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Tony Tweedy Jul 2019
Is it mind or heart that craves the touch of love?
Is it born within me or come from God above?

And what fires this lonely burning rising in my soul?
What drives this sense of yearning for things to make me whole?

Why do I always feel half empty and always out of place?
Why when I close my eyes can I discern a feminine shape of face?

Why do I crave to fill these spaces so vast within my heart?
How flawed I truly must be, to be missing clearly, some vital part.

Am I meant to endure and ignore my hearts so empty call?
Or should I simply find a way, to not search for answers here at all?
Some journeys cannot be measured by miles or kilometers... they are too vast for such trivial measures.... too cumbersome for matters of mind, of heart, of soul. Where these things meet even light years are too small a measure. How do you measure loneliness?
Tony Tweedy Jul 2019
I think back on the good times and the memories that we made.
And in my quiet moments those great times are all replayed.

I remember the laughter and tenderness of the time we shared.
briefly feeling less alone remembering that once you cared.

Of course there is a melancholy sadness in knowing it has passed.
But we built so many memories that the warmth of then will last.

Do you recall those moments when we shared intimacy and fun?
Or are they all your past and in memories, time made you none?

I think often of the passionate warmth, of you entwined with me.
And feel again the excitement of how those times could be.

Always with some loss, but too an overwhelming sense of pride.
When once you were my lover, our bodies laying side by side.

I keep selfishly those memories that you and I have made.
Musing, what I could have done, to ensure that time had stayed.

I think of you often now in that wider world out there.
To hope you keep one good memory as proof you once did care.
Inspired by both my past and Lorraine Colon who writes some simply amazing and insightful stuff. I wish I were as adept at cutting through and seeing it real.
Tony Tweedy Jun 2019
If I give you one more chance to lie to me,
would you tell me you love me one last time,
maybe then I could lie to me too,
and have something to believe and dream once more?
Do you hold those memories?.... regrets?
What hurts more?... the lies or the loss of what you thought you had?
Tony Tweedy Jun 2019
Has my path been random or has it been ordained?
Did I make the choices that led me to this life so strained?

Some would say I was tested and it was always the path ahead.
Every choice and word predetermined, all destined to be said.

I always believed I was independent and making my own way.
But I have come to doubt it, I am so less certain of myself today.

Every choice I made has led me here to writing this today.
Less certain than before, less belief in all the words I've had to say.

Confused by life and doubting in just who the hell I am.
Always predetermined, cosmically intended to fail at the exam.

There is no sense to it if I was always meant to fall.
And there really was no purpose to testing me at all.

So even if its random and has all been by my choice.
The failure has been even greater and I am just an empty voice.
And oddly when I go here it is when I pray the most!!??
Tony Tweedy Jun 2019
A view of this world distorted by eyes now welled with tears.
More broken and alone than at anytime in all my younger years.

No sign of reason and nothing to sustain progress to a future way.
Just the futility that lays ahead as I face yet one more pointless day.

Scream out to the deafness, in pain so deep, of the peril that I am in.
Resolved to the reality there are no ears, and I have no way to win.

Long has been my fight since I fell to this most desperate place.
Knowing an escape by my own hand will not even leave a trace.

To end my continual pain and this life of lonely deep despair.
And with certainty just knowing, no one knows I was even there.

No one left to notice or care how far I fall.
Any path without this pain again a very welcomed call.
So very tired of being here again...
Not afraid in the normal sense... just tired that I am here again.
Peeled layer by layer...
Tony Tweedy Jun 2019
How many souls have been lost because they used their heart as a compass?
Tony Tweedy Jun 2019
Different shades of light that have passed before my eyes.
Casting shadow and obscuring things and covering up the lies.
How to see the good in things when light keeps them concealed.
To hope that light might shine and falsehood and fake be revealed.

How very hard it has become to see the light as good.
So many years younger was I, when to see it so I could.
I thought that I had lost the light and darkness had prevailed.
The simple truth is it was by light and shadow that I was assailed.

It has been the light that has often broached through my defense.
Open to love, light shone in and seemed to make some sense.
My eyes were in awe of light and my heart overcome with joy.
Only to find that light is used in lies and deceits own employ.

I no longer can trust the light or give it even some small chance.
No more hurt to my heart from light disguised as loves romance.
I cant escape a world where light by all is worshiped for it's glow.
So I'll live a life that is empty in this light I have come to know.
Too afraid to love again... some hurts just cant be faced again.
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