I love you more than you love me
Just the thought of  you kept me from the wrong way
You are the only person I see
Got past all demons, I have not strayed.

But why didn't you do the same
You have once again stabbed my healing scar
For you, is this all just a game?
No turning back. We are more than marred.

Goodbye is a hard thing to say
When I think all the good memories that we had
But that alone couldn't fill the gap
You have lost me. When you chose to fall into a trap.

Holding on to your love with my life and soul.
Let the days pass by and roll into weeks,
I'll sit there and take it yes all you have to give ,
I'll leach it from you drain you dry forever more.
No more emotion I'll take it all
I'll sit there and stare,
I'll look but not see,
I'm blind to the world that's surrounded me.
I'll make my assumptions and I'll pass my judgement,
Its all wrong in your eyes and mixed up in my head through all of these feelings I might as well be dead.
It's all **** self pity, loathing and hatred,
They all belong to me.
I feel like I'm being crushed under the weight of myself.
You see those people who have misery around them it flocks to them in droves.
Well thats me in my head surrounded by smiles.
Give me love and I'll poison it I'll take it down and make it dark.
You can't get through to me because I am not myself.
You are slowly killing me
Watching me decay with those beautiful eyes.
But I want to be strong I don't want to give in,
With every step you take my heart grows weaker,
So give me others to fill the void just let me heal please don't rip the wound you made in me,
Because you up and left me at the door and now I'm trying to make my own way.
Just take me back or let me go.

you treat yourself like a wounded animal.
you’re drowning in your own blood,
demons rather.
your wounds fester & rot & your demons escape & drown you.
you don’t know why you got shot or why you deserve such pain.
you don’t know why you got caught in the headlights.
so you wallow in a pool of red, your demons.
as they taint your skin crimson
& leave your soul hollow.
you live life on the ground
because reality’s a hard pill to swallow.
you’re waiting to be put out of your misery.
you want to die, to end it all.
or you’re waiting for someone to come along & pick you up, poor wounded animal.
someone to stop the bleeding, fix up your wounds & make you okay again.
you’re waiting for someone to make you whole.
you’re waiting for someone to stop your demons from drowning you
but you’ll be waiting a lifetime drowning in your demons waiting for someone to throw you a life jacket.
we either wait or we die…
or we save ourselves. the lucky ones, i suppose…
it is said an animal would rather bite its own paw than die in an animal trap.
we who save ourselves, crawl away from the car that hit us. take out the arrow that hit us. bite off the leg that’s caught in the trap so we can survive.
we who wait for someone to save us end up bleeding to death.
& those of us that want to end our misery either do it, or live our entire lives wishing we had.
survival instinct… bite off your paw to save yourself from the animal trap for none can save us but ourselves.

Too eager, child.
You drank it all up. Every. Last. Drop.
The shoe has dropped
The teeth have been kicked in
The salt has been rubbed
The breath has been knocked out
there's nothing left, child, but to wait for impact
dead end.

Please don't cry...
Please keep trying, please stop crying.
Stand tall keep fighting.

I can't do this on my own, my body is wounded filled with bruises, scars and burns all figuratively and literally.

Please stop crying.
Your tears are causing step dad to hit mum harder, causing my real dad to brand me, my grand dad to wash me in blood, the type he used to hurt her.

Please stop crying.
Please show some strength because the more they see this the more their opportunity to hurt me rises.

They see pleasure in my pain, their greatest treasure is this huge stain in my heart.

Please stop crying, at least stand tall for mummy.
Take her pain and don't show it, smile to irritate them, so they at least focus more on you...

Please stop crying to save her.

hedonic adaptation
living, breathing an
idealized state

transparent powers
an aesthete with an
affinity for anarchy

shamelessly insinuating
fatal errors in identification
extraterrestrial *******
at the core of our unity
probing at a molecular level
damning the will to connect

a creative protest against
the artificial
daydreams bleach
inferiority complexes
and insight breaks through

dark and damaging
sacrificial secrets
thrusting toward the deep end
forgoing progress through
flawed perception

the bright light shining through
your self inflicted wounds
cannot be ignored

To the crushing of bones
when you implode;
my stubborn skull
was no match for the concrete.

I flew face first-
now I am ground into dirt,
or the dirt is ground into me
wherever I’m bleeding.


I can’t clean these wounds sober.
this girl?
you won't know her.

my jaw is popping-
is there any chance of that stopping soon?
The moon is closing in on the sun,
threatening to collide
and I've grown wearing of hiding in the night.
I'd just like some
medical attention.

My knees,
my knees...
I forgot to mention they're all ******;
I don't have the money to call off
for a few days.

can I sleep on my face?
my pain is evidence of my shame-
these wounds just my physical disgrace.

I'll regain coherency
at a quarter till three
with a swollen, puffy face
and vinegar in my veins.

just add it to the list
of blundering strains
maybe some time in the future
I’ll be able to worry about it again.

it never ends.

my new lamp, shattered
my clean sheets
dirtied and tattered.

my left ear is buzzing-
everything has gone fuzzy
and my head is numb and
throbbing.

maybe I’ll sleep well tonight,
and my nightmares will find me
without any fight left
in my dried out bones
and pseudo studio home.

c.m.
draft/original: 8.5.14
posted: 1.7.15
revision/edit: 1.8.15

We are the broken ones
With wounded hearts
And corrupted lungs
But Our Battle scars
They don't define us
We define us
I define me