Feeling like aged bottles of wine. Tarty, tangy, ale and rye. Backwashed at the bottom, bared half inch of DNA collecting bacterium by the decade. Each floating strand archetypal on it’s own. Like separatist fans of gold, separatist fans of chrome. Extricate model minerals alter and contrast on their own. Earth maintenance, sustenance, nourishment and remotely beyond consternation.

A lacking ruinith; she know not currency.

A value made thus child; when met bereavement, ruthless and reaved.

Long gone; alas final crestfallen gives.

Impetus formith she grooves; in smirched tarnish banks we shall live.

nor·mal
an adjective
/ˈnôrməl/ 

conforming to a standard
usual
typical
or expected

a word she keeps on running after
all she ever want to be

a person free from physical or mental disorders
fat sad old she is
confused moody she can be
mind heart full of dysphoria
loneliness and longing some of it may be

A line at right angles to a given line or surface
she has no angles only in curves and circles
she looked
a form a surface she longly hate

I am not normal she screamed
a thought she already knew intimately

When will I ever be?
Should I be, should we be, and how
these questions are running
through her head as she cries

Ads? Pretty sad, on the one clean place I had.
Makes me feel bad,
Like I lost a friend to death,
Of the slow kind. Eating at his force. Explode. Painted by sheep, because no one is true. Haha

The sun sempiternal shepherds its flock life-longly. Repetition be its brother, night be its foe. As regurgitation fumes, funneling heinous broth of decay and hostility, the tedium drips ashore, clenching its claws, raising the congregation of lunatics hellwards and in a moment of inseparable divisionism, bursts out loud, hardening the ground with desecration. Outbegotten and throughbrought, the once ****** ******* feral sons to the demented deity all above and none below, in turning, swirling and the ever-prying agony, facilitate themselves a house atop a hill. After the cacophony concludes, The Fool finds himself standing, thrice woven, wolfmeadow thrown, fistlike tenacity hit, once beholden to each beast of coppered glow. Up he reaches, but finding nought and disillusioned with disinterest he breaks down in acid tears and horrid shrieks for mercy. The inward calibre reciprocates and bursts out a tubular noise of contradiction. In all still-standing, the Queen, she of the all-overseeing, turns to The Fool and parlours him a wisdom: "I am unto you as a universe is unto itself. I am within you as this earth is within me. I am you and you I shall stay. And when you at once turn dust-wards, I shall, bereft but forthlooking, beget you again." Aghast with sudden agonising fragility and from the cosmic incantation a ghost arisen, The Fool in all his momentarily found glory and happiness conjectures himself a vessel to venture upon. What he once missed he now resides in. He found it and now he rejoices. To Youth, at long once and at once forever.

25th of December
Came Christ the redeemer
Emerged the age of Christianity
The largest in the history of humanity
Along rose the Church and the Pope
Jerusalem gave people a new hope
The 12 apostles followed his sign
Spreading the words of Jesus Christ
But good never comes without its parallèle
And it came in the form of Pontius Pilate
30 pieces of silver satisfied Judas
A man's greed killed Jesus
Betrayed but never abandoned
Crucified and yet reformed
Two days passed after that cursed Friday
And he returned on Easter Sunday
Easter came with the Easter bunny
Began the egg hunt, entertaining so many
And then came the best of the best
The festival which cloaked the rest
Jingle bells, reindeers, mistletoe
It won the hearts of both young and old
Began the Christmas fever
T'was delightful for every believer
The quest for the right tree
The perfect gifts for family
Even the children were not left behind
Santa Claus brought their shine
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, *****, Comet, Cupid, Donder, Blitzen, and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Made his coming a sight to remember
The lovely winter announced its coming
And spring notified its leaving
The glorious season made everyone gay
The white snow, the one horse open sleigh
Carols made Christmas melodious
The community greetings made it glorious
A holiday Longly waited for
A season always remembered for
Christmas, the time of joy and love
Enjoy this season and await a new year with a fresh beginning and hope...

On what day did the Seeker, that foul-shaped gangly
Figure, weep and belly-crawl toward me
Forward winding? In craven eaves, in parsley fields,
I wrinkled sleeves, running, running,
A bare-foot straw sock stuck fast and wide
While crows were nodding, nodding, nodding.

