Stars spark from a deeping, clear, blue winter sky as
the moon prepares to enter the scene, stage left.

A breeze sweeps away the last blushes of sunlight and
evening caroling-bells, ring like wind-chimes.

The evening chill makes students walking back from
classes seem to walk a little closer for warmth.

Students, huddled to nail down evening plans seem to smoke,
like the exhaust of cars exiting campus in bumper to bumper traffic.

Wet sidewalks, like dark and winding mirrors, twist reality, inverting
and reflecting lights - bending them into pointing the way home.

Old Katherine Kimberly had a sty near her eye
it was a bleeding abhorrent electric
dream spilling out her sanity
the sty was not just any regular sty
it was a satyr placed there by cruel forever
just because
why not

old KATHERINE KIMBERLY had a
mute cousin who came over for tea
when K.K was feeling down, he wanted to be a comedian
but this wouldn't work out for obvious reasons.
old Katherine Kimberly
had a recurring nightmare involving the world around her inverting it's layout, a backwards realm with backwards chairs and backwards backs
everyone looking like they suffered a dramatic accident
spine snapped but still walking
she was the outcast with her even shoulders and
delicate form but there it was that sty by her eye
wouldn't quit not even with sleep.
She went to see a doctor about the nightmares he prescribed a miracle
didn't work
so she went to church
met some wiry bald-spot
evangelic addict figure who
gave her mysterious bagged-and-untagged drugs
(those didn't work either)
nothing would help.. Kimberly came to the conclusion that the sty and the dreams were correlated in some spiritual, cursed sort of way.
Nobody could see it they promised

"No! no! you look fine, everything is in order god knows what you're on about Kim"

but she scratched and scratched for hours in her bedroom and looked in the faded mirror with microscopic detail and sure enough it was/gone??
since when??
she could feel it there, she was no hypochondriac it was alive and feeding off her still
that HORRIBLE THING!
some months now or maybe more it had always weighed her down but now gone
or never there...?
IMPOSSIBLE!
this wasn't over, old Katherine Kimberly would tear this ****** apart on a sub-atomic level and make sure it would never haunt her in any respect from "this day forth!" she said poetically,
wearing a conservatively fashioned dress with green flowers on it
and green grass, too.

She took to the New York subway on a Wednesday, the time was.......2pm
and she was headed to the drycleaners but not the one closest her apartment, the people that ran that one were pushy and irritating.
She was going to "Maude's" she and Maude had lovely conversations about the Gardener who lived one floor up from her who sometimes allowed a small hello from his lips on the way up, off of work.
She liked what he liked
or at least she imagined that to be true
but then again we all do that
it's a bad habit
he could be a total *******, she thought.
Old Katherine Kimberly walked in and opened the backroom there was Maude listening to Brian Eno
(Cindy Tells me/HERE COME THE WARM JETS/1974)

"THE RICH GIRLS ARE WEEPING"

Maude heard K.K come in and swiveled around in her office chair with the one off-kilter wheel which she didn't do a very good job of fixing.
"Well I don't shop at Ikea, its no wonder why, Kat"

"This sty! I know it looks like it's gone, but it isn't, do you still have any of that herbal remedy stuff you told me about earlier?"

"yeah, yeah.. the stuff you refused take way back when?"

"I admit I was being stupid, I just need help, I'm out of options and I'm kind of on a bad trip right now, see? some ghoul at the church gave me these pretty pink pills, said they were from mars and that they could cure anything! O Maude I was desperate and now I'm hallucinating all sorts of wack. I'm afraid I won't come back from this! I dunno what to do Maude! I dunno what to do!"

"Relaxxxx poor doll, you're always getting caught up in messes like this. It's like I said! you gotta settle down with that Rupert, he seems like a genuine guy, real caring, real. I'll help you, I have that herbal medicine in my car I will be right back"

Maude left hastily with a pat on K.K's shoulders as she went
K.K was going cuckoo
she suddenly felt that on a very metaphysical level her atoms were remembering this drug
always
and that when she died, eventually..some innocent child would be reconstituted with her atoms
to live with this for all time
and to be forcefully admitted into a psychiatric ward
pleading for lobotomy!

"What is this? what did I take? does that Kubrick-looking ****** use this often? how is he even tethered to reality?" she was dizzy, good thing she was sitting down..

Maude came back, shaking her head in sympathetic disapproval
"Jeez.. you've gone down the rabbit hole as far as ailment is concerned, that's for sure"

"What do you mean..?" Katherine Kimberly kept her feet grounded to the carpet as to not sway reality to a snowglobe catastrophe.

"Well you say the sty has something to do with the nightmares, or vice-versa, so you took drugs from a complete stranger! only made things worse, I'm sure.. and now you've come to me"

"That's true" K.K agreed
"Why do this to yourself?"
"I've been lost, out of tune, completely washed.."
(((((())))(((((()(((((((((())))(())))))))))()()()))))((­(())))))))))
she was going to continue, but felt like vomiting

She lept from her seat and hunted for a bathroom,
A vicious tabla bleached her brain
with supernatural viscosity
her body played like a cosmic instrument
for a higher being in a higher realm.
Next, the frantic sitar which reminded K.K of July and
the humid balcony marijuana, Ravi Shankar melodically spinning in her living room.
This was a much different experience.. as made clear by her
convulsions
the viper's final dose of venom

"The great spirit lifted his hand without much ado, and split apart Flower Mountain's ten million layers." - from Elder Ting Stands Motionless. (Blue Cliff Record)

"-******* that ******* from the church
why I ever listened to him-
-I feel like I am afloat atop the world able to see the stars as vibrant eyes! but I'm wavering without a sense of gravity. I am at once motionless and spinning!-"

A lot more trouble than it was worth,
O the wisdom of consequence!
K.K, poor doll, lucid consciousness
and an acute awareness for her disposition in this Universe
and all alternate universes for that matter.
(Including the version of her that decided against taking those pink pills from that pink-cheeked man, Stanley Kubrick lookalike ******* probably only posing as a religious man, they never met in one reality, they ****** in another. In one he is god! he is the only god! and in one she is god! anything better than this reality now! her lungs foaming up with death)

GLOBE-O-VOOTY/
GUIDE-O/
ME SOFTLY/
GET THIS THREY-WAY/
OUT FROM MY MIND/
(That's VOUT language for you, there. Slim Gaillard's timeless bop language)

after puking up the rest of her morning meal
she wiped her mouth dry with her sleeve and
reunited w/ Maude who handed K.K that herbal
music
and wished her well

"Look, I know it's none of my bussiness.. but if I were in your shoes, I'd make some changes.. that's all I'm gonna say about THAT"

so Katherine Kimberly went home, she wept
wept about her disposition
about her mistakes
about that inoperable mental sty which was more than a sty
parasitically latched onto her for ages
she wept about how boring people were
how after all this protest and bloodshed
we're just the same as before if not less intellectual!
this fever dream of a day hath made her realize
that she SHOULD make a change.
Hell, Maude was right, sometimes insufferable (tho not as much as others)
She couldn't keep doing this, whatever this was.

The herbal medicine was contained in some cutesy vial
a kind of amber-shade
thick liquid.
Just in the fashion of Lewis Caroll she
drank up her prayer potion, with the sensation that the room was expanding around her, shrunk down to the pathetic dreamer once again,
and so she tried to sleep this desperate sickness off.

One floor up, Rupert thought about whether or not he should *******, he decided to make some coffee instead, continuing where he left off on a new-age book about hypnotism.

I can remember when sleeping was always pleasant.

It was alleviating my burning heels and loosening my straining eyes, looking forward to crystal dreams, transforming myself into a new dimension every night.

Sleeping was my superpower; it was absolute blackness that created a story from nothing, always making me smile in the yellowing morning.

Tonight, a clean slate just seems frightening.

I have no control over this superpower. It is confusing my sense of presence, swallowing me whole and inverting my perception, and injecting evil into my veins, awakening new sides of me.

I'm hoping the moon stays away tonight.

The whole and the apex of things,
In a curvy lane of made up events,
Secretly cheating on self and relevant slaves,
Trusting an artificial flow of sands,
Inverting and unfolding the tone of the Caller,
Which efforts are not blessed by hope,
Born and bred into an automated mechanism,
No chance of waking up or defeating the incorrect,
Raised questions are easily filled,
An eternally examined organism at its knees,
Fainted chaos into unreality,
Flush the shape of the caged race,
Trapped by their weakness,
Trust, truth, the inborn curse.

Double sided

Your presence always accompanied
By the most dreadful momentum

You are gaining speed
You are losing peace
You are giving the lead
To a power that won’t cease

It’s cloaked in impulse
A body of desire
Though intention rests in its holsters
Pride is all it fires

Swirling beauty slow down!
Running too fast for those
Who can recognize to see
And those who can’t to catch

You champion hope by burying action
With action of the wrong kind
This version of hope doesn’t
Liberate, but rather infects the mind

Hope was meant to inspire
Not fuel a pointless fire
You’ve made your conscience a liar
Dragging ideals through the mire

Shadow-kissed
A waste of this
Inverting experiences
You won’t want to reminisce

A romance not worth a single ounce
Of the blood you’ve already lost
Put to death that with which you lay
If only you knew the cost

Why can’t you see the bottom?

Kaiser's hiccups
/are/
   and \were\
   legendary
and probably
  |will be|

having a little break cleaning the house, after having taken out the garbage, the dustmen always come later than the postman, around 2am, i'm guessing my street is their last point of call... which suits me just fine... the house was almost entirely cleaned, vacuumed, floors wiped with detergent... ugh... **** it... lazy fingers... i opened up my guitar case, the PIECYK (amp) is ******, i still have my first ever acoustic guitar but i'm missing three strings, my electric still has all 6 strings... i'll get some jam out... i haven't practiced in years... i figured: if i can't find a drummer... if i can't find a bass player... try the mandolin outside a girls window once, give up the dream, put a poster of a rock band on my wall... do some art when i'm completely "out of it": drunk... poetry: not a most spectacular art... well: it would be spectacular without all the ******* puritans of form, rhyme and: meter? they call it a meter but not a metre? that's a bit like telling someone you weigh... that's mass in kg multiplied by "X" is... 999.6N... ah... i know... science shoved it's pickled brain into casual talk: the distinction between weight and mass... mass came after weight... weight is still commonly expressed foundation akin to height... but it was a welcome break with my seemingly dead electric guitar... dangled a few jangles and jingles of remembering when i used to play... Silverchair's Shade, Red Hot Chilli Pepper's Under the Bridge... Eric Clapton's Layla... Link Wray's Rumble... Grieg's in the House of the Mountain King...

only today i realised that people are truly lonely...
odd... when i was in my utter depths of despair:
no one came... but who did come? me!
i picked myself up, no one was willing...
but then... coming across a descending /
an ascending choir of song in an empty church
then hearing a great wind disperse the singing:
i did have my technological asset with me...
the hallucination, the, "hallucination" was so potent
that... regardless of putting in my headphones
or not... the singing continued...
it was only when i scuttled and hid beneath
the altar and took the altar cloth off the altar
and covered myself momentarily with it
then starting running around the church like
a headless chicken... i know! i know! i know with
a BURNING I KNOW... if i uttered a word
i would hear the wrong reply!
either a god descending or a devil ascending...
after all... either side has a singing choir...

people are truly lonely...
i'm alone... loneliness is something that
attracts people to me...
i can't stomach loneliness...
for me that's like... the cul de sac of former
extroverts having an orange with no
orange juice to trickle down into a glass:
half full? regardless the optical misnomer of
calling the same glass: same... half empty...
i am more than willing to do this security
job because i get to do some decent work...
like being a chemistry teacher...
it's a great narrative canvas...
i write over what was already talked (over)...
that's how you get to paint by writing...
you're not some Tolstoy's...
no... not some Pavlov's dog trying to wet his appetite
but also sweat... via drooling saliva...
before my shift i had that random conversation
with mother...
she was watching the t.v. adaptation
of Leo Tolstoy's War & Peace and i said to her:
i don't recall having ever read Tolstoy...
he's not like Dostoyevsky, is he?

