Silence the whimpers.
There is nothing to mourn.
Some can still remember what the empty lot held 0nce.
Colors and excitement clashed with such vigor.
Someone should have caught how quickly it would go up in smoke.
Like a leaf in the Sahara.
Smothered and withered.
Every time one would pick up the remains.
More would fall away.
As if the attempt at repair only invited more distance.
Arguing is useless.
For there are new toys on the playing field.
Some that trample down others while playing the only card received.
The haze over the land has become thick with regret.
And even though the pain sparks from every corner of the wasteland.
Not a single flower has bloomed
Just years of weeds and insecticides to populate the once beautiful surroundings.
Now the barren plain whispers as if there were ears to listen.
More or less to be validated.
It's sad to see ships leave the harbor withouts sails.
And weird to think back with such wide smiles.
When the only expression left.
Is a sigh.

there is a numbness in my bones
while i sit on my worthless throne

I think I finally understand what it means to feel.

My thoughts are killing me
My dreams are haunting me
My body is covered with hundreds of scars

Because I've done nothing but build you up by tearing myself down.

My eyes are liars and so us my mouth
My body disgusts me and I'm repulsive to myself

I'm worthless it's easy to see
And it's bull-****.

If time stood still for a month
I'd question the minutes I misused
If given a week, where I didn't have to think
I might find a second to relax
This American dream I'm suppose to be chasing,
Just feels like I'm racing between work and my bed
Building  a mountain of stress and a mountain of debt
And then I come home, underpaid, overworked
It's hard to not let a job, define my worth.

They build us up for years, kid, follow your dreams
Then tossed to curb, kid, your worthless, it seems
They don't understand, the price to move up these days
A 50 thousand dollar loan to get a degree
In a job that still doesn't pay.
Call me unmotivated, I'll ask for an offer worth my time
Where the pay is substantial and insurance isn't robbing me blind
"Go be a doctor, a lawyer, a suit"
And spend the next 8 years eating only Ramen noodle soup?

You don't get it, I get it. "My generation wants it all for free"
Then how come I feel like I have so many chains around me?
They combat us with fear, attack our esteem and integrity
Until you're weak and question your own abilities.
These kids pop pills because their stressed out from life
Have you seen the pressures thrown at them every night?
I'm not saying we're victims, I'm saying we just need help
We're a lost generation as past ones only fend for themselves

Time is funny,
It moves in a linear fashion,
But feels unorganized and dizzying,
A Ferris wheel of fate.
A spinning top incessantly spun.

It’s funny how perception changes,
How one moment you feel as if the world is your oyster,
And in the next that oyster is crushed beneath a cataclysmic stampede,
Or that oyster disappears, and you’re left with nothing,
Except the distant sound of ocean waves.

There’s something so funny about life,
About how it changes, shifts, balances and imbalances,
Based on a tiny detail,
And then everything is different.
A raindrop falls and hits the ground.
So does the woman from the bridge.
So does the soldier in Iraq.
So does the loved one slowly lowered,
Six feet under.

It’s funny how we pray and hope,
For something we may never achieve.
But that hope is what keeps our hearts beating,
Keeps our legs moving,
Keeps our brains working.

But what if our hearts are too weak to beat?
Fluttering but failing.

Our legs aren’t strong enough?
Bones, Muscle, Sinew, Useless.

Our brains aren’t smart enough?
A lump of distorted flesh.

What’s left for you then?
Just insignificant specks of dust in a world already forgotten.

In the darkness
of an empty room,
I cry in the corner
seeing visions of you.

I want to feel your touch.
Feel your touch, feel your touch.
You held out your hand,
but I couldn't grab on.
These guilty pleasures
are held, in front of me.
These guilty pleasures
are taking a hold on me.
I can't break free,
Can't get back up
There are no pieces
left to pick up.

As I lay in the dark
of a nice warm bath.
Planning how to take my life away,
I breathe in deeply
drift beneath the water
Until I struggle to breathe
That is when visions of you
resurrect me.

I want to feel your touch.
Feel your touch, feel your touch.
You held out your hand,
but I couldn't grab on.
These guilty pleasures
are held, in front of me.
These guilty pleasures
are taking a hold on me.
I can't break free,
Can't get back up
There are no pieces
left to pick up.

Kneeling in the shower
praying to a God
that doesn't exist.
Don't know the difference
between reality and make believe.
As I look towards the shower head
I still can't see.
These scars that cover me
may need rebandaging.
He's a lost cause,
an abomination.
He's a disgrace
to the human race.
We've been here before
I'm all alone, in this empty room,
Crying in the corner
seeing visions of you

I want to feel your touch.
Feel your touch, feel your touch.
You held out your hand,
but I couldn't grab on.
These guilty pleasures
are held, in front of me.
These guilty pleasures
are taking a hold on me.
I can't break free,
Can't get back up
There are no pieces
left to pick up.

Oh, I've lost myself
everything makes no sense.
I think about the time
you said that you'd be there,
I'm not sure you even cared.
But your smile saved my life
a million times before.
I'm in need of you,
but this time you're gone.
Not sure I will survive anymore.
As I kneel in the shower
praying to a God that doesn't exist,
This razor penetrates my skin.
The blood trickles down the drain,
He falls to the floor,
crucified he cried
Crucify me tonight.

I want to feel your touch.
Feel your touch, feel your touch.
You held out your hand,
but I couldn't grab on.
These guilty pleasures
are held, in front of me.
These guilty pleasures
are taking a hold on me.
I can't break free,
Can't get back up
There are no pieces
left to pick up.

Oh! My star has fallen tonight,
If they were there,
he might still be alive
every night,
he died a little more inside,
my star has fallen tonight

As I lay in the darkness
of an empty room
staring at the ceiling
seeing visions of you
I see your smile
it puts my mind at rest
I fall asleep
knowing I truly was blessed.

©2017 Written By Benji James