Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
TedH415 Oct 2015
You’d think that when someone tells you they love you and want to be with you that they actually mean it.
If not why say it?
The dedication and truth behind their little blue eyes seems so very real.
The illusion of safety
Thats what I call it
the illusion that I have control over how other people feel about me.
the illusion that I think I know whats good for me.
the illusion.
When someone tells you these things it makes you feel special.
Theres nothing special about any of those words, or any other words that are supposed to make you feel good about yourself and your situation.
You believe it to be true
Just because you like lying to yourself
she didn't betray you.
you betrayed you
you lied to you
she just did what she did
and it had nothing to do with you
it was her fun, her idea, her problems, her hate, her love, her confusion
you did you
and she did him
you did you
and she did them
A brick to your face
it feels kind of refreshing though?
doesn't it?
its still just another addiction
you might as well grab the
happy face wax paper bag
squirt, mix, stick, pull
blood pours in like a jellyfish
hold your breath
all pain is gone
it is all good
you're all good
everything is now fine
you love yourself again
TedH415 Oct 2015
You wake up
its snowing
sweat pants, hoodie with no t-shirt, heavy beanie
a steamy car awaits out front
two faces inside
familiar but you don’t know them
...really know them...
tracks in the snow pressed into the streets
you're cold
you're hot
you're sweating
you're crawling
you're skin feels like spiders
it will all be better in a little while
everything you worked for this week will pay off
to lie.
to steal.
money gained
money lost
all you want is a quick little taste
a taste of something greater
of what you think life should be
no life is perfect
you need perfection
you need stability
this is your stability
you pull up
blacked out cadillac parks
he gets out
tall black face
taped up shoes
****** up face
he sits in
how many?
3 bundles
your problems have already passed
they passed the second you saw that car roll up
it was the security you needed
the security you wanted
and now
in your hand
is all the security you’ll ever need
you were searching for it
and you found it
white powdered gold at the end of the rainbow..
TedH415 Oct 2015
Its locked
Its wrapped in this little tight sealed saran wrapped bundle
gentle velvet red in color..if you needed a visual image
heart shaped and safe
its the shape and structure of
a feeling of safeness and intrigue
a feeling of fear and security at the same time
you want it..and you need it
every time you feel it
beats skip
hearts drop
hearts rise
trust engulfs
lost trust
it starts
tapped phones with eyes of jealousy
trust falls
serious conversations
faith is dead
I wanted truth
but truth was buried deep
lost in a sea of lies
a sea of I love you’s
a vast and seemingly full ocean of deep seeded passion
where do you go from here?
you love..but hate
you want and need for them to stop
change them
you definitely have control
more lies
this time to yourself
you've lost control
this situation is unsolvable
leave them before your heart falls yet again
its the fuel of the hunt
the feel of the rise and fall
the addiction that calls itself love
that disguises itself with happy thoughts and ideas
leave them…
you cant.
you have to.
if you don't you will die inside a little more..
every day
you wait
for change
nothing changes
if you don’t change it
**** heartbreak. *******. **** her. **** everything. **** love.
TedH415 Oct 2015
Heated passion engrosses your every nerve, exploding sensations through your entire body.

You're so in love that nothing matters. Heavens bliss shining down on you constantly.

Heated arguments implement an impression of hate into every tissue of your embodiment.

The absolute definition of what you have come to call a “relationship”… Heaven and Hell.
TedH415 Oct 2015
She stands on the edge awake.. yet confused as to where she is
The thoughts blossoming in her mind reek of hatred and fear
she steps out onto the ledge and looks down at her freshly painted toenails
why did I get these painted?.. she thinks..
they're just going to be imprinted in the pavement in a minute anyways
TedH415 Oct 2015
Sick again he thinks as he reaches for the needle..
An instant coat of warmth falls over his head as he punctures..
4 hours of pure euphoria encompasses his entire soul..
4 hours is all he gets until his next puncture.. such an annoyance..
TedH415 Oct 2015
its the aroma that pulls you, radiating from your own hoodie.
its second hand to her.. but on her body it is absolute.

beneath the drab bar room lights, her rose lipstick still luminous.
her smile brings contentment, her chuckle brings you excitement.

yet there is still a covert intrigue to her, theres still so much to learn.
elated, melancholy, enraged, blissful, absurd, whimsical, you feel it all..

you look at her and smile bashful…put on your jacket.. and you step out into the night with a sense of wonder..

again you start to trust the process... this particular process requires trust.

— The End —