so we compared: Tolstoy is the writer
of the macro-cosmos... of events that shake nations
and the individuals: "individuals" are sort of:
chess-pieces...
it's the sort of literature of the salon...
Dostoyevsky is a psychologist...
a world war II might be taking place...
but... but... some Heinrich *******is getting dealt
a terrible hand of both luck and fortune...
like i said to my ailing mother:
she half-jokes aligned with giving birth to me
being her crucifixion...
i joke back: maybe if i wasn't born
i would have both my hinds...
i was once called a: hunchback angel by a guy
advocating the advent of the DUB-STEP musical
genre... way before DUB-STEP became bust
and only associated with SKRILLEX
"drop the button buster, beat, blah blah"...

reimagine drunk conversations in a pub...
in a PLOOB... Scouse? i don't know... maybe somehow
someday, maybe...
    ich sehen rot.. ergo: ich aufladung,
i.e. go! i.e. gehen!

people are so lonely, not having read anything of
philosophy...
if i were to learn anything from the sage-father
that my father isn't....
read philosophy when i'm old and clinging ton sanity
with a chance: oops...
*******... death end clue...
what?                        before you're dead...
please leave your nappies alongside the rest
of the remains of you...

i was having a: drinking session with
newly married couple... Irish traveller...
i downed his, my, his, my: whichever pint
long before the closing hours were done...
Frankie... Francesca...
**** me... Matthew Conrad "m.d."

it's called: tunneling!
me what?! a **** was asking me to g back
to her flat to sniff some *******...
smoke some ****....
i'd love to...
        but i need to make my mother
a coffee come 9am...

i never realised people could become so lonely
and when drinking enough become so blatantly obvious
about it...
it took me one night trip to find a fox's corpse
by the side of the street
to subsequently find a skip and some black bin bags
wrap the road-****... walk with it for almost five miles,
stopping off at the house to weigh myself
then me and the carcass...
amassed to about 7kg... a big, healthy *******
of a fox...
when i was picking him up from the pavement
at 5am a man and a woman were eying me up
like: no... not a ******... a shaman...
they should i might be pretending to chop the fox up...
i just didn't want such a beautiful creature,
beautifully dead, serene, lying on the side of the street...
the only burial i gave him was throwing him
into some thorny bushes by a stream...
another time i was playing i-see-you-but-you-don't-see-me
with another fox... sat on a curve and just eyed it...
until a woman passed the fox and me sitting across
the street drinking a beer... WE'RE MEDITATING!
did the fox flinch? nope... the woman walked about a metre
from the fox... ****** didn't flinch...
i was working up to the TOTEM...
it took one afternoon of the door being opened to
my kitchen and me cooking up two curries...
hey presto: BRODY...
that ****** came for leftovers from meals for over a month...
until, he stopped coming...
i'm guessing he was hit by a car...
but... i'm guessing my care for one fox being
somewhat properly buried and another fox coming
to inquire about: what smells so good
is the reason why i have captured such great photographs
of a fox in my garden...

- hmm... date? or after work coworker drinks?
i know that i scribbled in my little notepad
when she went on her Nth visit to the toilet...
my guess is that males have weaker bladder
of the sexes... a SPRINKLE OF SOME MARIJUANA..
i'm waiting for VOLTAGE...
i'm about to hallucinate in ink... burgundy mixing itself
with Bishop Purple...
those first 30 minutes after a sunset...
cycling down the A12 with heavy traffic... reaching the Green
Belt between Romford and Mark's Gate...
breathing through the nose...
Spring is teasing... Spring is teasing with her
oncoming stealth of scents...
the earth is yet again starting to breathe...
first comes the botanical kingdom,
soon after will come the kingdom of the insects...
wait! i have not heard of an angel or a demon
associated with botany! in charge of, say... roses...
too good of a mark for a Saint George with...
or was that St. Stephen...

write like an imitation of ice-skating...
pretend to fall... gain momentum...
think out a thinking of shadow, curb,
night and walking Ninja hey-presto! feline...
think a loudness: think the loudness...
the ***** of a 4 x 4 pedestrian cross
section of Tokyo...
leave your cycling attire on the bed, stinking of you...
watch a female cuddle and curl up to your Lycra
long-shanks for the specific reason: been cycling...
acid on a bicycle... the 1st and the only ever tRIP...

i always wanted to travel to India...
and walk back to England...
i always wanted to do that...
second: if? aha... QUESTION "question" questing onion
quest of an onion... ANSWER:
i swear, i: as it were... as it is... i: as it were:
i of i, i off i, i vs. no-i...
not i vs. not-i: schizoid broo... Brrrrr... BWOOM(B)
***** a-plenty with witches...

fly fly away my little star...
fly fly away my little st'ah... st'ah...
Stachurski! da da da... ditch Z-Detusche:
na minute, na chwile! na jedno
i drugie dingo dingo!

Lord of the Mushroom!
and mushy peas... and... dhal...
Lord... Bel
              פִּטרִיָה               (Be-EL)

i'm shocked that the gnostics didn't...
to be honest? what was missing in Hinduism?!
what was missing in Hinduism?!
AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

oh yeah... that's a Satanic laugh that is...
a laugh that makes the existence of soul viable...
it is a glowing...
when one internalizes laughter with eureka
and mixes it up with stage-fright and a "hate"
for the sound of one's voice...
but then from time to time...
one is caught singing while doing chores and finds
one's voice appealing to be given song
rather than words to speak or write...

but not even in Egyptian mythology...
it was coming! it was ******* coming home!
the botanical godhead...
in the pantheon was missing!
was missing in the pantheon!
the

פ
P / PH / F (greek sidelined, referee: TH)eta
ט
T
ר
R(esh)
י
    YOD: first son of Yiddish: YON... by a boy named
YON...                  a

      e                                               i
                            Λ
                            Y                                  (LY)HH
    
                  o                       y

ה
hello friend: vowel catcher and laughter generator ...
ה not Π... that one connecting letter: ח

hmm: older than capitalism and communism,
but to simply the problem up:
capitalism is the lion
and everything English...
capitalism is the bear
and everything Russian...
vice versa for communism...
the English bred their mythos on the superiority
of a lion and... a unicorn... more a Celtic, Scottish... thing...
the Russians on... a union with the bear...
the bear and the two headed eagle: ergo:
another unicorn...
like the Srbs... serbs... two headed eagle?
the Soviet downfall with the two-headed eagles
of Chernobyl?
       ******: moi... i seriously sometimes forget
my own ethnicity i'm so caught up in English
metropolitan... cosmopolitanism...
      the Global City-Free-States... CITIES AS STATES...
very imaginable...

not City-States... rather... on the global connectivity
project?
what Dinosaur what meteor?
what super-volcano what Yellowstone
what man?
  it's a bit like Pompeii...
give the worlds greatest party and then the volcano
explodes...
better than a meteor: a volcano killed us...
Yella Big Yella...
            the greatest, supposedly no OB-EASE:
into obese...
          ah ah... tongue out... speak! the prolonged A
of neither ah not āh...
                      -
                        2

                                      ****... that's chemistry's notations...
                     2
                  -                                 (huh?!)

the macron over the A... for AAH...
i.e. not an:                                                      ah!

                        á!
                                               A
    
                                   H                        H

           á                                   'ey?!
                                ha ha: key?    hey?!

the burial ground of...
    hmm...
               BEE-EL...
      
PHTRYH: the godhead is that of a mushroom...
people partied to the music of: infected mushroom...
a god is making himself known...
like the false god of H. P. Lovecraft
horror-imago: Nyarlathotep...

precisely! what vowels!
PH or P or F?
   two H's emerged... a good sign that it's PH
for aesthetic reasons...
scribbling this down...
i feel like i'm actually left-handed...
a diametrical opposition to the stasis-enforced
gravity of nothing falling: everything sitting...

ph(aeiou)t(aioue)r(aouei)y(aueio)h(aeiou)

if insects can be allowed the dimension of godly
creatures: thousand blessings on the head!
the lion's head the eagle...
emblem of the Volk of the Volcano:
a Mushroom-Head...
                    
toilet... ah... welcome relief... the water is running...
running...
hmm... from a top... otherwise flowing...
if...
lake: mirror imitation, Lake Narcissus and
his brother Sea Samael: Death...
     like absinthe before adding water like it
was milk...
the water is in tide: with tide: use the FORCE...
tide...
   like water found the force... the force:
with force water found gravity via tide...
earth found gravity with the quake
fire found gravity with the sparkle of the stars...
fire... charcoal peered at night at the already
lighted... as he admired the lightning with fear...
no lightning ever warmed...
comforts of a distant home... fire found gravity
envying the stars... Prometheus who?
and the brothers of Gaia?
Fero...
                fire...
                              AQ... the water brother...
ah... forgot about the younger sister:
AIA...              air...

what a weird ******* date, coworker after shift drinking...
i've never been on a date with a lesbian...
i felt... TESTED... we watched almost the entire match
Chelsea women vs. Tottenham Women Hotbras...
coming close to the end of the shift she asked
if i wanted to go drinking...
sure... why not...

            hmm... it became a date... after she bought the two
rounds i paid for on our previous encounter
when we actually went ice-skating and i became
a local internet sensation for teaching seagulls how to fly:
wearing ice-skates, frozen lake: fly fly!

so we start... the pub is getting busy...
it feels worse than a strip-club...
at least in a strip-club most people are naked
and people get to wear imaginary masks...
in a pub? **** me...
people are dressed up and are made to wear
imaginary clothing! ha ha!
masks?! what masks... a LIE is 10 masks... one lie equals
10 masks... because a lie concerning
the body of soul... is accented with more than
a physical imprint...
LIE MASK AS IF PRETEND SUPPOSE SO
AS IF AS SO CALL IT QUITS
ACTING

it felt like a date... she was getting all nervy...
going to the toilet... checking her phone all the time...
i was patient, smart girl, while i was pretending to
opt out from her OCD... check the phone...
check the fridge-freezer... check your opt out
capacity for a TV license...

how do you go out on a date with a lesbian?
neither you nor her are advocating for woke talking points...
about pronouns or... Furry? listen...
she talks to me about getting FIFA '22...
i finished gaming off at PS1 and reliving the golden days
by re-watching the walkthroughs of
MGS2 (metal gear solid 2)...

because? movies are ****...
i don't want to want these women...
i want... a ******* canoe and a ******* paddle!
and a grizzly bear cub to cuddle and a birch tree to cuddle!

MUFFA!
YEROYI... AHMADI-DEM-BASHAI
YAMSH'EH GIBYT!
VAZOL: OCH TIBI IM PEO-OM-KATA
ES O I TOBOM.

no language suddenly praise with the rigidity of
continuation...
i'll be honest... what do i need a woman for?
to get old, get a haircut... buy food...
not watch the sunrise or the sunset...
instead watch the news on t.v. watch the t.v.
not watch the aquarium?
don't own an aquarium?

own a car but don't own a bicycle?!
in London...
it was 2: so nie to know you: snooze:
represented by letter Z or 2...
if 5 is S and 6 is b...

                     the marriage of letters
to numbers... numbers? meaningless...
absolutely... meaningless...
199 KILOGRAMS
200 CENIMETRES
X contra "x"...

        dead-weight marrying
      1 + 1 + 1 = 3
when marrying
o + n + e = one...
              ah! but 3 and one are different!
former? the forever unit...
latter? the splinter, E3...
forever question...

               turn 3 into omega...
when sharpen it up for a SH... hide the H...
wake up the Z... hide the Z
emerge with a v above an
                           S

call it crown....

