If only you could see how sorry my life is,
If you could see the state that I'm in,
If you could see how close the knife is,
To breaking through my pale white skin.

If you knew from the moment I met you,
How hopeless it seemed to say another word,
If you knew how fast my heart was beating,
At the most astounding wish I've ever heard.

If you could see inside my mind,
If you could see how loathsome I feel,
It worries me that you seem so blind,
To think we live on an even keel.

If you could know I'm not meant for anyone,
If you could know that I live life alone,
If you could see what ride you're getting on,
All your plans to approach would be thoroughly blown.

And as I put my heart back on my sleeve,
And tell you that you're free to leave,
You can put all you said back into your mouth,
Because any notion of love I find hard to believe.

If you cracked open my skull,
(and discerned past the alarming indirect realism
Featuring a ******, cerebrospinal fluid-y cranium,
Hewed and fractured crudely
And gushing like a cascade),
You'd unearth a disturbing array of mechanisms,
Filed, packaged, and manufactured,
Well intentioned lies and repulsive judgement,
Distressing reality and optimism open to ridicule
Self-interested altruism and desperate defenses,
An assortment of fallible hope and fallacious despair,
All nearing a point
Of sudden, piercing tragedy.
For I, too,
Am devoid of worth and life,
I, too, have done nothing
Worth life's light

I write "you exist"
on the fragility of my wrist
because I need to remind myself
that this isn't a nightmare
and life has good parts too.

I need these words to fetter me
as if I were something solid
because I haven't felt that lately

I am the dead leaf
detached from branches
broken off from life

I am the echo in the mountain
too late
belonging to no one

I am the carving on the tree trunk
a reminder of a love already gone
fading, unnoticed

I am the falling star
burning, blazing
dead a million years.

I am nothing
but I exist.

I exist.

what's the point of continuing on
if the only thing that matters
has stopped talking to you
looking you in the eyes
stopped from what was there
started looking somewhere else
what's the point of continuing

a short fall wont work
maybe if I jump from the top
ill be able to get you to look
maybe then you could see
you gave me everything I needed to be