You are ignoring me
it really hurts inside
you are noticing me
it also really hurts
You are staring at me
it really hurts inside
you are smiling at me
it also hurts inside
still
I didn't understand
you

I feel broken today. I feels as though everyone who looked at me saw how torn I was.  As if they were counting how many pieces of him were stuck in my skin like broken glass. Little bits and pieces stuck everywhere he touched me. How can everyone count them all the loose pieces...the deep ones. I have lost count. Though he may not be near me, that doesn't mean he doesn't have power over my everyday life. It's unfair that other little girls got to be princesses and pirates. When all I did was sleep off the bruises and ignore the yelling. But. It's my hand of cards that I was delt, and I'm going to try to do the best I can at winning this game because it's my game to win; not his and I'm ready to stand up and defeat him.

There was a deafening silence
Ringing in her ears
She tried to scream out
No one was close enough to hear
She wanted to break down
Drown herself in her tears
Losing sight of all that's right
Forcefully banishing her fears
But it was too late
It had been too many years
Taking a slow deep breath
Letting all the fog clear
She sensed death in the distance
Her time was almost near
Leaving nothing behind
She shudders then simply disappears

Though carefully selected words allow
A slight enlightenment of inner minds
And inner hearts, I'll never truly find
That perfect blend of letters to spell out
Pure sentiments of amour. There's no doubt
Those words do not exist and can't describe
Even a fraction of it all- You're mine.
And just how did that ever come about?

Reflections in your eyes, astonishing;
They never see the inner dark that hides.
Though in my mind it's all that I can bring,
As I can't seem to express any light.
If I could find the perfect words, I'd cling
Forever and you'd heard them every night.

Today I stopped trying to be 'someone' for somebody who never thought of me as anyone appreciated and important to them.

Inside I know the space I had for them is now crushed and broken..

Let the facts be out in the open and the truth be spoken...

In time it will be for the best...although I feel an emptiness...knowing what I considered worthwhile..proved shallow and unreal.

I've learned sometimes emotions seem clearer than perception..and eventually can lead to a heartbreaking revelation that someone cherished proves that their friendship was in fact deception.

I cry tears of realization that once again I believed the lies that were in disguise and covered up...

Honesty was masked with coy flattery. Why was I so **** naive?

I can and will move on...but I won't forget I was forgotten and actually believed a lie. Not a lie out of the mouth...but of the heart.

That piece of friendship is now torn apart....

I mustn't be sorry for the encouragement and love I shared...because I know what I offered was itself a dare. A dare to let someone be a part of me...who didn't find a reason to care.

Moments like these are rare... moments that I feel what I felt to be 'nothing' now and bare.

Thanks for the lesson learned.
I will always remeber.
I never forget.

I don't have the heart to leave you.
So.
I'm going to make you hate me.
You say you love me with all your heart
Now.
You will forever hate me.
I know I am so very selfish.
But I'm doing this for me and you.
I have to be alone.
There is no other way.