     - so Francesca asked me to go drinking again:
again a date doesn't feel like a date...
am i supposed to know about the plethora of female
sexuality?
         **** McDonald one day...
   straight out of Orange is the New Black the next?
just for drinks... i thought we would equal out the tab
on who paid for what previously...
went into the pub at around 20:30 came out around
00:15... we watched the females' football league...
her team, Chelsea beat Tottenham at the Leyton Orient
ground: no plague of parakeets...
honestly: hand on my heart and one on my ear
standing naked before four mirrors:
i did not hear about wild parakeets... parakeets
in general since: only since i worked the Craven Cottage
shifts... Bishop's Park was full of them!
there were no wild parakeets in Essex... not that i know of...
i once listed down all the birds
i could see from my garden...
seagulls, kestrels, two hawks battling in the air,
woodland pigeons, urban pigeons,
crows, magpies, sparrows, swallows,
robins, blackbirds, Canadian geese (migrating),
mallard ducks (also migrating), swans (migrating ditto)...
but sure as **** no parakeets!

in that session i bought only 1 round...
she was hungry so she ordered food...
three plates of food...
fried wings with two sauces...
a bowl of cheesy fries with strips of bacon
and a bowl of popcorn chicken which
i first thought was: battered and deep-friend
mozzarella nuggets...
i had three things... showing off my eating skills...
my grandparents never used to eat
the cartilage and the best meaty bits
off of the chicken legs, drumsticks or wings...
i went a step further...
a bit like eating a whole apple... including the core...
aa magic trick of eating:
you begin with holding something in your hand...
then it disappears completely...
holding an apple, whole, and eating it whole...
subsequently is a bit like playing with a top hat
imagining red eyed albino bunnies, from Albania
(albino >< Albania).. clash of borrowed letters
but two completely different meanings...

etymologically: Albania: land of the Albinos:
Albanios? more like a he, noun...
a mountain, a he...
                 a lake: he and she... neither, always:
if reading English like a native
of the tongue...
                        Albatross from Albanions...
poetry borrowed from a dictionary, rigid function:
hiding the rhyme
exposing the etymological "rhyme".
Alba-
                                      white...
a dyslexic meets a Daltonist in Dover..
the dyslexic arguments are along the lines of:
Dawid Bovie... dead... pish-poor shapes to be be
before huddling out the grave
for a Madame Tussauds pose and a quick nap
and not asking for
a Doppelganger like Sisyphus without a stone
but the equivalent worth of the stone
in pebbles...

    i would be a fair god...
if i'm willing to give birth to an angel of the Botanical realm
since there's the Lord of the Flies... Beelzebub..
and there's the Lord of the Mosquitos: Jesus "sacred heart"
reincarnated by Jungian inspection
a literal: MOTHER... ******...
Chirst...
                      it's not enough to play the pig's blanket
and pretend a crucifix is a ***** and in dire need of being
used by a ******* according
to Marquis de Sade...
Phateroyah...
                     obviously the vowels will change...
with vowels like water and consonants like earth...
punctuation is like air... punctuation and a physical
representation of writing: nothing ethereal,
nothing metaphysical... writing with expression
on our faces... writing as something less and less
a claustrophobic or its implosion: to an effect...
writing less about an extension of thinking...
in the Cartesian dynamic:
res extensa: via writing, alternatively:
if one were to be prone to smoking enough marijuana:
auditory hallucinations... writing is
by definition the same variant of the EXTENDED classification
as a schizophrenic's auditory hallucination...
the former just forces it upon others...
the latter is unwarranted access to a corrupted ego...
a hurt ego...
an ego without the capacity to imagine,
to dream, to digress...

i showed her how to eat chicken proper...
i ate three wings, two chips avoiding the bacon and cheese,
and about three popcorn nuggets...
i forgot myself: once all the cartilage on the bones
was cleaned off... i went in to bite into the bones...
the ends are sort of soft and marshmallow-almost...
not in texture... in my reimagining:

reimagining - hmm... Kant...
         remembering...
a prior... remembering...
   a posteriori: reimagining...

if a crime happens we don't have an a priori remembering
tactic... ingesting the realm of a prior
with memory... remembering...
that's what we do...
what came before 5? S? or !!!!! five exclamation marks?
or? >>>>> five more-than signs?
did 5 come before five?
did words spawn numbers
or did numbers spawn words?
clearly they're not identical...
and they operate two different realms...

we have words for numbers...
as we have numbers that are also letters...
but numbers are not words...
even 3.14159....
                   is not a word, but a letter: Pi i.e. P...
it's not a word... it's at best a letter...
i'm thinking the gods are words and the angels
are letters...
  while the anti-gods are constants
and their "angels" are numbers...

constants?
                         3.14159..... is not a constant... it's a freak of O...
a circle... and a whole mythology of the Wheel...
O... ****** VENUS...
  phallus... the egg... Oh and 0ero         Z: zed extended
via snooze: zzzzz... harps and snoring... terrible music...
constants? in numbers as if creating a word?

6.02214076 × 10²³ mol⁻¹

                     Avogardo's: the equilibrium dynamic if
i remember correctly...
today i learned about...
     Jakob Fugger... back in his day worth around
400 billions "x"... who financed the construction
of St. Peter's in Rome...
i now wish i visited Rome instead of Venice...
          i would have had more fun in Rome...
  
(algebra is the reply, letters imitating
numbers... should the inclusion of MOL be a problem)...

i bit off the chicken legs marrow...
she was in the toilet about fifty ******* times, each time,
ordering more drinks...
we came in at 20:30 and left at around 00:30
at one point she was in the toilet and
i just remembered something...
they have this "thing" in Japan... where you pay a stranger
to pretend to be your friend...
i'm not pretending... but conversation is dry...
i try to ask questions: i ask questions,
i hear replies... but i don't hear reciprocating
questions... Mr. Familiar has or had no problems?
people confide in me and yet
whenever i try to confide in them
i'm told to shut up...
oh... i get it... i do...
before i knew it i was this heaven-sent ideal...
i was the strength and they were the weakness...
i see it now more than even...
she can tell me about her abusive past...
her drunk father who kissed her mother with knuckles
instead of lips... how she's a lesbian but also
a butch ******* **** with hands almost as large as mine
and how her daughter was put into care
because "X"...
but my shizophrenia is a "schizophrenia" is...
i wasted my 20s on anti-psychotic drugs and psychiatrists
that i bundled up and threw into a hornets' nest of
******* *****, threesomes (just the one, but one is
the threshold)... prostitutes: you talk more with your
eyes and your hands and your other endings
and your nose than you care to ******* lasso a string
of coherent words together...

my problem? what problems?! exactly...
there's nothing wrong with me: i have no regrets...
i don't need to speak to someone with an endearing
sake of self definition... i can just scribble notes down
and leave them for some yet to be born
****** of petty things...
i can do just that... no wonder i can't open up...
talk about... "me"? that's still packaged goods...
i'm waiting for the morbid call of a biography
postmortem...

it's strange going on a date with a lesbian...
it's not a date it's me going for after-work drinks
with a colleague...
it's me and her eyeing up the same behind the counter:
tight ***, fake eyelashes she can pull off...
her unwashed pink-fading dyed fair:
feminist... it's me telling her a little about my past:
i had long hair before,
i couldn't pull off a Jesus...
i would only grow a beard if i cut my hair...
short...
she's still trying to find me on social media...
god: i love keeping a girl in suspense whether or not
i have any social media presence...
best try it out with a lesbian first...
we talk about dating apps:
i have a knowledge of their existence...
but hardly a knowledge that might demand
the pressures of: USAGE...

i end up drinking the night away with a revelation...
i was eyeing these two pairs of love birds for some time...

when i was at the Ol' "John's" taking
a whizz... this Greek version of Freak... o.k. o.k.,
ETHAN ROARK type... balding on the top
of the cranium, allows his hair to grow long...
didn't you know...
Garry Glitter was released... he's already
been harangued by the ******* "police"....

what like Batman did a "forever"?
          
   i get paedophiles doing a second jester runner
with meeting up with underage:
sorry... not boring enough?
it's like pretending to be a mandible,
aerobic classed agility with
a prosthetic... that's what ******* a teenage girl
might feel like:
i rather run with deer....
or charm a fox into becoming my totem...
should i be reincarnated what might i come back as?
i'm not banking: i'm saying: fuchs!
fox! LIS!
if i were to freely roam the prance-lands of Essex
as a fox... that's me, done and dusted...

but i wouldn't inhibit a man willing to repent...
after all: if no forgiveness?
the Muslims were right: no crucifixion took place...
did it?
a 78 year old can be given a heave's sake....
life's fruition and that's done...
sorry for the hurt parties... living their:
adamantly purposive lives
with the weight of: Abel not dead...
sorry... the story goes... Cain murders you....
you're still live yet:
you're supposed to be dead...

i'm only making excuses for Gary Glitter...
i wouldn't be for...
Ralph Heimans...
                                 it's music and i can't stop
listening to Rock & Roll parts I & II...

**** me: i ended up the night...
she hated ***** accents.. Liverpool-day-john-ion...
part Eirish: skirmish: scoot!
a Swabian swap... an "oops": Ludwig... or was
that Lufthansa...
this girl, a ***** bridge,,. i'd love to add hired
bride...
                  but instead?

Traveller Irish... i was talking to a bridge...
bride...
you want a drinking race?
ejecting the two pairs...
i snuggled down my pint: his pint...
in 3x glugs... i saw a phantom of an opera...
what?she told me she never used social
media before marrying?
why do i need to Afghanistan to find
datable brides? i squeak and wriggle myself
into the CAMPER VAN culture...
Irish travellers... so? i'll drink with them...
i'd drink with a repentant ******* asking:
was it anything like Nabokov prescribed?!

£30 for 3.5grams of ****...
time excavated? 30+ hours...
£120 + £10 for entry for an hour with a *******...
well... i'd love to prove my masculinity
with having a competing:
hopeless: always alive sort of battery life:
kept up: *******...
but even i think *** is primarily a dosage of
insect desires...
mammals like us sometimes
tend to play games to escape the pressures
of ***...
requested: what? getting my beard trimmed
or getting my underwear "lost" or my ******* "trimmed"?

i get it... ******* are people who are not afforded
a chance to compensate...
relieve themselves through the shared
antics of (shared) grief...
just like Jesus Christ once crucified can't be
resurrected! n'est ce pas?!
what if... the ******* can be left alone...
in his freedom and a freedom-sickly-cage...
what if?!

a bit like saying:
but i can't be anti-racist...
i can be a non-racist...
but i can't be: anti-racist...
                    there are humans either side of
the "argument"...

one mighty argument of goo after another...
inverting the whole dynamic of dates...
seen your face for over a year...
now i heard your voice: your soul...
you heard me laughter...

a naked table, a naked chair...
a dressed table, a dressed chair,
a lightbulb with a cloche...
rigid Slavic KLOSZ...
walls: brick or slab...
naked... wallpaper slapped on...

   how did that "date" end up?
i was speaking to Irish Travellers...
the ****** types... caravan dwellers...
with the girl... snogging before
ordering a pint....
how she was Lady Margaret all pristine
didn't drink or use social media
before getting married...
i was chasing pints...
race: 3x glugs down...
  i out-chased him...

the pub was closing, we wanted the people out...
strange so, talking to this Irish Traveller Lassie,
most settled people with mortgages or
council houses, flats... avoid speaking to Irish Travellers...
but the revelations she uttered...
i might as well been talking to a Muslim girl...
by her account...
she didn't start drinking before she was married...
she didn't use social media,
she said that in the travellers' community having
a social media account is a bit like *******...
hell: i think it's much worse...
fair play to the capitalistic system...
but social media is what it is...
         it has marketed our private-lives...
not written as a complaint...
                        i allowed for that to happen...
willingly...
now i can't simply walk away from the gallery...
i still don't know what to do with it
instead of making if a reference point akin to:
the red and the amber and the green
of traffic lights...
the "system" wasn't going to capitalise on the market
of my dating preferences and ****** encounters...
sure... i don't mind a public "dear diary"...
a place to store links to music videos when i forget
to add them to my browser's bookmarks:
because i've probably added the same song twice...

but Kant has been bothering me...
ever since i wrote:
a priori remembering
    and a posteriori reimagining...
why do i think that it's impossible
to a priori reimagine?
              
i need to go back to the rubric
and try to burn it into my head like the alphabet
was burned into my mind once...
one of the following four
is impossible:
    with the simplest expression for each:

(analytical) a priori                             (analytical) a posteriori
1 + 1 =2                                                   not every man is a ******
wrong!                                                   some men are
that's synthetic a priori!
+, /, £

(synthetic) a priori                               (synthetic) a posteriori
1 + 1 = 2                                                   £: money makes monkey
i synthesised these                                either that shaman
numbers...                                              mushroom on an ant's
analysed what prior?                            buttocks or:
the increasing number                          the botanical "anomaly"
the added, subtracted,                        money is: asexuality it's
multiplied,                                              what if Adam gave Eve
by god sq. rooted?!                              her first un-earned banknote...
1, 2, 3, 4...                                              spend freely! not having
                                                                earned it!
                                                               what if Eden and the apple
                                                                are wholly outdated
                                                                metaphors?

hmm...

the first £10 she got? was that money earned or money freely
given? was she handed down an allowance or
her first earnings? the trickling down idea follows suit:
if her father gave her money for free... for completing "chores"...
if he gave her an allowance: worse still...
without chores...
why wouldn't expect the sane fir passable:
future partners: daddy day-care "hoes"...
                           my daddy this, my daddy that...
HUBBY no. 2... give give...
i drink less... i smoke some marijuana
and i remember that i read some philosophy...
no new grounding since Wittgenstein
gobbled down Spinoza in a ferocious
of homosexual madness of jealousy...
misunderstood by at least 4 parties...