The mansion breaks the parsley skirting; my mouth
Is panting, low, unsightly. A butter cloud of moths
Were dancing, and caught my cheeks with tender tags
Of sickly salt-pan glister. With baked stone walls I
Pushed the tail-bone, and time was wailing fast before
Me, it scratched my back into a cup of clawing,
Chasing fingers.

He seeks me still in wooden boxing, under sweating
Hands are shaking; time atop my crush of raven
Swings a hefty, dullsome, tune. Knees were pulled far
Up and rounded, domed and white, and jade, and black,
Stuck and stinking fragrantly, the skiddish slums of slime
Betrayed me- sleeves were *****, hot, and green.

With backbone slinking down the body, the clock
Grows loud with muffled strumming. In front, the crack,
The door before me, small enough to wholesome hold
Me, blanks the mansion's putty light. Arms that longly *****
The run trail, scoop a crackle from the door frame;
Ones that pester, hound and perish
With longing, longing, longing.

His holiness is my virtue
But not the divinity it commands
Nor the depravity it understands

But what I alone as one man
Can come to understand

Why do we follow so blindly the belief
Why do we seek so longly his relief

In my world I am my creator
And I will live for my savior

It is no one else's fate but mine
To disregard his time
And take my place in a long unlawful line

Startled me, it did
With darting speed, a small arachnid
That leapt, then rested upon doorframe
Fascinated me all the same

I’d seen these as quite loathsome creatures
This one epitomizing their standard features:
Clinging and spindly, longly legged
Many eyes – quick death, they begged

So grabbing a tissue, I prepared for gore
Having slain these things many times before
I wadded the weapon tight in my grasp
When the spider did speak – and I did gasp

“You are, sir, a gentleman, I do so guess
And I will so die at your behest
But perhaps from me something you could learn
And my purpose t’would be duly earn’d.”

“Go on,” said I. “Say what you will.”
Disgusted by the thing I’d planned to ****
“My life is short,” the bug went on
“Spare me and I’ll still soon be gone.”

“That’s no reason to your company savor
Sounds like I’d be doing you a favor!”
But it stretched and displayed during my hesitation
All the merits of its creation

I watched with skeptical cocked eyebrow
The spider approach and grinning now
“You’ve already spent more with me this spell
Than any other bugs could have lived to tell.”

“All I wanted in this spider’s life
Is not strength, nor size, a man nor wife
But just to hear I’m thought of separately
From other spiders you’ve killed lately.”

“So, with our promise and the final ****
Bugs appearing, no longer will
And all creatures, then, that you will meet
You’ll happily choose to love and greet.”

The spider and I consummated this pact
And suffice to say, I committed the act –
Crushed the thing to death betwixt
Fore finger and thumb, with tissue affix’d

Since that spider, the abhorrent gnat
On the door frame never a spider sat
But since the spider’s vague prediction
I have new troubles, this strange affliction:

A hatred I had felt so sure
Simply isn’t any more
And I must tell everyone I see
Just how the spider baffles me

Light shined through the broken cracks in the sky, illuminating the bitter concrete. It stretched itself across the scattered buildings—some stood while others crumpled under the pressure of having to stand tall, or that's what the light thought, at least. After it had reached every inch of the stained windows, it begged for something nostalgic. It needed to touch skin. The light craved the feeling of life. It had been so long since it had felt some sort of animation, so many times it swept the charred lands—exploring, asking for some sort of companionship, but never a response.

By this time of the afternoon, the sun had gained even more strength and it fully penetrated the thick mist of the clouds. This revitalized the light. It gave it some sort of immaculate purpose—some reason to produce beauty for its visitors. What visitors? Where had they gone? Where had they been all the years that the light spent mourning for them? Exhausting his energy time and time again to hound across the streets for that moment of aggrandizing glory—finding what it had searched ever so longly for.

Was this all in vain? Were the constant endeavors of the light only a mere distraction from the one reality it tried so hard to escape? No. No, it couldn't be. Years and years it had put the effort of fighting through the clouds and the storms and the rain and the mist and the fog and the towers and the trees and bushes and yet, it has nothing to show for its deeds. The cruel reality of life or rather the cruel reality of the lack there of life?

