I have told myself I'm okay for
Far too ******* long.
I want to disappear forever.
Go somewhere I won't be found.
Where people will give up on the search.
I'm not
Who people think I am.
I'll leave in the night,
When everyone is asleep.
Maybe not. I'm not sure.
"I'll be back later"
"Where are you going?"
"On a walk"
No one will think anything.
*I'll find an overpass,

Climb over it.

And *jump.

At just the right time.

In times of clarity, or perhaps
Moments of weakness
(Depending on one's perspective)
My greatest fear, I think,
Is that of dying without achieving
Anything worthy of mention.

The idea of being so ordinary
That your death
(or rather, your life)
Will be rapidly evaporated
from the earth's memory
Like light rain on a molten tarmac afternoon.

But you, at least on a mentally strong day,
Delude yourself with bursts of creativity:
Poetry, film, ideas of grandeur,
All of which persuade you that either
You will not die for a long time,
Or you will someday soon achieve.

This thought is comforting
And all is well.

Until one day you are having
A particularly busy teaching day,
And you rush to the usual spot
To grab a regular taste of Dublin life,
And order your chicken fillet roll:
Lifeblood of an Irish working-man's lunch,
And you eat while you walk -
Both briskly to save time before
Rejoining the rich children.

And the slobbering mouthful of
Delightful chicken baguette
Casts taco sauce from its grasp,
And dribbles down your pubey beard.

You stop and take a finger to it,
Knowing full well that the damage is
Done and that those hairs will grip
To the smell of taco sauce until
The drain tastes their defeat after
A particularly overzealous shower.

And it is in that moment,
With finger and beard stained with
The orange-tinged blood of a chicken fillet roll,
That your ordinariness and worthlessness become apparent
And it destroys you...
Because you always thought taco sauce was spicy.

Dragging my head on the ground
No one, no one’s
I’m catching death on my lips

Sliver off my flesh
Heart’s beating bruises
Well, there’s nothing here but nothing
So give up

Won’t you wear me like a sweater?
Drape me loose across your legs?
Tie me to the bottom of your nothing head?

Kiss me till I turn to dust
Kiss me till I turn

I’ll believe in something when I’m dead
We’re all just passing over each other’s empty skin
Don’t pretend anything
Life’s as worthless as it seems

You think you can love me?
I guarantee you're wrong.
None could ever be
That inherently strong.

I have no social graces.
I dare not try feeling.
I remember no faces
Because I'm uncaring.

I will never matter,
So please, don't try.
The world would be better
If I would just die.

I'm not worth your time.
Don't spare me a thought.
I'm not worth a dime.
I should be forgot.

you
hide the other
lovers in the
back corner of
our closet. found
one with her heart
torn out only yesterday.
still bleeding and
asking for you.

despite the
crime scene
i still
think you are
beautiful.
i still
think you are
worth waiting for.

i see you through
a clear window.
and you look back
from a shattered
******* mirror.

can't even look me in the eyes.
after today, i won't laugh
away the hurt.

you've turned me
into a heartbroken
cliche. i don't even
hate you for it.

Every word I have to say to you feels like shards of glass escaping my throat
You put a wall up and I still see through you
Every great castle has a shallow moat
I'm not going to drown to save you

One day you'll be worth someone's time
You're far from mine
You have this dangerous mentality in your head
Live by it forever and you'll be alone when you're dead

Falling I tried to grab for someone
No one reached for me
I didn't scream I just watched the world get smaller as I sunk lower
Why would I drag someone lower with me?

Blood leaks out of your veins
You ran from your problems and you tripped and fell
The dirt, I swear I'll never taste again
Get up, and write the future only you can tell

I'm not that good with words,
Tends to **** my poetry,
I'm not that good with herds,
It always stopped me fitting in,
I'm not that good with birds,
Ruined attempts at ornithology,
I'd find it so absurd,
If anyone was ever impressed by me.

I've grown beyond a joke,
It's just not funny anymore,
I'm no "ordinary bloke"
I'm useless down to the very core,
I'm an egg without the yoke,
That's ended up face down on the floor,
Like I knew before we spoke,
I'm the sort of person you'd wanna ignore.

And I'm not that good with words,
I can only say the same ones over again,
I'm seen but seldom heard,
You might not even know were friends,
And though I wish it never occurred,
I'm glad to see you're on the mend,
I'm not so good with words,
So I'll leave no note on which to end.

Lets talk nonsense as you sip your dignity from my palms. I caught a glimpse of your insanity to only see your all talk but far to broken to walk the walk. Realize your childish games are pitiful and you're appearing pathetic, puddled in your tears you keep so hidden. It's time you pick up your pride, dust it off, and swallow the worthlessness inside. As you choke on the guilt I'll smile and reveal your true self with every cocky smirk. Was I worth the embarrassment?

-dh

Ever feel like your drowning in a pool of indecisiveness?
   Like you have everything you could need but your missing some simple bliss?

   Paint splattered pillars supply me the foundation for support and structure,
   But the array of sprinkled colors reflect my chaotic life and the ways my beautiful sanity will always rupture.