*** and women unplugged...
some of us boys are playing a game of Alchemy...
solid silver, liquid silver...
i guess plastics are gassy silver...
***... can i please assume there might be
two mouths breathing?

I ate your breath before you ate the apple...
i ate your breath while you gauged
my eyes and saw milk in your *******...

in the labyrinth of: i sigh...
i'm to your bidding bound, sire...
i ate your breath long before you might have ate...
that fruit of autumn, fallen, rotten...
fermenting.... this rotten fruit...
no, not plucked from three... ripe and sweet...
rather picked up attired in autumn's clothes:
auburn, over-ripe cinnaamon-brown,
orange and yellow...

you gave me a drunkard's bear or ilk!
male deer! you gave me a drunkard's apple!
i might be stumbling:
but i'm still chiming with the blues!
what Mosad Mandarin faction of
the intelligence community?

   ching-fang-*******-wall'ah-CHANG
wrote a similar (liar) armistice peace-war:
if we can't use this military equipment...
let's, make... ******* movies!
woo yee HA!

Baron astronaut, ergonomic... a house ought
to have two doors: H... a house
ought to have rooms focused upon the dynamic
of Y...
oh **** your woo! woo! glue my ***
of the Tetragrammaton:
i heard it once before:
the Arabs got their pearly and Kentucky bound
Timothy....
while the Hebrews got the paranoia...
windmills in Chelsea, London,
not Kansas... New Lit Bits of Jersey....

i was left aghast... um... i laughed...
i couldn't say the words ****... pairing it up with her voice...

well... according to sources all knowledge a piori
is ANYLYTICAL... but what was i "analysing"
when i was conjuring the letter R or the number Z?
i borrowed the circle from the sun
and the house from the cave?
i must have done so...
i probably conjured the game of rugby from
the sea's tides and yoyo from an egg of a dodo...
and the goal posts from the letter H...
ripples in the water ZigZag and M and W...
cosine as the refined W
and sine as the refined M...

   a parabola confined in a W...
D in do and devil...
God with Dog and: all?! ah!

    i'm not dumb: i just want to extract more from Kant
than people, ever had, toyed with a jihad of had the Hadiths
in a puddle of paper: equaling the refined weight:
of the organic worth of bark? timber: temples of stone
have turned the gods all cold:
about 5 kilograms for a stash of a week's worth of newspapers...

please please don't let me understand myself:
please oh please don't let me understand myself:
when i'm sober and especially when i'm slightly drink...
drunk... drunk... and smoking a bit of ****...
and...

grass is green: after having established that
not everything is grass
and not everything that's grass is green
wheat? grows like grass...
but it's not green...
and it grows taller than grass
and cows and horses don't eat it...

i could watch a thousand movie and listen to a million
songs... i could even manage to love a woman
and her tell me in the cravat adorning mammal skin
caravans... but i'd still go to bed with Kant...


   it's not that difficult but i need to ask myself to burn
this rubric into my mind...
under each the easiest expression: an abstract...
i just can't word it differently:
a priori remembering...
true...
a posteriori reimagining...
also true:
after the fact of seeing a tree...
can i see a tree prior?
ergo? i can't be capable of a priori reimagining...
first i have to see a tree...
but upon seeing the tree i can't reimagine it...
therefore i can only reimagine what comes after seeing it...
how do i practice a priori remembering?
on the most practical level...
i remember 1 + 1 = 2...
history and memory...
sure... but what of history as epistemology?
as a child i'm not really taught that 1 + 1 = 2...
knowledge and 1 + 1 = 11... not "somehow" just by
"coincidence" of the missed meaning of the cipher +,

epistemology and etymology are the only
two branches that should be given access to the study
of history...

reimagining a tree is impossible in that it's a realm
of geometric abstractions that borrow from
geometric orthodoxy and render them useful:
a tree is a home, i can, reimagine a tree...
if i reimagine myself as a bird or a monkey
perched in a tree... reimagining the roof...
via the sky... but that's hardly likely,
mountain and cave dwelling: home...
a prior reimagining is in its own right something...
but reimagining resulted in the dimension
of a posteriori...
i reimagine a tree and make it: a talking tree...
i apply pareidolia...
or like with clouds... those favourites...
why would i reimagine clouds a priori?
i can... but then that would imply reimagining
cauliflowers... or rather: clouds remind me of
cauliflowers: but that's not reimagining either
clouds or cauliflowers: it's remembering what each
looks like and why, subjectively i remember:
that i think they're alike...

hmm... proof: no pudding....
clearest blue...
          or solid green... the Jade from China...
XINY X= CH
we can apply the letter X in our tongue...
that's what marijuana morphs:
the perception of time... 10 minutes already
feel like an hour....
xolera... cholera H! hhhh...
                 xorwat - croat...
                   xemia - chemistry....
chmiel: xmiel:
                              toad breath!
the stuff i sniff up before going to bed!
you ******* DYSLEXIC...

choroba: xoroba...
sickness...

  DYSLEHIC...
                   i'm asking for upgrades...
i hope my upgrades are not too: demanding...
i'm asking... i'm asking...
i'm getting **** all...
well then... best not become a priest
and conjure up what i might need...
i may need this that and the other...
Hebrew...
i'll need the vowel hiding prerogative
to be minded... i'll need Kant..
punctuation marks and numbers....
most certainly letters...
plus akin to comma....

                                 if still alive: i'll lso require death...

chwila: xwila: a fleeting moment...
lapsed timing...
           c H-A
arecz: samo-H-ah...
                  nie na xixota.... śpiew
raptem: tak! ha! ha! aha!

daj znać gdy ty i ja,
tak nagle żyją... i nie... o tak!
i mihght have a Frenchman's heart
to want: Romance after news of
a hereafter..
the moon is blue
the sun is bronze...
the air is milky in the morning...
the water is traffic and there's no
traffic... i'd like death before the explaining mantra:
what's worth a life: squid parody on... ******* skates?!

the love of the gods is doubly insulating...
first they try to demolish you: one ******* fatal claim after another...
the they employ women... they too... *******.. fail...
what are you rounding up against, you?!
sails without winds and no boats to sail with,
the supposed... great artefacts of claiming
the winds!

i once sat alone in a park... hair growing freely....
i had no addition of a face with the addition of hair...
i had no beard, not stubble...
the wind was and my long hair was
and there was, no war, no famine...
there was only dancing and twice reading
into a Charles Dickens...

twice: a rereading a text not available
for journalistic imprints of:
that satisficed mantra of derailing:
expectations of the meddling-ground....

oh well: oh nothing...
oh riddle me some more: nothing...
life is cheap: buy it bought!
sell it sold!
       earn it not living (it); earning it!
ergo: "living"... and (existentialism)...

   a king's frown is a beggar's stomach...
money makes money:
onions grow on trees!

giving birth to the son of Mammon
was... not... hard?
seriously?!
                          thank god i'm twisted in my own
sort of superstitious way...
when there's talk of a birth of an angel...
my ****** demands become joke...
i forget something, and within the confines
of something: almost: everything...

save180:

p'oh tay t'oh
but not
toe-may-toe
that's not
t'oh may t'oh
but...
t'oh m'ah t'oh

         if only it was a p'oh t'ah toe t'oh.

a smooth stone skipped once, twice
would there be a third kiss more
how that sun beam followed
each ripple's glittering diamond eye
inverting, reverting that perfect flight
to plunge into this day's memories, hallowed
watched by flying fish and twisting mermaids
holding out fin and fingers to touch a miracle
now sunk to rest in depth's lobster dream
following one, two, more, in bottom lines
marching to an unknown destiny of instinct's embrace

-cec

I buy a shirt, a blue shirt, a button down.
I drink a glass of wine, a red, a Malbec.
And I watch.
I stand still in the midst
of the St. Cloud Market.
The crowd—that singular being—
jostles and jockeys and talks
in broken English.
I chew gum, cinnamon gum, Nicorette.
I feel my habit inverting, bending, becoming mechanical.
And I must flirt and be moral
with the shopkeeper who looks a little
like me.
And I must revert to an irrational, emotional,
childlike state as I buy three pirated DVDs.

The crowd forms a circle instinctually.
Three women dance slowly in the center.
Paper falls from the sky, newsprint, a day old.

Gunfire, the sound of it, its slowing of time.
No one says a thing
and no one's feet make a sound and
every child is perfectly behaved
for one relentless moment.

being disharmonious
with the whisper of death,
my father sentiently orchestrates
his final moments.

the cancer enfolds, unbending;
inverting throughout him like a small womb
unfolding the fabric of his universe.
his torso ebbs with these insatiable flowers.
he is born again into death knowing love,
dreaming his journey into being. his children
shedding symphonies of his laughter
are woven into silence; as he dies
a fully spread bouquet—beautiful
in the face of surreptitious sabotage.
it must be cumbersome for him. to grow
backwardly. still, though—outwardly,
he hefts it peacefully. dying a mountain—
symphonic—and in bloom.

Staring back
from the apothic abyss,

faced with
a fiery
femme fatale

With a face
like ******
in the
moonlight

Mesmerized
by them
Lake Michigan eyes

With such fear
with such desire

You came and went
like
little deaths
of inspiration

Like the Earth was
a little more gracious
To perpetuate
your presence
beyond my ****** up
perfectionist
thinking

Paralysis by analysis
while I sleep
a demon stands on
my chest

Whispering sweet
cynical
"you're nothings"

It's always
Me vs. Mara,
In a manifestation
Of obstacles

The triangle
pointing down
inverting
the sunlight

Back to
black holes
In the mind

Just like the song
that makes you
think about the
end sometimes

‘cause nothing lasts

Baby
believe me
you’ll leave me

They’re always
******* leaving
like the Sun's
kiss of death
to the horizon
before the darkness
kicks in

When we’re stuck
suffering a solo
tango
under the Moon's
spotlight

Staring into
the same
apothic
abyss

15 June:
“...its half way in a morning that glistens with slow reminiscences from last night. We find ourselves a respite for the hour, an oasis of sweet temper and our favourite elixir. We sit at the burdened edge; separated by transparency from passing furies; watching with rapt attention and fascination the range of creation displayed before us...We hunt down todays metaphors on clean pages; virginal expanses that congregate with a sublime notion of the art; death; logic; lust and wonder...we span serial glyphs across our vision to prevent a dissolving into the expanse before us; forming borders; signs; structures...Only to be de-constructed again and again; time dissolving; seconds inverting the quantum flux as HereNow paints the Tao over the moment...nothing-everything...we blink in and out; existence define by our presence; the reason and the way forward...delicately; smoothly; succinctly; we pick out secrets from between our worlds; Heartblood squeezed from the cries of angels; the force of supernovas; the very point of transition...again and again the universe spins us. A point – transition-how we create. This secret way. Again and again we play the Fool...again and again we play the Wizard. The tattooed skull of Intimacy grins from the ink on our backs...”

