Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Meat Stevens Jan 2021
If you want to be a true influencer
you should put in some actual work
****** the Archduke of Austria and his wife
The Duchess of Hohenberg
Gavrilo Princip did not have many followers
He did not have any discount codes for his online store
He had a simple dream to  break off Austria-Hungary's South Slav provinces so they could be combined into a Yugoslavia, and instead he started a world war
If you want to influence society
for centuries to come
Stop being a coward posting vacation pics online
Go out and get yourself a gun
@meat_stevens on Instagram
Meat Stevens Jan 2021
Dead guys golf clubs
Dead guys guitar
Dead guys Rolex
Dead guys bar
Dead guys children
Dead guys wife
Dead guys cigar cutter
Dead guys knife
Dead guys things he left behind
Dead guys body now a rind
So long for now
See you on the trail
Let’s celebrate his life
With a garage sale
@meat_Stevens on instagram
Meat Stevens Jan 2020
While you’re sleeping
The spiders bathe in your nightstand water
As the mosquitos play you Copeland’s “Fanfare For The Common Man”
The worms use you as a blanket
The bees outside your window spread rumors about the Praying Mantis
The roaches climb the bedpost to get a better view
and the ants want to be left alone cause they’re too busy working on their own things
while the Praying Mantis makes a move on the Brown Widow
It’s actually not a widow it’s a  Brown Recluse according my roommate, Charlie
He tells me their bites are harmless
But I don’t believe him
So I take a picture and ask someone on reddit spiders
and they tell me it looks like a Brown Widow but the photo quality isn’t too clear
I mean I got up as close as I could to take the picture
And we should really call an exterminator
Because the Ladybugs now won’t shut up about the Mantis
And the Moths are making a mess in the kitchen
And it’s really Gal the landlords job to handle it
But he’s too busy being a heart surgeon on the side so I guess I’ll have to do it
I’ll call today. I’ll call now.
Meat Stevens Jan 2020
Old but hard
my buddy Charlie and me
The girls are on their way
I keep telling he
It’s been two hours
Since we popped these caps
He brought the *****
I brought the wraps
We’re gonna coke em up good
That’s what they like
Our hearts can’t take it
But we will coke em up right
It’s been four hours now
And I must say
It’s better to be old and hard
Than old and in the way
Meat Stevens Jan 2020
I like being unemployed in different cities and seeing what they’re about
I like seeing the same mailmen everyday upon their same rout
The same cars pass me by at the same times every day on their commute
I hang with the same folks at the same cafes  in destitute
I know all the stray cats and the doggos by their names
There’s Rufus and Cupcake and Bachus and Senator John McCain (My neighbors cat from Arizona)
Eventually it gets tired, this staycation holiday
I’d find some entertainment but can’t afford the matinee
I guess I should start looking for a job to help myself back on my feet
But it’s already Thursday so I guess I’ll  start next week
Meat Stevens Feb 2017
Twinkle twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
A ball of gas or so we think
A solar system gone extinct
Twinkle twinkle little star
I'll go drink then drive my car
Meat Stevens Feb 2017
8th avenue ***
**** out on ground crankin one
Thanks de Blasio
Next page