have a survival instinct, that begs us not to **** ourselves.

“Stop making the hurt you feel sound cool and trendy. 
Tell the world what it's truly like
because lately people have sewn the words 
"Beauty" and "pain" into a cute little pink sweater in white lace.”

These words are so true. It seems like everyone is romanticizing pain, instead of discouraging people to follow in those footsteps.  I know that there is no one in the world who would wish this upon their little brother or sister, son or daughter, friend, any relative. It is a pain no one should experience and it should never be advertised. I think you capture this in your poem/rant very well.

Dexter,

I feel your pain, you cynicism about the world, your hope that shows up even in some of the darkest of poems. I don’t know you except from your poetry, but it seems that life has been cruel. I sincerely hope that life decides to stop being such a ******* and turns around for you, soon. I believe that things will get better, for anyone who suffers anything, if you give it a chance. I think you have waited long enough and deserve something good now. You are a good person, you care about others, I can see it in your poem, Pain isn’t Beautiful which is entirely true and I have seen people making pain seem desirable. Your words ring truth and support for people who are suffering. Keep writing.

Love,
Ena

Depression, self-hatred
It seems everyone is affected by it
Whether personally
Or if it is a family member
Or friend
Sometimes people don't even know
They are affected by it
Why is their brother so drawn away?
Why does their mommy not want to get out of bed?
Depression cannot always be prevented
But it can be beaten
With love
If you show people you care
They realize
No matter how one it takes
That they make a difference in someone's life
And that can be enough
To save them from taking their own
So please
Show people you love them
And care about them
Try not to be cold to people
Because you don't know what they are dealing with
And that sneer you give them
Could be the last straw
The one that breaks the camel's back
And all their strength and willpower
Comes crashing down
Smile
Give people something to hold on to
Until they can find Hope

So often I find myself
Engrossed in conversations
I am not a part of
When I am alone
On the bus
At school
In any shop
I hear interesting snippets
Of stories
Or annoying gossip
Sometimes I will
Count how many times
They say like
One girl
Said it 37 times
In six minutes
I laugh at peoples jokes
Or the stupidity of their statements
To amuse myself
And pass time
I know you do too
Because we hear something hilarious
Or weird
Or something we wish we hadn't
And we make eye contact
And laugh
At the weird things you hear
While eavesdropping

I sat on a rock and stared
At

I love to sit
In a building
Way up high
And look down at the ground
And see all of the people
The size of ants
And all the cars
Like the toys I once had
Hurry around
Walking, running, driving
Everyone is in a hurry
Somewhere to be
Somewhere to go
Faster, faster
They go
Each one with there one story
Relatively insignificant to everyone else
Only people in your life care
About you and your story
The same way only you care
About people's stories
Who are in your life
Everyone else is just a face
In the way
Walking past you
Driving your bus
Your train
Your taxi
Insignificant
A pawn that gets you where you want to be
So you can ccontinue your life
What if
We cared more
About these people
Probably others would think you are crazy
But maybe you would touch someone's heart
Change their life
Maybe smiling could be a social normalcy
If those ant sized people
Could slow down
For a moment
What would I see
Way up high
If the world became
A friendlier place

Part of me
                                    Feels empty
A hollow shell
                                    Non-existent
The other part
                                    Bubbles with anxiety
A tightness
                                    I can't lose

They are not mixed together

But they are also not pushing each other away

They are just coexisting

Something that shouldn't happen

That couldn't happen

So why is it happening now

?