21.8.2010**
“...Sunday materialises. Its a smouldering glance across the smoky eternity of a crowded room. A lost sonata barely recognised on faded parchment dusty in a forgotten draw. Its the breeze in the wake of an angels wing. The seconds chip away; each tick a foreign language, the dissonance of grace. We're sitting, hidden, in plain sight, a wayward stop-over; a cafe somewhere on the edge of reason, but the coffees good and the service fast. We watch the people; reading signs and portents in the oblivious expressions; each grin and scowl, each glance, each distant look a codex of requite dreams; a subtle picture puzzle colouring destiny’s reverie. We join the dots. The music over the cafes soundsystem; beats with inevitable consequence. We feel deep into the heart of Journey and Moment...”

Bckkkkkk

Lightening splits the sky
Cracking the horizon like
Shards of shattering glass
Inverting and reflecting
The alternate dimensions
Severing the ties of reality

Bckkkk

White strings of energy
Sparkling and crackling
Time no longer shackling
Space no longer tethering
Nothing belonging to me

Bckkkk

I can almost feel the thundering
As the vibrating sensations
Touches my inner ear canal
It is frightening how easily
The lightening could consume me

Bckkkk

But the wonder of its thunder
The blunder of its destruction
Cutting sound and ground spitting dirt
Causing the earth to hurt
As it explodes one way or the other
And all I can really say is

Bckkk Bckkk Bckkk wooooshhhhhh

This would be cooler if it was really raining

and indeed poetry, the science of abandonment, and contentment with such feats, the science of unabashed conquests, and very little regrets.*

at least a grave is not as depressing
as a digital biographic article
on a page - at least then no
leisurely time to attach to the orbit,
at least then no voyeurism of sorts,
i too think posthumous fame to be
the perfect escape, although at a great
cost; what a strange life we lead,
periphery or not periphery, silent
squabbles over who presides over the
throne and who presides over the
peddle stool; what a strange life,
it's not so much about regurgitating the
exactness of facts, but about how we feel
concerning them - strangers - those defendants
of the facts as a necessary rigid upkeep -
the ones of phobia uprooting vines and
weeds, to clear the way for the pristine -
or as one man said: 'it's so beautiful,
but it's so ****** up!' true that, very true
to be sure - oh at least read with the same ease if writing,
with the same ease - do not make it missing -
but why make adamant the up-keeping of
facts, mistranslating emotional content of experience
with superstition - for fear that the stronghold of
facts will crumble should one impose a straight
line on the Pisan tower? indeed i finally
met my tedium in reading Ezra Pound's cantos,
pages 488 - 489, indeed there i met Sisyphus,
one night, one tiresome night i met Sisyphus rolling
up a hill of blank an inkwell, but i have an excuse,
i said, i assure you! these pages are denoted among
all other pisan cantos, the man was in prison,
i gave up faith with him giving up faith,
i too in prison, divorced from my library,
given only abstracts and cold things,
but given pen & paper, remember: given pen & paper!
i gave up hope finishing the **** book damning
all fellow countrymen on those pages,
the stint at the asylum was like a holiday
in comparison - fellow caged budgies attested likewise;
i'm waiting for the right shade of pink in the sunset
to rekindle hope, and walk with him to the end
like dante holding hands with virgil in the inferno...
i need time, i need a sip of water, a crumb or two of
bread and rest... after all, seeing what's to come,
i see him airing, opening windows to his house
of poetry, venturing into blank space, open spaces,
conquering his agoraphobia but inverting it (somehow)
and writing more scarce, more scarce, perfectly, scarcely...
long gone the complication of phonetic encoding,
and hence the firm belief in the chinese pictogram
method of saying, something like: good day, good morning,
goodnight...
but here i am, strapped with him in the Pisan ghetto
of iron bars, exhausted, having favoured the winds
for so long and eager, exhausted,
as the sails are rolled up, and the oars have to be taken
up by hands to row; when will that time come
when the sails can be unrolled? i dare not know.

She is eight or nine and she sits
in the playground
on the bench
with the teacher standing a
happy distance
Away and her lunch on her lap
She watches all of the people running
and crawling through legged bridges
to set each other free
and inverting their bodies
so their legs dangle,
confused at their new-found
flight
And she thinks about how
it seems there is a screen
where the
paved slabs meet the grass of fun
and that if she should
press
her face against the divide it should
crackle
the same as the one
At home
and if someone was to sit on the remote
The children would mould into black and white jumping rectangles that shuffle and bump shoulders and hiss.

nietzsche? what he did? inverting the cartesian equation?
like: 1 + 1 = 2, turned into 1 + 1 = 2?
   **** me... isn't that confusing...
                         the symbol = precipiates into ergo;
         what did he do?
                         he inverted the cartesian principle...
he said:                 i am, therefore i think...
                         so why are all these people coming
out from the woodworks, like cockroaches?
                                 i already said it once,
the antithesis of the cartesian res cogitans
   a thinking thing... is  res vanus:
              an empty thing...
                             test of time...
     you stop ******* for about a month?
your ***** turns... yellow... it's no longer white...
your testicles shrink... you're shooting
             evil *****...
                          and then you talk to a woman
who's been "learning" about her period, *******?
             want to have children?
    stop ******* for a month...
                         **** her on her period
but don't *******... then **** her once more when
she's off it...
                   the cramps are gone... your ***** is
so concenrated that it's no longer white, but yella..
               what are you going to get?
  a screaming báhor (toddler) in your arms...
         but nietzsche inverted the cartesian "equation"...
thankfully... he got it wrong,
in a sense, he didn't counter res cogitans (thinking thing)
    with res vanus (empty thing) -
              sure, nietzsche was influential in the 20th century...
in the 21st century though?
          more like the label guy...
         i'm this... i'm that... i'm whatever you wish me to be...
the 21st century says: nietzsche isn't an ocean...
    he was a depth of a puddle's worth to claim...
            but it's there! it's in one of his footnotes!
  he reverses the cartesian "equation"...
  he "says": i am, therefore i think.
                       no wonder then, where all the 21st century
labels come from!
      these people aren't thinking!
                    i'd love for this label to come about:
i thinking... therefore i'm dumb-seeming...
                                           because i shut-the-****-up!
   hard to not think of two things...
   i think corresponding to res cogitans...
   with i am correspoding to res vanus -
                      and ergo corresponding to ***.
          meaning?
           why are so many people associating themselves with
so many labels, on an intellectual level of deciding
whether or not to wear versace, dolce & gabbana,
  or primani... oh sorry... armani.
     people express so many labels though,
     it's like they stress the second half of the cartesian equation,
but not the first half...
                which precipitates into heidegger's da-"sein".
   there is.... sure... there really is...
      but what?       is that actually being, without thinking?
or am i just putting clothes on to look kosher
     at a paris fashion catwalk?
                                      it's almost, well, it actually is:
a question: there's being?
                    that question substitutes the conceptualißation
of being's pluralism qua beings...
i.e. the many happenings...
               the rebel ant in the ant-hill... at best: the only
suggestive approximate.
         there sure as **** is a being... but the da, the there?
     reduced to newspaper articles,
read on friday, recycled on a monday, in orange
bin-bags.

Submerging my will against
Your priorities have
always let me down
Why not try
inverting positions this time
;)

Lost in the day
For the night’s
Chief bound captive
Wandering soul
In the morrow of doom
Love of the flame
Inscribed in a name
Heaven with mercy
Had given this fame

Wonderful feeling
Send strolling the air
Hide not in secret
To this, where I came
In colorful ribbons
To wrap all my gains
To touch all that drops
In winter gold rains

Love then, I shall
This wandering soul
Whose body is free
And can never be owned
By what right I should
Though eager I would
Passing in time
Forgotten in rhyme

Foregoing the consequence
Ne’re regretting the care
Neither remaining
In silver chain’s swell
That which was lost
For whatever the cost
To fallow a lead
And carry this deed

To wandering souls
To mortal time’s fare
Just for a share
In want and in bear
Give me one moment
Or give me but none
For this be the soul
I’ll offer the sun

Return to the clock
Whose hands I would lock
Are then to shock
And fate there to rock
In solid solitude
I dare not arrest
This impossible quest
That I must possess

A toast to thy presence
Without all pretense
Inverting the past tense
In measures immense
Thee be that wandering soul
That maketh me whole
Direct thee but one role
And safe in my lap
A bird that is free
Of the gilded restraint

For to covet a soul
Which I can not deny
Nor pardon for faults
I am not to blame
If I love a being
That God hath create
No matter what package
He be present
Is to love the morning sun
That quench this request…..

To this wandering soul
I lay at his feet
Submitting my past
My present and all
The I rest my case
And let my life fall
On the lap of this one man,
This wandering soul……….

best step back
the world is crashing
the sky is crack'd
sea has gone weird
plants inverting
air insincere
people converting

best step back
it's not making sense
teach don't tell
alien unwell
i've lost track
no going back

joining two lines
smoothly, without ripple or gaping
seam, is the task of galaxies
and Artists.

watching the end and
beginning, gliding over the now,
suspending appearance
for truth

(inverting the mind's usual function).
And if it all goes
to hell?

*crumpling the wasted effort

The widowed lips of a smile long dead,
She falls back with her legs pre-spread,
Eyelids half open, an empty grave of feeling,
Her personality reflected by the ceiling,
The mirror inverting Fitch & Abercrombie,
In a supermarket siege - she'd be a zombie,
An abandoned hatchback on the hard shoulder of life
She'd make a corpse a lovely wife.

Manipulative, malevolent, mystified
Inevitably inverting our introspection
Waning away collected calculation

Like calcified cancer;

Contouring colors of passions
Which fasten franticly to oblique reactions
As fantasized antics;

Crafted daintily in packets
Jacketing the tactlessness behind the fanatics.

Hopelessly happy, helplessly harrowed.

