it's sad that you feel no one can love you,
to feel only the one person who hurt you, will be the only one to of loved you,
when his love was in ways good and bad,
but the bad outweighed the good,

you as you are, miss him for every time it was good.
and  you as you are, try to use it to cover up the bad things,
you remember, there were lots of good thing that happened,
and you wonder, how many bad things really happened,
as you see the bad were always there, just ignored,
if a living soul only truly knew,
like a child I played hide and seek with this one, but made sure it was never to be found,
and lived the pain that stays and will follows you around,
like the things you wished you could of done more about,
this is why I can't allow myself to love anyone,
even if I deserve them
even if I want them,
even if they wanted to,
I don't know how to trust that way again,

I don't remember turning fifteen,
so I promised myself never to live that day again,
I can't celebrate my birthday without hating the skin I have to live in,
My body feels disgusted by all the things I have to remember,
I ******* turned fifteen, and what you did,
was far from the gift I wanted,
but I still stayed with you,

as I was so blinded,
maybe by you.
maybe still,
why do I still want you,
why do I still want to be with such a bad soul as you,
I've shut my heart out to anyone else,
I planed at fourteen that at eighteen I'd move away with you,
what was I thinking,

you've only brought me pain,
only made me cry,
only made me remember things I tried to forget,
this is why I took up smoking cigarettes,
and burning away my pain,
giving the third degree to my skin like it's you,
I doubt you have felt an inch of the pain I have been dealt by you,
because I was nothing but good to you,

just not myself,
when it came to you,
I still remember the good though,
the times we smiled,
and went for walks,
and saw two dollar movies over and over but never really saw them,
I wish I could have it all back before it all got bad,
but I can't.
and i'm unlovable now.
because I gave a fool my trust,
when I should of run,