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I long to feel the elation
and the electric elevation
of desire and affection
passionately reciprocated.
I have the aims
of a famed procrastinator
who is perfectly positioned
in the place of
comfort that I prefer,
while I remain undisturbed
and also undeterred
from my lazy guy mission.
I ponder with wonder on life
Why is there so much strife
Painful like being stabbed with a knife
I try to comprehend
so lend me your ear
if you choose to hear
We only evaluate our own surrounding its astounding
How we ignore
What's behind the door

Theres only one way to change how things are its within our range we don't have to reach for a star
When you choose to see what's clear
lend me your ear
Help those in need
by doing so you plant a seed
Heed my word
Let it soar like a bird
Look around
Listen to the sound
Of people sleeping on the ground
Help others
You get back what you give
That's how you should live
The universe is calling you
What will you do
She never thought she would end up doused in gasoline and set aflame.
She never thought she would end.
She never thought.

but everything she never thought,
  is all she can think about.
I drilled holes in her eyes and watched her pupils cave in
I ripped off her fingernails so she would stop scratching
I peeled back the skin on her her face because her flesh started splitting open
she started growing lumps on her neck so I ripped those off too
she's turning into the perfect woman

she's getting kinda mad these days
begging me to **** her

but I would never **** her
I'm no monster
I have my grocery list in my hand,
a pack of razor blades
a gallon of bleach
a bottle of *****
an egg
I have my grocery list in my hand,
but I am listless.

Sometimes I crack a smile
when my dog wakes me up with his kisses
Sometimes I make eggs
for him, of course,
I would never waste them on myself
With this list, I'm gone
I make my dog eggs and me a bath
For me, bleach, *****, razor
soon to be listless no more
I open the bottle and welcome the burn
at first, I really hated how it had no clear flow but it kind of captures the sense of pointlessness and awkwardness  I was trying to portray
I found Jesus
in the trunk of my car

I found Jesus
in the back row of the church choir

I found Jesus
in a shootout with the police

I found Jesus
giving head in a thrift store fleese

he said come home
and to heaven I go
but my singed hairs said maybe not so
no rules allowed and chaos ensues
alcoholics start hitting up the *****
teens start trying on Holocaust shoes
men in black suits keep signing off on paper
no regard for woman no they just **** her
people once in power now cry in the shower
but at least they can't feel the fear on the streets today
people still fearing to be gay
people still fearing to say hey
no way
tired black suits just sign away
what can't come out on canvas
comes out of my wrist
strokes of black and streaks of red
help control my silent fits
I pound the wall with my fist
blood trickles from my hips
but it's ok
I'm used to this

I blend paint with pain
brush with blade
only difference is,
pain fades paint stays
I do not wish to succumb to the social defeat of drugging myself just so I can handle the horrors of mundanne repetitveness. I fear that in deadening myself with mood altering drugs I run the risk of loosing my awareness and accepting the ******* people try to insist is simpley how it has to be, or loosing my empathy and just accepting lifes atrocities. It is not wrong to feel the highs of love and the lows of sorrow they are ying and yang. Without these feeling one becomes a zombie, a parrot, or a parody of real life.
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