I was having a bad day,
I needed your hugs

I didn't feel like living,
I needed your hand

I was crying,
I needed to hear your laugh

I was in need of something beautiful,
I needed to see your smile

I wanted to know everything would be okay,
I needed to look into your eyes

I was breaking
and I just needed you

She loves deep
Hates even deeper
Rejection is near
And scares her
A last resort
She's desperately in need
Of something to lift her up
Stop the chance that she'll bleed
It's a scary life she leads
She runs, she pushes and she cries
It's more than she can handle
But she continuously tries
She asks herself these questions
How does she survive?
How does she fake the lies?
What could she possibly do
To hide her truth in disguise?
There is no where left to run
Her fears are all coming true
She knows her life is coming undone
There's nothing left she can do
The life she had is finally through

I don't remember, any more,
The exact shape of your hands
As I held them in mine,
Caressed them,
Memorized the length of your fingers,
The depth of your calluses.

I don't remember, any more,
Exactly your height, how much
Taller than me
You were, where
My head rested on your chest
When you held me tightly close.

I don't remember, any more,
Your scent, when we lay together
Creating our own
Magic rhythm,
Matching our heartbeats as we
Touched the sky, together.

I don't remember, any more,
The sound of your voice, calling
My name as though
It were a song
Within itself, a precious treasure
You valued with all your being.

And I don't remember, any more,
The color of your eyes, the shape
Of your lips,
Only...
How your eyes crinkled at the corners
And your laugh, as you told me,

"I love you."

I am not heartless,
life just taught me
to use my heart less.

I don’t always allow my heart
to make choices for me.

Life is saddened by love,
because when those
you care about die,
it hurts more than
if they were a stranger.

That’s why I always say,
love is not a happy journey
where the sun always shines.

It can be a barren landscape
wasting away with fattened pigs,
and chickens who lost their feathers.

Love can burn like the hot sun
in the Mojave Desert.

It can drink your blood
until you’re ready to pop.
Leaving you to die
from a broken heart.

© 2017 Amanda Shelton

Turn up the silence and block out the sun,
Alone in my room, a bottle and a gun.
It goes click twice, I'll see another day,
Tears start to fall, can't carry on this way.