I’m not entirely sure on how to start,
Other than I have depression,
I feel like I’m falling apart...
This isn’t exactly how I wanted it to be,
But we don’t always get want we want,
I’m just trying to let you know, let you see.
I’m always shrugging my shoulders,
I can’t seem to really get used to it?
But I’m not getting any bolder.
It’s like drowning,
Chained to a rock, i’m Sinking.
I can’t stop, i’m Always thinking.
Crying out of nowhere is fun as well,
It makes me wanna give up my soul,
Literally feels like I’m living in hell.
I don’t ever really talk about it,
No one really... cares?
I don’t know how anyone feels about it...
I just sorta... sit in this silence.
Waiting for this weight to go away.
I don’t like it down here,
I don’t wanna stay.
But I gotta, because i’m Chained.
My mind is insane, constantly strained.
I just wanna go back into your arms,
Where I feel at home.
That way... I can feel some sort of comfort.
I know this is probably not the best poem to explain how I feel,
But it’s the best I could do, I finally broke the seal...

Do you ever feel...
Like the person you love...
Is just an illusion?
A vision inside your head...
To make you feel better about yourself?

Why do you leave,
When I lose everything?
Why do you get all the attention,
When I do all the work?
Why do I receive no credit,
When all you do is lie?
Why do you spread rumors,
When I was the one happy and alive?
Are you jealous of me?
What did I do wrong?
I’m trying my hardest to be loyal.
I’m doing my best to keep you.
See, my biggest flaw...
Became your secret weapon.

All I wanted was a friend.
And i’d do anything to keep you.
Even if it meant ruining myself.


You’re my friend.
And I’m supposed to put you first.
...right?

maybe my real problem is that when I’m lost,
I look for you and not myself.

I love looking up at the sky,
Staring up high, wondering why...
Did you just decide to leave one day...?
Is that how it happened..?
I don’t understand... I never have.
When you left that day...
It felt like a bullet to the chest.
A knife in the back.
I couldn’t bare the thought of losing you.
The thought of never kissing you.
The thought of never seeing you again.
It hurt.
It stung.
It burned.
But I.
Did my best.
Gave it my all...
And you just left...
And I’m still here.
Still under my thick ink covered sky.
Looking up at the Stars...
And watching my meteor shower.

My biggest regret about leaving him was that smile.

That ****** smile.

You knew what you were doing.
You knew exactly what you said.
You knew every action you made.
You knew exactly what I would become.
You’re a Thief.
You’re the shadows that roam before dawn.
You’re the thorns on a rose.
Your words cut like obsidian daggers.
You knew exactly what you did.
You lied to everyone.
All because you’re a selfish criminal.

There’s this person that watches me at night.
Spray painting the walls in the moonlight.
I don’t know his name, but he just sits.
And he watches.
I hide my face with a respirator and hood.
Hoping I don’t get caught.
I love the smell of the paint, I wonder if that’s why he watches me.
He enjoys what I enjoy.
Hopefully, one day.
We’ll cross paths again,
Fully intact.
And enjoy these nights.
Where we felt so Abstract.

Him with Her.

It’s all my fault.
A simple mistake to a complex situation.
It’s as if someone was just waiting to lift up the curtains.
Showing everything and ruining the uh..
“Big Secret”

I’m Bisexual.
Being caught isn’t fair.
Why don’t straight people have to come out?
Because it’s “Normal”
The “Right Path”
Everyone complains about Pride month, when straights get the whole year to themselves.
The problem isn’t our sexuality.
The problem is that people like to judge other people and no one is willing to change that.

Let’s get high.

It’s so Intense...
The flames around my nose,
My eyes flickering from side to side.
This stuff has lifted me to the sky.

It’s such a Monster...
Ruining my insides,
Making me tired,
But I’m alive.

I’m higher than the Empire State Building,
I’ve reached heaven’s gates.

Why stay down, when I can just go up-
Higher!
    Higher!
        Higher!
    Down.
  Down.
Down.

Reality is a bust.
So why don’t you come on over.
And let’s climb the mountain to Heaven.
Please don’t leave, don’t sigh...

Trust me, Baby girl...

Let’s get high.

You're 1,700 miles away from me.

You expect me to stay when you don't even try.

I always feel like I'm on the verge of going under, like the waves in the sea.

Your love is intoxicating, addicting... you're a drug.

You're the nicotine in my cigarettes, the blood that keeps my heart pumping.

I'm unsure how to proceed, I'm scared even...

I wish we could just go back to the way it used to be.

I’d rather have no friends at all than have the wrong ones.

Well, I know when you’re around,
‘Cause I know the sound,
I know the sound of
Your heart!



-The 1975, “The Sound”

“See you tomorrow, Buddy!”

