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spacewalker Mar 7
Everyone always told me they wanted to be me
But I was dying to be someone else
all my lies kept building up
Now I hated who I had become
I was dying to leave and be somewhere else
everyone wouldn’t want to be me
But I’d still be myself
spacewalker Feb 15
I’ve hit rock bottom

Again  

And again

Feels like I’m slamming my ******* head against the bottom.
Over
And over
And over.

Isn’t that the definition of insanity?
To do the same things again and hope for a different result.

But I’m not crazy,
I just don’t have hope.

I don’t know what else to do.

I’ve hit rock bottom and the worst part is I feel like the floor gets a little lower each time,
and the fall feels just a little bit longer

Again and again,
is this all there is?

Again and again,
I find myself at rock bottom with the lights off and tears in my eyes

Maybe I can can climb out
But I’m not sure there’s a reason why

Again and again,
I feel the coldness on my feet
And the tears trickling from my eye
spacewalker Nov 2021
Life is filled with disappointment,
With hate,
With pain,

Sometimes it’s ok,
Like having *** in the rain,
Getting drunk as **** n staring at the stars,
late night drives in our run down cars
Sometime I can forgot I hate it,
even just for a moment

Life’s not all bad, it’s just most of it
spacewalker Oct 2021
The turn to my house was three miles back.
it doesn’t matter, my minds gone black.

I keep driving

A dark sadness overwhelms me
as tears fly off my window.
four miles away,
I’m far from my pillow.
  
I keep driving

A park I just passed
has kids playing in the rain
Who’s going to tell them their happiness
won’t last?

I keep driving

Five miles now, but I’m in the same place,
same problems,
same people,
same demons to face.

I keep driving

Maybe I’m meant be alone in my thoughts.
I don’t know where I am,
in every sense I’m lost .
Six miles from where I should be
even when I’m home,
my house stands empty

I keep driving,
          and driving,
               and driving

Until I open my eyes to find my turn single blinking.
With a sigh of defeat,
I turn onto my street,
there’s no point in running anyway
spacewalker Oct 2021
I want to feel love.
I want to be loved sure,
but to feel it is something new.
Something I can’t do.
My friends,
They do
My dogs might feel it too.
I hoping one day I can feel it
as certain as the sky is blue.
Oh, I hope it’s not true
when I think I’ll die
alone.
but who’s to prove me wrong ?
as my heart lies,
an empty home.


Well not entirely empty,

Filled partially with coke and and ***
and lines of things that could **** me.
filled a little with some empty ***,
and fake gestures of commitment.
I’m the problem, but so is everyone else.
Why am I do different?
spacewalker Sep 2021
I’m trapped in a box
I tried so hard to leave,
even with no silver locks to keep me in,
I feel pinned

I’ve left before
But alas, I’m here again
Back in the box,

I know my place
I exist to entertain
me and everyone I know,
knows where not the same

I come from a place of sadness and pain
Back in the box of societal shock
I know my place,
Sitting in my box of shame
spacewalker Aug 2021
I would of loved you *****
But you loved everone else
I watched you day and night
Spreading your legs and letting every man come inside but me
You didn't even look at me
Never even said hello
But I looked at you
I've always looked at you
I couldn't stand to see you violate yourself
For men unworthy

So now your mine
The only man who knows what you want
The one man who knows how you like it
The only man you need to see

Your fighting me now but
you'll like being mine eventually
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