Mania

i always thought that the Persians
were too proud of a people,
i. e. that they had,
but more importantly had a past
to wholly succumb to those
Arab camel jockeys whole heartedly,
apparent familial loyalty
and gob-serves-as-prime-precursor
had a waspish sting in it...
if an Islamic schism happened
much later,  and without such
fervor... let's face it...
Christianity is  "monotheism"
   in name only... what it hides
beneath its nuns' attire is a
pseudo-theology of either:
1... a third, two thirds
towing an imaginary third
that's either a congregation
of a *******, talking dove...
3 out of 3... a secular "polytheism"...
not so much a many gods scenario,
but many shared, "plagiarisms"...
and the odd: on the 6th and
every recurrent 6th of the month,
god took to the 7th, the sabbath,
and started gambling...
threw dice...
     played cards...
                because how much of
the orthodox jewish prohibition
becomes original thinking,
on a sabbath?
            Islam seems to be waging
a case for uniqueness,
in that... a schism was immediate,
its  schism didn't become
a polyglot garbage heap of:
hence Christianity as a "polytheism"...
or rather,  a poly-schismaticisation...
a guru here, a guru over there...
and of course,  the Persians
themselves...
              no religion can boast
such devicive schism...
but then again, the martyr Ali...
and the too painful
   personal details on th matter...
yet the immediacy of the schism,
with Muhammad's still Kentucky-fried
chicken in the grave...
   point being... pillar words...
words immune to the thesaurus juggling
act, and the decadence of
late jurisprudence...
taqiyya is immune to the thesaurus...
oddly enough, for a word
that means deception...
it is pristine... in that it serves no
ulterior purpose, other than the
blatantly given...
      a word two dimensional,
(0, 0) that becomes (1, 1)...
    as a concept , taqiyya is
immune to the thesaurus...
     because?
     taqiyya is a misconception...
esp. among westerners...
or rather... those camel jockeys
don't understand taqiyya...
as being worthy of the 5 pillar
status...
  shahada... salah...  zakāt... sawm...
taqiyaa...
    the misconception?
to deceive, in order to convert...
every muslim, notably Sunni...
implied conversion...
   upon the most frivolous of
conversation genesis...
                       after all...
taqiyaa is a sh'ia concept,
not sunni... to practice taqiyaa
you do not subvert your own religion
in order to gain converts...
            why would you practice
taqiyaa, in order to convert,
rather than practice taqiyaa,
in order to defend?
         inverting taqiyaa is what
sunni camel jockeys do...
conversion by taqiyaa...
or rather, the taqiyaa shahada...
because you side with the first
and most pristine schism...
rather than a religion....
catholicism became protestantism...
sunni and orthodox zombies...
mind you:
is there any difference
between the Arab oil barons
and the Russian oligarchs?
     depends on a girls name...
and whether sheikh h'ahmed
or Igor of Novosybirsk can conjure
up... a ******* unicorn...
no wonder the Persians took
to a grudge: the word of the Koran
is one thing, but the hadith another...
ali? I'm no Dante... a supreme martyr...
word of the prophet broke false,
on a simple familial test
of loyalty... which is a bit like...
that dandy warhol's song
muhammad...
             Sunni Islam is too dump
to appreciate a sixth pillar,
that of sh'ia Islam...
            just look at how proud
the Greeks are in modern affairs...
******* won't lift a finger!
well... no wonder...
since no Byzantine is cited,
i too would be *******...
        taqiyaa is a defence mechanism,
as if protecting the Afghani
Sufi teachings that nibbled
on 'indu...
      taqiyaa has only one
thesaurus weaknees...
hijab... niqab...
            camel jockey sunni
Islam knows only taqiyaa as:
collateral damage via conversion...
soda fizz to the head...
                oh... right... the current 7th...
jihad...
               and the beast of revelation...
that hydra...
   blah blah blah...
transcendental taqiyaa:
Malcolm X...
                        or rather:
Christianity spread its legs open,
and smiled...
   counter?
last time I checked,
the mother of Islam was
Abraham's concubine...
  as far as the pristine mothers of
a son's will goes...
bogged down to personal choice...
and never,  a personal god...
but an impersonal one...
let the actors take the stage
and eat a loaf of bread....
i'll gladly settle for the crumbs...
observe the confines,
and orchestrate the schattenmärz...
if not now,  then never,
to reiterate:
                    taqiyaa is
the 6th pillar of Islam,
used as a defence tactic,
rather than as a rhetoric of conversion...
sunni Islam understands
as much Farsi, as I understand
Ching-Mung-Choo...
    much, much later...
comes: and what of the Jihad
in the Balkans? **** scared of the Serbs?!
**** me, having myself to
reiterate their ****** rubric.

pin points
joined like Siamese
dots, exclusion
of the hyphen for
the use of pause.

it's one of those early nights having an introspective
moment... trying to give dimensions to my oeuvre:
all those heartbreaks of spaghetti fingers typing
and then trying to ctrl + c / ctrl + p / ctrl + a
but missing the keys... hey presto! a magic act:
a poem lost not even saved by automaated drafts...

yes... i do feel like i need to buy Red Hot Chilli Pepper's
Unlimited Love on vinyl...
it's funny how artists, even in the mainstream disappear...
i have no account of the existence
of the band from... circa 2007... until 2022 when
they toured and i was working the London Stadium:
poet of the coliseum...
John Frusciante came back: i never thought he went
anywhere... but even major artists disappear...

unlike those days being a greedy and eager youth
trying to impress girls with an array of influences
finding out: no return to jazz no return to classical music
to figure out finding my own voice (i wish,
there was a rhyme, vice... ice...) - parrot?
    imitating echo? if parrots could imitate echoes...

it's a gruelling evening...
   there's absolutely nothing to write about...
i'mm rereading some of Al Purdy and Walt Whitman
and i feel: feelz... detachment from any stated,
historical achievements...
          wars lost wars won or whatever
that might be between the flesh and the fingernails
when the fingernails grow too long...
an interlude from working shifts... dealing with people
is a ******: a flat tire...
   37 is no age to start thinking about a road
already undertaken:
children? no?! marriage? now?!
     flipping pancakes and idealising love furthest from
love's truth...
   murky waters and swamp-things...
      deceits, subtractions and additions of lies...
headaches, toothaches...

            shares happiness of coupling and shared
demises...
but from what i've learned:
there is no happiness greater than a one arrived
at by oneself: that spontaneity of laughing
for no reason or laughing at oneself
having thought a certain thought...
and no sweeter misery that no one can share
with you... a nostalgic grey morose murmur of...
some self- prefix fixation of this automated
monkey-bot turned 180 degree standing upright...

the last days of autumn... rotten leaves
in the park that are as "dangerous" as ice...
and a winter that only takes a sneak-peek
at where it once was: magnificently as an AGE of ice
parallels of trunks and trombones and
imagining hairy elephants...
   just imagining.... not really paying attention
to the fact that: yes... how long would it take
for an elephant to grow fur and would it have migrated
with man... all furry in sunny Africa...
kind of inverting the point of the elephant in Siberia
with man shedding fur for... bare-goose-bump skin...

this plughole, this constipation of history through
the lens of Darwinism is... like...
standing above a grave of a dearly loved one
yawning, or chewing gum...
               something like an Icarus-Phoenix
burning in the mind that dead yet dead not forgotten...
fickle creature memory and what
i don't want to remember:
with what i do remember -
   like that repetitive loop of memory-erosion
beginning with the philosophy of pedagogy...
raise hopes and teach pointless arts...
but dear, dear... don't teach them how to combat
the drudgery of work and menial toils...
i'm pretty sure that most physical labours
that require a technicality of an array of skills
will never be menial...
it's the shelf-stacking jobs that could be
made easier... in theory... with an entertaining mind...
a wandering here one minute gone the next...
a disappearing ego...  reappearing ego...
a bucket and pulled from a bucket a top hat...
and from a top hat? pulling out an old person's
chattering dentures instead of a white bunny...

a beautiful life focusing on little things,
finding spontaneous wisdom anecdotes and not defending
such roles as guru or saviour or leader...
like... going to bed before 12am and
like today... nonchalantly in concord with:
i'd like to have a lesbian girlfriend...
while sneaking away to the brothel...
but even no, given the wintry months:
having a relief from spring's and insect' libido....
sure... jerking off but not really thinking about
it, which is aided by sitting on the throne
of throne and giving birth to a meteor of
plucked brown-stuff and almost rising ot *******
heights of that one gateway not being
violated by ******* passions....

tired of experimenting of breaking society's
boundaries and leftover taboos...
just ****** tired... as if wanting something
wholesome like a slice of rye bread
or porridge in the morning...
    perfectly boring perfectly sighed over...
and a world that's only as big as my eyes can see...
sure... a mountain in the distance...
or a sky-scraper... this grand plateau of London...
no car, no need... just a bicycle and a pair
of legs... a lost commitment from having
a grandmother... made all the more easier
by the fact that: i will die without an image
of my father's mother...
               making it easier for me to digest
the ongoing process of being estranged from
my mother's mother...
               i have the perfect excuse these days:
i'm working... obviously not the work
of aligning with plastic surgeons of bus drivers...
work the liberator and excuse from...
i used to love seeing my mother's parents...
i'd visit them for stretches of months...
sit with the old people and soak up:
fermenting and almost sad that my youth was
wasted on old age... but the books i read
and the training i received from "missing out"
made me a rigid-stone...
from the youthful energy of disappointment
to the slowly growing old dynamic of
oriental thinking...
even now if i will ever put a foot in Poland
i will only be doing so
on a whim of: i need to purchase cheap duty-free
cigarettes... i'll fly over and spend
a day in Cracow... try to look local...
******* back to the airport, buy three cartons...
spend £30 there and back and spend a total
of £90 on 600 cigarettes...
which will still come cheaper than if i bought
cigarettes here legally, stupid...
or under the counter from some Romanians...

i was supposed to go to the gym with Francesca
today... honestly... i was busy... busy being
busy about not being busy...
spent the night chatting to a friend from Hawaii...
she texted me that she was going on a date...
that's what i mean:
i'd like a lesbian girlfriend... someone i could go
ice-skating with... talk macho ******* with...
go to an art-gallery...
but: keeping up with Platonic traditions...
if in need of **** find it elsewhere...
with the likes of Mona...
who, apparently disgraced, was shunned by fellow
prostitutes for becoming pregnant with
a customer... that's the thing...
i hope it wasn't me... but chances are...
cross-eyed at the zenith of her ******...
lips touches lips and all the wonderful stuff that's
like sunlight having descended and
enveloped a field of wheat in August...

i don't mind... carefree mitigation of rumours
and the frenzies of atomic vibrations...
invisible yet existent parodies of impasses
of: how Hannibal solved the issue of the Alps...
how Lawrence created the endless number of clocks
from the sands of Arabia...
how the sea was a puddle for the first to not thirst...
such evenings when language is loose...
gooey... mindless bragging and jargon...
something person spotted from time to time...

with my mother's brother, my uncle:
i once adored him... i used to go to concerts with him...
that one afternoon he cleaned and worked on
his Porsche... we listened to Red Hot Chilli Peppers'
Californication... an interlude of going
to the chicken shop and getting some chips
and hot wings...
his personal life of sleeping with prostitutes...
multiple girlfriends... i admired that i wanted
that for myself rather than the odd... mutant...
rigour of my father's monogamy...
i tried it once: twice...

i'm so thankful for the women in my life,
i won't event pretend to not give them their names:
Isabella, she dumped me...
Promis... she dumped me...
Ilona... she too dumped me...
dumped Humpty-Dumpty...
which gives me the focus of Pontius Pilate...
each time i wash my hands i wash imaginary
hands of Pontius Pilate...
   it's so much easier than to fall in the category
of the sort of man that has the luxury of clinging women
he then dumps...
much easier to be dumped...
it reveals avenues of... perhaps Mona, that *******,
really did have the best *** in her life
and wanted my genes to be preserved...
no one knows expect for her
and the insinuations other prostitutes in the brothel
have dropped...
but i won't be revisiting that place for some time...
my libido is stale-bread and...
eh... a ******* for an hour telling someone:
slow down... slow down...
                      just a little tenderness...
i don't need to be circumcised twice!

             unlike the ***** where you can ferociously
gorge on the uncircumcised bits...
or when interacting with piston against the backdrop
of the floral patterns: we're talking an act
with possible teeth involved...
my love made all the more easier:
so easier to move on... being the one being dumped...

western dogma: wisdom as an over-complication
with eastern dogma: wisdom as an over-simplification...
traps and mazes of the latter...
dogs chasing their own tails...
perhaps? reimagining the once legal
aesthetic of improving the Dobbermann dog breed
by snipping the nails and clipping the ears
so they might be pointy?

back to "dearest" uncle... he's back living in Poland
with his mother nearing her 85th year...
apparently going back... friends with investment
potentials... 3 weeks there and all he's doing
is sitting in the living room in his boxer shorts...
watching t.v., trying to play the role of manager
of a non-existent company...
having sold his one greatest asset of a paid-off
mortgage of a house...
his dream: retiring in his mid-50s like the norm
in Greece... a man still in his prime
having lost it...
                         hardly me cooking and improving
the life of grandparents by painting shelves...
changing the linoleum flooring in the kitchen...
changing a light-bulb...
it's like that scene from Hellraiser: Inferno...
the decadent police officer being dragged back
into his childhood bedroom...
this Hell of the Western World's Mentality...
living with your parents like it's a wheelchair hindering...
what?! and paying 12 months upfront
to rent a box in London is somehow better
than the allowances of homelessness?!
hardly... **** me... hardly!

sure... when he was living in England
and had the advantage of bilingualism...
how his "friends" dragged him into a ****-show:
circus without the clowns storming
a FIAT 126P by the 20 load of cramming...
now my horror-suspicion can be shared....
but at least i had escapism within the confines
of books... and no, seriously no ambitions
to stand on a stage and dance...
poetry and mediating mediocre saved me...
i allowed myself: i was allowed
sieving through observing people:
pedestrian talk: no talk...
            
     loads of money: he did save up a load of money:
compared to the usual dynamic he's
hardly a millionaire...
but compared to me... i count my riches
by the time i spent reading a book...
reading Heidegger's Being & Time...
hell... i paid... no... i didn't... my grandfather
paid 20? let's be realistic... he paid 30zł for each book...
in a subscription "race":
one book per 30zł... 20 books in total...
anyway... i was a vagabond in Heidegger's head
for 30zł that spanned for almost 3 years...
a difficult book...