I've been feeling so alone
And so lost
As if I was trapped in the dark forest of my mind
Not knowing which way is out
And which way is into further isolation
And than I walked
And walked
With music playing in my ears
Alone
But I wasn't lonely
I was free
And I wished that I could just walk forever
Not away from anything
Not to anything
Just walking
forever

This world
Is not the world our grandparents lived in
We are less connected with the natural world
Separated by televisions and computers
People who spend their lives online
Distracted by flashy adverstisements
Bombarded by commercials
Telling you why you aren't good enough
Or your life isn't easy enough
And how they can make you look better
Feel better
Be smarter
Have an easier time getting places
And doing things with less effort
We forget that how we look
Feel
And our intelligence
Might just be good enough
For you and the people around you
We need to take a break from all the consumerism
And reconnect with ourselves
And each other
To become human again

It was more than a year ago
I admitted you were no good
I tried to let you leave my head
And you did
But all good things must come to an end they say
And one short week was enough
to pull me back
Sorta
I was convinced things were different
We were friends now
Temptation was prevented
by my faithfulness to Someone Else
Until that Someone Else left
and surprise.
You were back.
creeping your way back into my head
monopolizing my thoughts
I tried to remember
You are no good
But every time those six letters
appear on my screen
my heart jumps
a little
So please
Don't talk to me today
if you don't plan on saying Hello
tomorrow

How to describe something so perfect?

A smile that shines brighter through your eyes than your lips

Slowly leaning into you

The way you easily reciprocate my sarcasm

You keeping the receipt from our first date with our stick figure rendition that the waitress drew for us

Pausing the movie so we could dance

Our first kiss

The whirlwind of the first week

Hearing I love you tumble from your lips

How to describe something so wrong?

A wall, though not physical in nature, effective just the same

The grains of you slipping through my fingers

The absence of the spark in your eyes that told me I was the only one

The silence that should be filled with the words I never said

I love you too

Imagine a crowded room
Every person is talking
A pin drops to the ground
Can You Hear It?

Imagine a city bus
Full of people
A pin drops to the ground
Can You Hear It?

Imagine a green park
People stroll around leisurely
A pin drops to the ground
Can You Hear It?

Imagine an empty room
White walls, concrete floors
A pin drops to the ground
You can't hear it.

Wounds will heal
Over time
Even if it takes
Decades
But the memories that
Came from the pain
Last much longer
I know
I have scars
That mark the pain
Everyone does
But not all
Scars show
Skin is not the only
Surface you can
Break
Hearts
Can be slit
Just as easily
So be careful
Every person is fragile
Some seem more
Breakable
Than others
But not all
Scars show
A heart is not the only
Surface you can
Break

Confidence
Can be shattered
Just as easily
So be careful
Every person is fragile
Confidence can
Be broken
Faster
Than anything else
And it takes so long to
Repair
I know
I have scars
But not all
Scars show

Screaming match
Angry words
MOM, SHE LOOKED AT ME!
No one has patience
Isn't this the season
To be happy
Joyful
Together
Than why
Does being in the same room
Force us to hate each other
Automatically
Sometimes
We are the best of friends
Sharing secrets
Or just being ridiculous
But more often
We are at each others throats
For things that do not anger
The average person
At what point is family togetherness
Too Much
Because
I don't think
We can handle
Anymore of each other

Every word I write
Every paper I use

I am killing trees

Every word you write
Every paper you use

You are killing trees

Every homework assignment given
Every essay turned in

We are all killing trees

We do it so naturally
A press of a button
A stroke of a pen

Trees are so fragile
Like a life

If we can **** trees so easily
Who says we will think more about destroying anything else
Including each other

So next time you reach for paper
Think of trees
Think of life

Sometimes people are so quiet
They are almost invisible
It can take days
Before they realize they have been noticed

Sometimes people are so scared
Of being hurt again
It can take months
For them to say "hi" back

Sometimes people are so sure
No one will ever love them
It can take years
To unbury their hidden self

Sometimes it can take moments

The others wrote you letters
To explain why they couldn't stand you anymore
The next day you asked me
Where we stood
Since I didn't write you a 'hate' letter
What I said was too polite
So here is what I should have said

You treated me like ****
Stomped on me
Then waited until I picked myself up
To push me down again

So long I didn't notice
What you were really doing
I would come back
To apologize to you

Mistakenly

You had all of your friends
Dancing around
Controlled by you
Puppets, our strings in your hands

But a few of us
Had just come alive
Opened our eyes
And saw the truth

That you don't care about anyone
You just care that they care
But now I don't care
Go light yourself on fire

Guess What?

