Talia Grace
Talia Grace
1 day ago

This is a poem that is inspired by the poem Being Numb by Delta Swingline


To the girl who never stops writing:

I'm sorry

I never thought that I could be so stupid
But times change, right?
Just make sure you hold on to the other half of you
Keep the fifth though
You can make better use out of it than I ever will
Just throw on our favorite song and block out the world if you need

Don't blame yourself, and please...
Don't cry beautiful

You don't need to be sorry, I promise

To the boy who never gave up:

I'm sorry

I never thought I could be this way
The people pleaser... choosing to be selfish
Never ends well, does it?
I just hope that this will all be better in the long run
Don't let me hold you back from the greatness that you have in you

To my sister:

I'm sorry

I hope you look beautiful on your big day
Don't miss me too much, but I have to decline the invitation
The tension could kill someone
And this is your day, don't worry about me

To my parents:

I'm sorry

I've never been the one you wanted me to be
Just don't try to pry when this is all over
I will keep my mouth firmly shut as to not cause you pain

To the logical thinker:

I'm sorry

I always knew you were the smarter one
I just never thought you would be so right
Take care of my loves and treat them well
Don't let me cast a shadow over your beauty

To my coaches:

I'm sorry

You're not the only ones I'm going to disappoint
I just wish I could have given you the metal you deserved
Make sure my team mates train just as hard as they always have

To the newbies:

I'm sorry

More for one of you over the other, but still
You haven't been around long
Just try to remember me when I was happy
That's the only part you need to know
Don't worry about me too much

To myself:

I'm not sorry

You're honestly a piece of shit...
You deserve all the pain you're in
Don't let other apologize, this is your fault
Keep yourself safe, dying will be a relief

Keep quiet and keep your head down
Your pain needs to be kept inside
Don't cry you idiot
You don't deserve the relief

If you need to let it out, make sure to punch something hard
Bruise and split your knuckles for all I care
It's all your fault
You deserve this

I'll never be sorry for you
You made your choices
Now deal with them

I never meant to hurt anyone
Talia Grace
Talia Grace
4 days ago

I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
Do you understand it now?
Or have you become blind along with your deafness?

Please, hear me now
Delta Swingline
Delta Swingline
5 days ago

Hey God...

I have a confession.

I am not a good person.

I know it isn't original, and I know you've heard this too many times from too many broken people.

But it's the only shred of honesty I can give so please accept it...
Because I do not know how to forgive myself for this tower of lies I built over the last month and a half.

I am not a good friend.

I try...

And you know I try. But I haven't been trying as hard as I used to.
But I want to try and make things right.

I have convinced myself that heaven seems too high up for me to get to.
And I'm here asking you to tell me there is still a chance for me to be saved from my life.

I went to church today for the first time in months.
I saw old friends, and read new verses... I learned more.
Although I still feel like an outcast in this place we call "safe".

I can't feel your presence near me even when I pray.
It's like I've cut the communication lines and there is no repairing them.

I am willing to work for my life.
I will build houses of faith and sing praises until I drop, but it won't be enough.

I work well under pressure. So if you told me that getting to heaven was as simple as building a ladder as high as I could in 24 hours, I would work through war and hellfire to get there.

I would climb every rung until the ladder ended above the clouds and started feeling like the solid foundation of a life restarted.

I can only hope you will accept me with open arms, forgiveness...

And a "hello."

I've been working too hard.
Delta Swingline
Delta Swingline
6 days ago

I met you 3 years ago.

5' 2" and terrifying.

You never got any taller, but your rockstar personality shot right to the moon and back. And you never let anybody bring you down or tell you what to do. I admired that about you.

I remember the dumbest things about our friendship. I remember working with you on a group project we both didn't care about. I remember becoming friends with you like it was an easy thing, like we both knew we would be friends eventually.

I remember the first song I ever sent to you, and not expecting you to like it but you did anyway. You told me the song would even get stuck in your head. I promised to send you every song I would ever write.

We were close. I would always make time to talk to you. It didn't matter whether or not you were interrupting anything, I would set anything aside to talk to you.

