if people knew how much they meant to someone, would they have stayed?

my window has always seemed to face towards the streets

i always try to have a birds eye view of things

yet my mentality is shaped to fit between a window sill

somewhere between what i can do and what i will

"eyes see different shades" someone had once said

well lately I've been seeing through different shades of red

i'd first wanted to say blue but that seemed rather morbid

i think red means something more than what life has in store for us

i'm seeing perspective but i'll be held back by my own

and the sun is a gold i'll never truly hold

if i stare too long to catch it i could go severely blind

i guess that's the parallel to seeing through someone else's eyes

it is like i'm being pushed away from myself
my brain hoping to be tethered down
but i always seem to forget to buy the string
and i will lie endlessly in bed
wondering when i last had seen myself
time moves so slowly here
i can't even find the time lines
or a rhythm
or a reason i don't deserve this
i deserve this

i no longer know if this is a personal torture
or a lesson i forgot to have learned
but it's awfully lonely here and i forget that
girls are suppose to be "social creatures"
i guess i'm not the only one here after all

accompanied by suppressed thoughts
whispering secrets and love me not's
that i never even knew were happening
somewhere in the background, week after week
collecting all my mistakes and inner comments
to shot when the times are the worst
making it two weeks unscathed
with half my wits left

that's a good week

We lay in it. A king?
A queen? The daffodils,
a side table. Etching white lines
on your dark skin. Cashmere.
Clouds are pillows. Moss is fabric softener.
I am tumbling out of my - drawers
are thick blades of grass.
You think trees are equations.
Masterful and wise. I think they are god,
pure and solved. When I was born,
they planted me firmly. You plant a kiss,
the wind brushes, my cheeks are red -
You smell like apple crisp.

I'll always remember summer,
from the comfort of my winter solstice.

I wanted him strolling through
the lightnings.
Leftover lessons ones I didn't feel
like teaching.
Ones you pick up on the way home,
at Gerrard & Church,
         Streambank & Lornewood.
"Is he gonna be the one
made for you,
         or are you gonna build him."
I never studied architecture.
I never liked small talk
         about overcast weather.
and I never thought love was built

                                    only gathered.

She spoke of dreams
and chasing shooting stars
under galactic blankets
that covered them warm...

He kissed her quiet
"Shhh darlin'
you're doing it again..
you're reading my
thoughts"

Occasionally I come across a person with brown eyes,
and I compliment them on those peepers.

More often than not, they laugh and say,
"Oh, they're just brown."
Or
"They're **** colored."
Or
"I wish I had blue/green/hazel eyes."

I want to grab them by the shoulders,
pull them close to me,
look into those eyes and say,
"Your eyes are alluring, deep, and warm."

Eyes the color of delicious coffee,
of which I want to gulp every last drop.
Eyes the color of ancient leather,
the binding of the best books.
Eyes the color of the soft soil,
from which everything good grows.

I say,
"Love your eyes, it's how the rest of us see into your soul."

Brown eyes are my favorite eyes.
Brown eyes make me feel like I am home.

You look at me and
your smile
falters.
It should.

You left us.
I’m left
fuming
in disbelief.

What did you mean when you said
“Love”?
Now you ****** that word with cruel fists,
crushing it beyond recognition.

I glance away.
I’m standing in rubble,
silent.

Maybe I can handle a
S l o w
S t e a d y
D  e  c  a  y,

Can I handle the
sudden,
thoughtless detonation
of my one sanctuary?

Family.

I sift through the debris;
we are lucky.
Everyone survived.
But you should suffer
bitterly
for every bruise and wound
your twisted apologies left behind.

You know what the worst part is?
Every time I
see your face,
hear your name,
remember your embrace,
I miss you.
Terribly.