Family is forever
But friends don't have to be
I guess you forgot
We made a choice

Also known as a mistake
To be your "friend"
And I was a true friend to you
To bad it was one sided

In case no one ever taught you
Here is the definition of friendship
Two people who can trust each other
To give and take fairly from the other
To love them
A care about them

I should have said
That I can't give anymore
At some point a well
Has to run dry
I had nothing more to give you

If you could have stopped
Tearing at us
Ripping us down
You wouldn't have lost 3
Of the very best friends anyone could ask for

By hating our friendship
You excluded yourself
It's not our fault
It's yours

So if I ever have to see you again
My face will tell you to die
Even though my words did not
The day I said goodbye

If you are happy without me
Great.
If you aren't
Even Better

Just in case it wasn't clear

I hope you die in a hole.
Ελπίζω να πεθάνουν σε μια τρύπα

A very deep hole.

The flakes came
The day after Halloween
Large
Cold
They stuck to the ground
First since that short
Unexpected
Snowfall
In the second week of school
Before Summer returned
But
Now the snow is here to stay
We made it to halloween
Which is a remarkable feat
For my city
Winter can come now
I am ready
I can survive through
The cold dark days
Because we made it to halloween

You tell me it's okay
You're fine
But you are lying
It hurts when no one notices
I know
I always thought
I was good at seeing when others were hurting
It was one thing I could do
Be a good friend
But now I know
I am not even that
I am so sorry
I wish I could take your pain
And keep it for myself
Bear the burden you don't deserve
Shelter you both from the world
Stop you from hurting
I can't
So it turns out
I'm just a ****** person

Life
So fleeting
So short
No one realizes
Until they lose someone
That it could all be taken
In an instant
No one wants to die
Even when they are in so much pain they can't move
Physically, mentally or emotionally
They just want the pain to go away
No one has to die to stop pain
Dying only gives it to other people
So even if you are crippled by sadness
Or sickness
Try to keep living
Not survive
But live
Everyday
Appreciate something
The sky
The snow
The grass
Anything
Just to remind yourself
That not everything is bad
The world is fundamentally good
Try to see the goodness
Because
We don't have much time
And we would hate to spend it sadly or angrily
So live
Make yourself happy
You can do
I Promise

I can imagine these moments so well
They make me happy
But they also make me really sad
I can imagine them
I am just afraid
I will never
Ever
Live these moments

I am so sorry
I should have seen it
I should have called more
But I let you slip away
I was too wrapped up in my own problems
And you two seemed so happy
I just kind of stopped calling
Usually I called when I was sad
Hearing you
Made me feel better
But the emptiness came right back when the line went dead
I should have pressed harder
Secrets can be necessary
But they can also tear you apart
Like knives hitting the target of our friendship
Please stop throwing your knives
And I will stop mine
And we can patch up the holes
We left behind

Where do you go
When your house
Is no longer a home
When you no longer feel safe in your bed
Because you can hear their words
And your cheerleaders
Are the ones holding you back

Where to you turn
When you supposedly greatest supporters
Become your greatest critics
When the gossiping girls in the bathroom
Have insults
That seem like elementary insults
Compared to the things you hear at home

When do you decide
Enough is enough
When they are to afraid to repeat their words
To your face
When you can't tell them things
For fear they will use it against you

When do you decide it is time to spread your wings
And leave the nest that has become a death trap
It doesn't matter if I can or cannot fly
I would gladly plummet downwards
As long as I escaped

When do you finally stop denying
What once were your parents
Are now simply your
"Legal Guardians"

We promised
Sister Forever
We marked ourselves
A sign of love and belonging
Until
It became cold
The air was frigid between us
Someone even said
It was like stepping into a freezer
When they walked by us
And they were right
It was frozen
We let the ink fade
And wrote something new
Adelfés Gia Pánta
It was the same thing
When translated to english
But the meaning was entirely
Different
Because there was no you
Anymore
Elpízo̱ óti tha petháneis se mia skoteiní̱ trýpa gemáti̱ me arouraíous kai ta fídia