We shared our jokes, and our pain. Our laughter and longing, we were good friends and we never let each other down.

Until now.

And I will admit that this is my fault.
Please don't place all of the blame on her.
She may be guilty, but so am I.
2 out of the 3 problems were caused by my impulses.
I can handle 66.7% of the blame and consequences.
I can do that.

You can hate me if you want.
You tell me you don't want to talk to her anymore.

I tell you I respect your decision and that I will be here if you need me.

I am sorry.

I know I screwed up our friendship, and I wish I could take it all back.
I wish you could remember me as the innocent songwriter who held out arms of comfort instead of words of contradiction.

I am terrible.

And you don't need me.

But if your heart finds enough forgiveness to see past this.
I will give you a way out.
And if you choose not to take it.
Then maybe you believe that I am worth taking back.

That our friendship is worth fixing.

So tell me:

If I am worth that much...

Are you okay with the idea of starting over?

Because I want to make this better.
You don't have to be around me if you don't want to.

But if I can start over.

I will live through my life thankful that I got a second chance at all.

Please don't waste your time worrying about what happened. I couldn't live with myself if you decided to suffer for my mistakes.
Delta Swingline
Delta Swingline
6 days ago

To the girl I wrote the song for:

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have said what I did over the February break. Sometimes too much truth is just as deadly as one lie. And maybe that's what shot your silence across the ocean.

Even though you told me I shouldn't be sorry for the way I did things, I will continue to to apologize for everything I did. And if I have one request for your next decision, I can only hope that you don't hate me.

Because I can't forgive myself for what happened.

To the girl who watches TV with me:

I'm sorry.

My impulsive behaviour on that March night was my fault.
I knew what I was doing, I knew people would get hurt, and I did it anyway.

I will admit, the rush was not the worst thing in the world. But it came with too many consequences.

So please, with every episode of a TV show that we both enjoy, just remember that we will never be what we were.

...And I will never let you be sorry.

To my brother:

I'm sorry.

You were the first person to find out what happened and I asked you to keep me safe by keeping my secrets in your chest. I prayed you wouldn't let the words fall from your heart, I begged you not to tell our parents.
I shouldn't have put that kind of weight on your conscience.

To my parents:

I'm sorry.

Telling you what happened was the hardest thing for me to do. But I can only hope that I haven't lost all of your trust because of what happened.

To the bodyguard:

I'm sorry.

Actually.... you are the person I really don't want to apologize to. But I am still sorry.

Mostly for my actions and because what I did hurts the person you love most, and that I can accept that as my fault. I know somewhere in your soul, you hate me. And that's something you and I have in common.

But I can live with you never forgiving me. Because you are just here to protect the people you love. And I am sorry I threatened your comfortable life. I didn't plan on hurting anyone... but I did.

Just promise me this:

Be good to her.

Because if you don't do that...
Then what the hell are you doing?

To myself:

I cannot be sorry for you.

I can promise you that these next few days will be some of the most painful. And to a point, I am too much of a masochist to care. You will want to punch brick walls and bleed for your mistakes. You will want a perfect stranger to beat you close to death and walk away like it's no big deal.

You will want to apologize every single day until you blow out your vocal chords. You will want to suffer.

But you will not cry.
You will believe that crying is not worth it.
You will choose to be silent, you will choose to become numb to all of your pain. And I will not be sorry for you.

I will never be sorry for you.

But I will tell you that you are not going to feel this forever.
So do me a favour and walk.
Walk with your regrets and live on.
Work for your trust back, and maybe then you'll have a chance to start over.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

I haven't been able to cry about my problems. And that isn't exactly a bad thing.
Delta Swingline
Delta Swingline
6 days ago

There has always been my family...

And My Family.

Day 1

I was born.
This girl was born to her parents not knowing anything. Living her life through school and music with her sisters and little brother, this is her life.
This is her family.
This is my family.

9th Grade

I meet a girl, and she is the definition of deafening headphone music and larger than life punk rock music. These types of instantaneous connections are too strong to ignore.
I knew right away, we would be friends.
She introduces me to her friends and I find myself in a group hug of my new friends, people who decided to accept me.
This is her family.
This is my family.