Love, Dad

I’m drowning.

And I’ve gotten so used to this feeling...

That I could go jump into a pool...
And not feel a **** thing...
As I hold my head...

Underwater.

“I’m Okay!”
Is just my favorite Lie,
It helps to hide
And
Pretend that
I’m perfectly Fine.

The fault. The blame.
The pain’s still there.

You see...
The moment I knew,
That I was in love with you.
Was when I turned around to see,
You in his lap, his lips on yours.
My stomach dropping,
My heart breaking.
And I just left.
Because I knew
That I was
Falling in
Love.

You make me sober in ways I don't understand.
The way you kiss me,
The way you hold my hand.

It makes me feel like I have purpose.
Like I can finally breathe,
As if the weight upon my shoulders has left.

Every single time that I feel hazy,
buzzed and gone,
I think of you and I can see clearly.

But I'm sorry that I didn't think of you that night...
When I clearly wasn't in my right state of mind.
The way I yelled at you, and left...

I was intoxicated with the monster.
I decided to drive away.

Little did I know,
I wouldn't return,
and the men in blue would show up at your house.

maybe it was never your smell,
maybe it was just your eyes.
maybe I couldn’t really see,
what you truly had in mind.

Staring at each other, awkward and confused.
Our eyes shifting, not knowing what to do.
We get close and then back away,
Feeling alone, but obviously astray.
Our hands intertwined, not caring about mankind.
We close our eyes and our Galaxies Collide.
The action quick, the feeling never ending.

Once Again, staring at each other, not awkward nor confused.
Our eyes locked, knowing exactly what to do.
Our hands intertwine, not caring about mankind.
Not feeling alone, nor astray.
And once again, we close our eyes and allow our Galaxies To Collide.

My finger tapping the surface.
My mind hurt, completely blue.
Waiting for a simple reply,
Maybe even an “I love you.”
i just wanna feel your touch,
Holding my hand.
Maybe even with a little Luck,
I’d bet a dollar, just a single buck!
That you would be the lighter to my cigarette,
The guilt to my Regret...
The person who created my suspicions...
My one and only Addiction.

You gave me anxiety attacks,
And I loved it.

Nothing matters in the end.
We either **** up the world even more.
Or change it.
But it doesn’t matter in the end.
Because we all die.

My God.
This feeling is taking over.
Clawing at my very existence,
Spilling my insides onto the floor.
The stars have left my eyes,
My hygiene has wilted.
Instead of seeing the blue cover skies,
I only see the cement under my feet.
My shadows dance in the sunlight,
Laughing and mocking me.
Slowly knocking me down,
I’m tired all the time.
I’m sick of this feeling.
Sick of the demons inside of me.
They’re never ending party goers,
Constantly going and going until I fall.
I reach for help, some type of hope,
I find myself slipping away.
I’m so sick of these demons inside of me.
The drugs don’t help,
My smile fades when you look away.
I’m ripping myself apart,
And I’m sick of these demons.
Because they’re the ones making it happen.

When everyone
You thought you knew
Deserts your fight




I’ll go with you.

Sometimes, another problem is all it takes to go on.

The Stars above, Shining bright.
Your smile the same, even at night.
Though no one can see it during the day,
Your true colors shine bright when the light is away.
Your laugh a musical, your tears a void.
Deep as a black hole, never annoyed.

The Stars above, Shining bright.
Your smile the same, even at night.
Though no one can see it during the day,
Your true colors shine bright when everyone... including me, is away.

Who would’ve guessed,
The Nerd sitting by you failed their Test.
Who would’ve guessed,
The Emo in the back passed that Test.
Who would’ve known,
The Nerd sitting by you had sinful thoughts.
Who would’ve known,
The Emo in the back had no scars to bare.
Who would’ve Guessed,
The Nerd sitting by you wanted to die.
Who would’ve Guessed,
The Emo in the back threw away his razors.
Who would’ve known what went through that Nerd’s Head.
Who would’ve Known what the Emo felt.
When everyone
Expected
Him to
Do it
1st.

You took me in at the start .
You gained my trust, you never fell apart.
Little did I know, you weren’t what you said.
For I looked in your eyes and never saw the dread.
We laughed and we cried,
You faked smiles and you lied.

I never saw what you painted on my back.
The big red target, the center covered in black.
When you let down your arm, it hurt like hell.
The knife, the blade, piercing deep.
I never wanted to trust again, all because you were the one friend I wanted to keep.

My breath made visible clouds into the winter night as I spoke to you through the phone.
I spoke with honesty,
          “I’m Just a Nervous Kid.”
In which you replied.
          “We All Are.”
And with that, I knew... I knew I could trust you.