you are like a white crayon
valuable with superseding other colors
you show authority when no one else would

and for you, my white crayon
may i never stray away from objectives
and may you always be simply
a white crayon
useless in the eyes of some, but when used in a correct manner
you become infinite.

Useless
Toothless
Helpless

Can't give it
Can't take it
Might as well
Help less

Can't prevent him slipping
Into darkness
Can't stop her sinking
Into oblivion

Can't even help myself

Useless

I punched myself in the leg today
I had to stop the way
The voices were clamouring
In and outside
My head
I had to stop the dread
That's my problem
When it comes to the punch (haha)
All the voices come at once
Then
Overload

Then comes hate
Hate myself
Useless

The punch didn't even help
Wasn't worth it
It bought back something else

Never

Do

This

To

Yourself

Her hits would punctuate her words
Her cheeks reddening on each strike
She might as well have
Hit me
It hurt as much to watch.

her eyes locked in on mine

Darkly humorous really
That I was always so split

Between fear that he'd hit me
Fear that she'd hit herself
And always, always,
The fear that they'd leave
Because I'd made them
Want to once too much.

Faultless
Helpless
Useless
I was never truly innocent
Because the guilt was
Always mine

I feel like last place
Where you only get a thin paper metal
I feel forgotten and unloved
I feel useless and unattractive
I feel worthless
*And I am only remembered if someone needs help on the computer at home or if someone wants to copy my class/homework at school

teeth
a trail of teeth
leading into a bedroom
where a ghost awaits
your arrival
upon this horrible
rock
just
nothing but
an infant
nothing but a filthy infant
that can't hurt anyone
if we say we hate feeling useless
why do we still live

they ask me to describe myself

using only one word

which isn't difficult

becuase only one word

ever comes to mind:

useless.

everything is
crowded.

I'm not sure what's
real and what's
fake, or what's
good and what's
bad, or even why
I am still
here and not at
home and just
sleeping
relaxing
letting
go.
Instead I am
here.
I am trapped between
four men and
three strollers and
too many
cowboy hats to even
remember how many there
actually are.
All I can
focus on is how
absolutely
terrified I
am and trying not to
disturb anyone but
also trying to
get enough air in my
lungs that I don't
suffocate.

But that's really
really
really
hard to do
especially now
especially here

So please excuse
me for a
minute if I
make myself
small
or if I start to
whimper
or if I
cry a little
bit.
It's nothing I can
help.
But the worst thing about
it is that when
you're afraid of
parties or
stepping into the pantry or
the city bus,
it sometimes feels like there's
nothing you can
help.

And trust
me when I
say that
almost nothing is more
painful than being
useless.