u n f o c u s e d
camera lense,
vivid memories
blasting past becoming
the past.
can't f o c u s on the moment,
knowing,
it will become a
d i s t a n t
memory
in the future.
I need to feel
something,
anything.

It's bothering me
That ticking on the wall
Can't you hear it
The more you focus
The louder it gets
Please, make it stop
So many other things
To be thinking about
That are all in the background
Because of this clock
The gears moving
Making me tick
I can't move, can't breathe
Can't do anything
Because that ticking on the wall
Will not stop
It only gets louder
The more you focus on it
Can't you hear it too?

Numbers are swirling in my head
I regret regression
But I have to graph instead
Of a gossip session.

Babies - of what do they dream?
What thoughts play behind those closed eyes,
Those eyes so like others before
Unfocused and newly revealed?

What is it in holding a child
That brings such a tranquility?
That puts the world's problems at bay
And shows what is truly at stake?

Perhaps when they dream they become
The person they one day shall be
In full philosophical garb
So leading us to what will come

Or maybe it simply is shapes
And colors so formless and free
A way to make sense of the world
They sample with unfocused eyes

2Apr2002

i never thought i'd be impaired by something i needed the most.
you don't realize how important sleep is until you get an eighth of the amount you're supposed to every night.
my dreams are either pitch black or memories i figured had been long forgotten and
they're usually interrupted by bouts of hysteria which bring me back to the real world with a neck-snapping jolt.
i can't sleep and i'm too tired to focus on anything.
all i can do is sit around and watch tv and pray to be preyed on by a vulture or maybe you.