                          i'd spend less time in Sartre's antithesis
of Time: id est esse nihil                                    -ness
does it really matter? the number on the receiving
end... is the calculated progress of judgement
of what constitutes "progress"...
Welsh is always a second clue concerning Britain...
given: you will hardly hear or learn
how the Scots "forgot" their origin in tongue
so smoothly lost that it would require a James
to bend the knee and crack his knees
like walnuts to arrive at these isles unity... ****-wit...
it's a pointless sort of defeat...
but adamant Welshmen and their prosthetic hard-on
for myths of: origins of the dragon folk...
hardly passable: most impressionable...

right now, though! i figured out something!
i don't want to write something original!
i don't!
you: "you": you... you know what i want
to achieve?! i want too write something
that... that can't be plagiarised!
which is a take on originality as
anti-originality-original

suppose these "poems" leave indentations in the fabric
of time (solely, they already have,
in the room i'm currently sitting in,
listening to R.E.M.'s automatic for the people
for the Nth time, nothing has changed)...
wow... my ego-tripping pays off...
but what tripping with no ego? just a silence
of the mind? the only reason why i'm writing
it because i can't return to my prior to psychosis
state of the thought-narrative bliss of
semi-solipsism semi-object-thinking...
one LEGO project after another...

i'm sitting here hunched before QWERTY looking
at the screen not looking at the keyboard
because: mastering QWERTY is oh so much different
to ice-skating...
life this self-suggesting, doubly-affirming:
believe me you be...
          are... conjugating the perfected grammar-math...
perhaps the wrongly assembled: you're be...
makes no more sense than
a chicken clucking trying to imitate
the screech of a diving hawk...

a lion growling a cat meowing...
             green met yellow and how blue was spawned...
if the blues was all blue
then i guess jazz was: having the purples...
classical music was the savvy pinpoint
between silver - gold - platinum...
but i still preferred folk songs...
the sort of songs without genius and more
the spontaneity of drunkards...

we heave an unbearable load of nostalgia:
nostalgia being a fakery of memory
and memory being no better than imagining
a present and future... with the downfall:
a memory reimagining the present and past...
if thinking is stability: if!
posit if within the confines of "if"!
then imagination is pyrotechnics...
the same can be said of memory...
fickle creatures... self-appropriating
self-gratifying no-self-involved students of
a circus...

i conjure up a memory: i'm re-imagining
what ought to be re-remembered...
no can do... i think of something outside
the prism-prison of geometry of a square:
that becomes the Disney Mouse...
wow!
     imagination and memory conflate
and thought: knows all the best distractions...
existence per se and for no knowledge
of the usual vectors of demand: how, when, who, why,
north? how...
east? when...
south? who...
west? why...
                         this is my globe of words making sense:
by sense i imply: words i own: i can manifest
within the confines of constructing a loss-of-self-self...

some spineless messages from Vietnam like
i'm speaking, writing, English, ergo i'm American...
it might only take a few Pakistanis selling Qurans
to conflates ****** with a German...
doesn't matter to me...
does it? did it? will it? ha ha...
     well... a ****** in England not pretending...
tangy-****-****... drool of accent of America...
talking to someone from Vietnam trying to start
up a brothel with girls to "sell"... shady corners of the world...
a bit like not trying to be Russian and talking to
someone from Afghanistan...

bored citadels with barricaded Cinderellas
***** me a snake and wishing ****** dress: white...
promises... me and you and me not getting any
STDs?!
                vampires,  in literature... at the height
of the AIDS epidemic... epidemic: in through to out...
pandemic: out through to in...
     d'uh... you ******* brain-frozen buzzing itches
of intellect not worth salvaging...
i'm tired! i'm tired of mediocre and the excuses leftover
by western psychologists...
i wasn't handed the kind poker hand...
i had to struggle... i struggled...
considered mad i waited until the world
caught up to me supposed "madness":
the world turned out madder than my originally prescribed
madness...
who's celebrating now? no one...
i'm curious about the demands of the gods...
i'm in pivot: contemplating both the crucified
and the one to be impaled on a spike...
my god... could celebrating torture be so misunderstood?!
crucifying someone is half the torture...
but impaling someone... celebrating
an anti-homosexuality... mein gott!
that's the focus: in situ of gravity, glue,
moon, money, sun, honey... being crucified is rather tame
compared to being impaled with your hands
being tied behind your back!
tame... this... thingy-magic... torture emblem of
excuses... solipsistic nostalgia some mediocre people
had it well... **** them... trample them...
horses need to learn to own hoofs!
no point of learning without some crushing
of skulls-soulless;

bemoan what fact? i might... somehow... endear myself
and enrich my existence with / by listening
to these harrowing calming-pill narratives of:
and who isn't who without anything being lost?!
oh! the hierarchy of victim-culture:
blaming X for Y and Y for Z...
fat ***** best fatten herself up by grief growing like
mould: slow...
  
of course i'm readying myself for the death-hanging...
the death-looming... the death-apparent...
tick-tock... tick-tock...
it would be impossible to thoroughly move with
a life, a concern for it, "it":
having a blasé affair with: exactly, with what that's not "that"?
pin point a needle in a haystack...
see a camel a mile away from passing
through a needle's eye...

old teachings are like ancient ruins...
people are not willing... the ontological reality
outside of the realm of Darwinism is unavailable...
there is no Darwinism to explain why
there were furless elephants in Africa:
and still are...
while there were furry elephants of Siberia
and Northern Europe....
eh?! explains X x what?!
            the English tongue is poison with its
dramatic Darwinism make-over speed up: ****
history: does anyone care to remember yesterday?!
if poetry is such a ******* **** in the realm
of arts... what's journalism?
historically speaking: it's...  A *******
CONSTIPATION!

you "people" are constipated meta-profession
ortho-beings... paraphrasing: eh?! who?!
no lost of libido... if at least half of us turned
to the path of patchwork of Cain...
we might... get something done...

We wear costumes of self control, with masks made of deception to conceal our intention. As a method of prevention, we slip into our inventions, inverting ourselves to protect the hearts we won't mention. Our sleeves will be washed clean so that no one will see how much we've had to bleed just to believe that we deserve a dream just as much as the soul who doesn't have to hide in a hole covered with dirt. Our only message to the world is written out on wooden boards sticking out of the ground above the patches where our bodies can be found, and they read:

"This is all I can let you see because I don't like what you want me to be, and I'd rather die here alone than tell you to leave, because someone you want is all I ever wanted to be."

that's one of the reasons that i don't
"think"
                                          that **** sapiens
   exists...
            it seems that from dementia
praecox's evolution into schiozophrenia
has allowed a poetic evolution
of spreschen...
                     you can write subjectivity
and subjectivity,
       completely devoid of polar attitudes
as to how the word is accomplished
  in a sentence...
  but in terms of objectivity?
   you always tend to side with the people
who cite "objectivity",
       i.e. third party narrators...
   these this precursor stress
                                       for a necessity
of ambiguity...
****'s sake, like inverting a caron
   into a circumflex...
               ^ > <              ? the ****?
      yeah... manga
    why wasn't it ever > <
                                         _             ?
ob.                             human



animal                      sub.

   if there's a subconsciousness,
   surely, given the prefix-rule,
  there must also be an obconsciousness...
    that's ******* with my mind
right now...
  but, after all, there's the categorical
foundation...
                  we already have puritan
objectivity... it's called physics...
dynamic (ɔ) - an "invisible" hand:
       ball (p) smacks against ball (b)
and you have the dynamic (c),
   i.e. ball (p) stops moving,
              and ball (b) moves from
    the interaction.
               journalism isn't a science,
  you can't be objective as such,
                you don't have the safety of
                          a lab. slothing away at
some mundane experiment...
      in journalism you only have 1 chance...
you don't get to compare
                      within the concept
   of heidegger's dasein...
         you're there, be a ******* journalist!
objectivity to me is a myth of
  pompous brats who really want to
reach the apathetic potential of
                            a psychopath;
that's all they're doing,
                      imitating psychopathy;
and might i add? very poorly...
           the ultimate psychopaths,
i.e. giving the most objective: oops?
                      the manhattan project...
  so yeah...
   "objectively" speaking i'm a late cousin
of harambe (the gorilla)...
   but subjectively i'm equipped
   with the ability to write,
  something like this, rather than reduce
myself to a rainbow onomatopoeia of
    syllables, imitating a human
  coughing or sneezing or laughing,
  rather than a gorilla intimidating
        a contender for his abode and harem.

the zenith and crux had to come one day,
perhaps with a: being awake outside
the domain of the healthy concern for
night as associated with sleep,
   and day - with at least the bare minimum
of cooking a **** tasty dinner -
         namely wanting to improvise on
chapati bread...
                                since came upon me a pain,
left me sliding off my bed,
  and repenting, laying myself on a hard
wooden floor, repenting since outside
   the window: June finally woke to ascribe
to itself both the seekers of shade,
as the ones seeking
                           skin gilded in copper,
inverting the niqab with a pair of sunglasses...
my virtual diet of youtube videos
started to become: claustrophobic,
      even the algorithm spoke back to me
based upon my choice of videos:
                  nothing new was seen since
    the beginning of June, the latest:
            ending on the 20th...
                          thus i remembered that
   i own john frusciante's:
              when shadows collide with people...
can't exactly express what happened
lying on that hard wooden floor...
                        sweating and toiling by
            keeping count of falling dominos...
swelled in john's oeuvre and felt like
i regained my momentary loss of sanity...
notably from being click-baited...
           and youtube was never supposed
to be a free-listening station
    in a ****** megastore, like the ones
on oxford street?
                      don't worry... i'll buy it...
i much care about ownership...
               but even in a ****** megastore
you could test-listen a compact
before buying it...
                        as long as there is:
                     no translation of mobility
from a static thing, to the well hidden,
            compact of a pocket, taking a stroll...
i honestly can't remember the last
time i talked through a mobile phone
that was my possession...
         upon landing at Stanstead this past
May i authentically asked for
   a pay-phone... the employee looked
dazzled and confused...
                so i had to resort to borrowing
a stranger's phone for a speed-dial
   and an exchange of familiar voices with:
i'm here...
                      the bread making
exercise?
                     just a chapati bread...
      infused with a pinch of salt,
         a double pinch of sugar, black pepper,
a dry chilli crumbled... cumin seeds...
            turmeric powder...
                       and mighty hot flat gypsy
frying pan...
                     the sort that requires you
to grip the handle with a cloth...
                      evidently even this famous
canadian dr. can become exhausting...
  why?
              why i am among an audience...
listening to him:
              when i ****** well know that
     i'm probably going to be the only person
who has already read some of the books
he's inviting the remaining members of
the audience to read? but who evidently will
not, because they'll just regurgitate
the lecture: in video.
       only some time ago i discovered this
rotten youtube commentary people...
        last time i checked...
             all i ever used it for was to sample
         music, before i would buy a hard copy...
what a rotten diet!
               i almost lost my pleasure from reading...
not that i might disagree with
      the canadian herr doktor herr professor...
yet: to perpetuate being a student...
           thank god i was taught some higher
technicality in chemistry...
       because, listening to these lectures...
              no wonder pubescence is extended
well beyond the biological reality...
                        plus the company of sophists
and not drunk poets...
        ah... you know... you're always looking
for a stiff one, a sharpshooter to numb
the pain of being crammed with intellectual custard...
i too have read some BIG books...
       but talking about them is like:
an inability to think with them.
          hence the art of necromancy -
it's not "supposed":
       when you're sitting in a room,
   with a library that might as well be regarded
as a graveyard...
        oh this ******'s dead,
   so's this one, and this one...
                    ****! i'm the only one around
here doing the graveyard shift!
and let me tell you:
      it's a gemini schematic -
            one hand feeds the other as
does the other caress the hand that's feeding it...
you can't escape a desire to write,
without keeping an equilibrium
with a desire to read...
                you can't wish to write more
than you read...
                 or feel inclined to do so...
   doesn't exactly require grand books,
                civilisation pillars and door-stops...
i just had to read one book review,
then run back to reading my current
lecture of Heidegger's ponderings VII - XI...
perhaps that's how it goes...
      but i must have been insane for
about a week devouring herr doktor's lectures,
strapped to an outer-looking
                      america and canada...
              the **** does that even matter
from where i'm sitting?
               you want a "clever" little fact?
   you know why the Polacks played such a ******
world cup, in russian?
                 shh...
                the Russians actually played,
the ENTIRE POLISH ANTHEM! (almost)
             no, seriously,
                          even i was brought to tears!
but being in company of another person,
i did a sly whimpering and didn't want
to show the aqua pearls...
            Poland vs. Colombia -
  the Russian organisers allowed for the entire
hymn to be sung... not just the first
stanza like at the olympics or in other
countries...
      mazurek dąbrowskiego to the Russian,
which is more than it is to
the Zakopane fued and throng:
a second stanza!
    przejdziem Wisłę, przejdziem Wartę,
    będziem Polakami.
    dał nam przykład Bonaparte,
    jak zwyciężać mamy.
          i'm even suspicious of the fact
that there might have even been
a third stanza!
                   HENCE THE EMOTIONAL
RESPONSE!
        if you're supposed to "keep"
a memory of only one stanza from
the anthem? why bother...
    unlike the English: bog-standard...
let's get on with it!
                if... i heard, the anthem
in its entire... form?
                           i'd break down crying
listening to it...
          like now...
       listening to john frusciante's
                                 unreachable
                  from the album the empyrean...
thank you very much, Russian,
can you please excuse "my" national team
from not going further than
  the group stages of your grand tournament...
we have more pressing matters
back home -
                       i would like to write
a personal note to Mr. Putin for allowing me
this rare insight...
           thank you for the second stanza
(and third, if i'm not mistaken)
                              of my anthem to be sang
in the presence of other nations;
                     thank you...
                                        for plucking this
from my heart.
                      double down on:
               yes... they plaid **** because they
were emotionally disorientated...
                            as any ****** would be...
having to sing an extra bit...
                          of what's otherwise
           a shorter-script of the anthem recognised
by the olympic community...
                  i know why they failed like
a **** in a bog of mud...
                                     if i almost cried
hearing the extended anthem...
                    how the hell do you think
                          a footballer would feel...
                      kamil grosicki....
                  crying...
                       ­ that's not ******* gazza...
getting booked in the semi-finals
                            in Turin... knowing he would
miss playing in the final!
        this is group stages football!
                 now i can show you a part of
Russian collective psychological "manipulation":
i call it that,
              because i've gained more from
it, than if the Polish team,
   did even something as ridiculous as
                                      play in the semi-final...
it's football...
             after all...
                     the team consisted of mainly
nearing-retirement players
   who were plagued by injury...
                     namely jakub błaszczykowski...
ah! those Russians...
                 they know how to turn a man's
heart back on into a natural rhythm...
                         so...                   no biggie;
if things settle...
                      we'll allow Senegal
                                   and Colombia through.

