whispers
behind my back
isn’t she so annoying?
my naive self
just eager to love
to have good friends
was i just
a pity friend?
someone you felt bad for?
this is what it has always been
no matter who decides
to take me in
i’m always just
a pity friend

Shoplifter


She is so selfish on the sea shore.
She steals for pleasure and nothing more.


She lives for adrenaline and cares for no-one but herself.
She says she cannot help it,
But she is a worthless human being swimming in her stolen wealth.


Dopamine protects her from any guilty feelings she may have.
She wants it, so she steals it and puts it in her bag.


I have no pity for her for she is just a thief.
She wants compassion and understanding,
But she cannot take these things from me.


She lives for the thrill of it.  She wants it so she takes it.
She is the dirt on society.  She is empty of feelings.
She has always stolen without thinking about the consequences;
Now she is sat in a jail cell with a new pair of bracelets,
And somebody has stolen her ear-rings.


(C)2016 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

Such a loss, to me, not you.


In need of being loved; in need of a hug.
In need of somebody; somebody to love.
Alone now so long, I haven’t had to say goodbye in such a long time.
I can’t remember what real love feels like;
I have no memory space left for it inside.


You are all welcome to all the love,
But nobody can have mine,
Because I am so far removed, from any kind of love life.
I have already rolled those furry dice, one too many times
And now I just do not have the will, to keep on rolling snake eyes.


The risk is no longer worth the reward.
The chance is not in my favour.
I am at odds with the world and even if I was only ignored,
I could at least understand that kind of behaviour.


All the love in the world, I could have it inside my heart,
But it is worthless in my hands.
Love is useless to me and far too hard.
Too hard to find; too hard to keep.
So easy to lose, this stupid love thing.


So no longer will I try and no longer will I want.
No longer will I go in search of love; it is time to finally stop.
You can tell me anything…
I am no longer listening.


(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

What is love?


What is love if I just can’t feel?
What is love if I cannot have it?
What is love if you don’t feel it?
What is love without you near?
What is love if it’s not real?
What is love?  
Love is worthless.


(C)2016 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

No food
No sleep
I can't let these things reach out and speak sweet lies
I can't let food call my name
I can't let sleep drown my thoughts

I shouldn't eat
I can't sleep

This is me

I am broken girl
Who can't eat
In fear I weigh too much

I am a broken girl who can't sleep
For my thoughts and memories
Haunt me too much

I am a broken girl who answers 'how are you?'
With 'I'm alright' even when I'm not even close
Because I don't want you to worry
I don't want you to fret
Over a broken soul

I am a broken girl who says 'I have been busy'
when someone asks me why I haven't done something
I have been busy just not in the way they think
I have been busy trying not to give into hunger
I have been busy fixating on how I'm broken
I have been busy
But not in the way they think

I am a broken girl who has let her demons
creep up on her too much

I am a broken girl who has surrendered
her soul

I am a broken girl who dates so she feels
worth something because I don't when I'm alone

I date because I need to depend on someone
Because I am not dependable for anyone
Let alone myself

I date so I can hear someone say I love you
So I can hear someone call me beautiful
Cute
Amazing
And so many other things
Even if I don't believe it

I am a broken girl who has lost so many relationships
Five to death
And so many others just because they left
I was no longer good enough
No longer happy enough
No longer
PRETENDING

I am a broken girl who pretends
And when I stop people leave

Because I am too broken

I am too clingy

I am too demanding

I'm just not enough

Or I'm too much

THIS IS ME

But no one sees
Until I let them

And when I do they worry

But please don't worry
Because you didn't when you didn't know
So why worry now?

I'm still the same me
You just couldn't see all the flaws that my eyes do

You don't see the way I do

I see a girl who's eyes are too big

I see a girl who isn't thin enough

I see a girl who's hair doesn't suit her no matter what

I see a girl with too many scars

I see a girl
But I don't

For all I can see now is a walking flaw

And no one knows that
THIS IS ME