I sit here
Crushed by loneliness
Wishing for conversation
Something
Because I seem to be
The only person
Who doesn't have something
To do on this
Cold Sunday afternoon
It is paradoxical
'Cause when I have
A person to talk to
I often wish for them to stop
I am not content either way
I want to walk away
From everything
But I have responsibilities
And it is too cold
So I will just sit here
and be lonely

There was a girl
Quiet like anyone else
As a young child
Her eyes always wide open
In wonder
She was excited for everything
If a flower had grown
It was a miracle
If she discovered a caterpillar
She was as ecstatic
As someone who had found
The cure for cancer
But as she grew
She did not
Lose her sense of wonder
Her eyes remained wide open
To the world around her
While her peers
Complained and mocked
She would celebrate
Every little thing
Any achievement
Anyone made
If she saw an amazing sunset
She would gush about it
For days on end
If she found a bird
Broken
She would strive
To fix it
And if it couldn't be fixed
She would give it
A funeral honouring its life
Her classmates turned on her
And ridiculed her
For her sense of awe
And though it hurt her deeply
She did not change
She did not hate them
As she was left alone
She simply smiled at them
Whenever they walked by
She made it out of high school
With her determination to
See the amazing in everyone
Or thing
As her only companion
She became a well known
Artist
And people talked of her
With admiration
For the way she could capture any moment
And make others she the beauty
In it
The girl kept her wide eyes
And her sense of wonder
Until the day she died

I am very good at lying to people and choosing when to look guilty
I am good at faking things
I am good at pushing people away
I am good at terrifying people
I am good at over thinking
I am good at making people feel guilty
I am good at staring people down until they feel like their soul is crumbling
I am good at hating people
I am good at holding grudges

The Fear of the Future
The Phobia of Change
The Assassination of the Human Pride
As their Souls Quake in Terror
At the Thought of What Could Be

There is But One Thing
A Mortal Being Dreads more then
What Could Be
And That is The Fear of
The Empty Void of The Afterlife

For the Humans Have no Knowledge
Of What Comes
After A Soul Passes from
This World Unto the Next
And What Waits for All Mortal Beings There

But What scares Humans Most
Is Those who Do Not Fear

So you are struggling
Big deal
We are all
What makes you special
What would make you think
I would care
After everything you did
You want me to care
Why should I
When all you ever gave me
Was reasons to hate myself
I would never choose to help you
That would not be fair to myself
I mean I can't see you without having an anxiety attack
You need someone to save you
Why me?
Why?
I should dismiss this
Sweep it under that rug
The one with so many things
Shoved under it
That it looks like a mountain range
The only problem is
It could be my best chance for Redemption

I don't miss the lightheadedness
I don't miss the fatigue
I don't miss the secrets
I don't miss the planning
I don't miss the fixation, the obsession
I don't miss the emptiness

But

I do miss the willpower I used to have

My eyes glance down at the empty page
No words come to me
My hands shake
I can't disappoint
But I have no inspiration
The light bulb is dark above my head
I can't think
I can't write
Until I am again
Inspired

Whenever I'm on a train platform, no matter how far from the edge, I feel as if I will fall on the tracks.

I stare at the page
But I can't focus
I am reminiscing
All the feelings
From long ago
I am better than I was
But still
Sometimes
I fall back into the
Darkness
The despair
I used to live with
Constantly
Sometimes I don't even know
Why
But I feel it
Right now
I can feel it
But it is different
It is quieter
Like a memory
Knocking at the window
It won't come in
I will just watch it
Remember it
Write of it
Until I forget
For a moment
And live*
For a moment
But
It will be back
It will slip through my door
That I tried to lock
And it will wrap its arms
Around me
A familiar embrace
That suffocates me
Forces me to
Forget my life
My responsibilities
And lie
Huddled around it
Waiting for it to leave me
For another moment
It is just passing by
It won't come in today
And I can live
Through this moment