“Give up,” the buildings whispered morning after morning. The words, traveling though the air at super sonic speed, caught the light as it reflected through the city. The light—usually unaffected by the words—took notice to them now. It slowed for the first time in years to the point that it stopped halfway through the city. Thoughts creeped out from the air around it; particles floating whispered mockingly to the light.

It had accepted failure. There was no living tissue that it could grace, no child that it could brush its warm fingertips upon. It ascended back to the sky and ignored the rest of the comments that the buildings and storms left it with. For years it hid away in space. The earth was dark. Revolving in endless circle with no clear purpose, no real reason to be afloat.

Time continued to pass. The Light lost track of it and drifted further and further from the sun and earth until it was becoming consumed by the darkness. It made no attempt to rid itself of the evil latching to it; rather, it embraced it. This continued on for eternity until the light could no longer see its own glow. Its only companionship was found in the silence of the deep space.

A cry. A cry from Earth rang out loud. The light could hear it. It struggled desperately to escape the hands of the night—ripping away feverishly. Chained by the fingers of solidarity, it would only move a little until it was brought back to its prison. The cry became louder. It demanded help. The light could do nothing but listen. The cry stopped.

Death. And with that the light followed.

Grab a hold, Take a seat,
Put ya feet up, please stay.

Freshly told, Of the heat,
Raise ya cheek up, and pray.

Captured you, In a trance,
And I'll one, two, and three.

Thoughts are new, So they prance,
As I float in seas grief.

Checked myself, Checked my rhymes,
Checked my spellings and flows.

Now I delve, Swim swirl times,
Heck, I can't smell, my nose!

Allergies up north, Make me suffer,
But my summer's been nice.

Freely float up forth, Rake a cluster,
Rut with bummers, their vice.

I cannot distinguish, The difference between,
Reality and this dream.

Longly I languish, the hindrance of dreams,
They quickly burst at their seems.  

And I have surely missed out, broken my rhyme, there it goes.

My structure is dead, the synapses connections snapped,
Focus lost over the falls of my eyelids;
Down my nose,
Into the soft fall reservoir;
Where it stirs and gets bubbled through the seeps of my lips;
Never to come out as thought for food,
But lost forever in the unfinished idea limbo.

It's a sad night of expression here tonight, I fear.

Night buds.

She never smiled for the soothing sounds of my smooth soliloquies
Nor did she fathom the frightful forms of my words
She didn't enjoy my empathy nor my engaging emotions
She did not bestow her best upon me,
But I still love her longly, largely, and life-filled.

I leaked little house, flipping and spotting out tiny little words, little fragments of possibilities, in the resonance of a cello, in the ever growing weeds between the sidewalks, shoe laces, crushes, freckled faces, ahhh me, a small thing to remember, a walk down the street!! a walk, seemed leaps and bounds, of that thing@!!! why that thing? Why memory? Can they be washed away , spittles little bits of *****,
ahhhh, ahhh long lonely night, of heaps of green, clean, watered pipe of decency, reflections, necessities, degrees of truth and reactions, sharpening of lenses, pointing out and covering up flaws, accentuations, ahhh ahhh long longly me
ahhhh burst, ahhh inflate, to tumble over when not levitating off the ground, to fall off the bride with dirt on knees, and to emerge with a different walk, a different attitude, ahhh lonely walks, not necessarily of abandonment, of priceless cheap desire, however a feeling consuming and leaching to burnt toast and milk in the morning, itching, itching itching, and itch?
Ahhh lonely night, little bits of discs, little bits of discs? I don't remember which, screen, don't remember where thats been, who left it? gone? is it on? input cable one?
Ahh lonely night

I leaked little house, flipping and spotting out tiny little words, little fragments of possibilities, in the resonance of a cello, in the ever growing weeds between the sidewalks, shoe laces, crushes, freckled faces, ahhh me, a small thing to remember, a walk down the street!! a walk, seemed leaps and bounds, of that thing@!!! why that thing?  Why memory?  Can they be washed away , spittles little bits of *****,

ahhhh, ahhh long lonely night, of heaps of green, clean, watered pipe of decency, reflections, necessities, degrees of truth and reactions, sharpening of lenses, pointing out and covering up flaws, accentuations, ahhh ahhh long longly me

ahhhh burst, ahhh inflate, to tumble over when not levitating off the ground, to fall off the bride with dirt on knees, and to emerge with a different walk, a different attitude, ahhh lonely walks, not necessarily of abandonment, of priceless cheap desire, however a feeling consuming and leaching to burnt toast and milk in the morning, itching, itching itching, and itch?  