Before the slice of moon, a far strike knives
As a teased Lucifer, charged to appear
Stabbing the bend by thunder taunting near;
And pointed burn a cycle full survives.
Choked in the smoke breathe the sacrificed lives
Dread to the sliver glowing God eyed sphere
That seems to ****** a flash to now and here
To part the air by beam inverting fives.
Numberless one of God tempting renown
Slashes to times the cut to next that fames
First division defied- then kingdom come
In a bladed bolt that's called to shock down
For the eye, as a black sworn father aims
The dagger stroke at his lamb, bound and mum.

The Holistics of the ethnonym of Heles was saved by Vernarth and Etréstles, when the flood of Helén that came on Heles was shuffled. Here the inquisition is connected with the gravity potential of the elapsed time with the gravitational hydro of the bottom of the Marmara. The mechanics were marble dust that fell through the timers to the Seventh Heaven, inverting the one-way urns that were already being destined for Heles. This double urn symbolized by the laurel of infinity over the finite, it mechanized the fall of the origin of heaven in the court of the angels, from where they had horologists to pay for the urn for Heles, but as this was rescued by Vernarth, the urn it would finally be awaited in the depths of the dreams of the Marmara. Here the longitudinal precision of the marble sandbank that contained Heles defragmented was necessary, to later materialize it in the second Urn under the fold of the sea where his horology was synchronized with the sane cries of Nefeles, which Vernarth could not bear when he saw that his body it was turning into red blood cell marble. Heles, seeing his mother like this, inverts the receptacles of condensed air to emit and separate the red blood cells from the marble of the urn of Heaven, and then transfer it to the marble urn of Marmara.

After 1500 microseconds, Heles grabs Alikantus's tail and jumps onto Kanti's back, who was waiting for her to surface. She was dressed in white marble chaff adhering to her silhouette, remaining totally safe with her index fingers on Alikantus's forehead at the end when she just opened her limestone eyes.

Vernarth says: “in the Codex Raedus, I made the twelve hours of Carlo Magno's clock tangible, near Compostela. I have only kept prudence facing Heles with Etréstles from the bottom of the sea, leaving the bulbous granules, after his soul regenerated away from the marble oxide in the tin gap that could take it to the real quantum future, far from the receptacle that was emptied to arrive at the enteric complement of his organic and admirable Hellenic body, exchanging and measuring the countenance of the Akashic field, where the locality of the Strait of Dardánelos tacitly was upset with that of the Hellespont. For what it meant that the globality of Heles was followed by the torrent of water in the middle of the colonnades that brought it to the surface, where Hellespont already shone with another name of the Cosmic Sea "

The places and times, the characters, and fantastic animals were rooted in the mention where all things were induced towards a theoretical foundation, based on the love of quantum entanglements or (entanglement basis), to give ballast that binds the particles that are to it. own from where the independent particle persistently comes, which will drag the names of Heles and Helén for thousands of millennia, through this intertwining of two colonnades that represent the duality of Kanti and Alikantus, with Vernarth and Etréstles. They made the macroscopic purpose of the Kairos tunnel, where the pre-Helladic anticipated the revolutionized time of the Kairos when the Hellenes already carried the visionary overtaking factor in their genes, to help this sponsorship of Vernarth's Romantic Submitology in the Hellespont, from Vernarth's home run where the stars and Kafersesuh's Lepidoptera straightened up.

i deliberated of this for a long time...
well... not really, just
a few seconds...
   you know what's missing?
a spanish feel to existentialism -
i don't think it's fair to claim
that existentialism was solely a moved
conjured by bored, french university
professors and chain smoking
cafe intellectuals,
   or by the hyper-sensitive a-hole
germans who required something more
precise than the division by a millimetre
standard...
i feel like adding a spanish tinge to
the narrative... namely?
ah, concerning the aesthetic,
  namely the abuse of ditto in english:
or so i heard - the "inverted" commas...
doesn't look that much inverted in pixel,
to be honest;
the existential aesthetic concerning
the: " "?
let's paint the **** thing red & yell'ah...
point being, enclosing a word using
the current, outdated existential model,
well...
     every time i read the technical
existential texts i'm feeling left, slightly bothered...
namely?
the pontius pilate syndrome...
****, should have said effect...
   notably with jean-paul sartre's inverting
commentary while citing: "ego".
   that's pontius pilate down the centuries
of history, that is.
   i can't but not own up to this:
it's either a misnomer (that's an easy explanation,
and much approved) -
       or it's an ambiguity - which
is also much approved...
but in conclusion? it's primarily a form
of questioning "bracket" -
on a presupposition pivot -
        the word thus encapsulated it question-rife,
or question-ridden, whichever you
like...
     hence my stress to move the movement
to iberia... away from the german & french
toffs of the 20th century's zenith;
ergo? ¿what now?
                    this!
oh, right, the main problem...
  the following p.s.:

i'll give you a million dollars if you upload
this on youtube (in reality? i won't,
i just like the expression) -

   steve wynn & the miracle 3's
album: ...tick...tick...tick...
  
   notably for the song cindy -

i've looked, can't find it!
    ****, it's almost like a googlewhack,
imagine owning a compact copy
and not being able to find it on
the internet to stream... ab-so-lute shambels...

p.p.s.
the compact i own is scratched,
    so it's like automated form of scratching
vinyl...
   by the way... you know that
if you encode scratched compact,
   and store it on an iPod, the **** thing breaks?
yeah, i couldn't fathom at first,
   how you can translate a scratched
c.d. into a broken iPod...
      a scratched c.d. translated into an mpeg4
format can completely destroy the physical
host that's an iPod...
    for some reason, the mp3 format is immune
to this phenomenon;
obviously this is a useless observation,
but an observation nonetheless...
  to think a scratched c.d. can destroy an iPod
by reading the broken hardware,
and somehow invoke the software component
that allows the translation into mpeg4
to destroy itself...
      ah the company is ****** anyways...
   who tries to **** off the headphones port is
a complete ******.

Serpent inverting sense invoking smiles
Flash bone to the fruit of the knowing good
Taste of the sickening or urgent food
Swagging God to appetize necrophiles.
Serpent whispers war swallowing souls for miles
Each way as a starved out heavenly feud
Flames to ruin the body by bodies imbued
With gut lust the conflicted tongue riles.
A worm burrowing through to eat the turn
Will savor seed at core of maggot site,
Settled omnivorous as freshly found.
Selving **** to cocoon the worm it churn,
A hungry untasted hermaphrodite
Devouring dainty dead meat now renowned.

/however democratic, still the despotism of time, with void came thought; with writing, a sense of relief: penny-sweet lottery, of an android abstract, when presenting man's nuance, of formerly stated examples of, adventure, surmised by... countering the stealth infringement of insomnia, the death / 5pm of dreams; and the reiteration of claustrophobia, within the confines of cognition, prefix, (ergo) summation, suffix... the egg is both a chicken and a per se without an ergonomic transition parallel of stated question...

can't cure people of an
apathetic "utopia":
in the hands of however
many rhymes,
and anarchists,
would be "communists"
from Birmingham...

once upon a time
the allure of the Reagents Park
mosque, now the reality
of ginger ***** in a flurry
on a face...

      and some gestapo
lark song of "freedom"...
Soviet balet on t.v.,
     as entertaining as
  the capitalistic momentum
known as a woman hybrid,
lodged into frame,
  as a camel overladden
with silken leeches and some other
lesser opioid dreamers:
mine?

crawling with a toddler,
kissing it's tender head like
slurping down an oyster,
a mother... and a suitcase brimming
with ***** bottles...
the sad part of the tale is:
what doesn't allow itself
to die, but remains remnant
in the mundane everyday...
or how ghosts are pickled
and later spawned into
chewing sand...

   ******* preposterous,
this antithesis of gravity,
extending in a culmination
of a giraffe or an ostrich neck
imitating a ladder,
and three magical beans
falling to craft root,
   before the yawn of an ogre
making stance:
as some word ought to be
written,
          -qua -/- si- sorted,,
   writ as bound, "open"
and "closed":
          thesaurus:
tis no book for young men,
even though the land
has earned status of:
jeans and the awaiting old man
readied for the plough...
          
Shakespeare howled a dying breath,
came hogmanay,
and the populist uprising of
auld lang syne...
             trivial urbanism...
of the former...
    pauper, king and merchant
and... a lesson learned
in order for the same mistake
to be towed along...

local: not outside this song
is an effort to be minded,
even with a name like Mozart...
      of man but of no people
such excavations of a blank variant
to make gimmick out of pause...

   rhyme exhausts
the "greater" deed, to a "lesser" fathom
bound...
     not my eye upon the people
dwelled;
            perhaps a shame,
        or i, akin to spider by webbing
towed a signature...
     suffocating moth,
     by miracle a perfumed cotton...

if only pop appealing...
            inverting their own:
               slack of sight...
                but not when sharing
path, her cycle and my feet,
having to make way
for her thinning,
  would make, entourage of
an 18th century perfumed wig:
  
pleb among plebs:
my gold a thought,
their gold,
                your: tirade.