Pain
And suffering
And evaporated tears
And razor blades
And laxative teas
And skinny jeans
And diet pills
And angry words
And impulsive decisions
And lies
And bleeding lines
And swollen wrists
And puffy eyes
And long sleeves
And stay-in-bed-all-day days
And avoid-the-crowd-for-days days
And won’t-mind-getting-hit-by-a-car days
And bitten tongues
And sad songs
And bleach shots
And fake Instagram posts
And living through YouTube videos
And fasting
And failing
And then no longer caring
And feeling like it’s all over
And then doing it all over,
All / Over /Again

Are you thinking about her
Or you thinking just to think.
Maybe you thinking. Because you miss her.
Or you planning something.
Why do you think about her?

He is surrounded by a thousand faces.
Yet, Still the loneliest man in the room.

Whispers encircle him. “He’s everything!”
Yet, he has nothing.

Broken hearted. Suffering mind.
Truth be told, it’s his sadness that shines.

Mistaken for beauty, these ashes of mine.
The one thing he needs, the thing he can’t find.

He gives. He gives. He longs.
They take. They take. Yet, he’s wrong.

Where is simplicity? She has left him.
Sorrow has replaced her.

Sorrow. Misery. Torment.
These are his lovers, his great affair.

“Save me,” he thinks and never says.
Why hear rejection out loud.

Commitment? Only if it’s from him.
Then the pain drives deeper.
The reality of false hope murders his soul.

He’s still breathing. Each exhale a reminder that he’s surrounded by a thousand faces.

The hardest part of the day
is waking up, and remebering to fake a smile
and hide everything. The feelings that make us busrt into tears
and stain our pillows
with mascara
Emotions drained and all you can do
is ignore it
and to move on, but fail.
Because you are constantly reminded of the failer that is you.

Roses are red
Berries are blue
She's for me
NOT FOR YOU
if by chance
you take my place
i'll take my fist
and hit your face
:)

you have to find the stupid reasons not to **** yourself.

for example:
i can’t **** myself because i’m in marching band and we just got our drill. it would be selfish if i left a hole in our formations.

i can’t **** myself because my dad bought me a new package of that bread i like. it would be a waste to not eat it.

i can’t **** myself because my french teacher moved a girl next to me. it would be rude if i were to leave her without a seating partner again.

i can’t **** myself because my friends and i are in a gift exchange. it would be annoying if the person i got didn’t get a gift.

i can’t **** myself because my room is messy. it would be ******* my family if i left a mess.

i can’t **** myself because i have a group project coming up. it would be unfair if i left my partners to do all the work.

i can’t **** myself because it would inconvenience others. i can’t **** my self because leaving a hole would hurt their productivity. i can’t **** myself because me dying would mean that i never got to see the end of my favorite books, i never got to see my favorite tv shows, i never got to finish my favorite poems.

i can’t **** myself because i’m in marching band. if i do, i’ll leave a hole.