Ahhh lonely night, little bits of discs, little bits of discs?  I don't remember which, screen, don't remember where thats been, who left it?  gone?  is it on? input cable one?

Ahh lonely night

Legs longly stretch across my unconscious
Hands gently tangling the wormy lines of brain
A rearranging to make me theirs
Docile
Compliant
Obedient
To think as one
My insula
My Prefontal cortex
Swollen blobs
My begging eyes crying brain to be loved
Like spiders
Skittering
Scattering
Across my battered brain
My blame turned inward
I who did this
But it was you was it not
You who turned my left and right into the north poles of magnets
You who turned my mind into silly putty and broken glass
Shredding and reforming
Never whole
Never BROKEN

drinking the heartbreak away
will not solve the problems
you bury yourself in as habit

with alcohol sipping on your lips
allowing dry unspoken words to be
the only chapstick you immerse the lips
you once saturated upon your love with

making stains on your wrinkled shirt
that has been reserved longly from
the month's old ***** laundry pile
because of denial to sober yourself
with no views of bettering the life
you suffer greatly continuous in

as you take each sip to another shelf
of empty bottles & intoxicated remorse
you will not embrace the empowerment
of the unawareness of your environment

yet instead the awareness of who
caused you to sip to another
emplacement of an empty shelf

why are you always here? why do you keep on visiting me every night? why won't you leave when i command you to leave? who are you to bother me and trespass into the barrier i built?

why do you have to stay beside me or should i say cling to me every time i am all alone in a dark and quiet room? why are you making it worse for me? don't you know that i am tired already?

i am all in dealing with your excuses and lies. your voice is alluring, but deafening at the same time. your touch is gentle but it's getting rougher when i dig deeper. your words don't make me feel better at all. you made me feel that i am the loneliest person in the whole world.

you are such a disappointment, and you know that. you only create havoc rather than peace in my life. i am incessantly in tears and my pillow knows it all, even my blanket.

i don't need you. you poured too much caffeine and the sweetness has longly gone. the blending isn't right anymore. please, stay away from me. you are not the one who i am suppose to be with.

&&. pɐǝɥ ʎɯ ǝpᴉsuᴉ uoɯǝp ǝɥʇ

I try not to get tongue-tied when I glare at the obvious wrongs before me...

I cannot continue to constantly cry because I bleed my words out for no inspiring reason.

Wondering why we wake up and try to live our lives surrounded by people who tiptoe on their words, stepping onto those that they think they're superior over, I included...

But beyond myself, will anyone else be bold and brave enough to say what I just said?

Or instead, glance by, unphased until your dazed by the fact that you had a chance and yet you blew it, bombed it, tragic

Sad, yet, longly lost and losing hope in humanity, for the humanity that brings hope seems to be from a different reality

Dead or distant, but both are fiction to the now and the present, attendance is key, but if you're gone, or gone, you can't say that you belong when you and I know that's wrong...


In the end, no one wins, because instead of fighting together for something better, we separate, isolate, and we hate, just because we want to control something...sometimes..

leading to nothing...
Fun things burning behind the masks people love shining
Thinking it's better to be fake than to say fake
Even though lives are at stake...

...
And yet I bet I'm right.
People don't want meaning anymore that isn't repetitive
for even if it was repetitive, someone would find something to wrong, linking to a sedative

Sleeping soundly, waiting for the world to end
But what will you do if it already is
Pretend to not care and destroy your whole life
Cutting up your story into pieces with lies lining your knife...

In the end...it always restarts again.
No change, so how can we even win?