Twinkle twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
A ball of gas or so we think
A solar system gone extinct
Twinkle twinkle little star
I'll go drink then drive my car

numb to pain
and what a sweet freedom she is-
liberation from sinful, teenage lust
broken from chains
that once held me to mountains
i climbed to prove my love

but i don't know her anymore,
i can't feel her anymore,
she left last year in a panic and
i remember watching her eyes fade
that time i told her i could hold her hand forever
love was scared to stay
and so i blocked her out
one brick more every time she left and came back


and now i see her on the street
everywhere, in new towns and old
but the world does not warm up when i spot her
i don't feel flutters in my stomach and
the sun does not shine brighter as she walks by
i simply smile to be polite
i don't know her anymore


numb to pain,
how lovely a skill
to detatch from everything you once loved
at the snap of a finger
and to watch the repurcussions crush worlds
without batting an eye- how graced to know pain enough to beat her
how lovely a skill
until you wish you could just feel something
anything, at least once more

Im consumed by these thoughts
I hate these feelings
That i just cant cross
Out of my mind and dreamings

They consume me
I dont want too
But here i am i can see
How all i can think of is you

Its all you fault
For making me like you
For consuming me every thought
And it ***** cuz ik you cant like me too

So im just stuck here
With these emotions
And i dont want to care
So these thoughts i try to shun

But i cant stop myself
I really have tried
Its not like iv cried
Over you
Its just sad
That you will never like me too

I don't want to know what could have happened
If I stayed and let you play my strings
to the same songs I dodge in public places now
because everyone knows how that turns out
My friends watched me fall over once a day in agonizing wonder
how you could call me a chore while I called you a lover
I don't want to know what could have happened
If that day in January when you told me I was nothing
didn't change the way that blood flowed through my body,
but I felt it change course and  collapsed in the kitchen with my family,
they didn't know that I was sick, you didn't look like illness to me
But I don't want to know what could have happened if I didn't leave,
because I can't count high enough to predict the nights I would have been unable to breathe

you would have taken the air right from my lungs if it could get you high

but I don't want to know what could have happened because despite it all, I turned out fine

Get the **** out of my head
Why is it so hard to forget you
Yet all the negatives try to vanish
In an attempt to make me miss you

You were a horrible person
And I can look past what you did to me
But you hurt her too, your best friend
Who does that?
How can one guy convince you to drop your best friend
When I couldn't even get you to ignore the toxic ones

I hear he's controlling now
That's cute
I hope you enjoy how he ***** you
Cause that's all you care about you heartless *****

You left me cause I refused to beat you in bed
Cause I couldn't satisfy your fantasies
Well I hope you realize that
Your addiction will destroy your life
If somehow it hasn't already

You dropped out of college and now you're living on your own
I knew you wouldn't go back if you left
But you had your own plans
Your own agenda to live your life
Trying to get whatever you want
From anyone

You didn't stay because I didn't put up with your ****
I stood up to you when no one else would
And luckily it got me out of a toxic relationship that
I didn't even realize was that bad

First love never dies
Here I am trying to justify
Why I can't get you out of my mind
No matter how hard I try
When I genuinely do not want you
Who I'm with now is so much better
She and I, we build together
Instead of me building for you
Leaving nothing to nurture myself
And you still seem to remove pieces from my wall
Threatening my progress without you
Because why would you do anything different

And I try to remind myself that
You cheated on me
And at least I can sleep
Without the raging guilt
That I hope fills your lungs
And chokes you in your sleep

...the Word of God.



(sonnet #MMMMMCMLXXII)


Oh yes.  I wimper still oer Mum.  Care thence
In silence as ne words assuage nor bail
My soul, except the LORD's in sheer betrayl.
Orange kisses treetops, yellow nestles hence
In sidewalk cracks and dips, vines paint a sense
Of scarlet through the copse no phlox detail
Now, and lo, I submit a sonnet they'll
Not choose, remembring Mum last year--and whence?
I swear, the Word of God my home as twere,
Replies as through a parched land we ensue.
Grey hours rain drips oer, deep blue heavns we were
So fond of seeing twixt yellow Maples--do
Not have my ticket anymore.  In poor
Scuse I watch Pride and Prejdice.  Where are you?

16Oct16b