10th Grade

The same girl is my closest friend. But I am not her closest friend. I feel her pull away to be somebody else, and that is okay. I will often run to her crying and sad and she will do her best to pick me up. And she does.
The friend group we have is more like home than the house I sleep in. I forget about my parents and find comfort in the arms of my friends.
I feel conflicted about which family means more to me.
I tell her, "I know blood is thicker than water."
She tells me, "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."

...I have never heard that before.

Is this her way of saying that we are more family than anything?
Maybe we are.
Or maybe we were.

We walk together knowing that we are never giving up on each other.
This is her family.
This is my family.

11th Grade

I meet another girl. A friend of a friend. Jealousy builds. Attention is a fight nobody wants to lose, I have become the 3rd party nobody asked for.
Families are supposed to fight. But now my family is not one that will fight for our happiness back.

But I want to.

I always have.

But I cannot fix this because I am not the only person involved.
Why are we fighting?!

Day X

I wish I could take back my mistakes.
One friend describes her life connected to 4 people... one of which is no longer talking to her.

And that one friend is also part of my family. And if losing 1 of 4 people you love is a tragedy, than for me...

It is losing 1 out of the 2 people I have left.
The two people I care for most will not talk to each other. And I am the biggest mediator the world never needed. But I cannot let go of either of the two people I love and care about.

I initiated the disaster. I started the dominoes. And I will pay for it.

I have to.

Nobody expected this catastrophe to affect me, or her, or the boyfriend, or the girlfriend, or the best friend, or the lost friend...

The victim
The aggressor
The manipulator
The cryer
The coward

Me

I cannot fix this with my own two hands.

I look at the two people I care for most.
They will not talk to each other.
And to a point, it is my fault.

I look at them.
We all had to suffer and bleed for this covenant of friendship and family.

This is their family.
This is my family.

This was my family.

I wish I was better to my family every single damn day.

It's the things we don't know,
That can cause us the most pain...

They say sometimes not knowing is for the best, but I believe... not knowing is the worst kind of pain.
#fear   #worry   #pain   #afraid   #sadness   #imsorry   #jealousy   #heartache   #terror  

They say when you are in a panicked state of mind you have to center yourself into the room in order to calm down
You were there one night
As my wildest emotions overrode me
You told me to count to 5 and it would all be over
Everything would be okay
1, 2, 3, 4... 5
It passed, those five seconds
They just
Passed
I began to use this method whenever I'd begin to go into an emotional frenzy
1, 2, 3, 4... 5
Things began to pass and I became to realize nothing could be bad forever
Especially after the countdown
Days passed between the two of us and things did not seem the same
As we sat in your car arguing about the little things
You said the words
"it's over, get out of my car"
I sat there
Shocked, panicked, so flooded with fear
So I began to count
1
you yelled at me, "STOP" you said
2
you wouldn't stop screaming "I'm done with this, I can't anymore"
3
you stopped screaming and began to pick up my purse and jacket to hand to me dismissing me from your car
4
you said "this will not pass"
5
it didn't

#poetry   #sad   #imsorry   #iloveyou   #stop   #you   #deep   #numbers   #mad   #yelling  

Holding your heart
In the palm of my hand.
What do I do now?

Look at it sparkle;
I wish I could keep it.
Why did you give it to me?

If I keep I'll kill it,
If I give it back it breaks.
So what do I do now?

Take it back yourself--
Please? It's the only way.
Why did you give it to me?

I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen.

They said to watch my step.
They said don't fall.
No one told me
To keep others from falling.

They said to be on guard.
They said, “Stay in your tower.”
No one told me
That others don't have towers.

They said don't get invested.
They said don't fall in love.
No one told me
To keep others from loving me.

They said heartbreak hurts.
They described the feeling.
No one told me
What it feels like to cause a broken heart.

Breaking my own heart was hard enough--why do I have to break yours too?
#love   #heartbreak   #imsorry   #tower  
 
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