drive slowly,
i know it’s not what you wanted,
the long haul, just stuck and controlling,
can’t always turn where you want to.
it’s been a long ride,
tunnels, and drifting between stops,
i lean on your shoulder and get lost,
don’t know where the line crossed.
are we there yet,
eager and getting our feet wet,
can’t plan a good thing, just wait for it,
maybe another hour or two,
this will pass too, so -
drive slowly.

i'm not good at math, approximations,
don't like uneven numbers, cos sins, whats right?
your star sign is the worst, sometimes you too,
other times i am complete, prime, whole,
i'm not good at relationships, only staying,
don't like even tempers as bandaid approaches,
your picking up your skeletons in the closet -
other times i am cleaning up the bones and dust,
i'm not good at goodbyes, only apertures,
don't like to leave things closed, sometimes you are,
other times i am warm, safe, sanctioned,
don't like to be the entirety of a set, that you deem null

say something sweet to me, tell me i'm everything,
wipe away all my tears, show me there's no fears -
kiss me in bed every night, **** the bugs and the bad guys,
tell me i'm perfect, lie to me, i'm worth this?
say i'm being melodramatic, i'm your bad habit,
wipe the sleep from my eyes, show me how i'm divine,
hug me in the mornings, this is your warning,
tell me w'll be okay, lie to me, i'm hoping.

my bags covered the hallways, and i
took the shower curtain, not the memories,
like when you left me to go party in January,
dissembled us and lost the allan key -
left the birthday cards in the junk drawer,
where you can find me - discarded dust bunny,
sat on the balcony, and cried about it…again,
then remembered when you yelled at me,
made me feel smaller than a strawberry -
shortcake never sweet enough to make you see,
recipes and ikea instructions won't fix us, so,
you left me, thinking i should never get close
to anyone, ever, talking in my sleep,
now it feels better in my own company -
but tonight i feel weak, maybe i don't have any
redeemable qualities, that they can love deeply -
but i pick up my bags, bolt the rotten door, and go,
hammer in my resentments, kick my head up, so
leave us in the cold, **** around and find out,
but you still text me though.

the way i triple text with, full consciousness,
unapologetically say how i feel, with kindness,
bump heads with the dryer door, too often,
lose track of the ttc stops, i go too far,
frame every mistake like, an opportunity,
give affection like i'm running, out of time,
make sure i never air, ***** laundry,
check in with my friends, hold everyone close,
open Waze 20 times in case, always planning,
day dream vividly away, minds another reality,
make friends with everyone i meet, being friendly
ask 5 times if, everyone is comfortable around me,
donate money every time, because giving is everything,
this is just to say that i love me endlessly

remember when i told you
how it felt to live without it,
i could scream it, can’t unsee it,
and it’s exhausting how i need it,
read it on my face, and weep it,
every piece of me, falling
into shoulders, buckling over,
can you bare it, the weights of living,
touch it, you can handle me with care,
even serrated, even serene,
developing plot lines, uncut seams,
we keep forgiving, envisioning,
a future that we have, it’s now,
together, we are personality, perception,
sharp slivers, in need of sanding.

always thinking about you,
half way across the world
holding my own two hands
waiting for the plane
thinking how we’d pulse them,
as in, “love you”, fingers rough,
you’d make me laugh,
through all the delayed flights and
Sofia gossip, we’d eat good cheese,
hold onto memories with less resent,
because everything’s simple when
all i do is hold onto you, the love i left,
distance makes the heart grow and i’m
half way across the world,
just thinking about it.